


Loyalty

by statenislandboys



Category: Impractical Jokers
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-26
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-03-09 13:32:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 51
Words: 122,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13482525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/statenislandboys/pseuds/statenislandboys
Summary: When Brian met Jessica, he instantly fell for her. Almost immediately, they became best friends. Brian always wanted more, but there was something keeping them from being together.





	1. Begin.

**Author's Note:**

> This story begins right before Impractical Jokers began airing.

Brian’s POV

            After a day of shooting, Sal had dragged me to Target with him. He had come up with some scheme to return his broken Nintendo Wii, and get a brand new one. I was supposed to help him out, but I got tired of listening to him argue with the Target employees. So, I decided to wander over to the video game section, and see if they had anything of interest to me. As I came down the aisle, I accidentally bumped into a woman, knocking her to the floor.

            “Oh, shit. I’m so sorry. Let me help you,” I said.

            I reached my hand out to help her up. She took my hand, looking up at me with these beautiful green eyes. I was mesmerized. When she stood up, and I got a full view of her, I was at a loss for words. She had this long flowing brunette hair. I also noticed some tattoos on her arms. I have always thought girls with tattoos were really sexy. Seeing her tattoos gave me a strong desire to explore the rest of her body. I suddenly realized I had been staring at her for an uncomfortable amount of time. I should probably say something…

            “Sorry about that. My name is Brian, by the way. Brian Quinn. Some people call me Q though,” I introduced myself awkwardly.

            “Don’t worry about it. I’m okay. I’m Jessica. Most people call me Jess though,” she said smiling.

            “So what do you have there?” I asked.

            She had a video game in her basket, but I couldn’t tell which one it was. She reached into the basket and pulled out the latest WWE video game, which had Randy Orton on the cover.

            “You’re not a wrestling fan, are you? You must be buying that for someone else? A boyfriend maybe?” I asked.

            Certainly, a beautiful woman like her wouldn’t be interested in wrestling, right? She must have been buying it for someone else. Maybe her boyfriend… Because why wouldn’t she be taken?

            “I don’t have a boyfriend…” she said. I couldn’t believe it. I tried to keep my cool, hoping that I would be able to ask her out.

            “This is for me.  John Cena is my favorite,” she said, pointing to the man on the cover, who definitely wasn’t John Cena. Maybe she has no idea what she’s talking about, and she doesn’t know anything about WWE.

            “That’s not...” I started to explain, but she cut me off.

            “I know, I know. It’s Randy Orton. But what do I know, right? Cause girls can’t like wrestling,” she said. 

            I stood there, speechless. She seemed serious at first. I was worried that I offended her. Great job Brian. 

            “I…I didn’t mean to…” I tried to apologize.

             She burst out laughing.

            “I’m only kidding with you. You looked so scared there for a second,” she said, as she continued to laugh.

            “So you really like WWE?” I asked, still a little surprised.

            She nodded and told me that she had been a fan since she was a child. We stood there for a few minutes, chatting about wrestling. We talked about some of our favorite matches, and favorite wrestlers. Mine was Rowdy Roddy Piper, hers was Stone Cold Steve Austin. It certainly seemed to fit her. She gave off that ‘I don’t give a fuck’ attitude. As we were talking, I noticed her staring at me intently. But not in the same way I had been staring at her…          

            “Is there something wrong?” I asked. 

            “It’s just…You look very familiar. I just can’t put my finger on it. Have we met before?” she asked.

            “I doubt it. I’m almost positive I would’ve remembered you.” I said. How could I possibly have forgotten a girl like that? 

            “But I could swear I’ve seen you before,” she insisted, “Are you on TV or something?”

            “Well, not yet. I’ve been working on this TV show with my three best friends from high school. But it hasn’t come out yet. It’s called _Impractical Jokers_ ,” I explained.

            Her eyes grew wider, “That’s it! There’s a huge poster right by my office. I walk by it every single day on my way to work. I can’t believe I didn’t recognize you earlier! When does the show come out? It’s probably on the giant poster I keep walking by, but clearly I haven’t been paying attention to my surroundings,” she joked.

            “It premieres December 18th at 10 P.M. on TruTV,” I answered.

            “Well, I’ll definitely be watching,” she said, “It’s not too often that people from Staten Island get a TV show. You guys should be proud,” she said.

            “Ehhh, I don’t know. I appreciate that. But it probably won’t last too long anyway. I’m not getting my hopes up. I’m certainly not quitting my day job,” I explained.                    

            I appreciated that she was excited for me, but I didn’t want to get her (or my own) hopes up that this would be some majorly successful television show. The truth is, I was just happy to hang out with my friends, and I was grateful for whatever the network had given us.           

            “What’s your day job?” She asked.

            “I’m a fireman. I work at the firehouse over on Richmond Avenue,” I told her. I assumed that would be less impressive than being on TV. Most of the time when people find out I’ll be on TV they treat me differently. But the truth is, I’m still the same regular guy from Staten Island.

            “A fireman? Wow. That’s cool. I had an uncle who used to be a fireman, so I respect your service,” she said. She seemed more impressed by me being a fireman than me being on TV.

             “I appreciate that. So what do you do?” I asked her. I was worried that I was talking about myself too much, and I wanted to get to know a little more about her.

            “I’m a venture capitalist. Basically, I invest my company’s money in small start-up businesses and try to help them grow,” she explained. It’s a good thing she explained it because I had no idea what a venture capitalist was. 

            “So, it’s like _Shark Tank_?” I asked, probably sounding like an idiot, talking to this intelligent woman. 

            “Kind of. It’s not as exciting as the show. But I still find it interesting,”

            We continued chatting for a little bit. Asking her out was completely in the back of my mind at the moment. She was incredibly beautiful. But beyond that, she was so easy to talk to. She was witty, sarcastic, and smart. But she also seemed like a genuinely kind person. I felt like there was an instant connection and chemistry between us. Then I remembered what she said earlier: she didn’t have a boyfriend. So, she was fair game, right?

            “So, how can a beautiful woman like you be single?” I asked.

            I made her blush, and she said, “Thank you for the compliment. But who said I was single?”

            Wait. What? 

            “But you don’t have a boyfriend…” I said, confused. I looked down at her hands. No ring. So, no fiancé. Or husband. Just as I was trying to figure it out, another woman began calling for Jess. 

            “Jess! There you are! Who’s this?” a blonde woman asked. WOMAN. This woman was pretty, but certainly not as beautiful as Jess was.

            “OHHH…” I said, realizing that Jess was dating a woman. How did I not figure that out?

            “Brian, this is my girlfriend Katie. Katie, this is Brian. He’s a wrestling fan,” Jess said, introducing us. 

            Katie rolled her eyes when Jess mentioned wrestling. “You like all that crap too? It’s so fake.”

            “Yeah, cause the Housewives are completely legit, right? That’s NEVER staged?” Jess teased.

            “Whatever,” Katie mumbled. I felt that Katie instantly disliked me. She kept glaring at me.

            “Speaking of wrestling, I usually have some people over my house to watch the pay-per-views, and Survivor Series is coming up. You should stop by. Both of you,” I said.

            The truth is, I almost never had parties for the pay-per-views. Once in a while, Sal and I would watch them together, but that was it. I just needed an excuse to hang out with Jess again, without it being a date. And I figured it would be less awkward if I invited her girlfriend too. 

            “I would love to. Why don’t I give you my number, and you can text me the details?” she asked.

            She offered me her number, I didn’t have to ask for it. That’s a good sign, right? Don’t get your hopes up, Bri. Remember she’s dating a woman.

            “Sure,” I responded.  I took my cell phone out of my pocket and handed it to her so she could put her number in it.

            “There you go,” she said, handing it back to me. Jess was smiling, but her girlfriend wasn’t. She wouldn’t stop scowling at me. This was probably a good time for me to leave.

            “Well, I should get back to my friend. He probably needs me. But I will see you for Survivor Series?” I asked. 

            “I will definitely be there,” Jess confirmed, with her girlfriend still glaring at me.

             I waved goodbye and starting walking away. I felt a bit defeated, but still somewhat hopeful. I found this gorgeous woman who I had a lot in common with. But, I couldn’t date her. But that’s okay. It doesn’t mean we can’t just be friends, right? As I was contemplating my situation, I found Sal.

            “Dude, where did you go? I needed backup,” he said.

            “Sorry, buddy. I just took a little stroll around the store,” I said.

            "What are you smiling about?" he asked.

            "Nothing. It's nothing," I said, clearly not convincingly enough.

            "I know that look Q. Just tell me. I'm your best friend."

            "Well, I met this girl..."

            "OHHHH. I see how it is. So you ditched me to go flirt with some girl?"

            "No, actually I ditched you to go look at the video games. I just happened to meet a pretty girl there."

            "A pretty girl? Did you get her number?"

            “Well, yes. But I can't date her."

            "Why not?" he asked, just about as confused as I was a few minutes ago.

            "She's dating a girl."

            "Oh... I see how that could be a problem for you."

            "By the way, I need to have a party for Survivor Series,"

            "Why?"

            "I needed to justify seeing her again," I said. I explained to Sal how Jess was interested in wrestling, and how that's how we first started bonding.

            "Are you sure this is a good idea?" he asked.

            "What do you mean?"

            "You're just going to hang out with an attractive woman that you can't date? That seems like it might end badly,"

            "I can't be friends with an attractive woman? I'm not an animal. I can control myself. But it's not just looks with her. Trust me, she's a really cool girl. I think you'll like her."

            "If you say so. I just don't want you getting hurt," Sal said. I appreciate his concern. But at the same time, I didn't want him judging Jess before he had met her.

            "I'll be fine. I'm sure it'll all work out." I declared. 


	2. Survivor.

Jessica’s POV

            When I got home the day I met Brian, I was in a great mood. Normally I have social anxiety when talking to strange people. But I didn’t feel nervous talking to Brian. We seemed to have a lot in common, so he was easy to talk to. I liked him. Katie, not so much. We had only been dating for a few months, but I was beginning to see a more controlling side of her. This was a side of her I did not find attractive…

            “So what was with that guy?” she asked in a harsh tone.

            “Brian? What about him?” I asked. I didn’t understand why she was getting upset.  I was just making a new friend… Right?

            “Oh? It has a name,” she said, almost mocking me.

            “He’s a person. Of course, he has a name,” I answered, somewhat sarcastically. But how else was I supposed to react? I thought she was being obnoxious. All I was doing was talking to a friendly guy.  

            “I don’t like him,” she stated bluntly.

            “How could you say you don’t like him? You met him for five seconds?” I asked.

            “He seemed like a creep.”

            “Brian was NOT a creep. He seemed like a nice guy, and very friendly,” I said.

            She scoffed, “Yeah, sure he was friendly.”

            “What is that supposed to mean?” I asked.

            “Of course he was nice to you. I could tell by the way he was staring at you. He wanted you. Clearly, he’s just some creep that wants to fuck you.”

            “How can you possibly know that? Maybe he’s interested in something other than my body.”

            “You’ve only met him once. Why are you defending him?”

            “I don’t need to defend him because he didn’t do anything wrong. But I don’t appreciate your jealous attitude.” 

            “Well, I don’t appreciate you wanting to hang out with a guy who is clearly attracted to you.”     

            “Just because he was nice to me, doesn’t necessarily mean he’s attracted to me. And even if he is, what does that matter? It doesn’t mean anything will happen between us. Don’t you know I would never cheat? Don’t you trust me?”

            “I trust you. It’s him I don’t trust.”

            “Then why don’t you come to his party. Maybe it’ll change your mind about him,” I said.

            I was trying to mediate the situation. I thought her coming with me to the party would make her feel more comfortable. I didn’t want this to cause a huge argument between the two of us. But Katie was beginning to irritate me.

            “Why would I go do some dumb wrestling party? I don’t understand how you can watch all that crap,” she said.

            At this point, I gave up. What were we even fighting about? Now she wants to argue about what I watch on TV?

            “Look, Katie. I did nothing wrong, and neither did Brian. He seems like a nice guy, so I’m going to his party. If you don’t trust me, that’s your problem, not mine,” I stated firmly. I had to stick up for myself. I couldn’t let her belittle me like this.

            “Fine. Go to your dumb party,” Katie mumbled. She gave up and began walking out.

            “Oh, really? I can go? Thanks for your permission,” I said with heavy sarcasm. She proceeded to slam the door on her way out.

\-----

            Brian called me a few days before Survivor Series, confirming that I was still going to his party. I told him that I was excited to come.

            “What can I bring?” I asked him.

            “You don’t have to bring anything. Just yourself.”

            “I can’t show up empty-handed. That’s not how I was raised,” I told him. I love to bake, so I offered to make cookies.

            “Don’t go through all that trouble. Since you’re a Stone Cold fan, why don’t you bring some beer?” he asked.

            “Uhhhh… Sure. I could do that. But…” I started to say before he cut me off.

            “I’m sorry, I have to go. They want me back on set. But I’ll see you Sunday?”

            “Sure. See you Sunday,” I confirmed.

\-----

            Before going into Brian’s house, I sat in my car for a minute. I was anxious to be meeting so many new people all at once. Normally, I would be calmer if I was going with someone I knew, like Katie. Someone like her would be my crutch in social situations. If I felt uncomfortable, at least I knew one person. But today was different. No matter how many times I tried to convince her, Katie did not want to come to this party. Katie still seemed jealous of me and Brian. I tried to convince her that there was nothing to worry about, but I gave up arguing with her about it. Eventually, we just avoided talking about it. But she still gave me dirty looks or rolled her eyes if I got a text or call from Brian. Maybe I didn’t want her here anyway since she would probably be miserable and jealous the whole time.

            I took a deep breath and decided to embrace the situation. Brian and I seemed to get along well. I felt like I had made at least one new friend. Maybe I would make a few more. I finally built up the courage to walk up to the door. I rang the doorbell and was greeted by Brian.

            “Jess! I’m so glad you’re here! Come in,” Brian said.

            “Thanks for inviting me,” I said, walking into his house. I handed him the beer I had brought, as well as cookies I had made. I decided to bake anyway.

            “You didn’t have to go through all that trouble,”

            “It’s just cookies, Brian. It’s not a big deal,”

            “I heard cookies,” a man said behind Brian.

            “Jess, this is my friend Joe Gatto. Joe this is Jess,” Brian said, introducing us.

            I recognized Joe from the poster, now that I was paying attention to it. After realizing who Brian was, I had sent him a picture of me next to the giant poster near my office.

            “Nice to meet you, Joe. Here, have some,” I said, offering him the container of cookies. His eyes grew wider as he took the container and scarfed down a few. Clearly, he liked desserts.

            Brian took a bottle out of the pack of beer. “Do you want one?” he offered.

            “No, thanks. I actually don’t drink,” I told them. I didn’t tell them the reason why. I thought it was too personal, and I didn’t want to bring down the mood.

            “Really? Neither do I,” Joe said.

            “I’m sorry, I feel like a dick asking you to bring alcohol if you don’t drink. You could’ve told me,” Brian said.

            “Don’t be sorry. This is your house, I brought it for you. I don’t have to drink it,” I told Brian.

            “Speaking of drinking... there’s Murray!” Joe said as this guy who looked like a ferret began approaching us. He was clearly wasted, and almost falling over.

            “Is this the…uh… the… lesbian?” he said, pointing to me.

            Brian did a face palm. “Jesus Christ Murray. Don’t be rude. You can’t just say that.”

            “Is this all you’ve told your friends about me?” I asked. Brian looked panicked as he tried to think of a way to cover up what his friend said.

            “No, no. I just told them how I met you, and how we…” He tried to explain himself, but I stopped him.

            “Brian, I was kidding. It’s okay. I’m not offended.”

            Murray’s little comment didn’t bother me much. I wouldn’t necessarily prefer being called “the lesbian.” Maybe it was a little ignorant, but I don’t think he meant any harm by it.

            Murr quickly apologized and scurried away. I didn’t see him much for the rest of the night. But I continued talking to Joe for a little bit. Then, Brian introduced me to a bunch of his other friends, including Stacey Patella, Walt Flannigan, and Bryan Johnson. Some of his fireman buddies were there too. Then I met Sal, who I also recognized from the poster.

            “Glad to finally meet you. Brian has told me so much about you,” Sal said.

            “Good things I hope?” I said, joking around.

            “Of course,” Brian said, “I told him you’re a wrestling fan, and how you’re an… ummm… adventure capitalist right?”

            Sal burst out laughing almost instantly, but I tried really hard to contain my laughter.

            “What?” Brian asked, “Why are you laughing?”

            “It’s VENTURE capitalist, not adventure you dumbass,” Sal said, still laughing.

            Brian’s face grew red with embarrassment. I tried to make him feel better. He basically remembered what I did, maybe he just didn’t understand it. At least he was listening, right?

            “It’s okay. You were close,” I told Brian. I felt bad that Sal was making fun of Brian, but I still found it funny.

            “Dude, shut up. It’s a speech impediment,” Brian stated, trying to defend himself.

            “It’s not a speech impediment if you say the completely wrong word,” Sal said, still laughing at the expense of his friend.

            “Well sorry I didn’t major in finance like you Sal,” Brian said sarcastically.

            “Wait, has he tried to pitch you any if his shitty business ideas yet?” Sal asked me.

            “No, he hasn’t,” I told Sal, who was laughing so hard he almost fell to the floor.

            “I have some good ideas!” Brian said, trying to redeem himself.

            After Brian’s little faux pas, I started chatting with Sal for a little bit. He explained to me a little more about how the show works. He also told me that in addition to touring as the Tenderloins, he does stand-up comedy on his own.

            “Really? I love stand-up comedy,” I told him.

            “You do? Who’s your favorite comedian?” he asked.

            “Bill Burr is probably my favorite right now. But all-time, I’d have to say George Carlin,” I told him.

            “Carlin is the man. I love and hate watching his stuff. It makes me feel insecure about my own work because I’ll never be as good as he was,” Sal said.

            “Well next time you perform, I would love to come see you.”

            Sal and I exchanged numbers, and I agreed to come see one of his stand-up performances. So far, the night was going well. All of Brian’s friends were very nice. I got along well with Sal, almost as quickly as I did with Brian.

            Before I knew it, the show was about to start. I got so distracted by meeting Brian’s friends, that I almost forgot why I was here in the first place. We all gathered around the TV to watch the pay-per-view.

            “You are looking live at the magical, mythical, the mecca that is Madison Square Garden! We are sold out to 16,749 WWE fans,” the announcer stated at the beginning of the show.

            “Wow, they sold out the Garden? That’s pretty cool,” Joe commented. I learned that Joe wasn’t as big a wrestling fan as Brian and Sal were. Selling out an arena is common for WWE. I guess he was just there for the food and company.

            The announcer was laying it on a little thick, but it’s still pretty remarkable to sell out Madison Square Garden. It’s such an iconic venue. Not many acts have the ability perform there, let alone sell it out. As a New Yorker, it feels even more special and personal. There’s something about the Garden that’s just indescribable.

            Sitting around the TV with all these people, I felt like I belonged there. Everyone was so friendly and fun to be around. Any anxiety I had about not fitting in with the group had vanished because I felt completely comfortable where I was.

 


	3. Fan.

Jessica’s POV

            A few weeks after we first hung out, Brian invited me to his house to watch the premiere of _Impractical Jokers._ The other Jokers would be there too, along with some of their family members. Brian and I had hung out a few times since Survivor Series. We were both busy with our work, but we also kept in touch through calls and texts. Our friendship was building quickly. Brian and I got along so well, almost instantly. I felt like we could tell each other anything. I can’t explain what it is about him. But I felt drawn to keep talking to him and hanging out with him.

            When I arrived at the house, I was greeted by a slightly intoxicated Brian.

            “Jess! I’m so glad you came!” he said, hugging me.

            “Of course I came! How could I miss my friend’s big TV debut?” I said, following him into the house. I was excited to watch the show. Not only because I had become friendly with the guys, but it seemed like an interesting concept. Based on how it was described to me, it doesn’t sound like anything else on television.

            Walking into Brian’s house, I was greeted by some of the same friends I had met a few weeks prior. Joe introduced me to his fiancé Bessy, who seemed like a sweet woman. They were an adorable couple, so I was happy to see Joe find happiness with a woman as kindhearted as Bessy. I also met Brian’s parents, who were very reserved, but still lovely people. Then I came face to face with James, who was clearly was trying to avoid me.

            “Uh… Hi Jessica,” he said nervously.

            “Hey, James. What’s the matter?” I asked.

            “Do you hate me?” he blurted out, nervously.

            “James, why would I hate you?” I asked, genuinely confused. I hadn’t seen him since that night we first met. I guess he was referring to that little comment he made while he was drunk. To be honest, I kind of forgot about it until he brought it up.

            “I feel like we got off on the wrong foot. I thought you might be insulted by what I said when we first met. I never meant to offend you. I was drunk, but I still shouldn’t have said what I did. I’m sorry,” James said. He seemed remorseful, even though I didn’t think it was a big deal in the first place. But I appreciated that he cared enough to apologize.

            “It’s okay, James. I accept your apology. Let’s just pretend it didn’t happen. Okay? Clean slate?” I asked. He nodded in agreement.

            I hoped that I would get to know him well enough that the first word that comes to mind when he thinks of me isn’t just “lesbian.” I’m not ashamed to be dating a woman. But, “the lesbian” is not the one characteristic I’d like to be identified as.

            After clearing the air with Murray, I turned my attention to Brian. He was downing another beer. I don’t have a problem with people drinking. Especially if it’s in their own home, and they wouldn’t be driving anywhere. But Brian just seemed off. He was too quiet, like he was too caught up in his own head.

            “Brian, are you okay?” I asked.

            “I’m fine,” he answered, as he shuffled nervously in his seat. I could tell he wasn’t telling the truth. Is anyone ever really telling the truth when they say they’re fine?

            Brian got up and walked towards the kitchen. Probably to get another beer. I followed him, trying to make sure that he was okay. I want him to know that if he needed to get something off his chest, I would be there for him.

            “Are you sure you’re okay, Brian?” I asked, again. “If something is wrong, you can tell me.”

            “What if it doesn’t work?” he blurted out. “What if the show fails?”

            “How could you think it’s going to fail? It hasn’t even come out yet,”

            “But what if nobody likes it?”

            “If it really fails, then maybe you guys just weren’t meant for TV. But you’ll never know until you give it a try. If all else fails, you got to make a TV show with your three best friends from high school. That’s pretty cool. And worst case scenario, you’ll go back to being a fireman. Is that so bad?” I said.

            “I guess not,” he responded, sort of defeated.

            I’m not sure if I came off as harsh. But I’m a realist, so I always try to look at things logically. I didn’t know how successful the show would be. I had no idea if they would even get past the first season. How could I know? I hadn’t even seen one episode yet. I was just trying to prepare Brian for the worst. But as his friend, I was trying to get him to see that even the worst wouldn’t be so bad.

            “But….” I continued, “If it does work out, you might have a successful TV show. You’ll get to continue doing shows and hang out with your best friends,” I said.

            “I guess if it’s meant to be, it’ll happen. Right?” he realized.

            “Exactly. Either way, you’re going to be okay. Just let go, and let yourself enjoy this moment.”

            “Guys! It’s starting in a few minutes,” Joe called from the other room.

            “Here we go,” Brian said, taking a deep breath.

            “I’m excited to see this!” I told Brian. I knew he was nervous, but I hoped that my enthusiasm for the show would lift his spirits a little bit.

            About an hour later, the show had wrapped up. I went into it not knowing what to expect. But by the end, my stomach hurt from laughing so hard. I genuinely loved the show. And it wasn’t just because I knew the guys. As a fan of comedy, I genuinely thought the show was hilarious.

            “I really hope you guys keeping making this show because I would watch it every day for the rest of my life,” I told them.

            Everyone else was laughing throughout the entire show. Well, almost everyone. Brian’s parents may have cracked a smile, but they didn’t seem that into the show. But I didn’t think anything of it. I just figured that the show wasn’t their type of humor. Just because I found the show hysterical, doesn’t mean that everybody else will.

            After everybody else had left, I stayed behind just to make sure Brian was okay. He still seemed a bit off. Maybe he wasn’t completely satisfied with how the show turned out.

            “Be honest. Did you really like the show?” he asked.

            “I loved it.”

            “You’re just saying that…” he said, dismissing my enthusiasm.

            “But I’m really not. I would be honest with you if I thought it wasn’t good. But I really think this show is going to work out for you guys.”

            “You really think that?”

            “I do. I think you’ll have this hit TV show, which means more people will come to your live shows. Eventually, you guys will be selling out arenas. You’ll become a big star, and probably forget all about me,” I joked. Only about the last part though. I truly meant the rest of it.

            “I highly doubt any of that will happen. Especially the part about me forgetting you,” he said, smiling.

            “Do you feel better now?” I asked, still genuinely concerned about him. I still felt like he wasn’t telling me exactly why he felt down. But I was glad to finally get a smile out of him.

            “I guess. I appreciate that you like the show. My parents didn’t really seem to get it,”

            “They seem nice, though,” I said. I noticed that they didn’t seem thrilled with the show. But I had never met them before, so I had nothing to compare it to. I didn’t know if they were always so composed, or they didn’t like the show. But I couldn’t say anything negative about his parents.

            “My parents don’t really seem all that impressed by the TV show. Especially my father. But I don’t think it matters if we have the biggest show on the planet. I don’t think my dad will ever be as proud of me as the day I graduated the fire academy. It’s a real man’s job, you know? Now I’m just making stupid jokes on TV,” Brian confessed.

            It saddened me to realize that Brian was desperately seeking approval from his parents. Especially his father So I gave him my approval, for whatever it’s worth.

            “I know it may not mean as much as your parents’ approval, but I’m really proud of you. If your father isn’t your biggest fan, that’s okay. I’m your biggest fan.”

            “You really mean that?” he asked, looking down at me with these sad puppy dog eyes.

            “Of course. I wouldn’t lie to you.”

            “Thanks, Jess. It really means a lot to me that you’re so supportive.”

            Brian was desperately seeking some sort of validation and approval. But no matter how much I tried to build him up, he just wouldn’t accept it. I just wanted him to know how much I enjoyed the show. From that moment, I wasn’t just a friend, I was a fan.


	4. Wrap.

Brian’s POV

            Christmas has never been my favorite holiday. Even when I was a kid, I always preferred Halloween. As an adult, I’ve appreciated it even more. I love getting to dress up as one of my favorite characters without being judged or labeled as a “nerd.” It’s also the perfect excuse to watch scary movies. I always thought Christmas was too stressful. There’s too much pressure to find the right gift.

            “The worst part is wrapping the gifts,” I told Jess. I was so clumsy. I could never do it right.

            Her eyes lit up, “No! That’s my favorite part!”

            “Seriously?” I asked, a bit surprised. How could someone enjoy such a boring, monotonous task?

            “I can wrap all your presents for you!” Jess offered. She was excited for some reason.

            “No, I can’t ask you to do that,” I said.

            I thought that it would be way too much trouble for her. But it would be a relief to not have to worry about the gifts. Especially since I’ve been so busy with the show. It’s difficult to find time for something I don’t want to do in the first place.

            “Really, it’s okay. I actually enjoy doing it. Are you busy Monday night?”

            “I don’t think so. We’re not shooting, so I’ll probably be at the firehouse during the day.”

            “So why don’t I come over Monday night? I’ll wrap all your presents. We can just hang out and watch _Raw_. I’ll bring food.”

            “Sounds fun. But if you’re helping me out, there’s no way I’m letting you get food. It’ll be my treat,” I told her.

            “Seems like a fair trade,” she agreed.

\-----

            On Monday night, Jess arrived at my house in a Santa hat.

            “Your elf has arrived!” she joked. Jess seemed to be in a great mood, and very excited about Christmas. It was kind of adorable.

             “I brought cookies too,” she said, handing me the box she was carrying.

            “You’re here to help me wrap my gifts, and you brought ME cookies?” I asked. She was doing me a favor, and she’s bringing me stuff?

            “It’s just a habit I guess. It’s kind of what I do. But they’re CHRISTMAS cookies!” she said, bubbling with excitement. She seemed to be so cheerful and festive about the holidays. The exact opposite of me during this time of year.

            “Do you always bring cookies?”

            “No. Sometimes I make a cake. I make homemade cinnamon rolls too. Those are really good,” she said enthusiastically.

            “How are you not 300 pounds?” I asked. Jess was in near perfect shape, which is surprising considering all the delicious things she makes.

            “Mostly I just bring them for other people to eat.”

            “So I’m going to be 300 pounds if we stay friends much longer?”

            “Why, do you not want to be friends?” She asked, laughing.  No. I REALLY don’t want to JUST be your friend. But I couldn’t tell her that.

\-----

            I watched as Jess wrapped each present with ease. She was very neat but efficient, and incredibly precise. I handed her a gift and told her who it was for. She would quickly wrap it and put the labels on it for me. We went through almost all my presents in under an hour. I was grateful to have one less thing to worry about, especially with my hectic schedule.

            “You’re an angel,” I said.

            “Well, that is my middle name.”

            “Is it?”

            “It’s actually Angela, but close enough.”

            “Mine is Michael. In case you were wondering.”

            “Good to know,” she said, smiling.

            “So why do you like wrapping so much?” I asked, out of genuine interest. I just couldn’t understand why she enjoyed it.

            Suddenly her enthusiasm disappeared. She paused before she gave me her answer.

            “I guess it’s because my mom used to always do it,” she said.

            “Used to?” I said. I was weary to pry, considering how her mood changed.

            “She passed away when I was a teenager,” Jess told me.

            “Oh. Jess, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to make you upset,” I said. I never meant to make Jess sad, and I felt guilty that I had somewhat ruined her mood.

            “No, no. It’s okay. I don’t mind talking about it. She used to be so excited about Christmas. She was the most festive person. I guess the simple things like wrapping presents makes me feel closer to her.”

            “Did she used to bake too?” I asked. I was starting to put the pieces together of why Jess liked baking so much.

            Jess nodded and said, “She was the best. I’m just aspiring to be as good as she was.”

            “If you don’t mind me asking, what happened to her?”

            “Car accident. Hit by a drunk driver,” she explained, without going into too much detail.

            “Wow, I’m so sorry. Is that why you don’t drink?” I asked. I knew that her decision not to drink was a very personal choice, and I never wanted to pry too much into it.

            “Pretty much. I always worry that it’s going to happen to someone else I care about. I don’t mind you drinking. But if you ever drive while you’re drunk…,” she said, looking at me with these sad eyes.

            “I promise, I would never do that,” I assured her.

            “If you’re ever out and you’re drunk, and you don’t have a way to get home. Call me. Please. I’ll always come pick you up. No matter what time. I don’t care if it’s four in the morning. I don’t want anything to happen to you,” she said.

            As much as it pained me to hear about what Jess has gone through, I appreciated that she told me. It meant that she trusted me with this information. Jess opening up to me showed me how much she cared about me. Well, not in the same way I care for her, but still.

\-----

            “So how are things with Katie? How long have you two been together?” I asked, trying to shift the conversation in another direction.

            I was trying to get a feel for this girl. I got a strange vibe from Katie. I got the feeling that she hated me. To be honest, I didn’t like her either. But I couldn’t tell Jess that. I had no idea how serious they were. But Jess didn’t seem to talk about her girlfriend much. I felt like I had to pry it out of her.

            “We’ve been on and off for about six months,”

            “On and off?” I questioned. I didn’t want to pry, but I was curious to know about their relationship.

            “It’s so weird with her. She can get so jealous sometimes, it drives me crazy. I am not the type of person to cheat on someone that I’m with, and she should know that. It’s in this cycle where she’ll accuse me, we fight, but she comes crawling back apologizing. And I always seem to forgive her. I guess I can never say no,” Jess explained.

            “Maybe she’s jealous because she loves you a lot?” I suggested.

            “But that’s the thing. She’s not completely comfortable with her sexuality. She won’t even hold my hand in public. I’m not asking for her to shout about our relationship from a rooftop. But she makes me feel like I’m not wanted. Or that I’m not good enough for her. Like she’s ashamed of me, or ashamed of the relationship.”

            “Oh, Jess. I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize that was going on. You don’t deserve that. You deserve someone who appreciates you, who makes you feel wanted,” I told her.

            I tried to sympathize with Jess, even though I had no idea what it must’ve been like for her. All I knew was that if I was the one dating her, I would be proud to call her mine. But above all, Jess was my friend, and it pained me to see that she wasn’t completely happy.

\-----

            “So you have people pitching you their business ideas all day?” I asked her, hoping that her work would be a safer topic for us to talk about.

            “Kind of. But there’s also a lot of research involved. It’s more complicated than just thinking something is a good idea. It probably sounds boring compared to what you do.”

            “No! Not at all,” I reassured her.

            To be honest, there were parts of her job that I didn’t understand. But I didn’t find her boring at all. Jess was extremely intelligent, and I always learned a lot from her. I got the feeling that she never wanted to show off or brag about how smart she was.

            “You have ideas you want to pitch to me, don’t you?”

            “I have some ideas. But I don’t want to bother you with my silly ideas. You probably get tired of people giving you ideas all the time.”

            “Sometimes. But that’s okay. I don’t mind. Go for it,” she told me.

            “Really? Don’t you get enough of that at work?” I asked. I had some ideas, but I didn’t want to bother her. She’d probably think all my ideas were stupid anyway, compared to all the ideas she sees.

            After she reassured me, I pitched her a couple of my ideas. Most of them would be part of a line of gag gifts. I had an idea for a Rubik’s Cube, but it would be called Q’s cube. They were silly ideas, not meant to be taken seriously. Jess understood that. But she also politely told me why most of my ideas wouldn’t work. She was certainly educated, so she knew what she was talking about.

            “I think the concepts are good. But I just don’t think they would work. I don’t think you’d be able to actually execute them, at least in the way you’ve envisioned it,”

            “Ok, ok. You’re probably right,” I said, defeated. But I had one more idea. It wasn’t part of my line of gag gifts.

            “So far I wouldn’t invest in any of these,” she said honestly.

            “Can I pitch you one more? Then I promise I’ll leave you alone.”

            “Okay, go ahead. This one better be good,” she teased.

            “I love pickles. A lot,” I told her.

            “Okay….” She said, unsure of what I was getting at.

            “I think they’re very underappreciated. Basically, I want to sell gourmet pickles,” I told her. I waited for her reaction, assuming she would turn the whole thing down. Instead, she paused for a moment to contemplate my idea.

            “I like it,” she stated simply.

            “Really?” I asked in disbelief. I couldn’t believe she actually liked one of my ideas. She couldn’t have been just trying to be nice because she was honest about all my other ideas.

            “Specialty foods are an emerging trend. I think it could work.”

            “Sal and I have talked about making them ourselves, to test out the recipe. We’ve just never got around to it.”

            Jess instantly burst out laughing, “YOU and SAL were going to make them yourself?”

            “I may not be Martha Stewart like you, but I could still manage!” I said, pretending to be offended. Jess was probably right though, Sal and I would most likely mess it up somehow. It would never be as good as anything Jess makes.

\-----

            Almost two weeks later, Jess and I exchanged gifts. We didn’t get to see each other until after Christmas. We were both busy with work and traveling to see our families for the holidays.

            Jess came in with my gift, but she was struggling to carry it.

            “Do you need help with that?” I offered, rushing over to help her. I picked up the box, and I was surprised how heavy it was.

            “Jesus Christ, what did you get me?” I asked as I struggled to handle the heavy package.

            “You’ll see. I hope you like it. I made it myself,” she said, proudly.

            “Oh great, a homemade gift,” I rolled my eyes, teasing her.

            “Just open it!” she said, eagerly.

            I put down the wrapped box, unable to hold it anymore. I ripped off the wrapping paper, to see a large brown box. Inside were about a dozen large glass jars.

            “You made pickles?”

            “I did. Do you like it?” she said, with some uncertainty.

            “Like it? I love it. This is probably the most thoughtful gift anyone has ever given me. When did you do this?” I asked. I was kind of blown away. It seemed like she went through a lot of trouble for me, and we had only met less than two months ago.

            “I was thinking about your idea for the pickle business, and I thought I’d use my culinary skills and test out some recipes. I thought of it when we last talked. I actually bought all the ingredients that night, before I went home,” she said.

            “That’s great,” I said. I opened one of the jars, offering one to her. “Did you try them?”  

            “I actually don’t like pickles. So I didn’t even taste them to see if they were any good,” she said, laughing.

            “So you made a dozen huge jars of pickles, and you don’t even like them?”

            “I made them for you,” she stated, with a genuine look in her eyes.

            And it was in that moment, I realized, I was fucked. For the past month that I’ve known Jess, I’ve tried to convince myself that I wasn’t in love with her. Sal even told me, several times, that he could tell how enamored I was with her, just from the way I looked or smiled at her. The guys teased me about how much I talked about her. I tried to convince them that they were wrong and that I could handle myself. More than trying to convince the guys, I was trying to convince myself that I could handle being in love with my friend. But I was only lying to myself. The truth is, my love for her was growing every single time I hung out with her. But I could never tell her how I felt because if I did, I would be confronted with the harsh reality that she would never feel the same way about me.


	5. Out.

Jessica’s POV

            It’s been almost a year now since I had met Brian, and our friendship was stronger than ever. Even though he was becoming increasingly busy due to the growing success of the show, he still made time for me. We both valued each other’s friendship, and we would probably do anything for each other.   

            For example, I’ve always told Brian that I would always pick him up if he was drunk and needed a ride home. He’s taken me up on that offer a few times, sometimes even calling me at 3 or 4 in the morning to come pick him up. But that didn’t bother me. Ever since my mom died, I’ve been hypersensitive about people driving drunk. I feel some sort of responsibility to ensure that something like that doesn’t happen to the people closest to me. I care about Brian and I would never want anything to happen to him. He was my friend. I might even say that he’s my best friend.

            The past few days were particularly stressful for the people on Staten Island. Hurricane Sandy was threatening to destroy the Island, and people had gone into panic mode. Everyone was stocking up on necessities, and any other supplies they might need during the hurricane. Brian even helped me board up my windows, just in case. I didn’t think it was necessary, but he insisted it would keep me safe. He also kept asking me if I had everything I would need during the storm: bottles of water, flashlights, first aid kit, etc. I think the fireman in him was being overly protective, and a bit paranoid. But I knew that he meant well, and he was only being so cautious because he cared about my safety. Two days before the storm was supposed to hit, I got a call from him. When Brian called, Katie happened to be sitting right there. ~~~~

            “Hey Jess, I have a favor to ask you,” he said.

            “Sure, what’s the matter? Is everything okay?” I asked, slightly concerned.

            “Would you mind taking in my cats during the storm? I don’t want anything to happen to them. I think they’d be safer at your house, and I trust you to take care of them,” Brian said.

            Basically, Brian lived on the North Shore of Staten Island, in a flood zone.  I lived on the South Shore, in an area that wasn’t as high risk. He was concerned that his cats would be in danger. His cats. Not himself.

            “Brian, of course, I would do that. But if you’re worried about their safety, aren’t you concerned about your own safety?” I asked.

            “I’ll be alright. I can take care of myself,” he said.

            “Bri, listen to me. If you don’t think it’s safe for your cats, then it’s probably not safe for you either. Why don’t you come over too, and stay here during the storm?” I asked.

            “I’ll be fine. I was a fireman, you know. I know what to do,” he said/

            “Oh, sorry. You’re right. I didn’t realize that being a fireman meant you were immune from drowning,” I said sarcastically.

            Brian laughed and said, “You don’t have to worry about me. I’ll survive.”

            “Come on, Brian. This is serious. Don’t try to act like a tough guy. Just come over, and bring your cats. Then at least we’ll have each other, God forbid anything happens,” I said.

            I was trying to slightly guilt him into staying over. But it was only for his own safety. I can’t even imagine how guilty I would’ve felt if something ever happened to him and there was something I could’ve done to prevent it. 

            Brian sighed, thought for a minute and said, “I guess you’re right. It’s probably safer that neither of us are alone. Plus, if anything goes wrong, I’ll be there to protect you. And the cats of course,” he said.

            “Of course. What would I do without my big strong fireman to protect me from the hurricane?” I said, teasing him about his comment from earlier.

            He laughed and said, “Seriously though, I’ll be over tomorrow? I’ll bring extra supplies in case we need it.”

            “Sounds good. I’ll see you tomorrow,” I said. We both said our goodbyes, and I hung up.

            “You’re letting him stay at your house?” Katie said in disbelief. I kind of forgot she was there, to be honest.

            “Seriously? Are we really going to have this argument again?”

            “Don’t you think letting him stay over is a bit too far?” she asked.

            “Too far? Katie, listen to me. We’re not talking about a sleepover just for fun. There’s a fucking hurricane that’s about to hit the island. My house is less dangerous than his, and…” I started to say before she cut me off.

            “Oh sure, is that what he told you? He’s probably just using that so he can take advantage of you,” she scoffed.

            “Take advantage of me? That would never happen. Besides, what do you expect me to do, leave my friend out there in danger?”

            “It seems like you’re more concerned with his feelings than mine. Not that I should be surprised…”        

            “What is that supposed to mean?” I asked. Clearly she was harboring some resentment that she needed to get off her chest.

            “Every time I bring up how I feel about Brian, you dismiss it. Like it’s nothing. Clearly he has feelings for you. I see the way he looks at you. You’d have to be fucking blind not to see it. And you play right into it,”

            “I do not!” I replied, defensively.

            “Oh what would I do without my fireman,” she repeated what I had said to Brian earlier, mocking me.

            “I was just joking with him.”

            “Sounded like flirting to me. And right in front of me? I wonder what you guys do when I’m not here,” she said.

            “What are you implying?” I asked. But I knew exactly what she was suggesting.

            “I think you and Brian are way too close. It makes me uncomfortable to see you two together,” she said.

            “If me having a close friendship with someone makes you uncomfortable, then that’s your problem, not mine,” I responded, which made her roll her eyes.

            “Well, how about when he calls you in the middle of the night to pick up his drunk ass. Do you really think that’s appropriate?”

            “Are seriously throwing that in my face? You know how sensitive I am about that,” I said.

            I felt like her last comment was just a low blow, and this argument wasn’t getting anywhere. We had this fight countless times before, but clearly Katie didn’t feel like we had settled everything.  

            “So what would you like me to do Katie? Do you want me to completely cut him out of my life?” I asked.

            “That would be ideal.”

            “So what are you saying?” I asked, just to be clear.

            “I’ve had enough of this. It’s either him or me,” she stated firmly.

            I paused and thought about it for a moment. Finally, I very calmly said, “Get the fuck out of my house.”

            Katie was completely taken aback. I’m not really sure what she was expecting, but it definitely wasn’t that.

            “Are you serious?” she asked as if I was kidding.

            I was not kidding. I was dead serious. I couldn’t take it anymore. For almost a year we had been going back and forth, arguing over the same issue. When it started, I saw it as a trust issue. I thought maybe if she got to know Brian more, that she would see what a nice guy he is. Then maybe she would be less jealous. But that didn’t happen. Instead, Katie got more manipulative and controlling. I felt like it got to a point where it wasn’t even about jealousy anymore. I mean, we’re talking about a fucking hurricane for Christ sake.

            “I’m dead serious,” I responded, with almost no emotion. I went over to the door to open it and gestured for her to leave.

            “I can’t believe you’re doing this right now,” she said, still in shock.

            “Well, if you seriously think that I wouldn’t take care of my friend at a time like this then you don’t know me at all.”

            “Can’t we talk about this?” she asked. Now she was trying to backtrack. But it was too late. I had already reached my breaking point.

            “I think we’ve talked enough,” I said, still holding the door open.

            “If I walk out that door, I’m not coming back,” she stated as if that would make me change my mind.

            “Don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out,” I responded sarcastically.

            Katie didn’t say another word. She gathered her things and rushed out the door. She stood outside my doorway as if she was about to say one last thing. I didn’t want to let her finish this. So, I slammed the door in her face and hoped that I would never see her again.

            After repeatedly having the same argument with Katie, I had reached my breaking point. I didn’t understand why she couldn’t trust me. Brian and I were very close friends, but nothing more. I just wasn’t interested in Brian like that. I couldn’t deal with Katie’s jealousy anymore. At first, I thought she was just jealous because of Brian’s apparent crush on me. But as time went on, I realized that she was envious of the friendship I had with Brian. I felt like I had a stronger bond with Brian than I did with Katie, and she resented that. But regardless, all this jealousy was too overwhelming for me. I had considered breaking it off with her for good several times. But somehow she always had an excuse to get back into my life. Katie would say that she was only acting that way because she cares so much for me. Time and time again, I just accepted her excuses. I was lonely, and I thought that I needed someone. Now I realize that I’m better off being alone than dating someone like Katie. The night we broke up, I realized that it wasn’t just her jealousy. I realized that she was a vengeful person. I mean, what kind of person would potentially leave their friend out on the street during a hurricane? We didn’t know how dangerous the storm would be.

            Despite my tumultuous relationship with Katie, there was a part of me that felt sad about our breakup. We did spend the last year and a half together, and it’s sad to see all of that come to an end. After she left, I was beginning to feel that loneliness again. But I promised myself that I wouldn’t go back with her. Being in a relationship with Katie was too emotionally exhausting. And the truth is, I wasn’t really alone because I had great friends, like Brian. After taking a few minutes to collect my thoughts, I called Brian, hoping that he would provide some comfort.

            “Hey, Brian…” I said, sounding a bit defeated.

            “Jess, what’s the matter? Are you okay?” he asked, concerned. He was already paranoid because of the storm, and I didn’t mean to make him more worried than he already was.

            “I’m fine… It’s just I…I just broke up with Katie,” I told him.

            “Aww, Jess. I’m so sorry,” he said, sounding disappointed. I wasn’t sure if it was genuine or not. I knew that Brian didn’t like Katie either. But I was always trying to keep the peace between the two of them.

            “It’s okay, Brian. You don’t have to pretend to be upset,” I said, somewhat jokingly.

            “I’m coming over,” he stated firmly.

            “No, really. You don’t have to. I’m fine. Just come over tomorrow, like we originally planned,” I told him.

            “Nope. I’m not going to let you sit there moping by yourself. I have to stop at the store to pick up some supplies we might need during the storm. But after that, I’m coming over. I think you need some cheering up. You don’t sound like your normal, cheerful self,” he said. 

            Well, who would be cheerful after they just broke up with someone? But Brian was being persistent, so I just gave in. And I guess it wouldn’t be too bad to have my friend with me to keep my mind off Katie.

            “Okay. Fine,” I said, giving in.

            “Good, then it’s settled. I’ll be over in about an hour?” he asked.

            “Sure. See you soon,” I confirmed.

            That day, I realized that potential tragedies  have a way of either tearing people apart or bringing them closer together. Hurricanes are no exception. Katie and I were torn apart, while Brian and I became closer than ever.

 

 

 


	6. Sandy.

 Jessica’s POV

            As promised, Brian arrived at my house about an hour later. As soon as I opened the door, Brian looked into my eyes and wrapped his big arms around me. I really needed a hug in that moment, and Brian was like a big teddy bear. Brian knew how to comfort me in that moment, without having to say anything.

            “I’m sorry,” he stated, simply. This time I could tell it was sincere. No matter what his relationship was like with Katie, he genuinely felt sorry for me.

            “Thank you, Brian. But, I’m okay. You really didn’t have to come over today,” I told him.

            “Are you kidding? Do you really think I would let you sit here all day, sulking by yourself? I brought some stuff to help you through this,” he stated.

            “What stuff?” I asked. I knew he would be bringing over some supplies like we talked about. But what would else would he bring?

            “I brought some cheesy movies we could watch. And I stopped at the store to get ice cream. I bought your favorite flavor,” he said confidently.

            “Chocolate fudge brownie?” I asked, to see if he knew me as well as he thought.

            “Of course. Is this too cheesy? I thought this is what girls want during a breakup,” he said.

            “I think it’s sweet. Thank you,” I told him.

            Brian was such a caring friend. He would always have these little gestures to help me feel better whenever I was upset. I did the same for him. But in his case, instead of ice cream, it’s usually alcohol.

            “There’s beer in the fridge if you want it. And Jameson on the counter. You’re welcome to take whatever you want,” I told him, even though at this point in our friendship it’s sort of understood that he could take whatever he wanted. Brian came over a lot, so I was always stocked with his favorites, just in case. Just because I didn’t drink, didn’t mean I was uncomfortable having alcohol in the house, especially if it was for my best friend.

            “You’re the best,” he said.

            “I’m just trying to be a good hostess, ready for whenever you come over,” I told him.

            -----

            Brian brought his cats in, gently trying to adjust them to their new home for the next few days. I didn’t get to interact with Brian’s cats much. Most of the times I hung out at Brian’s house, Sal would be there too. Because of Sal’s almost debilitating fear of cats, Brian would courteously store the cats away in his bedroom while he had guests over.

            Going back and forth from Brian’s car, I helped him bring in some of the supplies he had brought. To say he was prepared would be an understatement.

            “Seriously Brian, is an ax really necessary?” I asked concerned, but also genuinely confused.

            “What if we get stuck underneath something? Or what if I need to break a door down? Or if I have to go out and rescue someone? I’m just trying to be prepared, for our own safety,” he explained.

            I just gave up. “No, you’re absolutely right. You’re the fireman. What do I know?” I asked, sarcastically.

            Brian also brought some things to keep us busy. He had old movies and some video games. But he also brought board games, so we’d have something to do in case the power went out.

            “Wow, you really thought of everything, didn’t you?” I asked, admiring how prepared he was.

            “Well, isn’t it better to be ready, just in case?” he asked. I agreed, even though I thought he was going a bit overboard.

            -----

            At one point during the storm, the power went out. I thought I’d be bored out of my mind. But Brian and I spent a lot of time just talking. We sat on my couch together, eating ice cream, and we talked for HOURS. It was actually refreshing to have that much time to just vent to each other. I enjoyed talking with him. I felt like I could finally enjoy our friendship because I didn’t have Katie’s jealousy looming over me. It was a liberating feeling.

            When Brian asked me what happened with Katie, I was hesitant to give him all the details. I didn’t want him to feel guilty about how we broke up. It wasn’t his fault. But it was sort of the elephant in the room. So when he asked me about it, I knew I needed to address it.

            “So, tell me. What happened with you and Katie?” he asked.

            “We were just constantly arguing about the same thing. She didn’t trust me,” I said.

            “Look, I don’t want to sound full of myself. But was this about me?” He asked. I looked down at the ground and didn’t answer him right away. So without saying it, I gave him the answer. Brian wasn’t stupid. We had broken up right after I got off the phone with him. He probably put part of it together. And maybe he could sense that Katie disliked him.

            “She didn’t like me inviting you to stay. We got in this huge fight, like all our other fights about you. She just couldn’t handle our friendship,” I confessed.

            “All your fights about me? How many did you have?” he asked.

            “Honestly, I lost track. So, way too many. But this was the final straw. She gave me an ultimatum. It was either her or you. I chose you. And I told her to get the fuck out of my house, and never come back,” I told him.

            “Jess, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know I was causing these major issues in your relationship. I never wanted you to have to choose.” he said, with this guilty look in his eyes. This is why I didn’t want to tell him.

            “Brian, don’t be sorry. You have nothing to apologize for because you did nothing wrong,” I reassured him.

            “But still, maybe there’s something I could’ve done to help,” he said.

            “It was never you. It was just Katie’s own insecurities. She was so paranoid about me leaving her that she felt threatened by you. But you have never crossed the line with me. You and I know that nothing like that has ever happened between the two of us,” I told him.

            -----

            After giving some more details about my breakup, Brian started talking about his own dating history. He was telling me about his ex-fiancé and how that relationship fell apart. Brian had mentioned that he used to be engaged, but he never really went into too much detail. He never explained why that relationship didn’t work out. I could tell that the topic was a sore subject for Brian, which is completely understandable. I never wanted to pry, but I just wanted him to feel comfortable confiding in me if he needed someone to talk to.

            “So, she went on this vacation with her friends. There was this dude on a scooter, who was apparently a cop. Anyway, they hit it off. She swore nothing ever happened between them while we were together. But after she met him, things changed. One night I confessed to her that I was on the verge of a mental breakdown. From the stress of the upcoming wedding and the thought of her cheating on me, it was all becoming too much. Instead of comforting me, she went off on me, accusing me of trying to sabotage the wedding. That night, she went out with her friends. Then she called me at like 2 in the morning, asking me to get her bagels. She was trying to act like nothing happened. For some reason the bagel thing made me snap. That night, I left,” Brian explained, giving me more details then he ever has.

            One of the things that makes me most upset about that story is how she treated Brian while he was having a mental breakdown. This is a man who she thought was going to be her husband. In a moment where she should’ve been there to comfort him in a time of need, she went out with her friends instead. I didn’t understand how she could do that to someone that she supposedly loved. If someone I cared about was on the verge of a breakdown, I would do everything I could to help them through it. But I tried not to judge her. Maybe she just didn’t know how to deal with someone having mental health problems.

            “So anyway, it turns out a year after we broke up she married that cop from the boat. I suspect something was going on between them while we were engaged. But I guess I’ll never really know,” he told me.

            As Brian told me more of the details, he was getting a bit more emotional. It broke my heart to think that someone put him through all that pain.

            “Brian I’m so sorry. I had no idea what you had been through,” I said. I leaned over and gave him a hug. I guess this day turned into us comforting each other over our respective failed relationships.

            -----

            Once the storm had started, I had been getting these calls and texts from Katie. She was trying to apologize, and weasel her way back into my life. I didn’t answer her calls. When I said I was done, I meant it. I tried ignoring her, but the calls got too obnoxious. Apparently, she wasn’t taking the hint that I didn’t want to talk to her. I could tell Brian was getting annoyed too, partly because the constant calls were getting me aggravated. So, the next time Katie called, Brian took matters into his own hands.

            “She’s still calling?” he asked, as the phone rang.

            “Apparently, she doesn’t get the hint,” I told him.

            “I’ll take care of it. Give me that,” Brian said. He grabbed my phone from me, and answered the call, putting it on speaker so that I could hear too.

            “Jessica! I’m so glad you finally answered. I’ve been trying to call you all night,” Katie said, sounding all sweet and innocent. Yes, you have been calling all day. It’s annoying as fuck.

            “I’m sorry, Katie. Jess can’t come to the phone right now,” Brian said in a monotone voice as if it was a recording.

            “Brian? Is that you? This is not funny. Just put Jess on the phone,” she demanded, her voice suddenly getting more serious, and annoyed.

            “Unfortunately Jessica doesn’t really want to talk to you right now. I can’t imagine why,” Brian said sarcastically. I covered my mouth so that she couldn’t hear me laughing so hard. I was kind of loving how effortlessly Brian was handling Katie.

            “Seriously, this isn’t funny. I want to talk to her. Haven’t you done enough to ruin our relationship?” Katie asked. No, Katie, this isn’t Brian’s fault. You’re the one who ruined our relationship.

            “Right, I ruined your relationship. Cause Jess and I were totally in love and fucking on the side while you guys were together, right? It’s all my fault,” Brian said, with heavy sarcasm.

            “I know you want her. Don’t even try to deny it. We would still be together if it wasn’t for you,” Katie claimed.

            “No, you’re right. We were definitely fucking the whole time. Actually, the reason Jess hasn’t been responding is because we’ve been fucking all day. You know, the power is out so there’s not much to do. As a matter of fact, Jess is waiting for me, so I should get back to her. Enjoy your night. I’ll be fucking your ex-girlfriend all night,” Brian said.  

            Then he hung up the phone. He knew that the thought of us having sex would drive Katie insane. That’s what she’s been accusing me of, ever since I had met Brian. Their entire conversation was so entertaining to me. I was laughing so hard that I did a Sal fall to the floor.

            “Holy shit. I love you. That was amazing,” I told Brian. I was so appreciative that he was able to get Katie off my back, and I didn’t have to deal with her. It turns out Katie got the message because her constant calls and texts stopped.

            “Well she’s a real piece of work,” Brian said.

            “She’s a bitch,” I stated simply, “It’s okay, you can say it.”

            “Hey, you said it, not me. Not that I disagree with you…” he commented.  

            -----

            After the storm had died down, Brian received a nervous call from Sal.

            “What’s the matter, buddy. Is everything okay?” he asked Sal. It wasn’t on speaker, so I could only hear Brian’s side of the conversation.

            “Yeah, of course. Just tell me where it is. I’ll be right there,” he said, hanging up the phone.

            “What’s the matter? Is Sal hurt? Is everything okay?” I asked, concerned. Maybe I was a little paranoid, but my mind was racing with all the possibilities of what could be happening.

            “Jessica, don’t worry. Sal is fine. Everyone is fine,” Brian said, reassuring me.

            “Oh, okay,” I said, still not totally relieved, “Then what was that about?”

            “You’ll probably think I’m making it up,” he said, smiling.

            “Brian, just tell me,” I said, anxiously awaiting.

            “Sal wants me to come rescue a kitten from a tree behind his mother’s house,” he told me. I was relieved that nobody was seriously hurt. And I figured Brian would be able to save the cat, so it wouldn’t be harmed.

            “Seriously? He called a fireman to get a cat out of a tree? That’s so cheesy,” I joked with him.

            “I know, I know. But I have to go, I can’t let a poor little animal stay out there like that. You’ll watch my cats while I’m gone?” He asked.

            “Of course, go. Help the cat, you big softie,” I joked.  

            I was touched by Sal’s concern for the animal he despised. Sal never wanted to be around cats, but that doesn’t mean that he wanted them to be harmed in any way. Sal has a heart of gold. I also thought it was so sweet of Brian to want to save the cat. Not that I should be surprised. Brian may have a tough exterior, but he’s really a sweetheart, and I saw that side of him, even more, these past few days. 

            After the storm was over, Brian went home to assess the damage. For the two of us, the damage wasn’t too bad. Brian had some broken windows, and I had a few trees fall in my yard. But things could’ve been a lot worse. There were people in different areas that had a lot worse damage than us. Some people even lost their lives. But the two of us were lucky. Throughout the whole experience, I was worried something worse might happen to the two of us. But Brian made me feel safe. I was grateful to have my best friend help me through this whole thing. From the breakup to the hurricane, Brian was there for me.

 

 

 


	7. Thanks.

Brian’s POV

            A few days after Sandy hit, it was Halloween. But this Halloween felt different than all the others. I was looking forward to spending it with Jess. I got to see her light up during the holidays, but on Halloween, I was in my element. However, I felt guilty enjoying the day when so many people had just lost their homes, and some even lost their lives. It was times like this that I missed being a fireman because I felt so helpless in the situation. But luckily, all my close friends and family were okay. Some had minor damage to their homes, but nothing that couldn’t be repaired. I was lucky that none of the people close to me got hurt. I felt even luckier that I spent the entire storm with Jess. We got a chance to bond those few nights. I told her things that I’ve never told anyone before. Not even Sal. Jess was such a caring and understanding person that I felt comfortable telling her anything. But being alone in that house with her made me want her even more, and I didn’t think that was possible. But I could never take advantage of my friend like that, especially after she had just gone through a breakup. I also had to constantly remind myself that she would never feel the same way about me.

            About a month later, I was at my parents’ house for Thanksgiving. I had decided to leave early, telling them that I wanted to beat the traffic back to Staten Island. But the truth is, I just wanted to get away from my family. I know it sounds terrible, but I was getting tired of their questions. I’ve reached an age where all the people around me are getting married and having kids, but I’m nowhere near that stage. I was beginning to get irritated by the things they were asking me:

_“When are you finally going to settle down?”_

_“Do you think you’ll ever propose to anyone again?”_

_“Look how cute your niece is. Don’t you want kids?”_

            And the most painful question of all…

_“What’s the deal with that Jess girl? You talk about her so much, why haven’t you tried dating her?”_

            Believe me. If I could, I would be. But there’s nothing I could do about that. No matter how much I wanted Jess, she made it perfectly clear that she was not interested in me. But that was okay. I’m not her friend so that I could weasel my way into dating her. I’m her friend because she’s a great person, and I’m lucky to have her in my life, in any capacity.

            ----- 

            After getting home from my parents’, I sent Jess a quick text, wishing her a Happy Thanksgiving, and asking how her day was going. She told me that her family was still out her house. She hosts Thanksgiving Day, and some of her family travels to be there. Including her father, who had retired down to Florida. Her older sister Melissa also lived down there. She initially went to Florida for college but ended up staying down there.

            Jess invited me over, offering to introduce me to her family. I had never met her family before, so I was a bit nervous to go over there. Especially since I would be meeting everyone all at once, so I thought it would be a bit overwhelming. I was especially nervous to meet her father. Jess told me that he used to be a detective in the NYPD, and he’s very protective of her and her sister, especially since their mother died. I don’t know why I was so worried to meet him. I’m just her friend. It’s not like I’m her boyfriend or anything. So, I probably shouldn’t have been as nervous as I was.

            As I approached Jessica’s door, I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. As it turns out, the man I was most afraid of answered the door. Even though I had never met him, I recognized him from pictures Jess has shown me. But he was even more intimidating then I had imagined. He was a big guy, a few inches taller than me. For some reason, I kept telling myself that he still had a gun, so I shouldn’t do anything to piss him off.   

            “Mr. Calaway? It’s nice to meet you, sir. I’m Brian,” I said, introducing myself. He shook my hand and invited me in.

            “Are you the fireman?” he asked, with a smile on his face.

            “Well, sort of. I was a fireman, but I’m on a leave of absence to shoot our TV show,” I told him. Maybe it was just my own insecurities, but at that moment I felt like he was disappointed in me. He probably would’ve been impressed with me if I was still a fireman. Now he just thinks I’m some guy making jokes on TV.

            “It’s nice to finally meet you, Brian. Jess has told me so much about you,” he said, still smiling. Okay, maybe he wasn’t that disappointed in me. It’s probably just all in my head.

            “Brian! I’m so glad you could make it,” Jess said, coming out of the kitchen, in her apron.

            “Thanks for inviting me. Sorry I didn’t bring anything. I didn’t realize I’d be coming over today,” I apologized. I was worried that her father would think I didn’t have manners.

            “Don’t worry about it! I’m happy to have you. Are you hungry? We just finished the main course. Dessert should be out soon. But I have leftovers if you want,” Jess offered, being the great hostess that she is. She’s the best.  

            “I’m okay, for now. I ate earlier. But can I help you with anything?” I offered. She giggled a bit since I was nowhere near her level in the kitchen.

            “Sweetie, no. That’s okay. But I think we were just about to start a family card game if you want to join us,” she offered. As much as I wanted to join, I wasn’t very good at card games anyway, and I didn’t want to make a fool of myself, especially in front of her father. I get enough embarrassment at work.

            “What do you guys play?” I asked.

            “It’s called Continental. It’s like Gin Rummy. Ever played?” her father asked me.

            “No, sir I haven’t,” I admitted. Great, now I’ll look like a complete idiot.

            “That’s okay. You can sit next to me the first game. I’ll teach you how to play. It’s really easy, you’ll get the hang of it,” Jess offered.

            “Okay, that sounds fun,” I agreed.

            I think Jess could tell that I was nervous about getting along with her family, so she was trying to make me feel more comfortable.  I appreciated that I was being included in their card game. It may seem like a simple gesture, but it meant a lot to me. It made me feel like I was almost part of Jessica’s family.

            “You don’t have to keep calling me sir by the way. It’s very nice, but not necessary,” her father said.

            -----

            Jess and her father lead me into her living room, where the rest of her family was sitting. They all welcomed me with open arms and seemed excited that I was there. Her family put me at ease because they embraced me like one of their own. I met Jessica’s sister Melissa, and her husband Anthony. I also met some cousins, aunts, and uncles. Her Uncle Jimmy, who lived on Staten Island, quickly became one of my favorites. He wasn’t married and didn’t have any kids. Jimmy used to work for the NYPD, back when they still had horses. He used to take care of the horses, but now that he’s retired, he just hangs out at the barn. If he sees any stray cats, he takes them in, assuming they don’t belong to anyone. He told me that I was welcome to come down to the barn whenever I wanted and ride, or just look at, the horses. I related to him a lot. Basically, this is how I see myself in about 30 years.

            I sat in between Jess and her father. Jess was graciously teaching me how to play the game. It wasn’t that difficult, and I was getting the hang of it. After a few rounds, Jess heard a timer go off, and got up to go towards the kitchen.

            “I have to go check on the pies. Want to play my hand for a little bit?” She asked.

            “Uhh…okay. Are you sure you don’t need my help in the kitchen?” I offered, again. Although I seemed to be getting along well with her family, I wasn’t completely comfortable being alone with them. It was okay when I had Jess to lean on. But then again, it’s not like she was leaving me with them forever.

            “Really, I’m okay. You’ll be fine. You seem to be getting the hang of it,” she commented.

            “I think so,” I said, still a bit unsure of myself.

            ----      

            After Jess left the room, it wasn’t too long before the game ended. I had lost, but I was pretty sure I had learned the rules of the game. The family had decided to take a little break before the next game started. At this point, Jessica’s dad looked over and leaned towards me.

            “Can I speak to you for a minute?” he asked.

            “Uh… sure,” I said, nervously. We both got up from the table and walked to the side, where we could have more privacy. What could he possibly want to tell me? Did I do something wrong already? Was I disrespectful in some way? Maybe he doesn’t like me intruding on a family event?

            “I just wanted to thank you for being there with Jess during Sandy. She told me that you were here with her through the whole thing. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate that. I get worried that she’s all alone, but I’m comforted in knowing that she has someone like you here to protect her,” he told me. I was so relieved, I felt like I could cry. I felt so touched by her father’s comments. I never expected a big, tough guy like that to say something so genuine. I could feel that he was truly thankful.      

            “Really, it was my pleasure. She’s one of my closest friends, and I would do anything for her. And just so you know, she’ll never really be alone. I’ll always be here for her, no matter what,” I told him, hoping that would reassure him.

            “Thank you. You have no idea how much I appreciate that. I know I shouldn’t be so worried about Jess. Clearly, she can take care of herself. But after her mother…” he started to say before he paused. But I already knew where he was going.

            “It’s okay, you don’t have to tell me about it,” I told him. I didn’t want him to get upset about telling me something I already knew. He didn’t need to go through the pain of explaining how his wife had died, and how he felt the need to protect his daughters.

            “Can I ask you something else?”

            “Sure, anything.”

            “Do you know what happened to that Katie girl? Jess hasn’t talked about her,” he told me. I chuckled a bit.

            “They broke up about a month ago,” I told him.

            “Oh good. I never liked her,” he confessed honestly. I couldn’t help but laugh. He was so direct, and honest. Jess warned me that he would always say what’s on his mind. I guess that’s where she gets it from.

            “Me neither,” I admitted.

            “Look, it has nothing to do with my daughter dating a girl. I am perfectly fine with that. I just don’t think Katie was right for her,” he clarified.

            “I understand, and I completely agree with you,” I told him.

            After our little heart to heart, we just started chatting for a few minutes. The more I got to know her father, the more comfortable I felt around him. He might have looked like a big, intimidating guy, but he was easy to talk to. We share our experiences working for the city, me as a fireman, him as a cop. Eventually, I heard Jess call me from the kitchen.

            “Brian, can you come in here for a minute?” she asked.

            “Excuse me, I’ll be right back,” I told her father.

            “Go, help. She might need you in there,” he said.

            I walked into the kitchen to see several desserts laying on the counter.

            “Jesus Christ, Jess. How many desserts did you make?” I asked, somewhat surprised, but also in awe of what she had done.

            “I don’t know, six? Seven? I lost track,” she said. Then she took a second to think about it, “There’s the brownies. Cookies of course. Three pies? No, four pies. Apple, cherry, Mississippi Mud. Oh, and pumpkin, of course. It’s Thanksgiving, can’t forget about that one,”

            “Do you even like pumpkin pie?”

            “No, but someone does.”

            “So what do you need me for?” I asked.

            “I just can’t carry them all to the table by myself,” she said, looking somewhat defeated.

            I laughed, “Sure, I’ll help,” I said, picking up two of the desserts.

            “Wait, can I ask you something first?” she asked, before I walked out.

            “Sure, what’s up?”

            “Are you okay? You seemed really nervous before,” she said. At this point, Jess knew me too well for me to hide my insecurities from her.

            “To be honest with you, I was a little anxious coming in and meeting your family, especially your dad,” I admitted.

            “I’m sorry. I should’ve known it would be overwhelming for you,” she apologized.

            “No, it’s okay. Don’t apologize. Your family is great. Not that I should be surprised, knowing you,” I told her.

            “Oh, good. I’m glad you’re getting along. I’m sorry if you felt overwhelmed by meeting everyone at once. But your such an important part of my life, I just thought they should meet you,” she told me. I was touched that Jess was making such an effort to include me in her life.

            -----    

            The rest of the night went so much better than I could’ve imagined. After we ate all of the delicious desserts Jessica had made, we went back to playing cards. Since I finally felt like I got the hang of it, I played my own hand this time. That was probably a mistake, because I was losing miserably. I should’ve known not to bet against Jess. As the night came to an end, I actually felt sad to be leaving. I enjoyed being with Jessica’s family more than I enjoyed being with my own. Jess sent me home with a tray of leftovers because she always goes above and beyond. I said goodbye to everyone, and realized how grateful I was to have so many special people in my life.

 


	8. Mania

Brian’s POV

            As my career was becoming more successful, I felt the need to show gratitude to the people around me. I didn’t get to where I am on my own, so I always did little things to show the people closet to me how thankful I was for their support. But for Christmas, I decided to do something special. Sal, Jess, and I had gone to a few wrestling shows together, but nothing too grand. WrestleMania 29 was taking place in April 2013, at the MetLife Stadium in New Jersey. I thought there was no better way to surprise my two best friends then buying them tickets to the biggest pay-per-view event of the year. I figured it would be something that we would all enjoy. Plus, Jess has so much joy during the holidays. She always puts so much thought and effort into gifts. I saw this as an opportunity to return the favor.

            “This is too much, Brian,” Jess said, handing the ticket back to me.

            "Are you kidding? What’s the point of having success if I can’t share it with my two best friends? Plus, I still owe you for taking me in during Sandy," I insisted.

            "Brian, you don't owe me anything. I took care of you during a hurricane. Its what friends do. I didn't expect anything in return, especially not something like this,” she said.

            I expected Jess to act this way. But this is the exact reason that I wanted to do something like this for her. She has always been one of my biggest supporters, throughout my career but also just in life. Jess has always been there when I needed her. But she never asked for, or expected, anything in return. She was simply a good friend. That’s why I felt that she deserved something special.

            -----

            Being the one who doesn’t drink, Jess offered to drive to the show. Sometimes I felt bad for her since she’s normally the only sober one around a bunch of drunk people. I’m not sure if she feels left out sometimes, but it’s her own personal decision, and I respect that. She always reassured me that she didn’t mind us drinking, as long as we didn’t drive. As much as I protested, Jess insisted on buying all our drinks, since I bought the tickets. I eventually gave in and enjoyed a few beers. Sal was also drinking, and he was getting a little tipsy. But Jess and I didn’t mind since Sal was a fun drunk. He didn’t cause any harm, but he would just say some stupid things. Even more than he usually does.

            Competing in one of the first matches of the night were three guys known as the Shield. The group consisted of Dean Ambrose, Roman Reigns, and Seth Rollins. They made their way to the ring through the crowd, which is a special type of entrance. Most wrestlers enter from backstage and go down the ramp.

            “It seems so dangerous for them to go through the crowd like that,” Jess commented.

            “Yeah, they probably have people grabbing their crotch and stuff,” Sal said.

In his drunken state, Sal couldn’t help but give us his commentary. Sometimes it wasn’t even about wrestling. But it made Jess and I crack up.

            “That Roman Reigns…. His hair… it’s just so luscious and flowing. He’s so dreamy, isn’t he?” Sal asked, turning to Jess to get her opinion. I couldn’t wait to hear this.

            “Uhhh sure, Sal. I guess he’s dreamy. But I’d prefer Seth Rollins personally,” Jess replied, much to my surprise.

            “Seriously?” I asked, a little shocked.

            “What? Sal’s allowed to have a man crush, but I’m not?” She said defensively.

            “No, you’re entitled, I guess. I just didn’t think that Rollins was your type. You know, considering he’s a GUY,” I responded.  I tried to contain my feelings, but I was completely thrown off by her comment.

            “Well I didn’t think a 270 pound Samoan man was Sal’s type either, but here we are,” she said, still joking about it.

            “I just call it like I see it. I’m not afraid to admit that another dude is attractive,” Sal said, slurring his words.

            “Why are you getting so upset? We’re just joking around,” Jess said, trying to calm me down. I guess she realized that her jokes weren’t helping.

            “He’s jeaalllouuss,” Sal slurred. I gave him pleading look, hoping that in his drunken state, he wouldn’t say something about my feelings for Jess.

            “What do you have to be jealous about?” Jess asked. Now she was the one that was confused.

            “He’s jealous because him and I will never, in our whole lives, have bodies like that,” Sal commented, as he pointed to the huge, muscular wrestlers on our screen.

            “I am NOT jealous. Why should I be?” I said, trying to sound convincing. But they could probably tell I was lying.

            “Brian, you know I love you but you’re being crazy,” Jess said. Sure. I know you love me. Just never the same love I have for you.

            “Whatever,” I said, blowing it off.

            “Can we just forget about this whole conversation, and just enjoy the show?” Jess asked. I think she sensed that things were getting a little tense, and she wanted to shift the focus somewhere else.

            The truth is, I had no right to be jealous. It’s not like Jess is my girlfriend or anything. So, I shouldn’t have a reason to get upset. But as much as I tried to tell myself that Jessica’s comments didn’t mean anything, I was hurt. The whole time we were friends, I had just assumed that the reason she wasn’t interested in me was that she was only attracted to women. And I could accept that. I couldn’t be too offended because I didn’t think there was anything I could do to change her sexuality. But when she made that little comment about Rollins, it made me think that maybe it was just me. It’s not the fact that I’m a man. She’s interested in men, but she’s just not interested in me. As if my self-confidence wasn’t low enough. Now I had to accept the harsh reality that Jess might want to be with other guys, she just doesn’t want to be with ME.

            Looking back on it, I guess I shouldn’t have just assumed Jessica’s sexuality. But it’s something she rarely talked about because she didn’t want to be defined or judged by it. I guess that’s part of the reason why I never really asked questions about it. I didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable. Or maybe I never asked because I didn’t really want to know the answer.

            Once I came to this revelation, I felt like there was a shift in our friendship. But my feelings for Jess didn’t diminish. If anything, they grew even stronger. My love for her was so intense that it was getting increasingly difficult to be around her. It’s just too painful to see someone I wanted so badly, but I couldn’t have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I know this chapter is really short, compared to all my other ones. But it’s basically just a bridge chapter because the next chapter will be an important one. The next one has some real angst in it.


	9. Headache?

Jessica’s POV

            Within the past two years, there's been a slight change in my friendship with Brian. At one point, he was filming two TV shows, which made him mentally and physically exhausted. He was also committed to recording TESD almost every other week. Not to mention the Tenderloins had an exhausting touring schedule, which took up almost every weekend.

            So, when Brian and I couldn’t hang out as much, I wasn't thrown off. When he canceled plans because he was too exhausted from a long day of shooting, I didn't think much of it. Don’t get me wrong, I was disappointed to not spend as much time with my best friend. But I understood that his career and life was busy. Despite not being able to hang out with him as much, I was incredibly proud of how successful his career has become. I still watch the show every week, as well as the constant reruns that play on TruTV. I would still consider myself Brian’s biggest fan. I truly feel that the guys deserve everything that they’ve accomplished.

            Brian and I had developed a routine of hanging out on almost every Monday, assuming he wasn’t on tour. We would order some food and watch _Monday Night Raw._ Sometimes Sal would join us, but mostly it was just the two of us. I think Brian and I developed this little tradition as an excuse to hang out. Despite things being so hectic in both our lives, we did our best to maintain our friendship. I considered Brian to be one of my best friends, and I’m pretty sure he felt the same way. I think that if you care about someone, you’ll put in the effort to make that friendship work, no matter what.

            But things took a turn around July 2015. Brian wasn’t just busy. There was something else going on. After getting off work one Monday, I saw I had a missed call and a voicemail from Brian.

            “Hey, Jess. I uhh… I don’t think I’ll be able to hang out tonight. I’m not feeling great. Sorry,” Brian said, hanging up abruptly.

            Brian sounded exhausted, which wasn’t completely out of the ordinary. But something still seemed off. I was worried about him so I immediately called him back. I called twice before he finally picked up.   

            “Jess, I’m sorry I had to cancel our plans.”

            “No, don’t be sorry. I was just calling to see if you were okay?”

            “I’m sure I’ll be fine. I’ve been having these terrible headaches these past couple of days, and I can’t sleep,” he told me. Poor guy. I hated hearing that my best friend was in pain.

            “I’m sorry, Brian. Do you need anything? Have you eaten? I can bring you food,” I said. I probably sounded like an overprotective mom. But I was only asking all these questions because I cared about him.

            “Really, I’m fine. I’m just going to try to get some rest. Hopefully, I can sleep it off,” he said.

            “Okay. But if you change your mind, call me. I’m here for you if you need anything. Even if it’s 3 AM. The offer is always there, not just for when you’re drunk,” I said, making him chuckle a bit.

            “Thanks, Jess. I appreciate that. But I should go, I’m exhausted.”

            “Okay. Call me if you need ANYTHING.”

            “Thanks, Jess,” he said, hanging up the phone.

            After getting off the phone with Brian, I still wasn’t content. Of course, I wouldn’t want my friend to be sick at all; But, my gut was telling me that something else was going on, and he wasn’t being completely honest with me. Maybe he was sicker than he was telling me? Maybe he was trying to act strong? I didn’t want to force him to tell me. Otherwise I feared that he would isolate me even further.

            The next day I gave him a call, to see how he was doing.

            “Hey Brian, how are you feeling?”    

            “Headaches have gotten worse. I’m sleeping all day, but I’m still exhausted.”

            “How long have you been feeling like this?”

            “Over a week maybe?”

            “A week?!?” I said, in disbelief. I don’t know why he didn’t tell me this earlier. Better yet, how could I not see that something was wrong with him? I guess he was good at hiding his pain. Maybe he should go into more acting because he did a great job of acting like everything was fine.

            “It’s not a big deal. It’s probably nothing, just stress from being busy with work. I’ll be fine.”

            “Have you gone to a doctor?”

            “No.”

            “Brian… You really should see a doctor about this. I can take you,” I offered, but was immediately rejected.

            “No, no. You don’t have to take me. I’m sure I’ll be okay,” he said, trying to make me feel better. But it wasn’t working.

            “I’m worried about you Brian.”

            “Look, Jessica. I appreciate your concern. But you don’t have to worry about me. I’ll take care of this.”

            “If it doesn’t get better, promise me you’ll go see a doctor?”

            He took a deep sigh, but finally agreed, “Fine.”

            If he didn’t want to see me, I at least wanted him to get whatever this is checked out.

            -----

            A few days went by, and I didn’t receive much more of a response from Brian. If I called or texted, he would tell me that he was still exhausted, and was sleeping a lot. I offered to come over and help him several times, but my offers were constantly rejected. He just kept telling me not to come over because he needed to sleep. It made me feel guilty for disturbing him, but I was concerned about his health.

            Sal called to tell me that Brian canceled IJ shooting. Brian has never canceled shooting, so it made everyone extremely nervous. We knew something was up. He couldn’t hide it anymore. It wasn’t just the flu. It wasn’t just a headache. Something more serious was going on. Sal, being the germaphobe that he is, didn’t want to go see Brian in case he was contagious. I didn’t really care. I would go in there with a mask if I had to. But one way or another, I would make sure that my friend was okay.

            I headed over to Brian’s house with homemade soup and cookies. I didn’t know how to help, but I figured food was a good start. I had debated if I should even go over there, since I was uninvited and possibly unwanted. I originally thought it might be better off to just let him get some rest, and deal with whatever this is when he’s ready. But I worried that he might not get this checked out unless he was pushed to do it. Brian tries to be this brave guy, but sometimes that means he refuses to admit that something could be wrong. He can be incredibly stubborn. I didn’t want to irritate him with my constant calls and texts.  But, I reached a point where I didn’t care if he didn’t want me there. I needed to make sure he was okay.

            I rang the doorbell, and I was unsure if Brian would actually answer. I thought he might try to ignore me again. Since I have the key to his house, I was fully prepared to go in anyway. Maybe I was being too paranoid, but I was worried that something serious was happening to Brian, and he wasn’t being completely truthful with me.  After a minute or so, the door opened. But it wasn’t Brian. Instead, I was greeted by his mother.

            “Hi Jessica, sweetheart. How are you?” she asked.

            “I’m okay…. How’s Brian feeling?” I asked. I was a bit confused as to why his mother was there.

            “Well, he finally went to the doctor. They’re still trying to figure out what’s wrong with him, but they aren’t sure yet. He still has to go to more doctors. He called me to help him out.” she told me.            

            I was relieved that he finally went to a doctor, but felt concerned that the doctors didn’t know why Brian was sick. I just didn’t understand why Brian would call his mother for help when I’ve been offering to help him all this time.

            “Can I see him?” I asked.

            “I’m sorry, sweetie. Brian is resting right now. He told me not to let anyone bother him while he’s sleeping,” she said. The same excuse I’ve been getting all along.

            “Oh,” I answered slightly defeated. “Well, can you at least give him these?” I said, handing her the containers of soup and cookies.

            “Sure, sweetheart. I’m sure he’ll appreciate them,” she answered. She smiled as she took the containers from me.

            “If either of you needs anything…” I started to say before she cut me off. Do I say that too much?

            “I know, dear. Thank you. I’ll tell him you stopped by,” she said.

            We said goodbye, and I walked away defeated. At least Brian saw a doctor. But I left that day with more questions than answers.

            Seeing his mother there, I got the message, loud and clear. Brian needed help, like I thought. But he just didn’t want MY help. It was clear to me that Brian was pushing me away. I’ve been texting and calling him for days, offering to help. I was willing to do anything for him. I just couldn’t understand why he would have his mother come all the way from Long Island, when I live 10 minutes away. I was feeling frustrated that Brian wouldn’t accept my help when it was clear that he needed someone. I always thought I could be that person for him.

            My gut was telling me that everyone around me wasn’t telling me the truth. They were trying to tell me that Brian would be fine, that I shouldn’t be concerned. But how could I not be worried when my best friend was sick, and I didn’t know what was wrong? I feared the worst. I worried that whatever illness he had was more serious than anyone was telling me. I knew people were keeping something from me. But nobody would let me in. Throughout all of this, I didn’t understand why he was just pushing ME away. He seemed to let other people in on what was wrong with him, and he let other people help him. Maybe there was something I did to hurt or offend him? Maybe I pestered him too much when he just wanted to be left alone? All I knew was, from that moment on, everything changed between me and Brian.


	10. Pushed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, for anyone that was waiting for a new chapter. Between being sick, and being busy with work and college, it’s been a rough two weeks. But I should be back on track now. Thanks to everyone who’s given kudos or written a nice comment! Also, if anyone ever wants to talk about writing or just chat, feel free to message me!

Jessica’s POV

            A few weeks had gone by, and not much had changed with Brian. He still didn't let me see him. I tried not to be as offended by the fact that he called his mother to help. I tried to tell myself that I would never be his mother. Maybe the guy just wanted his mother to take care of him. I couldn't compete with that.

            I tried to tell myself that he just wanted to be left alone by everyone, and rest. That's what I had been told, constantly. But the more time went by, the more I realized that wasn't the case. More and more people were able to see Brian. Even Sal went to see him after he was assured that Brian's illness wasn't contagious. I was beginning to realize that Brian wasn't just pushing people away, he was pushing ME away.  Sal helped me a lot during this time. He gave me constant updates on Brian's health. But Sal couldn't tell me why Brian was pushing me away.

            Finally, I decided to give it one last try. I was going over there one more time to try to see him. I planned on pleading with his mother to see him, if she was still there. I just needed to make sure my friend was okay, and I knew there was something missing from what people were telling me.

            When I arrived at Brian's house, I was not hopeful that this time would be much different. But I wanted to give it one more chance before I gave up and accepted the fact that he didn't want to see me.

            I knocked on the door. This time, I was met with another female. Definitely not his mother. But I didn't recognize her. She was a younger, attractive blonde woman. 

            "Hi, can I help you?" the woman asked. She seemed just as confused by my presence as I was with hers.

            "I'm here to see Brian," I told her.

            "Who are you?" She asked, now getting somewhat defensive and protective.

            "I'm Jess. Who are you?" I asked. I already got a negative vibe from this girl.

            "Oh, YOU'RE Jess? You're the one who keeps calling and texting Brian? Can't you take a hint? He doesn't want to see you." She blatantly told me. 

            It was something I already kind of knew. But to be told this directly by some random girl that I had never met, it was painful to hear. But instead of immediately blowing up on this woman, I thought I could use her to get some clarity on the situation. If anything, maybe she would be brutally honest with me as to why Brian was acting this way.

            "Look, I don't know who you are. But I'm just here to see my friend and make sure he's okay. I'm not constantly calling him to be annoying or pester him. I just want to make sure that he's okay," I told her.

            "Don't worry about it, sweetheart. I'm taking care of him," she told me.

            Somehow, this didn't make me feel any better. If anything, I felt more worried because I feared that this stranger would take advantage of Brian in his vulnerable state.

            “And who are you again?” I asked. I was still confused as to what gave this girl the right to talk to me this way

            “I’m Lexi, Brian’s girlfriend,” she said, annoyed as if I should’ve already known that.

            “Well, can I see him?” I asked again.

            This girl had the nerve to roll her eyes at me and say, “Can’t you take a hint? He doesn’t want you anymore. He doesn’t need you.”

            “I… I just wanted to see if he’s okay,” I told her.

            “You’re not his girlfriend. I AM. So, if he doesn’t want to tell you, it’s none of your business,” this bitch said.

            “Just because I’m not his girlfriend means I’m not supposed to care about him?” I asked her. 

            “You’re not his mother either. Just because you don’t have a mom, doesn’t mean you have to act like his,” she told me.

            At that moment, I had to walk away. I just gave up. Clearly, there was no getting through to this girl. She was standing in front of the door, blocking me from coming in. I could’ve shoved her out of the way, and forced my way in, but I didn’t want to cause a scene. It appeared that it wasn’t just these people blocking me from seeing Brian. They were only following his wishes, and maybe I should too.  As much as it pained me to accept it, I had to deal with the fact that Brian didn't want my help. There was nothing I could do about it. What was I supposed to do? Break into his house and force him to accept my help? 

            Maybe I should’ve been enraged by this little bitch’s comments. But instead, I was just sad. The whole situation was very upsetting to me. All I wanted to do was make sure my best friend was okay. And nobody would let me in. Why did it matter that I’m not his girlfriend? Does that mean that I shouldn’t care about him?  After the years of friendship, aren’t I at least entitled to see that he’s okay? And I’m certainly not his mother either. But maybe that’s how Brian felt I was acting. Maybe that’s why that bitch made that little comment, because Brian felt the same way. Brian must’ve at least told her that my mother wasn’t alive, because how else would she have known? Either way, if the message wasn’t clear earlier, it was crystal clear now. 

            I immediately called Sal and told him what happened. I also wanted to confirm that this girl was who she said she was. And not just some random girl that somehow found her way into Brian’s home. Sal insisted on coming over, saying that he would explain everything. 

            -----

            “I probably should’ve warned you,” Sal told me.

            “Yeah, you really fucking should’ve. First I go over there to see his mother. But I got over that. Now I see some random chick that’s apparently his girlfriend. Where the fuck did she come from?”

            “Brian went out drinking one night. I think he was trying to numb the pain. I guess he met this girl and brought her home. They’ve been together ever since,” Sal explained.

            “Well I don’t like her,” I stated honestly.

            “Me neither. She’s really clingy, especially after she realized who he is. I’m worried that she’s taking advantage of him,” Sal said.

            “I’m worried about that too. But I just don’t get it. Why would he bring this random bitch home, when I would’ve helped him? Why does everyone keep pushing me away from him?” I asked, hoping maybe Sal would finally be the one to give me an answer.

            Sal struggled to find the right words to say.

            Finally, he just bluntly said, "He doesn't want to see you."

            I knew this already, but I just didn't understand why.

            "I don't get it, Sal. Why is he doing this?" I asked, pleading with him.

            "He... cares about you. A lot. And I know you care about him a lot, or you wouldn't be acting this way," Sal tried to explain, but it didn't make things any clearer.

            "So? Why doesn't he want to see me? Is it something I did? Did I offend him in some way?" I asked, struggling to come up with a reason for Brian's behavior. Maybe I was too pushy. Maybe I smothered him, acting like his mother apparently. But I only did these things because I care about Brian.

            "You have to understand, Brian is a strong guy, but he's very stubborn. He's also very protective. He cares a lot about you, Jessica. He doesn't want you to see him like this," Sal admitted.

            "See him like... what? How bad is it?" I asked.  

            This is what I was worried about the most, and I was hoping to finally get an answer. I knew it wasn't just a simple headache, but nobody would tell me the truth. Everyone just kept telling me that everything was fine and that Brian would be okay. But I knew things were a lot worse than anyone was telling me.

            "It's bad, Jess. Worse than he will ever admit," Sal said, finally admitting the severity of Brian's illness.

            "Do you know what he actually has?" I asked, for clarification.

            "The doctors aren't really sure. They know he has some sort of infection in his brain. It could be encephalitis, which basically means his brain is swollen," Sal explained.

            "Holy shit," I said, finally realizing the severity of the situation. As if I wasn't worried about Brian enough.

            "It's going to be okay though, I promise. It's not life-threatening, so he will get better," Sal said, trying to calm me down.

            "It's not okay. I don't know how to help him. I just want him to be okay," I said, finally breaking down into tears.

            Sal hugged me, trying to comfort me.

            "It's okay, Jess. Everything's going to be okay. I'll talk to him. But even if he still doesn't want to see you, I'll make sure he's okay," Sal said. He was rubbing my back in an attempt to comfort me and to get me to stop crying.

            "Look, if he doesn't want to see me, I'll accept that. It's painful, but if that's what he wants, he's entitled to his feelings. But more than anything, I just want him to get better. Would you please tell him that, for me?" I pleaded with Sal.

            "Of course Jess." 

            “You know I would’ve done anything for him, right?”

            “I know that. He knows that too, he’s just being stubborn right now. But he’ll get better. I promise,” Sal assured me.  

            That was the moment I gave up trying with Brian. Even though I didn’t fully understand why, I tried to accept that he didn’t want me. I couldn’t force it anymore. But that didn’t mean I stopped caring for him. Quite the opposite, actually.


	11. Infected

Brian’s POV

            Jess arrived at my doorstep, only to be turned away again. This time by my girlfriend Lexi, and not my mom. I knew it must’ve been difficult for Jess. But I didn’t know she would keep trying for this long. I thought she would’ve given up weeks ago. She kept hearing that I was too sick to see her, but I guess she figured out that wasn’t the truth. But I couldn’t tell her the truth. I haven’t really told anyone the truth.

            “That was Jess again,” Lexi said, sighing and rolling her eyes as she returned from the door.

            “How’d it go?” I asked her.

            “She was annoyed at first, but then she just looked sad. That poor girl can’t take a hint,” Lexi remarked.

            “I hope you weren’t rude to her about it,” I said. I was started to realize the effect this was having on Jess, and I didn’t want to cause her any more pain.

            “I just told her what she needed to hear. I think she just needed some tough love,” she said.

            Not long after Jess left, there was another knock at my door.

            "Do you think it's Jess again?" I asked Lexi.

            "Probably not. I think I put her in her place," Lexi said. She got up to go answer the door.

            "It’s just Sal," she called out from the other room.

            "That's okay, let him in," I told her.

            She opened the door, allowing Sal to come in. But Sal wasn't in a friendly mood. He came in, with Lexi following, not far behind.

            "Brian, I need to talk to you. ALONE," he said, referring to Lexi's presence.

            "You can talk in front of her, I don't mind her being around," I told Sal.

            "You might not mind, but I do. Please, we need to talk. Man to man," Sal said, firmly. I wasn't sure what was on his mind, but he seemed serious.

            "Fine. I'll go," Lexi said, rolling her eyes as she left the room. Clearly, she was annoyed about not being included in the conversation.

            As soon Lexi left, Sal immediately went off on me.

            "What the fuck is wrong with you?" Sal asked aggressively. But I'm pretty sure it was a rhetorical question.

            "What do you mean? I had an infection in my brain, possibly meningitis, and..." I tried to continue, but he interrupted, not wanting to hear my explanation of my illness. That’s not what he was looking for.

            "So has this infection been affecting your thoughts? Or is it the painkillers? Seriously, what the fuck have you been thinking lately?" 

            "Sal, what are you talking about?"

            "Okay, first of all, I don't even know what you see in that girl," he whispered, just in case Lexi could still hear.

            "I don't know, Sal. I guess I'm just attracted to women who take care of me." I admitted.

            "Oh, wow. That’s very interesting,” he said sarcastically, “Because I know one girl who would've taken care of you. A girl who would've done anything for you, actually. She told me that herself, a few minutes ago while she was crying on my shoulder."

            "Jess was crying?" I asked.

            I never wanted it to come to this. I would never want Jess to cry, and I sure as hell wouldn't want to be the reason she was so upset. I guess this whole thing was just spiraling out of control.

            "Yes she was crying, you asshole. What do you expect her to do? You took someone who was one of your best friends, and you pushed her away like she meant nothing to you. I just don't understand. Don't you still care about her, or have you completely forgotten about her?"

            The truth is, I haven't forgotten about Jess. How could I? Not a day has gone by that I haven't thought about her. Actually, since the day we've met, I haven't stopped thinking about her. But that was my problem. It was something I never fully explained to Sal or anyone for that matter.

            “No, of course, I haven’t forgotten about her,” I told Sal.

            "Then what did she ever do to you? Did you guys have a fight that I don't know about?" Sal asked. 

            "No. Nothing like that."

            "Then I don't get it. What the hell is your problem?" 

            "Because I'm still in love with her!" I finally blurted out. "Is that what you wanted to hear?"

            "Don't you think I know that? But what does that mean? Why does that mean you have to treat her like this?" He pleaded, still not understanding what I was trying to say.

            I took a deep breath, trying to come up with the words to try and explain myself. I had been harboring all these feelings for so long. I never fully told anyone how I really felt, not even Sal, who was one of my best friends.

            "I love her so much, Sal. More than I've ever loved anyone. But she doesn't love me. At least not in that way. It was getting too painful to be around her. I would always just stare at her and think about how much I wanted her. But she'll never want me,”

            "So just because she won't suck your dick, you're going to cut her out of your life?" Sal asked, bluntly.

            "Okay, fine. Maybe I’m being selfish. But when I got sick, it was just too much to deal with. I know Jess. I know she would've done anything for me. But that would've made me love her even more,” I tried to explain.

            I was trying to protect myself from falling deeper in love with Jess, if that was possible. That would've just made it more painful. But Sal was right, this wasn’t the way deal with my feelings.

            "Damn right it’s selfish. Why don’t you just tell her how you feel?” he asked.

            “I could never do that,” I said, shaking my head.

            It’s something I’ve always thought about doing. I’ve always dreamed about confessing my undying love for her, which makes her suddenly realize that we’re meant to be together. But that’s just a fantasy. In reality, I knew that would never happen. And I was always too terrified to tell her how I felt, terrified of what it would do to our friendship.

            “Why not? What’s the worst that could happen?” He asked.

            “If I told her I loved her, then things would be weird between us. She would probably feel too awkward around me. We wouldn’t be able to just be friends,” I told Sal.

            “Cause you two are such good friends right now?” He asked sarcastically.

            “It’s hard to be around her, Sal. You just don’t get it,” I said.

            I couldn’t get Sal to understand how I was feeling. I was never very good with words, especially about Jess. It’s impossible to put into words how I feel about her.

            “All I know is, whenever you decide to pick up the phone and call her, she'll be there. We both know that's just the kind of person she is. No matter what, she'll always be there for you. But don't take advantage of that. Because one day, you’re going to push her too far, and she won’t come back.” 

            “But she’s never going to love me,” I told him.

            “Don’t be stupid. That girl loves you. She wouldn’t be coming here every other day or crying like that if she didn’t love you. Maybe it’s not the same type of love you feel, but that shouldn’t matter. She doesn’t deserve this treatment, Brian.”

            “I know you’re right,” I told him, “But I just don’t know what I should say.”

            “Well, anything has to be better than what you’re doing right now,” Sal told me.

            “Fine,” I said, finally giving in, “I’ll talk to her. I’m not promising I’ll confess my love for anything. But I’ll try to make things right.”

            “Good,” Sal said, relieved.

            I realized that Sal was right, and I agreed that I needed top clear thing up with Jess. But I didn’t want to just call, or text her. I needed to see her in person. I just needed some time to think of what I was going to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this chapter is kind of short! But the next one will be a long one, and it should be out soon because I’ve already started writing it, and it’s almost done. Thanks to anyone who’s written given this story kudos, I really appreciate it!


	12. Reunion.

Brian’s POV

            I took what Sal said to heart. A few days later, I decided to go see Jess. I just needed the time to prepare what I was going to say. I decided that I couldn’t tell her everything I was feeling. But I needed to give her some explanation why I’ve been acting this way. She deserved at least that much.

            I wasn’t sure if she would even answer the door. It’s now been several times that she’s been turned away at my house. Not to mention the countless calls and texts that I’ve ignored. I wouldn’t have been surprised if she slammed the door in my face, or simply didn’t answer. I probably would’ve deserved that after the way I’ve been treating her.

            But I should’ve known better. I should’ve known that Jess would never do something like that. It felt like I was the prodigal son. No matter how much I had hurt her, she would always be willing to welcome me back with open arms. But Sal warned me that wouldn’t last forever. If I continued to take advantage of her kindness, she would reach a breaking point.

            When I knocked on her door, I didn’t know what to expect. I didn’t know if she’d be happy to see me. Maybe she would be angry and upset. Or maybe it would be a combination of all these emotions. When she opened the door, she seemed surprised to see me.

            “Brian? What are you doing here?” she asked.

            “I needed to talk to you. Can I come in?” I asked her.

            “Of course,” she said.

            It had been almost two months since I had actually seen Jess. I was hoping that spending some time apart from her would lessen my affection for her. But that wasn’t the case. The time apart didn’t help me get over her. If anything, I was more attracted to her than ever. I guess absence really does make the heart grow fonder. I also thought maybe getting a girlfriend would help keep my mind off Jess. But that didn't work either. I couldn't stop comparing any potential woman I would date to Jess. But nobody could compare to her. I couldn't help but think, "Jess wouldn't do that. Jess would be better." 

            Jess looked…beautiful, as always. Her hair was pulled back, she wasn’t wearing any makeup, and she was simply wearing shorts and a t-shirt. But somehow, she still looked fucking gorgeous. Lexi was pretty, but she was nothing compared to Jess. The only problem I saw with Jess is that she looked exhausted, like she hadn’t slept in days. I couldn’t help but feel like I was part of the problem. Or maybe the entire problem.

            “Come in, sit down,” she said, leading me into her living room. Before sitting down, she asked if I wanted a beer.

            “You still have beer in the fridge?” I asked since Jess doesn’t drink. I didn’t want to just assume she had it waiting for me.

            “Always. Just in case you come over,” she said, giving me a weak smile. She handed me a beer. I thanked her, and we both sat on the couch.

            We sat across from each other, just looking into each other’s eyes. Neither of us really knew what to say. There was this awkward tension between us, and we didn’t know how to break the ice. It was so bizarre because normally the conversation flows so easily between us. But it was different now.

            “How are you feeling?” She asked, finally breaking the ice.

            “A lot better. The last few weeks have been rough, but I’m getting better. I’ve lost some weight though, so at least there’s that,” I told her.

            I was trying to make a joke to break the tension, but it wasn’t the right time. Jess didn’t laugh. Clearly, she wasn’t in the mood for jokes right now.

            “Well, you look good. Better than I expected,” she commented.

            “Thanks. You look great too,” I told her, hoping she wouldn’t take it the wrong way. I just couldn’t help but admit how beautiful she looked.

            Jess stared at me awkwardly, not knowing what to say next.  After a bit of silence, I was the one who broke the tension this time.  

            “So… you met Lexi,” I said.

            “I did,” Jess said. She noticeably tensed up when I mentioned my girlfriend.

            “What did you think of her?” I asked.

            I always trusted her opinion. One of the things I always respected about Jess was how she said what was on her mind.

            She paused for a moment, trying to find the right words to say. “Well, she’s blonde.”

            “She’s blonde? That’s it? That’s all you have to say?” I asked. Jess wasn’t usually one to hold back.

            “My mother taught me that if I don’t have anything nice to say, I shouldn’t say anything at all. Speaking of my mother, how does your girlfriend know that my mother is dead?” Jess asked, suddenly getting a bit angry.

            “What are you talking about?” I asked.

            Jess rarely spoke about her mom. And it’s not like I would ever bring it up. I would never want to ask about it, only to make Jess upset. Obviously, it’s a sore subject. If she felt comfortable telling me about her mom, I would listen. But I would never force it. I didn’t understand why she was bringing it up now.

            “Your girlfriend told me that I should stop obsessively calling you, and acting like your mother. She said that just because my mom is dead, doesn’t mean I have to try to act like your mom. So how would she have known about my mom?” Jess asked, but it was sort of a rhetorical question because we both knew the answer.

            “Is that really what she said? Maybe you misunderstood her?” I asked. I wasn’t sure why Lexi would be so rude to Jess.

            “Are you accusing me of lying? Or you think I’m exaggerating?” Jess asked, now getting more offended. I could tell that her anger was starting to build up even more.

            “I’m not saying you’re lying, but maybe you just took it the wrong way,” I told her.

            “Brian, there’s no other way to take that. But to be honest, I don’t really care what she thinks of me, or what she said. I care about you, and how you feel. Is that what you think of me? Do you think I act like a mother just because I don’t have one?”

            “All I told Lexi was that because you don’t have a mother, sometimes you try to take on that role. But I never meant that in a bad way. I think it’s an endearing quality about you,” I tried to explain.

            “Endearing? It didn’t sound that way when your girlfriend said it,”

            “Jess, I’m sorry for how she spoke to you. But I’m sure she didn’t mean to hurt you. Maybe she felt threatened by you, and she got overly protective. But she still shouldn’t have been rude to you, I’m sorry for that.”

            “Either way, I really don’t appreciate you sharing personal details of my life with someone that I’ve never met,” Jess told me.

            She was right. I don’t know what I was thinking. I guess I just needed someone to vent to. Without Jess, I felt lost. So, I just told Lexi how I was feeling, but I never expected it to get back to Jess.

            “You’re right, I was out of line. I’m sorry,” I said, hoping that she would forgive me.

            “Why are you here anyway?” She blurted out, her frustration evident.

            “I just wanted to come see you,” I told her. 

            “But why now? I mean, I’ve been trying to see you for weeks. Every time I get turned away, but then you suddenly show up at my door.”

            “I needed to tell you how sorry I am for how I’ve been acting,” I told her.

            “I just don’t understand. Why did you do it? Why did you keep pushing me away?” She pleaded for an answer.

            “Jess, I was really sick. I didn’t want you to see me like that. I know it would’ve been too painful for you.”

            “Bullshit,” she said, calling me out. One thing about Jess was, she always said what was on her mind.

            “It’s the truth,” I said. I wasn’t totally lying. I just wasn’t telling her everything.

            “You let everyone else come to see you and help you. But not me. Why? Did I do something to hurt you?”

            “No, no. It’s nothing like that.”

            “Then what? What is it? Tell me the truth. I think I deserve at least that much,” Jess said.

            She was frustrated that I wasn’t giving her a real answer. But she was right, again. She did deserve the truth. But I wasn’t ready to tell her everything yet. This wasn’t the right time or place to pouring out my feelings.

            “I know you, Jess. If you ever knew how bad I really was, I know you would’ve put your life on hold to help me. I didn’t want you to have to do that,” I told her.

            I hoped that she would believe me. She didn’t seem totally convinced, but eventually, she gave in. Or she just gave up asking. I think Jess knew me too well, and she could tell that I was holding something back. Once she gave up asking,  she cracked. Her frustration and anger turned into sadness.

            “I missed you, Brian,” Jess said. But she was starting to break down.

            “Please don’t cry,” I begged her, as I saw the tears start to fall from her eyes.

            “I’m sorry. I can’t help it,” Jess said, as she wiped away the tears.

            “Come here,” I said, as I pulled her in tightly for a hug.       

            I wrapped my arms around her tightly, hoping that it would provide her with some sort of comfort. I felt so guilty for being the reason that she was so upset. At that moment, I realized how stupid I was being this whole time. Sal was right. There was no excuse to treat Jess like this, no matter what my feelings were for her. I deeply regretted what I had done, and I wished that I could go back and change it. But I couldn’t. From that point forward, I had to make sure that my feelings for Jess wouldn’t stand in the way of our friendship. The pain of not having her as a girlfriend is worth it if I could still have her as a friend. I needed to have Jess in my life, no matter the capacity. The friendship we had was too special, and I couldn’t just throw that away.

 


	13. Ride.

Jessica’s POV

            After seeing Brian arrive at my door, I felt so many emotions at once. Initially, I was shocked to see him show up at my door, considering I was so harshly pushed away only a few days earlier. But I was glad that I finally got to see him again. 

            He looked different. He looked…good. Really good, actually. Way too good for someone who I thought was still going through a major illness. Maybe I just pictured the worst. But I expected him to look…. Well, sick. Instead, he looked healthy, and like he had lost a bit of weight. That might sound like a good thing, but it threw me off a little bit. It made me wonder if Brian was never really that sick; and if he was, it certainly seemed like he was dragging it out.

            I wanted to be angry when I saw Brian. I thought I would’ve immediately gone off on him after he ignored me completely and pushed me away for no reason. But when I saw him standing at my door, I caved. I had been trying for so long to see him, so when he finally arrived, I couldn’t be mad. I was so desperate to have any interaction with him because I just wanted to see him. I missed my best friend. When he wrapped his arms around me, he made me believe that everything was going to be okay.

            I wasn’t totally convinced about Brian’s excuse for ignoring me. To be honest, it sounded like some bullshit, made up excuse. But I didn’t want to confront him too much or push too hard about it. I just had him come back into my life, and I worried that upsetting him too much might cause him to go away again. I just accepted the excuse he gave me and went along with it. I didn’t know the real reason he pushed me away, but I suspected that it had something to do with the new woman in his life…

            Brian had tried to convince me that I didn’t see the real Lexi. He claimed that she was a nice person, but she was simply thrown off by me. He insisted that I got the wrong impression, so he begged me to give her another try. He said that if I met her again, I would feel better about her.

            I wasn’t too thrilled about the idea of having to see Lexi again. I immediately got a bad vibe from her. Based on my gut feeling, and everything Sal told me, I doubted my opinion on her would change much.

            I offered to have this little meeting at my house, over dinner. To be honest, I wanted to be as in control of the situation as possible. I also suggested that we invite Sal too. I figured he would make things less awkward because I would feel like less of a third wheel. He would also be there as a mediator just in case things got out of hand. This was starting to feel like a Real Housewives sit down. Actually, considering this is Staten Island, it might be more like the Mob Wives. Maybe I was just being paranoid.

            -----

            Sal arrived first. We chatted a bit about the show, and how busy they’ve been getting since their show and tour has been blowing up. It was nice to talk to Sal for a little Brian and Lexi arrived. A bit of calm before the storm.

            “How do you think this is going to go?”

            “Honestly? Not well. I don’t think I’m going to like her. But I’m willing to put up with it for Brian,” I told him.

            “I feel the same way,” Sal admitted.

            “Do you think now is a good time to start taking up drinking?” I joked with him.

            He laughed and said, “That’s not your worst idea.”

            “Maybe we should give her another chance. If we just start fresh, maybe she won’t seem so bad?” I said, trying to convince myself more than Sal.

            “Maybe,” I said, but neither of us seemed too confident that our opinion of Lexi would change.

            -----

            Not long after, Brian and Lexi arrived together. 

            Lexi shot me this fake, cheesy grin. As if smiling would suddenly make me like her. It was difficult, but I was really trying not to hate her.

            “Look, I just wanted to apologize for how I spoke to you last week. I was out of line, and I shouldn’t have brought up your mother. I’m sorry,” she said, trying to sound sincere. I didn’t really believe her, but I wanted to be civil for Brian’s sake.

            “Let’s just forget it, okay? Clean slate?” I offered her. She nodded in agreement.

            Brian put one arm around each of us, pulling us in for a hug. “Look at my two girls getting along.”

            I wouldn’t go that far. I did my best to hide my discomfort, but Brian wasn’t exactly making it any easier.

            We all sat down around the table and started by making small talk. As a whole, the dinner was… awkward. None of us knew how to act around each other. I felt like I couldn’t have that same comradery with Brian while Lexi was around. But it seemed like there was never silence because Lexi wouldn’t stop talking about herself. She had this high pitched, valley girl voice. I’m not sure if I ever got a word in. Not that I was dying to talk to her anyway.

            Eventually, I started cleaning up, taking everyone’s plates. Brian offered to help. He followed me into the kitchen, where the two of us could be alone for a few minutes.

            “Hey, can I talk to you?” Brian asked, pulling me aside.

            “Sure, Brian. What’s on your mind?” I asked him.

            Brian didn’t seem like himself the whole night. I sensed some tension between him and Lexi, but I didn’t know if it was just because it was awkward for all of us to be around each other. But I appreciated that Brian was coming to me to talk, it kind of felt like old times.

            “Lexi wants to move in with me,” he revealed.

            “Wow,” I said, genuinely surprised.

            I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to tell him, no. Don’t do it. This girl isn’t right for you. But how could I tell him how I really felt? I feared he would just push me away again.

            “What do you think?” he said, asking for my advice.

            “Well, it doesn’t really matter what I think. She’s your girlfriend. What do you think? Do you think you two are ready for that?” I asked him, while truly knowing the answer.

            “I don’t think it’s the right time. We’ve only been dating for a few months. She says that it would help us spend more time together since I’m so busy with touring. But I just don’t feel like we’re ready for that yet,” he explained.

            “Well if you don’t think it’s the right, then don’t do it,” I told him. No matter how I felt about Lexi, Brian had to do what he felt was right.

            “But how do I tell her that without crushing her?” he asked.

            “Does she know about…” I started to ask before Brian finished the thought. Even if we weren’t as close as we once were, we still had that connection, where we sometimes knew what the other person was thinking.

            “Mallory? No. I haven’t told her much about my history.”

            “So just tell her that you’ve been hurt in the past, and you want to take things slow. If you’re not ready, you have to tell her that.”

            “I know, you’re right. Thanks, Jess,” he said, smiling at me.

            After our little talk, Brian and Lexi thanked me for dinner, and finally left. Sal stayed behind for a little bit. He claimed it was so that he could “help out” but I think we both wanted to gossip about Lexi.

            “So she’s…. ummm….,” I started to tell Sal, struggling for the words to say.

            “Isn’t she the worst?” Sal said, taking the words right out of my mouth.

            He knew exactly what I was thinking. But I didn’t want to say it first. We both agreed to give her another chance.  I was open to the possibility that maybe Lexi wasn’t as bad as we thought.

            “Do you know she wants to move in with him?” I asked.

            “I’m not surprised. She’s just using him. I can’t believe he doesn’t see it. What does he even see in her?” Sal asked.

            “She must be good in bed for him to put up with that,” I said, which made Sal laugh.

                        After chatting a little more about Lexi, Sal left. He tried to help clean up, but I insisted that I could handle it. He left, and I felt good about the friendship I had with Sal. But even though we were beginning to bond, it would never be like the friendship I had with Brian.

            I don’t know if I would call this dinner successful. On one hand, it didn’t make me like Lexi. If anything, I hated her even more, because I had more evidence that she was taking advantage of Brian. But on the other hand, I did enjoy my little chat with Brian, and him asking for my advice. It felt like old times again. But I didn’t know how long that would last.

            ------

            At around 2 in the morning, I was startled by my phone ringing. Not surprisingly, it was Brian.

            “Jeesssss…” he slurred, slightly intoxicated.

            “Where are you?” I asked him.

            I got out of bed and grabbed my car keys to head out the door. I already knew the drill, since we’ve been through this so many times before. I didn’t need to ask why he was calling. I knew he just needed me to pick him up.  And he knew I couldn’t say no.

            After he told me where he was, I headed out to get him. Rain was pouring down heavily, which made the drive slightly longer. But I arrived at one of his favorite bars, where he was waiting patiently for me. He was standing up and didn’t need my help walking, so that was a good sign.

            “Thanks for coming,” he said, as he slumped into my car. He wasn’t completely hammered, but just enough that it wouldn’t be safe to drive. But I’ve definitely seen him in a worse state.

            “Sure, Brian. Just get in the car,” I told him. I always told him I would pick him up no matter what, but that didn’t mean I had to be thrilled about it.

            “So how come you didn’t call your girlfriend to come pick you up?” I asked him. After taking care of him while he was sick, I figured she would replace me as his driver too.

            “We had a fight. I told her I didn’t want to move in with her, she accused me of not caring about her. It was a whole big thing,” he told me.

            “Well, you have to do what’s right for you Brian,” I told him.

            “You still don’t like her,” he suddenly blurted out.

             “No. I don’t,” I admitted.

            Even though he kind of already knew that answer, it still made him upset to hear me admit it out loud. So, he decided to stumble out of the car and try to walk away, in the pouring rain. I swear, this man is going to be the death of me.

            “Brian, what the hell are you doing?” I yelled at him, frustrated, as I started chasing after him.

            “Don’t worry about me. I’ll just walk home. I don’t want to be a burden to you anymore,” he said.

            “Seriously Brian? Don’t be ridiculous, just get in the car. I’m still taking you home,” I insisted.

            Did he really think I was just going to leave him out there, to walk home in the rain, while he was drunk? What kind of friend did he think I was?

            “You could’ve at least TRIED to like her,” he said.

            “I could’ve tried? YOUR girlfriend should’ve put the effort in. She’s the one who was rude to me, but I still invited you guys over and cooked you dinner. What more did you want from me?”

            “I wanted you to give her a chance, like I did with Katie.”

            “Oh please, Katie was a delight compared to Lexi,” I told him.

            Are we really comparing ex-girlfriends right now? When I first met Lexi, I couldn’t understand why Brian would put up with a girl like that. In my mind, he deserved way better. But him bringing up Katie made me think that maybe this was some kind of revenge. He hated that I was with someone else that was coming in between our friendship, and he wanted me to feel what it was like to be on the other end of that.

         “Speaking of Katie, what’s your deal anyway? Are you full on gay? Or somewhere in between? And why do you never talk about it?”

            “You know what Brian? I would be willing to have this discussion with you if you weren’t being a drunk idiot right now.”

            We’ve never really talked about my sexuality, because it’s not something I ever felt the need to define. I would be willing to explain this to Brian if he was actually coherent, and not being a dick. Standing out in the rain while he’s drunk is not the best time to be discussing my sexuality.

            “Fine, don’t talk to me about it. But I don’t see much of a difference between how Katie treated you,” he told me.

            You know what the difference is Brian? When I saw that Katie was being too controlling, and coming between our friendship, I broke up with her. You were my best friend, and I CHOSE YOU,” I shouted.

            That last line stunned him into silence. He didn’t know what to say next, so he just stared at me with his sad eyes.

            That last line stunned him into silence. He didn’t know what to say next, so he just stared at me with his sad eyes.

            “Please, just get back in the car Brian,” I begged him.

            “Fine,” he finally agreed.

            We spent the rest of the ride in silence. Even though we both got some of our feelings out, it felt like we had so much more to say. Clearly, there was still some hurt feelings there, on both sides.

            ------               

            The next day, I received a bunch of calls and texts from Brian, but this time I didn’t answer. I was getting a little tired of being his punching bag, and I just wanted a little time to myself. But eventually, I couldn’t ignore him any longer, because he showed up at my house, banging on my door.

            “What happened to you? You didn’t answer my calls and texts,” he said.

            Sure, Brian. Feels like shit when someone you care about doesn’t respond, right? But I couldn’t tell him that. I was too tired to argue with him

            “I was tired,” I told him, truthfully. I was physically and emotionally exhausted from worrying about Brian for the past few months.

            “I broke up with Lexi,” he told me, as if that was supposed to solve everything. Don’t get me wrong, I was glad that she would be out of his life, but that doesn’t make everything okay.

            “Sorry to hear that,” I said, trying to sound sympathetic.

            “You don’t have to pretend to be sorry for me. I know you hated her,” he said, which was the truth.

            “Okay, fine. Maybe I didn’t like her,” I admitted, “But that doesn’t mean that I want you to be upset.”

            “I’m sorry, Jess. I just want my best friend back. I’m choosing you,” he said, looking down at me with his pleading, puppy dog eyes.

            After he apologized, he hugged me, as if everything was going to be okay. It wasn’t okay. Things were different now. But I gave in anyway. I couldn’t help it. I didn’t have the energy to argue with him again. I realized that I was so desperate for his friendship, I would do anything for him. Even let him walk all over me. But I was beginning to feel like he was taking advantage of my kindness and friendship. I know I said that I would always be there for him. But there’s only so much I could take before I reach my breaking point.  And I was beginning to break down. No amount of hugs or apologies could help right now. I just needed some space. All I know is, after Brian’s illness, I never looked at him the same way again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry for the delay on this chapter, I’ve been busy with work and school. With finals coming up, there might be a bit of a delay with the next chapter too. I really want the next chapter to be really good, and I don’t want to rush it. Hopefully you guys understand. But once school is done in two weeks I should be on a regular schedule! Thanks to everyone who’s supported this story so far. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it. Also, shout out to my friend @MadisonAvenue21/@Hashtaggfy, for always giving me honest feedback. We keep each other in check. If anyone ever wants feedback on their writing, feel free to message me! I’m always willing to read new things!


	14. Confrontation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So, there’s a bit of a time jump again. (It’s around August now, so a few months have passed since the last chapter). I’m sorry if it’s getting a little confusing…But this should be the last time I skip, at least for a while. I really hope you guys like this chapter!

Brian’s POV

            Ever since my health scare, Jess and I have grown further apart. And I know it's all my fault. I pushed her away because I didn't want the person I care about the most to see me in that much pain. Also, I knew that she would do anything for me if I had asked. That's just the type of person Jess is. She probably would've quit her job to take care of me. But I didn't want her to do anything crazy like that. I didn't want her to rearrange her life for me. I never wanted to see how bad I got, and how sick I really was. I couldn't let her see me like that. Part of me was just trying to protect her, and her feelings. 

            But there was another part of me that pushed her away for a different, and more selfish, reason. This is the woman that I've been in love with since the day I met her. But she's never felt the same way about me, and she never will. Sometimes it was painful to be around Jess. She would always go above and beyond for me, and I knew that me being sick would be no exception. I thought that watching her be somewhat of a caretaker for me, would've put me over the edge. I would've seen how caring and sweet she'd be, and it would cause me to fall even deeper in love with her if that's even possible. 

            Jess had called, texted, and even come to visit multiple times throughout my illness. I knew that I was hurting her by pushing her away. I had damaged, or maybe even destroyed, our tight bond. When I had gotten better, I had tried to mend our broken friendship. I knew that when I called her drunk, she wouldn't have been able to refuse picking me up. Even if our friendship wasn't as strong as it once was, she would always be there for me. I guess I tried to take advantage of her kindness and generosity in order to bring us closer again. But afterward, Jess became more distant.

            The night before I broke up with Lexi, Jess said, “I chose you.” That really got to me. And I hated hearing her saying that she WAS my best friend. Past tense. I never wanted that to go away, and I was so stupid for letting my relationship and feelings for Jess get in the way of our friendship.

            After breaking up with Lexi, I thought Jess and I would’ve resumed our normal friendship. I thought that by removing the cancer in my life, it would’ve made my relationship with Jess healthier. But that wasn’t the case. Jess was pulling further away from me, and I felt like there was nothing I could do to stop it. But I had to at least try to do something about it. I couldn’t give up. I couldn’t let her get away that easily, without putting up a fight. 

            I knew things were bad when she almost didn't come to see us at Radio City Music Hall. The guys and I had sold out three nights at Radio City, which was a huge deal for us. As four New Yorkers, even more special to sell out one of New York’s most iconic venues. it was It was the biggest accomplishment in our careers. From the day Impractical Jokers premiered, Jess said she was my biggest fan. And she wasn't kidding, or just trying to be nice. She truly loved the show. So, of course, I had to invite her to see us perform at the biggest shows of our lives. But it took some convincing. Jess came up with some excuses at first, but ultimately she couldn't pass up seeing us perform at Radio City.

            Jess would come around every once in a while, but it wasn’t the same. She didn’t have that same light in her eyes. I’ve tried to be there for her. I tried to ask her what’s wrong, and if there was something I could do to fix it. But she wouldn’t let me in. She would always push it aside and claim that she was just tired and busy with work. Jess always tried to be so strong. But she put up a wall, and never wanted to let anyone know if she was hurting.

            Jess had also recently become an aunt, so she had been down in Florida, helping her sister with the new baby. That was also one of her excuses for not being around, but I wasn’t buying it. She could only make those excuses for so long, and I was getting tired of it. I just wanted the old Jess back. The one I fell in love with. Even if I can’t have her.

            -----

            I knocked on her door, probably too aggressively. But I knew she was home, so I was determined to keep knocking until she answered. After a minute or two, she answered, looking slightly disheveled. Lately she’s been looking thinner, and more tired. It worried me. When she answered the door, I let myself in, somewhat forcefully.

            “Brian, what are you doing here?” she asked.

            Jess was clearly surprised by my unannounced visit. Normally she was such a welcoming hostess, but this time I was barging in, uninvited. She didn’t seem to appreciate it. I knew it was being rude, but I felt like I had no other choice.

            “We NEED to talk about this. I need you to stop ignoring me, but acting like everything is fine. I know something is wrong. I need you to just yell at me, scream at me, or punch me in the face. Just do whatever you need to do so we can make it past this,” I begged her.

            She was caught off guard by my abruptness. But I wanted to address the issue head-on, so we could get through it as soon as possible. Why waste time with small talk?

            “Why does it always have to be about what you need, Brian?” Jess asked me, annoyed.

            She was right, I was being selfish. But I just wanted her to get all her anger out so we could go back to the way things were.

            “I’m sorry, Jess. I just want my best friend back,” I said.

             I was pleading with her, and trying to look her at me. But she could barely look me in the eyes.

            “I…I don’t know how to be your friend anymore Brian,” she said, with such sadness in her voice. I wasn’t quite sure what she meant.

            “Jessica, please. Just tell me why you’re upset, and why you’ve been so distant,” I asked, pleading with her again.

            She took a deep breath, trying to figure out what to say. Finally, she gave me an answer.

            “I guess I’m just tired of feeling taken advantage of. You always just EXPECTED me to be there for you, but never really appreciated it,” she explained. 

            It killed me to know that she never knew how much I loved and appreciated her. But it wasn’t her fault. I was just doing a shitty job of showing her how much she meant to me.

            “Jessica, I’m sorry I made you feel that way. I do appreciate you, and I want you to be my friend again.”

            “You’re the one who pushed me away first. You acted like I was nothing to you. That really hurt me. And then I just let you come right back into my life, without any hesitation. I let you walk all over me.”

            “So, what? You’ve been doing this for revenge? To get back at me?” I asked her, trying to get to the root of this.

            “No. But I figured you wouldn’t care. You’re so busy with the show, touring, podcasting. You have all this fame and money. You could probably have any girl you want. I just thought you didn’t care about me, and maybe you didn’t want me anymore…”

            “You really think I don’t care about you? You know what I don’t care about? Money, fame, other women. All of it means NOTHING to me. If I can’t have you in my life, none of that stuff matters.”

            “Oh, sure,” she scoffed, clearly not believing me.

            Jess wasn’t getting what I was trying to say. She wasn’t taking my feelings seriously. And to be honest, it was getting me slightly irritated. I felt like no matter what I said, and how much I apologized, I wasn’t making things any better. ~~~~

            “You don’t believe me?” I asked her, with anger starting to build.

            The tension was starting to rise between us. We were both getting more aggressive. Everything that was building up between us was beginning to burst.

            “I believe that if I really meant that much to you, it wouldn’t be so easy for you to cut me out of your life,” she explained. Now she was getting aggravated too.

            “That’s not true. I just couldn’t be around you,” I revealed. I was trying to defend myself, but it wasn’t coming out right. Jess definitely took it the wrong way, because I could see her getting angrier.

            “You couldn’t be around me? Why? Because of Lexi? Did she tell you to stay away from me?” Jess asked, trying to figure this whole thing out. But she was wrong. It had nothing to do with Lexi.

            “No, that’s not it at all.”

            “Then WHAT? What is it, Brian?” Jess asked assertively, wanting to know the truth.

            Now she was the one getting more frustrated, and hostile. We were in each other’s face at this point, and Jess was demanding answers. So…. I finally decided to tell her the truth.

            **“Because I’m fucking in love with you Jessica,”** I finally blurted out.

            I don’t know if it was my sudden revelation or the fact that I was basically screaming in her face, but tears started to form in her eyes. It broke my heart to see her like that, but I couldn’t handle it. I couldn’t bear to hear her response. I thought of all the things she could’ve said. Telling me how she doesn’t feel the same. How she just wants to be friends. I didn’t have the nerve to stand there and listen to her excuses for why we shouldn’t be together. After yelling at her, I took a step back and started walking away.

            “Wait…” she called out, tearfully. But it was too late. I walked out the door in a haste, slamming it behind me. I had lost my nerve, and I couldn’t even look at her.

            I had always feared that revealing my true feelings for Jess would ruin our friendship. But at that point, I had nothing left to lose. I felt like I had already lost her as a friend, and there wasn’t a friendship left for me to ruin.


	15. Drunk.

 Brian’s POV

            After my argument with Jess, I felt terrible about how I left things. I was the one who hurt her. I pushed her away when she didn’t deserve it. I should’ve understood that she just needed some space, and that she needed to let out her feelings. But instead, I yelled at her and confessed my true feelings.

            I don’t regret telling her I love her. It’s the truth, and it’ll never change. But I regret the way I did it. I never imagined that the first time I told her I loved her, I would be shouting it at her, in the middle of an argument. But I knew that I needed to make things right.

            So, a few hours after our argument, I went back to her house to apologize for my behavior, hoping that it wouldn’t turn into another fight. It seems like we’ve been doing that a lot lately. I didn’t know how she would react. I assumed she’d be angry with me for leaving an argument like that. I considered that fact that she might not even let me in the house this time. Just in case, I decided to write her a letter to express how I was feeling. I figured that I could get my feelings out better in writing, instead of being a stuttering mess while speaking to her. And at least if she turned me away, I could leave my note there for her to read whenever she felt like it. I decided that I had nothing left to lose, so I poured my heart and soul into this letter:

_8/12/16_

_Dear Jessica,_

_I’m sorry that I yelled at you. But I’m not sorry for telling you that I love you, because it’s the truth. I have been in love with you from the moment I met you, almost five years ago. Every day that I spend with you, I fall deeper and deeper in love with you. I guess that’s why I’ve been acting so irrationally._

_You’ve always called yourself my “biggest fan,” which I find quite adorable. But I know this means more than just being a fan of the show. You’ve always been there for me. And I’m sorry that I’ve taken advantage of that lately. I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. I’m grateful that I have you in my life, and I don’t tell you that nearly enough._

_You’re everything to me. I don’t want to lose you. So, I promise you, I will accept however you feel. I’ll respect whatever decision you make. I love you, Jessica, even if you don’t feel the same way._

_Love,_

_Brian._

            -----

            I arrived at her house, with my hand-written note. I didn’t know what to expect, but I knew I had to at least try. I couldn’t just give up, because Jess was too important to me. I knocked on her door several times. It felt like _déjà vu_  from just a few hours earlier. Of all the possibilities that ran through my head, nothing could’ve prepared me for what I saw.

            When she opened the door, she was a stumbling, stuttering mess. It took me a minute to realize what was happening because the sight of Jess like this was so foreign. She was drunk.

            I was so confused that I didn’t realize what I was seeing at first. I had never see Jess drunk before, so her behavior was so bizarre to me. She was typically in control of herself, and now she was a bit of a mess.

            “Oh, look who’s back,” she stuttered.

            “Jess… are you okay? Can I come in?” I said, asking for permission this time instead of just barging in.

            “Sureee… of course. Don’t I always let you back in?” she said, somewhat sarcastically.

            My whole plan was thrown off. I completely forgot about giving her the letter I wrote. Now I was just focused on making sure Jess was okay. That was the most important thing right now.

            “Jess, what happened to you? Why did you do this?” I asked her.

            “Do what? Drink? Am I not allowed? I’m not a child, Brian,” she said.

            “But you’ve never done this before. This isn’t like you. It’s worrying me,” I told her.

            “Did you come here to lecture me?” she asked.

            “No. I came to apologize for how I left things,” I tried to explain to her.

               Jess wasn’t being very responsive, and in her drunken state, it was difficult to be rational with her. But I could also sense that the alcohol in her system was going to cause her to burst. She wasn’t going to hold back her feelings anymore.

               “You… you ruined my life. Do you know that?” she asked.

               I had no idea what she meant. But at this point, I felt like it was pointless to try and make sense of her drunk ranting.

               “No, I didn’t know that. Why is that?” I asked her.

               “Because I thought I had it all figured out until you came along. Then you confused me…” she told me.

               “I’m sorry, Jess,” I told her, for what felt like the hundredth time.

               “You… you know how hard it was for me to see you with her? I had to watch you be with that gold-digging whore. It drove me crazy. I knew she wasn’t right for you. You deserve so much better than her,” she told me.

               I felt like the comments about my ex were a little harsh, but Jess was probably right. But I had broken up with Lexi MONTHS ago. I didn’t see why this was still an issue. I had apologized to Jess about the situation countless times, but clearly she still wasn’t over it.

               “But she’s gone now Jess,” I tried to tell her.

               “I know, I know. But the damage has already been done.”

               “Then how can I fix it?” I asked her. I wasn’t really expected to get a true answer, especially in her current state.

               “Kiss me.”

               I laughed, assuming it was a joke. She couldn’t have been serious. It had to be the alcohol talking.

               “You don’t mean that.”

               “Come on… Don’t you know I’m in love with you too? Why else would I be acting this way?”

               “I don’t know why you’re acting this way…” I told her.

            Maybe I should’ve been startled to hear her say she as in love with me. But she was just drunk. I didn’t trust anything she said. I also didn’t have anything to compare it to, since I’ve never seen her drunk before. I couldn’t allow myself to possibly believe that Jess was in love with me too. I didn’t want to get my hopes up and find out the next morning that it was just some drunken mistake. I was just trying to protect my already fragile heart.

            “You don’t believe me?” she asked.

            “No. I don’t,” I told her.

            Jess put on this pouty face, and she was frustrated that I wasn’t taking her feelings seriously. She stepped closer towards me, but I kept pulling away. I didn’t want her to do something she’d regret in the morning. I could tell that Jess was becoming annoyed, and she developed this little smirk on her face. She lifted her shirt up over her head, and threw it on the ground next to her. For a moment, I was just staring at her in her bra, admiring her beauty. But I had to snap out of it. This wasn’t right.

            “Jessica, please put your shirt back on,” I insisted. 

            “No,” she said, defiantly.

            Jess stepped closer towards me, and this time I had trouble pulling away. She ran her fingers up and down my arms, grazing me slightly. She started to lean in like she was about to kiss me, and I had to pull away. I couldn’t let it happen like this.

            “Jessica, stop. You’re not acting like yourself,” I told her.

            “Come on, Brian. We both want it. I know you’ve wanted me for so long… Just do it already…” she begged me.

            It took every ounce of self-restraint I had not to take her up on that offer. She’s right, I have wanted her for so long. But if it was ever going to happen between the two of us, this was not how it was going to start. No matter how badly I wanted her, I could never take advantage of her. But it was killing me inside. As much as I would’ve loved to accept her advances, I couldn’t do it under these circumstances.

            “Jessica, STOP. Please. This is not going to happen right now,” I told her.

            She got frustrated again, pouting at me with her sad face.

            “Fine. Then just leave,” she said, pointing at the door.

            “Absolutely not.”

            “Why? If you’re just going to reject me, you should just leave,” she told me.

            “Because you’re scaring me right now. I’m not leaving until I know that you’re okay. I’ll sleep here if I have to,” I insisted.

            After all the times Jess has helped me out while I was drunk, this was the least I could do for her. She always made sure I was okay before leaving me.  I knew that I had to do the same for Jess. But it was especially frightening to see Jess in this state because I had never seen her drunk before. I didn’t know what she would do. I felt like I had to protect her.     I also felt incredibly guilty about being the reason she got drunk in the first place. I never wanted this to happen.

            Jess let out a heavy sigh but eventually agreed. “Fine…Then I’m going to bed,” she told me.

            “That’s probably a good idea,” I told her.

            Jess started walking towards her room, but she was stumbling. I held on to her so she was leaning against me, and started helping her to the bedroom. But I knew I had to make sure this didn’t turn into anything. I led her to the bed and tucked her in. I watched as she fell asleep almost instantly. She must have been exhausted. I decided to lay down and sleep on the floor next to her. I wanted to be right there just in case she needed me.

            After dealing with a drunk Jess, I had so much more respect for her. She always took care of me when I was drunk, and never complained about it. Jess was always so good to me. Always so patient. Oh great, another reason to make me love her. As if I needed any more reasons. Tomorrow morning should be interesting…

 


	16. Sober.

Brian’s POV

            That next morning, I woke up to the sound of Jess puking in the bathroom, obviously hungover from the night before. I was worried about how her body would react since she’s not used to having any alcohol.

            When I heard her throwing up, I immediately got up and went into the kitchen. I got her a glass of water and some aspirin. I knew exactly where she kept them since I was usually the one that needed it.

            When I walked back into her bedroom, she was laying up in bed, rubbing her forehead, and groaning in pain.

            “You’re still here?” she asked, clearly surprised to see me.

            “Of course. Did you really think I was just going to leave you like that? Here, take these,” I said, handing her the aspirin and water.

            “Thanks. And thank you for staying with me,” she said.

            “Of course. After all the times you’ve taken care of me when I was drunk, it’s the least I could do for you,” I told her.

            She took the two aspirin I gave her, and leaned back, continuing to rub her head.

            “Are you okay?” I asked her.

            “I’ll be fine, it’s just a bit of a hangover,” she told me.

            I knew she would get over the physical effects of the alcohol. But that’s not what I was concerned about. I sat down next to her on the bed, so we could have an honest discussion.

            “Jess, I’m not talking about the hangover,” I told her.

            “You want to talk about last night?” she asked me.

            “Do you even remember last night?” I asked her.

            I wasn’t sure how much she remembered from the night before. In particular, if she remembered throwing herself at me.

            “Did we… ummm…. Have sex?” she asked me, hesitantly.

            “Nooo…. No. Of course not. I could never take advantage of you like that,” I reassured her.

            “Didn’t I take my shirt off?”

            “You did. You tried to throw yourself at me,” I tried to explain to her. As soon as I said that, her eyes widened.

 

            “OHHH. I remember that now,” she told me. My explanation must’ve brought back her memories of the night.

            “And…. You said you were in love with me,” I told her.

            I decided to just confront her about it, and accept my fate. I was prepared to hear all her excuses, and trying to take back what she said. Of course, she didn’t mean it, she was wasted.

            “I remember that,” Jess told me. She was looking down, unable to look me in the eyes.

            “I know you were just drunk and didn’t know what you were saying. You didn’t mean to…” I started to say before she interrupted me.

            “Who said I didn’t mean it?”

            “Wait… what?” I asked, confused. Was she still drunk?

            “I might’ve been drunk, but I meant what I said,” she insisted.

            “I… I don’t understand.”

            “Brian, I’m in love with you,” she said, finally looking me in the eyes. This time I knew she was completely sober.        

            I didn’t know how to handle it. I’ve been waiting to hear those words for so long. But I never expected Jess to ever say them. So when she did, I was completely caught off guard.

            “Seriously???? For how long?” I asked, still in shock.

            She thought about it for a few seconds before responding,

            “I guess it started when you got sick,” she told me.

            “JESSICA, that was almost a year ago. You’ve been in love with me for that long, and haven’t told me?” I asked, still completely stunned by this entire conversation. I had to get up, and I was now pacing around the room because I could barely wrap my mind around what was happening right now.

            “Hey, don’t blame me. You were in love with me for almost five years and didn’t say anything either,” she said. I couldn’t argue with her there.

            “How did this even happen?” I asked her.

            “When you got sick, I just wanted to help you. And then I saw you with her…”

            “The gold-digging whore?” I asked, referencing her comment from last night.

            “I shouldn’t have said that… out loud,” she told me, with a bit of a smile. I think she actually remembered the majority of what she said last night…

            She was right anyway.

            “I’m sorry, continue.”

            “Anyway, I saw you with her, and I realized how poorly she was treating you. I knew that you deserved better. Then you pushed me away, I felt like I had lost you. I guess it took not having you in my life for me to realize how much I really wanted you,” she explained to me.

            “Sooo… we’re both in love with each other?” I asked her, just to confirm. My mind was still blown by this entire situation. After all this time of me being in love with her, I couldn’t believe this was happening. It didn’t feel real.

            “Looks like it,” she told me.

            “What do you want to do about this?” I asked her.

            As much as I wanted to just grab her and kiss her, it didn’t feel like the right time. It felt like there was still some unfinished business between the two of us. There was still some tension there.

            “I don’t know what I want. You’ve confused me,” she said.

            “How did I do that?”

            “Well for starters, I thought I was gay, even though I never felt fully comfortable labeling it. But you made me question everything. It’s been so long since I thought about a guy like that. I can’t pinpoint exactly what it is, but there’s just something about you. You have no idea how many times I’ve fantasized about what it would be like if we were together,” she admitted.

            Jess admitting that she thinks about me romantically almost put me over the edge. I just wanted to grab her right there and make my fantasies a reality. But I had to control myself. I didn’t know for sure that’s what she wanted right now. Maybe she still needed time to sort out her feelings.

            “You? You’ve had fantasies?” I asked her, somewhat in disbelief. I thought I was the only one who had fantasies.

            She nodded, but her face had now turned red. She was somewhat embarrassed to admit these feelings to me. I’m not sure why, since we both seemed to feel the same way about each other.

            “You know I… I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you like that since the day I met you,” I admitted to her. It was strange to feel more open to talking about this since I had held it in for so long.

            “I always just thought you had a little crush on me,” she said, smiling. I guess I didn’t do a great job of hiding my feelings for her.

            “A little crush? That’s an understatement,” I told her.

            “But after you got sick, and you were with her… I thought you didn’t want me anymore. I thought you were over me,” she said.

            It broke my heart to think that I ever made her feel that way. I ALWAYS wanted her, from the moment I met her. Until now, I’ve tried to hide those feelings. But now I see that hiding it was doing more damage to Jess than I ever thought it would.

            “Jess, I’m sorry I made you feel that way, because that’s not true. I’ve never gotten over you. I never stop thinking about you,” I told her.

            “Well, since I’ve fallen for you, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you either,” she admitted.

            “So if we both feel the same way, why do you seem so hesitant right now?” I asked her.

            This was the answer I was dreading. The explanation as to why we shouldn’t be together. After all this, I was trying not to get my hopes up. I was preparing for the worst. I was thinking we’d go back to just being friends, and pretending like this whole thing never happened. Or even worse, if this whole situation ruined our friendship beyond repair if we couldn’t be around each other.

            “In my job, I’m trained to use logic and examine if things are worth the risk. If I look at our situation logically, my brain keeps telling me not to do it, that it’s too risky. I don’t want to lose a friend. But my heart doesn’t listen. I can’t help that my heart beats a mile a minute every time I see you, or even think about you. You’re my weakness, Brian,” she admitted to me.

            Hearing her pour out her feelings to me was somewhat bittersweet. It was comforting to know that she felt the same way about me. I never thought I would hear those words. But at the same time, I could tell Jess was still hesitant. She seemed to be making it clear that she didn’t want to jump into a relationship with me right now. So, I was just hearing her tell me all these things, but not getting the result I always wanted.

            “So what do you think we should do about this, Jess?”

            She thought about it for a minute, probably analyzing a bunch of different scenarios in her head. Jess is the smartest person I know, but sometimes she can overthink things. I didn’t completely understand what she did in her job. But from what she’s tried to explain to me, it involves a lot of analyzing businesses. Her job was to assess risk, and determine if the businesses were worth investing in. I guess she was trying to figure out if I was worth investing her time in.

            “Let’s just… start slow,” she suggested.

            “What do you mean?”

            “Well, I think the most important thing is for us to get that friendship back. So, we can have that foundation back, and build from there,” she explained to me.

            I didn’t feel completely satisfied with that answer because I was worried that I would be placed in the friend zone again. Maybe this was just her way of letting me down easy, instead of straight up telling me that she didn’t want to be with me. I worried that she was just making excuses, and not expecting our friendship to go any further. But I knew that either way, I wanted Jess back in my life, no matter what. Even if it was just as a friend.

            “Okay… so like a test date?” I asked her.

            “We don’t have to call it a date if that’s too much pressure. Why don’t we have a night like we used to? Just the two of us, hanging out, without any pressure of it leading anywhere,” she suggested.

            I suddenly remembered the plans I had for the next evening, and I told Jess about it. With everything that happened over the past 24 hours, I had completely forgotten about it.

            “I have tickets for a WWE show tonight. I was supposed to go with Sal, but I would much rather go with you,” I told her.

            “Do you think he’d be upset you’re canceling on him?” she asked me.

            “I’m sure he’ll understand,” I reassured her. I figured that since Sal has heard me go on and on about Jess, he’d be happy that I’m finally trying to make things right with her.

            “Then I would love to go to a wrestling show with you. It’ll be just like old times,” she said, with this huge grin on her face.

            “Great. The show is at 8. I can pick you up around 5, so we can get dinner before. Does that sound good?”

            “Sounds perfect. Where is the show?” she asked me.

            “Madison Square Garden,” I told her.

            Her eyes lit up when I mentioned the venue.

            “I’ve never been there,” she admitted.

            “Really?” I asked her, and she shook her head, confirming that she hadn’t.

            I was surprised since we’ve been to several shows together. But when I thought about it, I realized we’ve been to shows at places like the Prudential Center and Barclay’s. And of course, there was WrestleMania in MetLife a few years ago.  But we hadn’t been to a show together at the Garden.

            “Well, I’d be honored to take you to your first show at the Garden,” I told her.

            ----

            Jess and I agreed that rebuilding our friendship was the most important thing. Once I made sure she was okay, I went home, with the promise that I’d be back in a few hours to pick her up.

            When I got home, I called Sal, just to make sure he was okay with not going to the show. I didn’t want to tell him everything about what happened in the past 24 hours. I know he’s one of my best friends, and I should probably tell him everything. Especially since he’s always been there for me when I needed him. But I was just preparing myself in case things didn’t work out between me and Jess. I didn’t want Sal to get all excited for me, and then I’d have to tell him later that things didn’t work out. I barely knew what was going on between me and Jess, so I didn’t know how to tell Sal.

            Just as I expected, Sal completely understood and encouraged me to go with Jess. He was glad to see that we were becoming friends again. But the two of us had planned on working together tomorrow, to write for the show. I planned on telling him everything then.

            I didn’t know what the future would hold for me and Jess. All I knew was that we were on track to becoming friends again. My life was infinitely better with her in it, no matter the capacity. I thought I was miserable having her in my life, and not being with her. But I’ve realized that I was much more miserable not having her in my life at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hi guys, so a friend of mine just set up a Redbubble, where she’s designed some IJ related merch. But she’s also open to taking requests. You can talk to her on Tumblr, @hashtaggfy or if you want to talk to me @statenislandboys. I just wanted to let you guys know, in case any of you are interested. She’s also open to suggestions, so just let her know if there’s anything you’d like to see! I put the link below, so go check her out if you’re interested in some cool and unique IJ merch.
> 
> https://www.redbubble.com/people/madigreco?SSAID=389818&utm_source=shareasale&utm_medium=affiliates&utm_campaign=banner


	17. Date?

Brian’s POV

            It was Saturday night. Time for Jess and I’s…. date? Maybe? I didn’t know what to call it, because I still wasn’t quite sure what this was. We told each other that this would just be us hanging out, like old times. But I think we both knew it felt different, for a few different reasons. The main one being that we had both just confessed our true feelings for one another, and neither of us really knew how to deal with that. But it had also been a while since the two of us just hung out, so it kind of felt like we were getting to know each other again.

            I told myself a million times, not to get my hopes up. After getting my heart broken before, I was trying to protect myself from going through that again. I didn’t want to be depressed about a relationship before it even started.

            We were both hesitant to call this a date, but I can’t help but admit that’s what it felt like. As much as I tried to deny it so I didn’t put too much pressure on it, this night felt like our first date.

            -----

            A few hours after I left her house, I was back to pick Jess up for our date, or whatever this was. When I opened the door, she looked gorgeous, as always. I’ve known her for almost five years, but she still made my heart skip a beat every time I looked at her.

            I took Jess to a nice restaurant in the city, called Delmonico's Kitchen, which is just a few blocks away from the Garden. She tried to tell me that it was too fancy, but I wanted only the best for her, even just as a friend.

            Since I had gotten the tickets for the show, Jess tried to pay for the dinner. Ever since I’ve known her, she never tried to take advantage of me, even now, when the show has gotten extremely popular. But I was a gentleman and insisted on paying for everything. I would’ve done it whether this was a date or not.

            Jess and I had the most amazing dinner, but it was not just because of the food. The two of us talked to each other so effortlessly, just like we used to. I was so glad to have things back on track with her as my best friend.

            “So what have you been up to lately? Anything new and exciting in your life?” she asked me, trying to catch up.

            “Well, actually I have a project coming up that is supposed to be kept a secret,” I told her.

            “Oh really? Are you going to trust me with this big secret?” she asked, kind of teasing me.

            Of course, I trusted Jess. I would trust her with my life.

            “I’m actually really excited about it. They’re filming a sequel to the _Hatchet_ movies. It’s called _Victory Crowley_ , and I’m going to be in it. The movie comes out next year,” I told her.

            “Look at you, you big movie star. I know you love those movies. I’m so proud of you,” she told me, beaming with excitement for me.

            “Really? You don’t even like horror movies. Remember we watched the first _Hatchet_ movie together?” I reminded her.

            “Yes, I remember that. And I do hate horror movies, but I still watched it because I knew you liked it. So of course, I’m going to watch this next one if you’re in it,” Jess assured me.

            “Thanks for always supporting me Jess, even if you hate what I’m doing,” I said, somewhat jokingly.         She laughed.

            “I like MOST of the things you’ve done,” she teased.

            “What DIDN’T you like? Was it Jokers Wild?” I asked her. It was a sketch show that the guys and I were really proud of, even though it wasn’t received very well.

            “I liked Jokers Wild!” she said, defensively.

            “Well as long as you liked it, I don’t care what other people thought of it,” I told Jess. Her opinion was the only one that really mattered to me.

            We continued our effortless conversation, and ended up sitting there talking for almost two hours, before we realized we were going to be late to the show.

            -----

            Jess and I stood outside of Madison Square Garden, before entering. She took a moment to look up and admire the marquee, displaying the various upcoming shows. She was staring at it intently like something was on her mind.

            “What’s the matter, Jess?” I asked her, curious about what she was thinking about.

            “Do you remember when we first met, and I told you that I saw you on that poster?” she asked me. It was a poster, promoting our show when it first premiered. That was almost five years ago.

            “Of course I remember,” I told her. How could I forget when we first met?

            “Well, one day I’m going to look up there and see your face,” she said with certainty, as she pointed up to the marquee at Madison Square Garden.

            She didn’t say, “Maybe” or “probably.” She was confident that the guys and I would play the Garden.

            “Jess, I don’t know if that’s going to happen,” I tried to tell her.

             It was always a dream the guys and I talked about, but it just seemed like a fantasy. Why would they let four idiots from Staten Island perform at such an iconic venue? I would’ve never wanted to get my hopes up, or hers either. I didn’t want to disappoint Jess if it didn’t happen.

            “Brian, don’t be ridiculous. You guys just sold out three nights at Radio City Music Hall. The Garden isn’t that far off,” she told me. It made sense, but I still didn’t fully believe that it would ever happen.

            -----

            We got to our seats, just as the show was about to begin. I had gotten ringside seats, some of the best seats we’ve ever had. Jess seemed very impressed and thanked me for a thousand times for getting the seats.

            A few matches in, Dean Ambrose came out to fight one of his most bitter rivals, Seth Rollins. A man I had developed somewhat of a jealous hatred for. A few years back, at WrestleMania, Jess had mentioned that she thought Rollins was attractive. It was stupid, but I’ve hated Rollins since then. It was just jealousy because looking at this big, muscular guy made me feel self-conscious about my own body. It just reinforced my fears that if Jess was attracted to a guy like that, how could she ever be interested in a guy like me? Jess must’ve noticed me staring intently at Rollins.

            “What’s the matter, Brian?” she asked me.

            “Do you still have a crush on him?” I asked, trying to make a joke out of it.

            “Rollins? No, he’s not the guy I have a crush on,” she told me.

            “Wait, so you like Ambrose now?” I asked her, pointing to the other guy in the ring.

            “Brian, you’re being ridiculous,” she joked, as she facepalmed.

            -----

            As the show was coming to a close, I realized that our night together was almost over. But it was the most amazing night, just having Jess back in my life, even as a friend.

            “I missed this,” she told me.

            “I know, me too. I’ve had such a fun night with you, Jess. I don’t want it to end,” I told her.

            “Maybe it doesn’t have to,” she said.

            “What did you have in mind?” I asked her. I thought she would’ve been tired of me by now. I knew that I would never get tired of her, but I doubted that she felt the same way.

            “It’s been a while since we played video games at your place. Why don’t we just hang out for a little while?” she suggested.

            “Awww, you think that you can beat me at video games? That’s adorable,” I teased her. We both laughed.

            “I’ve been practicing!” she insisted. It was so cute when she tried to act tough, since she was almost a foot shorter than me, and probably about half my weight. Although she did have heels on that night, so she was a little taller than usual.

            “Ok fine. I’ll let you show me your new skills,” I told her.

            -----

            We got back to my place, and I let her in first, like a gentleman. My three cats ran up to greet us. Jess greeted them, while I closed the door behind me.

            When I turned around, Jess was standing in front of me, right in front of the door.

            “I don’t want to play video games with you,” she stated.

            “Oh, that’s okay. We can watch a movie or something instead,” I suggested. I thought maybe she had already regretted her decision in coming over.

            “I don’t want to do that either,” she said, shaking her head.

            “Uhhh… okay. Then what do you want to do?”

            “You.”

             Before I could even process what she had just said, her lips were on mine. Jess began kissing me so passionately that she forced me up against the door. I instinctually leaned in and deepened our kiss, feeling the instant chemistry between us.  But I was totally shocked by her sudden display of passion, that I had to step back for a moment.

            “What’s wrong?” she asked me, looking somewhat disappointed that I had broken up out kiss.

            “What is this? What are we doing? Are we friends with benefits, or are we something more?” I had to ask her, just so we were both clear. I didn’t want to seem clingy, but I wanted to make sure Jess and I were on the same page.

            “Do YOU want to be friends with benefits?” she asked me.

            “No,” I told her immediately. That’s not what I ever wanted with Jess, but I wasn’t sure what her intentions were.

            “Good, me neither,” she agreed.

            “So… that means you’re my…” I started to say, with uncertainty.

            “Girlfriend,” she said confidently at first. My look of surprise must’ve thrown her off.  But I was only surprised to hear that word come out of her mouth. It’s something I never thought I would hear from her.

            “Is that what you want?” she asked me. Now she was the one unsure of herself.

            “Jessica, it’s what I’ve always wanted. To call you mine,” I assured her.

            “Good. Now that we have that all settled, can we go back to kissing now?” she asked me.

            “You don’t have to ask me twice,” I told her.

            This time we both leaned in, both prepared for our kiss. This time, instead of pure shock, I allowed myself to feel it, and be in the moment. I felt like I was in heaven. I was finally kissing the girl of my dreams, my best friend.  And it only got better from there.

            After kissing again, Jess pulled away. Maybe she just needed air, but I still pouted. She smiled at me devilishly, and grabbed my hand, leading me towards the bedroom.

            “Are we really doing this right now?” I asked, out of pure disbelief that this whole thing was happening.

            “Why? Do you have a problem with it?” she asked me with that same grin.

            “No. But can I ask you one more question?”

            “Sure, anything Brian.”

            “Are we still best friends?” I asked.

            She laughed and nodded. “Absolutely.”

            “Good. I love you so much, Jessica.”

            “I love you too, Brian.”

            Jess led me into my bedroom, and I shut the door behind us. And that was the beginning of our relationship. I guess it was a date after all. It was the best date of my entire life because it ended with me finally being able to call Jess mine. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So… yeah. It happened. I hope you guys like this chapter. I went back and forth a bunch of times about how I wanted it to go. But I really appreciate everyone’s support so far!


	18. Dream.

Jessica’s POV

            I woke up Sunday morning, feeling absolute bliss like I’ve never felt before. I woke up with Brian’s strong arms wrapped around me. He made me feel so protected and loved. Each time I rolled away, even slightly, he would pull me back, closer towards him. He wasn’t even awake yet. Even in his sleep, he was trying to minimize the distance between us. But I didn’t mind, because there was no place I’d rather be than right there, in his arms.

            My back was to him, but I was trying to turn around so I could face him. But that was proving to be quite difficult with his tight grip around me. Eventually, I was able to wiggle my way around, so I could look at him. He still wasn’t awake yet, so I took a minute to just stare at him, admiring my handsome boyfriend.

            Boyfriend. That word was still so weird to say. We spent so long trying to hide our feelings from one another. But now I could proudly proclaim that he was mine. My constant moving must’ve distributed him because he was starting to wake up.

            “Jess, is that really you?” Brian mumbled. He had barely opened his eyes yet.

            “Yes, Brian. Did you expect somebody else to be naked in your bed right now?” I joked with him.

            “No. But you have no idea how many times I’ve imagined this moment. I just can’t believe it’s actually happening right now. It feels like a dream,” he told me.

            “Brian, I’m here. I’m all yours,” I told him. I kissed him gently on the cheek, causing a huge smile from him.

            “Can I ask you something?” he asked, with some hesitation.

            “Of course, Brian. Anything,” I told him.

            “At what point did you decide that we were going to…. Transition to more than friends?” he asked me.

            “When I read your letter,” I told him.

            After my conversation with Brian the previous morning, I felt uncertain about whether or not I should listen to my heart, and go for it with Brian. But after he left, I went out into my living room and found his letter laying on my kitchen table. He never told me that he wrote it, so he must’ve left it without even realizing it. The letter made me recognize how much Brian truly loved me, and that I would’ve been crazy not to go for it with him.

            “Oh… I forgot I left that here. When did you read it?” he asked me.

            “Right after you left yesterday,” I told him.

            “So… before our date?” he asked.

            “Yes.”

            “Wait. You’re telling me that I went through the entire date, feeling so nervous and unsure of myself, but you knew the whole time?” he asked me.

            “You didn’t know it yet, but you had me before the date even started.”

            “Then you were just teasing me the whole night?”

            “Brian, I’ve been teasing you for almost five years. I figured one more night wasn’t that much of a difference,” I told him, somewhat jokingly.

            Now I was starting to feel slightly guilty about it. But I still wanted to just be with Brian, and hang out like we used to. That part never changed.

            “That’s not nice, Jess,” he told me.

            “Well, maybe you didn’t COMPLETELY have me before the date. I knew that I loved you. But it had been so long since we just hung out, I wanted to make sure that we could still have that friendship, even if we were a couple,” I explained to him.

            I felt that if this relationship was ever going to work, that we needed to maintain that friendship we used to have. The one that we lost when we were apart. I needed to be sure we could get it back, before jumping into a relationship with Brian. But once I saw that we were able to laugh and joke with each other like we used to, I knew that I was all in.

            “That’s still kind of mean,” Brian said, pouting.

            “I’m sorry babe…”

            “Wait… did you just call me BABE?” he asked me.

            “I’m sorry, is it too soon for that? Did you not like it?” I asked him, nervously. Now I was the one unsure of myself.

            “Jessica, sweetheart, don’t be sorry. I loved it,” he said. Then he gave me a gentle kiss on the forehead.

            “Oh, good. I like having cute nicknames for you,” I said.

            “You can call me anything you want,” he told me.

            “So what are you going to call me?” I asked.

            “Well, I’ve already called you sweetheart. Let’s see what else… My girl, my darling, my love. Kitten, maybe? I’m not sure yet. I’ll try a few out and see how I like it.”

            “There’s a lot of possession in there,” I commented

            “Oh, Jess. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be so possessive. It’s just, I love you so much, and I’ve wanted you to be mine for so long…” he tried to explain, but he was nervously rambling. So, I had to cut him off, just to calm him down.

            “Brian, it’s okay. You don’t have to apologize. I was only joking. I actually think it’s adorable. I’ve waited a long time for someone to be so proud to call me theirs,” I told him. I gave him another kiss, just to reassure him.

            -----

            “Is it too cold for you, sweetheart?” he asked me, trying to make sure I was comfortable.

            Brian always preferred to keep his house cold, especially his bedroom. He liked the temperature low when he slept. But I was the same way. He always joked that his heating bill went up whenever he was dating someone because the girl never liked it as cold as him. 

            “No, it’s fine. I hate being hot at night too. That’s why I like to sleep with as little clothing as possible. I hope that isn’t a problem for you,” I said, knowing it would drive him crazy.

            “Fuck, Jess. You’re killing me.”

            “But if I ever get too cold, I’ll just cuddle you for warmth,” I told him.

            “Perfect,” he said, pulling me in even tighter.

            -----

            When I finally got out of bed, I saw that my clothing from the night before was scattered all along Brian’s bedroom floor. I looked around, struggling to put my outfit back together.

            “I can’t find my shirt,” I told Brian, as I kept looking around the room.

            “That’s okay. You can wear one of mine,” he said.

            Brian went into his dresser, looking for a shirt that I could throw on. He pulled out his navy-blue Richmond Avenue firehouse shirt. Brian wore this shirt during his time with the FDNY and has been proudly wearing it ever since. I actually used to tease him about how often he wore this shirt. Chances are, if you’re watching an episode of the show, he’s probably wearing it in one of the challenges.

            “You really want me to wear this?” I asked him. I wasn’t sure if he was just making a joke, based on me teasing him about the shirt.

            “Sure, why not?” he asked me.

            “Because that’s your favorite shirt…”

            “But you’re my favorite person,” he stated proudly.

            It may have seemed like a simple gesture, but Brian giving me that shirt to wear meant a lot to me. It made me feel like Brian truly trusted me because deep down, I knew the shirt meant a lot to him. It was one of his prized possessions because it was a symbol of how proud he was to serve as a fireman.

            The shirt was very baggy on me, due to the size difference between Brian and I. It fit me like a dress more than a shirt, but I didn’t care. I was proud to wear it.

            “I kind of love seeing you in my clothes. It really makes me feel like your mine,” he told me.

            “Well, I am _your girlfriend_.”

            “Can you say that again?” he asked me.

            “Brian, I’m yours,” I repeated.

            “Fuck, I still can’t believe it. I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of hearing you say that.”

            -----

            I would’ve been happy to make breakfast for Brian and me, except he didn’t have any ingredients in the house. This was pretty common for Brian, due to his hectic work schedule. Instead, he suggested ordering breakfast from our local Mike’s diner. He wanted to stay in all day with me, and I happily agreed.

            When the doorbell rang, I went to answer it, assuming it was our food, even though it came quicker than I thought. But when I opened the door, it wasn’t our food. It was Sal. His jaw dropped, and eyes widened when he saw me standing in Brian’s house, wearing his favorite shirt. I think it was kind of obvious what happened between Brian and I. Sal was dumbfounded, and had no idea what to say. The relationship was so new, Brian and I didn’t get a chance to talk about how we wanted to tell other people about us. But it was too late now, since Sal could clearly tell what happened last night.

            “You… you two? I thought you two were just hanging out last night?” he asked, in complete disbelief.

            “We did a lot more than that…” Brian commented.

            “So you two finally fucked?” Sal bluntly asked.

            “Sal, please don’t speak to _my girlfriend_ like that,” Brian said, with emphasis on the word girlfriend.

            “Girlfriend? Wow, I didn’t realize you two actually made it official,” Sal said, still somewhat in shock.      

            Brian called me his girlfriend with this proud smile on his face. I couldn’t help but smile hearing him call me that. It just felt right. We had said it in private. But there was something about him so proudly proclaiming it in front of someone else, that made me feel so loved. I had been in so many relationships where the other person was ashamed to be with me, ashamed to go out in public, or of showing any kind of affection. But Brian was the complete opposite.

            “ARE THOSE HICKEYS ON YOUR NECK?” Sal asked me, which kind of ruined the cute moment.

            I was slightly mortified, so I instinctually tried to cover my neck. It’s not that I regretted what Brian and I did last night, but I would’ve preferred to keep some details between the two of us. Brian, on the other hand, was not ashamed. Not even in the slightest. He was practically beaming with pride.

            “They’re not just on her neck…” he bragged, with this smirk on his face.

            I pulled my shirt out a bit and looked down to realize that I had a trail of hickeys leading down my chest.

            “Brian… what are you twelve years old?” I joked with him. But he still didn’t seem embarrassed in the slightest.

            “Sorry, I just couldn’t help it,” Brian said, with that smirk on his face. But his apology wasn’t sincere at all.

            “What about the scratches you left on my back?” Brian asked. He lifted the back of his shirt to show the scratches caused by my nails digging into him.

            “Jesus, what did you two do last night?” Sal asked.

            “A lot,” Brian said, still smirking at his handiwork.

            “You love that you did this to me, don’t you? It’s like you’ve claimed me or something?” I asked him.

            “Well… you ARE mine now,” he said proudly.

            “Allllrighty… I think that’s my cue to go. I’ve had just about enough of you two to make me want to throw up,” Sal joked.           

            “But what about planning for the show?” Brian asked.

            “That’s okay, it can wait. But speaking of the show, you know we’re going to have to use her now,” Sal said, pointing to me.

            “Nope. Absolutely not. That’s not happening,” Brian stated firmly.

            Brian pulled me into a tight embrace, with his chin resting on the top of my head. He had pulled me away from Sal as if that would prevent me from participating in the show. We hadn’t even been together 24 hours, but he was already being very protective of me.

            “But you didn’t have a problem when we used Bessy on the show,” Sal pointed out.

            Brian couldn’t argue with Sal there. Now he knew what Joe felt when we used his wife.

            “You even used his child,” I commented.

            Sal burst out laughing, realizing that it wouldn’t take much convincing for me to be on the show.

            “See? She’s already in. I’m sure Joe will love this,” Sal told us.

            “Jess, promise me you’ll never let them use you on the show?” Brian asked me, with his adorable, pleading puppy dog eyes.

            I couldn’t make that promise to Brian, because I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep it. It wasn’t just because I knew the guys, but I was actually a fan of the show. They always had so much fun together, and I always secretly wanted to be a part of it.

            “I can’t promise you that Brian,” I told him, honestly.

            “Well at least I have a girlfriend for you guys to use against me,” Brian bragged. It was a slight dig at Sal, pointing out that he didn’t have a girlfriend to be used against him on the show.

            “Aw, Brian. That’s not nice,” I told him. I felt bad for Sal, not having someone in his life.

            “Wow, you’re really want to go there, Brian? Just for that, we’re going to plan something with her to really torture you,” Sal promised.

            “Nothing can be as torturous as not being with her,” he said.

            “Ughh… I already can’t with you two. I already felt like the third wheel before, but it’s even worse now,” Sal said, mostly as a joke.

            “Well, you’ll have to get used to it, because I’m not going anywhere,” I told him.

            -----

            After Sal left, I told Brian how much it meant to me that he was so proud to call me his girlfriend in front of his friend.

            “I loved hearing you call me your girlfriend in front of Sal. I love that you’re so proud,” I said.

            “Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?”

            “It’s just, I’ve never had that. The people I’ve been with tend to want to keep the relationship a secret, because they’re afraid of what people will think,” I tried to explain to him.

            “Well, I promise to never make you feel that way. I’ll always be proud to call you mine. I’ll shout it from the rooftops. I’ll tell the whole world,” he promised.

            “I love you, Brian.”

            “I love you too, Jessica.”

            -----

            Before I left Brian’s house that day, I decided to leave him a letter of my own. I was so touched by how he openly expressed his feelings for me in his letter, that I wanted to do the same. I knew that I would proudly keep his letter to me, and I wanted him to have something of mine to keep. If he ever felt lonely or upset, I hoped that this letter would cheer him up, especially when we are apart during their hectic tour schedule.

_8/14/16_

_Dear Brian,_

_I can’t tell you how much your letter meant to me. I wanted you to know that I’m sorry too. I’m sorry for taking so long to recognize that we were always meant to be together in the first place. But in the end, I couldn’t help but fall in love with my best friend._

_Last night was incredible. It was the best night of my life, but it’s only going to get better from here. I can’t wait to spend many more days and nights with you. I can’t wait to watch your face light up at some superhero movie, as you attempt to explain this whole universe to me that I don’t understand. Or watching your pride as you tell a story from your days as a fireman. It doesn’t matter what we do. As long as we’re together, I’ll be happy._

_I’m sorry it took me so long to realize how much I love you. But I promise I’ll make it up to you by being the best girlfriend I can be. I’m all yours now. I love you, Brian._

_Love,_

_Jessica_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I hope you guys are liking where this is going… I really appreciate the nice comments, and any feedback you guys have. Also, if anyone wants to ever talk writing, or wants feedback on their story, just let me know! I’m always willing to help out if anyone needs it!


	19. Finally.

Brian’s POV

            The last few days with Jess have been some of the best days of my life. We spent the entire weekend together. I finally had my best friend back. Someone I could joke, laugh, and have fun with. But having her as my girlfriend meant that I could finally show her how much she’s always meant to me. When she first kissed me, we had this instant chemistry, like we should’ve been doing this the whole time. And when I read her letter to me that next day, I felt confident that she finally felt the same way about me. 

            I didn’t realize that we would become so close, almost immediately. I expected that there would’ve been an adjustment period, while we adapted to this new stage in our relationship. But that couldn’t have been further from the truth. From the moment she first kissed me, I’ve felt a strong connection between us. The two of us had craved each other for so long that we comfortably fell into the relationship, without needing time to adapt. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other and I was happy to shower her with affection like she’s never experienced before.

            When Sal came to visit that next morning, I forgot that we had plans to write together. There were so many other things going on, that it just slipped my mind. Jess was clearly embarrassed because we hadn’t talked about how we were going to tell people. But I didn’t mind that Sal knew because he’s always pushed me to tell Jess how I feel. He was rooting for us. But so were a lot of people, including my parents. They would always pester me, asking when I was going to settle down and date a nice girl. They would ask why didn’t I just date Jess, as if it was so easy.

            ----

            Sal and I drove to set together that day. He was the only one who knew about my relationship with Jess. I had asked him not to tell the others because I wanted to share it myself. When we got to set, we greeted the crew and started chatting about our weekend.

            “How was your weekend boys?” Joe asked.

            “Pretty good,” I answered modestly, while Sal gave me this evil look.

            “Pretty good? I’d say you had a VERY good weekend,” Sal told them.

            “What happened? Did you get laid?” Murr asked. I think sex is the only thing the ferret thinks about.

            “Maybe,” I answered coyly.

            “Nice. You pick up some chick at a bar?” Murr asked, since that’s normally how it happens for me.

            “Nope, just someone I know,” I told them.

            “He finally fucked Jess and now they’re together,” Sal blurted out.

            “Sal? I thought he talked about this?” I asked him. I wanted to be the one to share it with everyone. I was just having a little fun stringing them along.

            “Dude, I can’t with you two. It’s been five years. Do you really want to drag this out any longer?” Sal asked.

            “Wait. Jessica? As in Jessica Calaway, the girl you’ve been hopelessly in love with for five years?” Joe asked, just to be perfectly clear.

            “Well, it’s not so hopeless anymore,” I told them.

            “Really? How was it?” Murray asked, referring to the sex.

            Normally I would brag about my sexual escapades, but this time was different. Jess wasn’t just some random girl I hooked up with from a bar. Sure, the sex with Jess was incredible. She’s the best sex I’ve ever had because we had such a strong chemistry together. But I wasn’t about to tell the guys all of this. I preferred to keep that aspect of my relationship to myself.

            “Is that all you can think about? She’s not just sex, she’s my girlfriend,” I told them, proudly.

            “How did this even happen?” Joe asked, somewhat surprised.

            The guys always knew my feelings for Jess. I wasn’t very good at hiding it, especially from three of my best friends. But the last thing they knew was that Jess and I were barely speaking. So, I updated them everything that happened over the last few days. I told them all about our argument,  Jess getting drunk, and us finally revealing our feelings for one another.   

            “Well good for you, man. Glad you finally got her. Took you long enough,” Joe said, slightly teasing me.

            “Yeah, buddy. I’ve never seen you smile this much,” Sal said.

            “Congrats, bud,” Murray said.

            “Thanks, guys. I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy,” I told them.

            I thanked them all, and we all had a group hug. Through all the teasing, I knew the guys were truly happy for me. When it really came down to it, I knew that I could always count on them.

            -----

            When I got home from set that day, Jess and I decided that we should probably tell our family about our relationship. I knew that I should call my parents since they had always been rooting for us.

            My parents had the reaction I expected. They were happy that I’ve finally settled down, with someone they approve of. My parents love Jess, but how could they not? But my parents weren’t the ones I was worried about.

            “I should probably call my dad. I haven’t spoken to him in a while anyway. I’ve been feeling kind of guilty about it,” Jess told me.

            “Do you think he’ll be happy about us?” I asked her nervously.

            There was something about her dad that always felt intimidating to me. Maybe it’s because he’s a cop, and he has a gun. Or maybe it’s because he’s always seemed very protective of her  since she’s his baby girl. He’s probably always felt like he had to look out for her, especially after her mother died. I felt like as her boyfriend, I was now the one who needed to protect Jess.

            “I don’t think you have anything to worry about,” she told me.

            She began dialing, putting the phone on speaker so we could both hear. As the phone rang my heart started beating faster and faster, trying to anticipate how he would react.

            “Jessica, how are you?” her dad answered.

            “I’m good, dad. I’m sorry it’s been so long since I’ve called,” Jess apologized.

            “Oh, that’s okay. I understand that you have a busy life. So tell me, what’s new with you?” he asked.

            Jess looked over at me and smiled, squeezing my hand.

            “Well, actually I called to tell you that I have a boyfriend now,” she told her father.

            “Wow, really? It’s been a while, hasn’t it? Since college?” he asked.

            I couldn’t help but laugh at how blunt her dad was, but I tried to contain myself. I didn’t know the full extent of her dating history. All Jess told me that it had been a while since she’d been with a guy.

            “Yes, dad, it has been a long time,” Jess confirmed. She playfully punched me in the arm, trying to get me to stop laughing.

            “What’s he like?” her dad asked.

            “Well, actually. You’ve met him…” Jess started to say.

            “Oh, is it that Brian guy, the one that used to be a fireman?” her dad immediately asked.

            I was a little shocked when he said my name right away. I didn’t know if that was a good thing or a bad thing. I had met her dad a few times, the first being at Thanksgiving a few years ago. I didn’t know what he would think about me dating Jess, but I guess I was about to find out.

            “Yes, dad. It’s Brian,” Jess confirmed. She looked over at me, with a huge smile on her face.

            “Oh, good. I always liked him. What took you so long?” her dad asked, which made me laugh even more. It was clear where Jess got her bluntness from.

            I desperately wanted his approval, so it was such a relief to hear that he actually liked me.

            “The timing was just right dad,” she told him.

            “That boy has always been in love with you. I could see it in his eyes when he talked about you,” he said.

            I guess I was never doing a good job of hiding my love for Jess from anyone. Not that it mattered now that we were actually together.

            After we told our family, I felt comfortable enough to talk about Jess publicly. I mentioned her on Tell ‘Em Steve Dave and talked about how happy I was that we were finally together. Right after the episode came out, I posted a picture of Jess on my Instagram, proclaiming my love for her. It felt like I was bragging, but I didn’t care. I had waited so long to be with Jess, that I didn’t mind telling the whole world about our relationship.

            I was so excited to talk about our relationship and proud to tell the whole world that she was all mine. Everyone I told in my life was happy for me and extremely supportive of our relationship. They knew how much Jess meant to me. And I think everyone could see how much we were in love. People always told me that my face and eyes lit up when I talked about her. But I never considered that not everyone in the world would be so supportive of us being together. Or in reality, they wouldn’t be supportive of me having a girlfriend at all, no matter who she was.

            -----

            Jess and I had planned a simple, quiet night together. Just the two of us. She always offered to cook, but this time I decided to bring home dinner, so she wouldn’t have to go through the trouble.

            When I arrived at her house, I rang the bell just to be polite, but there was no answer. I rang and knocked a few more times, but the result was the same. I didn’t think anything of it at first. I figured maybe she was just in the shower or doing something where she couldn’t hear the bell ringing. So, I took the key she had given me long before our relationship started, and I opened the door myself. 

            “Jess, I’m here. Where are you, sweetheart?” I called out.

            She didn’t respond, but I heard a noise coming from the kitchen, so I followed the sound. I immediately dropped everything when I saw Jess sitting on her kitchen floor, sobbing uncontrollably. I kneeled down next to her and tried to figure out what was wrong.

            “Jessica, sweetie, what happened? Are you hurt?” I asked.

            Jess opened her mouth to answer, but she couldn’t speak. She was hyperventilating from crying so much, and she couldn’t articulate why she was so upset. I looked up and down her whole body, trying to see if she had bruises or any kind of marks. I thought maybe she had fallen and hurt herself.

            “Read…” was all she could say through the tears, as she pointed to the cell phone in front of her.

            I picked it up and read some of the comments people were leaving on Instagram. I was disgusted to read these things about the woman I love, from people that didn’t know either of us.

            _Ugly._

_Fat._

_Gold digger._

_Whore._

_“They were friends for a while. She’s only dating him now because the show is successful.”_

_“Why is he even with her? He could do so much better.”_

_“She’s just using him.”_

“Jessica, sweetheart. Listen to me. You can’t believe what these people say. They don’t matter. They don’t what they’re talking about,” I tried to tell her.

            “You… You don’t believe these things about me, do you?” she asked me, through tears.

            “Of course not. None of this is true,” I assured her. I pulled her in close, and she rested her head as she sobbed into my chest.

            I was infuriated to know that some random people on the internet had hurt my girl so much. She didn’t deserve this treatment. The thing that angered me the most was that these comments were coming from people who called themselves “fans” of the show. And it broke my heart to know that, even for a second, Jess started to believe these things too.

            “I… I tried to be strong and not listen, Brian. But they’re so mean… It’s too much,” she cried.

            “Baby, I know it’s hard but you can’t pay attention to these people. As long as you and I know the truth, nothing else matters,” I told her.

            “I know you’re right. I’m sorry, I just got so overwhelmed with it all,” she said. Her tears were finally slowing down, and her breathing was getting back to normal.

            “You don’t have to apologize. I get it. It’s hard to read negative comments. But just know that none of them matter, because I love you,” I assured her while giving her a loving kiss on the forehead.

            “Thank you, Brian. I love you too,” she told me, and I finally saw her smile.

            “And don’t worry, I’ll take care of this,” I promised her.

            I knew I had to set some of my so-called “fans” straight. I knew how Jess felt. I’ve read comments about myself that hurt. People often making comments about my weight or my hair throughout the course of the show. When the show began, it hurt me, but I’ve gotten used to it. Now I just blew it off, but I couldn’t just sit back and take it when it came to Jess. She was everything to me, and I had to protect her. I never wanted anyone, or anything, to hurt her. It tore me apart to see her be so upset over these comments. I could never figure out how some people could be so evil, especially towards someone they haven’t even met.

            I had already posted a few pics of Jess here and there, on my social media. I was so proud that she was finally mine. And I couldn’t help but post pictures of my beautiful girlfriend. I posted this message on my Instagram, along with a candid picture I took of Jess, looking gorgeous as always.

_I swear, 99% of the fans we interact with are lovely people. But the other 1% of you need to hear me on this. I've been reading some comments about Jessica that are simply untrue. They are pure lies, that are just meant to hurt her. But_ _they're hurting me too. It upsets me to read all these mean things about the woman I love. And if these people were true fans, they would realize that these comments are just hurtful. I'm not really sure what these comments are trying to accomplish, but I'm begging them to stop. I put myself out there by being on TV. I'll take all the criticism you can throw at me. I signed up for it, but she didn't. Please leave my girl out of this. She doesn't deserve any of this hate. When you write a mean comment, consider the person's feelings on the other end. I love Jess more than anything in the world, and there's nothing that will change that._


	20. Fire.

Jessica’s POV

            While I was in the kitchen making us dinner, Brian was sitting at the counter, with the recent mail sitting in front of him. He began looking through it, when one particular piece of mail caught his attention. He picked up the envelope and tore it open. When he read it, his face dropped, and he had this look of sadness in his eyes.

            “What is it, babe?” I asked him.

            “It’s from the FDNY. My leave of absence has almost run out,” he told me.

            “Well, what does that mean?” I asked him.

            I knew that he had taken a leave of absence after the first season of the show came out, but I didn’t know what the options were from here. When the show first started, he would spend all day filming, and then all night as a fireman. But as dedicated as he was to being a fireman, he just couldn’t do both. It was just too draining for him, He was physically and emotionally exhausted. At the time, he didn’t want to retire, in case the show didn’t last another season. Brian was prepared, just in case the show didn’t work out. Basically, a leave of absence holds his job, in case he wants to return.

            “It says that I have to decide if I want to go back to the fire department. Otherwise, I have to officially retire,” he told me.

            “Oh, wow. So how do you feel about that?” I asked him.

            Even though Brian wasn’t actively a fireman anymore, it was still a big step for him to retire. While he was on the leave of absence, it was like the door was always open. There was always that possibility that he could go back. But having to retire meant that part of his life was officially over.

            “Well, there’s no way I can go back, while still filming the show. I did that the first season, and it was a nightmare. Plus, now we have so many more live shows now. Not to mention I’m supposed to start filming _Victor Crowley_ soon. We just have so much going on, I could never do both jobs,” he told me.

            “Are you thinking about quitting the show?” I asked him.  

            Sometimes Brian mentions quitting _Impractical Jokers_ or the live shows. But it’s mostly done out of frustration, when he’s having a tough day at work. I assumed that he was never serious. But now I wondered if it was something he was actually considering.

            “I don’t think I can do that, because it’s not just about me. If I leave the show, it affects the other guys, and our producers, writers, and crew. All these people feed their families with off this show. I would feel selfish if I was the one to ruin it all,” he told me.  

            “Just forget about everyone else for a minute. What do YOU want?” I asked him.

            I didn’t want Brian to be too focused on how other people would be affected. I didn’t want him to look back later and regret not going back if that’s what he really wanted. I didn’t want him to feel resentful towards the show for keeping him from being a fireman.

            “Well, I really did love being a fireman. The comradery I had with the other guys is kind of like the friendships I have on the show. And it was so fulfilling to help people, and actually save lives. But now sometimes I feel like I’m just making dick jokes on TV when there’s something better I could be doing with my life,” he explained.

            “Brian… I don’t think you’re just making dick jokes. I know that it’s not the same as rescuing people from a burning building, but you’re still affecting peoples’ lives. You guys give people laughter and hope, which can be very powerful too. When someone is in a dark, depressed place, your show can lift them out of that. You’re still saving peoples’ lives,” I told him.

            “I guess, you’re right. So, do you think I should just retire? And don’t give me that ‘I’ll support whatever you decide bullshit.’ Tell me what you really think.”

            Brian valued my honest opinion, so I had to tell him the truth. And the truth is, I would be terrified every single day if he was still a fireman.

            “Look, Brian. I am extremely proud of what you did with the FDNY. You saved peoples’ lives, and that’s something that nobody can ever take away from you. But I don’t think you should feel ashamed of yourself if you retire.”

            “You don’t want me to go back, do you?”   
            “No, I don’t. I don’t think you should go back and take that risk. The thought of you going into burning buildings every day is petrifying to me. I love you so much, Brian, and I don’t want to lose you,” I confessed to him. I didn’t want to make him feel guilty, but I wanted him to know how I really felt.

            “But when we first met, I thought you were more impressed that I was a fireman, not that I was on TV.”

            “Oh, sweetheart, do you think I’d be disappointed in you if you weren’t a fireman?” I asked him.

            “A little. But I also feel like I used to be more of a man. Now on this show, I feel like an immature boy sometimes,” he revealed.

            “Babe, don’t think like that. Being a comedian doesn’t make you any less of a man. And you could never disappoint me. I’m so proud of everything you’ve done as a comedian and a performer. You guys have sold out multiple nights at Radio City, and the O2 in London. And it’s only a matter of time before you’ll be playing the Garden. You shouldn’t take those things lightly,” I said, trying to encourage him.

            “I know you’re right. It’s just a lot to think about,” he said.

            ----

            After we talked through it, Brian decided that he just couldn’t leave the show, and give up on that life. Brian and the guys had worked so hard to build up their careers, and it was only growing. There was still so much more for them to do, and so many other goals they wanted to achieve. Ultimately, Brian came to terms with the fact that the fireman stage in his life was over. As much as I appreciated Brian’s service as a fireman, I was relieved that part of his life was over.

            Before officially retiring, Brian had to work one last day at the fire department. Then that night, his fireman buddies were throwing him a little retirement party. He assured me that his last day was just a formality and that he wouldn’t be in any danger. He promised that he wouldn’t be going into any fires, but I wasn’t confident that he would be able to keep that promise. I didn’t want Brian to get hurt, or put his life at risk with unnecessary danger.

            When Brian came back from working his last day as a fireman, he had this huge grin on his face, but he also looked a little guilty. I knew him too well, and I could tell exactly what happened.

            “You fought a fire today didn’t you?” I immediately asked him.

            “Jess, don’t be mad…”

            “Seriously, Brian? How could I not be mad? We talked about this. You PROMISED me that you weren’t going to put yourself at risk like that.”

            I should’ve known that he wouldn’t be able to resist. But the only reason I was so frustrated was that I was concerned about his safety. I never wanted anything to happen to the man I love.

            “I’m sorry, Jess. But I couldn’t help myself. I just wanted to feel that rush of being a fireman, one last time before I officially retired,” he explained.

            I couldn’t be mad at him for too long. I knew that he was living out his dream one last time. He really did love that job. I’ve never been angrier but proud of him at the same time.

            “I still don’t like that you put yourself in danger,” I told him.

            “Babe, look at me. I’m okay. I didn’t hurt myself,” he assured me.

            I looked up and down Brian’s body and realized that he was unscathed. I shouldn’t have been so worried because nothing actually happened to him. But that wasn’t the point. He could’ve been seriously hurt, and I loved him too much to want to see him in danger like that.

            “Please never scare me like that again?” I asked him.

            “I promise you, never again,” he swore.

            Brian wrapped his strong arms around me, making me feel safe and secure. He kissed me on the forehead, telling me that everything was going to be okay. After we kissed and made up, we headed out to Brian’s retirement party. When I got there, all of his fireman buddies were so welcoming towards me. They treated me like one of their own. They told me so many stories about Brian during his time with the FDNY. They also told me that the fire department deserves credit for coming up with the balloon came that the Jokers play on the show. I heard so many other stories about him, and they made me incredibly proud to be his girlfriend.

            While listening to all these stories, I looked over at Brian and saw this fake smile on his face. He was trying to smile and act like everything was fine. But I could see right through it. I knew that he was trying to stay strong, but he was having a difficult time dealing with this whole situation. I took his hand in mine and squeezed it tightly to support him. I pulled him to the side and tried to make sure he was okay.

            “I’m sorry I got so upset before. But I’m actually really proud of you,” I told him.

            “That’s okay, I know you only got so upset because you care about me.”

            “Brian, I’m always here to support you, no matter what. I’ll always be your biggest fan, not just of the show, but in life,” I assured him.

            “Thanks, Jess,” he told me. He smiled, and this time I could tell that it was genuine.

            “Are you going to be okay?” I asked him.

            “I’ll be fine. It’s just a little sad seeing it all come to an end. That chapter of my life is officially over. But I can’t be too disappointed, when I have many more chapters to look forward to with you,” he told me.

            “I love you, Brian,” I told him, as I leaned in for a kiss.

            “I love you too, Jessica.”

            I knew that no matter what happened, we would be okay. As long as we had each other, we could deal with anything. We had become a strong partnership, ready to handle whatever life threw at us.

**A/N:** So, I originally had this chapter further into the story. But I wanted to put it out today, May 31 st, because it is Brian’s anniversary with the fire department. I just wanted to write this chapter to show my appreciation for Brian’s service in the FDNY. I’m actually from Staten Island, so I’m especially grateful that he risked his life to save others. In my opinion, he’s a real-life superhero.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So, I originally had this chapter further into the story. But I wanted to put it out today, May 31st, because it is Brian’s anniversary with the fire department. I just wanted to write this chapter to show my appreciation for Brian’s service in the FDNY. I’m actually from Staten Island, so I’m especially grateful that he risked his life to save others. In my opinion, he’s a real-life superhero.


	21. Spiders.

Jessica’s POV

            Since we started dating, Brian and I had spent almost every night together, other than the nights he was on tour. We would spend most of our nights at his house. It was easier for Brian because he would have to worry about his cats if he was staying at my place. I didn’t mind, because as long as Brian and I were together, I was happy.

            I would often go right to Brian’s house after work, even if he was still filming. He always told me that he loved seeing me when he got home, especially after a long day at work.

            There was one night, where I knew Brian would be getting punished. Neither of us knew that the punishment was, which is how it normally goes. All I knew was that Brian would probably be cranky when he got home. I was able to get out of work early, so I could be sure to beat him home. I also stopped at the grocery store to pick up the ingredients to make his favorite dinner. I didn’t know how bad this punishment would be, but I was prepared, just in case Brian came home in a terrible mood.

            While I was in the kitchen, preparing the meal, I heard the front door open and loudly slam shut. Just from the way he slammed the door, I knew the punishment was bad.           

            “Brian?” I called out, with no response.          

            I walked out from behind the kitchen to see Brian walking like a zombie, towards his room. I love the man with all my heart, but I have to admit, he looked terrible. He had sweat dripping down his face. His hair was even more of a mess than usual, and he looked exhausted.

            “Brian?” I asked again, “Are you okay? What happened?”

            I went over to him, wanted to give him a hug and kiss to comfort him. I barely even touched his arm, but he pulled away instantly.

            “Don’t touch me,” he snapped.

            I backed away, just to give him the space that he needed. But it broke my heart to see him in this kind of distress. Usually, he lights up the moment we see each other. But today, my presence wasn’t helping. I tried not to get offended that he was pushing me away. I just wanted to help him, in whatever way possible.

            “What did they do to you, Brian?” I asked him.

            “I don’t want to talk about it,” he told me, as he shook his head.

            Since we’ve been together, this was the worst he’s ever been after a punishment. Normally he would just come home and tell me how embarrassing or challenging his day was. But this time, he was shutting down, and not telling me anything about it.

            “Brian, sweetheart. I love you. You can tell me anything,” I assured him.

            “You’re going to make fun of me. Or think I’m being a pussy,” he told me.

            I know that I can be sarcastic, and tease Brian a lot. But I also know that there are some situations where I need to back off, and not make jokes. Right now, Brian didn’t need to hear any of my snide comments. He just needed my comfort and support.

            “Just tell me what happened. I swear, won’t make fun of you,” I promised him.

            “It was the worst punishment I’ve ever had,” Brian stated. He wasn’t giving me the details yet, but at least he was opening up a bit.

            “Worse than teaching sex ed to your parents?” I asked. Before this moment, he had always said that was his worst punishment.

            “So much worse,” he said.

            Brian had finally started to calm down a little bit. He sat down on the couch, and I sat down right next to him. I cautiously went to hold his hand to comfort him, and this time he didn’t pull away.

            “Just tell me what happened, Brian. I’m here for you,” I assured him.

            “Well, you know that I’m afraid of spiders, right?” he asked.

            “Yes, I know,” I told him. It was something he admitted to me years ago, during one of our long talks, as friends.

            As Brian started to tell me the details of his punishment, he was struggling to get the words out. He still seemed nervous, as he ran his fingers through his hair. He could barely look me in the eyes.

            “The guys chained me down to this wooden board, so I couldn’t move. I had no control. Then they threw a bunch of huge tarantulas on me. There were so many of them, Jess. And it never seemed to stop. They just kept coming. I didn’t even care what I looked like on TV. I even told them I wanted to quit the show. I felt this instinct of wanting to run and get away, but I couldn’t…” Brian said, pouring his heart out to me.

            “Brian, I’m so sorry they did that to you. It must’ve been awful. But you’re home now, and they can’t hurt you anymore,” I tried to tell him, as I squeezed his hand a little tighter.

            “I can’t get the picture of it out of my head. And I still feel like they’re crawling on me,” Brian said. He then proceeded to rub and flick his arms, as if the spiders were actually there.

            “It’s okay, Brian. They’re not here anymore. You’re safe,” I told him.

            “I think I just need to take a shower. Hopefully, that will help,” he told me.

            “Do you want me to join you?” I boldly suggested, hoping that it would make him feel even better.

            “No, I really just need to shower,” he told me, as he got up from the couch, and started walking towards his bedroom.

            It may seem insignificant, but when Brian said no, I knew he wasn’t okay. Since we’ve been together, he’s almost always been in the mood. We always look forward to that time together, especially since he’s on the road a lot.

            “Ok, take your time. When you’re done, I’ll have your dinner ready, okay?”

            “Okay. Thanks, Jess. You’re the best,” Brian said. Then he leaned in, and gave me a gentle kiss on my forehead, before leaving the room to shower.

            -----

            Not long after, Brian emerged from his room, looking much better. He had changed into one of his favorite pairs of silk pajamas, so he looked comfy and cozy. When he saw me, he immediately pulled me into a hug, with his strong arms wrapping around me.

            “I’m sorry for snapping at you earlier,” he said.

            “It’s okay. You had a rough day at work, I understand.”

            “No, it’s not okay. I should keep my anger towards the guys. It’s not fair for me to take out that anger on you,” he told me.

            “I get that. But at the same time, I’m your girlfriend. I want you to be able to talk to me and tell me what’s bothering you. You don’t have to keep all those feelings bottled up inside,” I said.

            “It’s just… I used to be a fireman, you know? I used to be a real man, saving actual lives. Now I’m on a TV show yelling like a little bitch because I got some spiders thrown on me. I just feel pathetic,” he confessed.

            “Brian, you are not pathetic. They took your biggest fear and used it against you. Everybody has a fear of something. It doesn’t make you any less of a man. And I think most people would have that reaction if they were chained down and had spiders thrown on them,” I told him.

            I tried to comfort him, but he was still feeling down. I knew he must’ve been extra sensitive about his “manliness” since he just recently retired from the fire department.

            “You’ll get them back for this. And I’m going to help you figure out a way to get revenge,” I promised him.

            Brian finally cracked a smile. Out of the four Jokers, he was the most vengeful when planning punishments. I knew that it would make him feel better if he started plotting his revenge against the other guys.

            “I knew there was a reason why I love you,” he said,

            “Who do you want to get back first?” I asked him.

            “Definitely Sal. He knows how much I hate spiders. And he was taunting me the most during the punishment,” Brian told me.

            “How do you want to get him back?” I asked.

            After going through a couple of ideas, Brian decided that he wanted to get revenge as directly as possible. But the Jokers had made an agreement not to repeat punishments. So, the idea had to be adjusted slightly so that the punishment could also be done to Sal. As much as Sal would’ve hated getting tarantulas thrown onto him, there’s something else he would’ve hated, and that’s cats. Brian finally decided on chaining Sal down, and throwing a bunch of cats onto him. As a bonus, Brian would get to play with the cats before and after the punishment.

            “Sounds like a nightmare for Sal,” I commented.

            “Exactly. It’s perfect,” Brian decided.

            “Do you feel better now?” I asked him. It seemed like he had significantly calmed down since he got home.

            “I do. Everything is better when I can come home to you,” he told me.

            “Well, I’m glad you feel better,” I told him,

            “Will you stay with me tonight?” he asked me.

            “Of course I will, sweetheart. I’ll even be the big spoon tonight if you need some extra comfort,” I told him.

            I finally got a laugh out of him. Because of our size difference, he’s most often the big spoon, with his strong arms wrapped tightly around me. But tonight, I just figured he needed some extra support. We spent the rest of the night, watching TV, and cuddling on the couch. No matter what, I would always be there to support and comfort him when he needed me.

 


	22. Costumes?

Jessica’s POV

            It was only the beginning of October, but Brian had already started talking about Halloween. It has always been his favorite holiday. I loved seeing him get so excited, especially since he was a little depressed since retiring from the fire department. But the thing he was most excited about was our costumes. Brian convinced me that we should wear couples’ costumes. It was probably the day of the year that Brian really cared about his outfit.

            “I’ll do whatever you want,” I told him.           

            “So you’re going to let me dress you in whatever I pick?” he asked me.

            “I just have one condition. Can I at least be a person that I know and not some random comic book character that I’ve never heard of?” I asked him.

            Brian had such an extensive knowledge of comic book characters, but I didn’t know nearly as much about that world. I didn’t want to go out on Halloween, and not even know who I was supposed to be dressed as. I envisioned someone asking me about my costume, and not knowing what to tell them because I had no idea where the character came from.

            “That’s fair. I can work with that,” he agreed.

            Brian and I went through a few ideas, from wrestling couples, to superheroes, and other comics book characters. Basically, anything he could think of. I was a blank canvas for him to work with.

            “What if you were John Cena and I was Nikki Bella?” I suggested.

            They were a wrestling couple, but they were also both a part of the reality show _Total Divas_ , which was one of my guilty pleasures. Cena was this big, burly guy, while Bella was a petite, but strong woman. I thought it would’ve been a perfect match for us.

            “Ehhh… not feeling it,” Brian said.

            Not that I was offended, but I was kind of surprised Brian dismissed the idea so quickly. One of the reasons I suggested it was because Nikki Bella usually wears revealing outfits, and I thought Brian would love seeing that outfit on me.

            “You don’t want me to shake my ass like Nikki Bella?” I asked, pretending to be insulted.

            During her entrance, Nikki Bella would shake her booty as she turned around. It was very sexy, but I always appreciated how she was still a strong, powerful woman.

            “No. I can’t have you doing that in front of people. Otherwise, I won’t have a girlfriend anymore,” Brian said.

            “Don’t be ridiculous. It would only be for you, babe,” I said, winking at him.

            -----

            “What about Harley Quinn and the Joker?” Brian suggested.

            We had seen the movie _Suicide Squad_ together a few weeks prior. So, I was at least familiar with Margot Robbie’s portrayal of Harley Quinn.

            “You don’t get enough of being a Joker at work, you want to be one for Halloween too?” I teased him.

            “I just think you’d be even hotter than Margot Robbie. Plus, you’ll be a Quinn one day anyway, so it’ll be good practice,” he said, with no hesitation.

            When he just casually said that I’d be a Quinn, I was completely taken aback. Marriage is something we haven’t talked about yet. I had barely thought about it myself. But when I did think about it, I would be hesitant to bring it up, especially with Brian’s dating history. I would’ve never wanted him to feel pressured, especially this early on in the relationship. At that point, we had only been dating around two months.

            “What did you just say…” I asked him, just to make sure I heard him correctly.

            “I’m going to make you a Quinn one day,” he repeated, confidently.

            “Wow…” was all I could say. I was still in shock.

            My look of surprised must’ve caught Brian off guard, because now he was starting to look worried, and not nearly as confident.

            “Is that not what you want?” he asked me nervously.

            “I didn’t say that. I’m just a little surprised. It’s not something I would’ve expected from you, especially so soon. I thought you never wanted to get married,” I told him.

            “Well, I never thought I’d want to get married either, after what I went through. But then again, I never would’ve thought you and I would be together. It would be completely different with you,” he said.

            Brian and I had many discussions about his past engagement. It was something we even talked about while we were still just friends. His ex-fiancé left him a few weeks before the wedding, and married a cop soon after. The situation caused Brian to go into a downward spiral that almost destroyed him. I could tell that it still affects him, to this day.

            “How long have you been thinking about marrying me?” I asked.

            I was curious to know if this was something he was considering from the start of our relationship, or if this was relatively new.

            “Pretty much since the day I met you. I just told myself that if I ever convinced you to date me, that I couldn’t let you slip away,” he told me.

            “That’s so sweet, Brian,”

            “But, I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. I don’t want us to get married tomorrow. Part of me is still scared about making that commitment. So, I don’t know when it will happen. It may take me some time, because I want to wait for the perfect moment,’ he told me.

            I didn’t care how long it took. I wasn’t in a rush. At that time, I was just enjoying being with Brian, and learning new things about him as we adjusted to being a couple. I was in no hurry to get married. I was never one of those girls that dreamed about their perfect wedding. And I was never someone that desperately wanted to get married.

            “That’s okay, Brian. There’s no pressure. I’m not in a hurry. But, just know that whenever you decide to ask, I’ll say yes,” I promised him.

            “Well, that’s a relief,” he joked.

            “How could I say no to you?”

            “You know, there’s something else I have to ask you first…” he said, hesitantly.

            “What is it, Brian?”

            He paused for a minute, trying to think of how to ask me this question. He took a deep breath.

            “Do you want kids?” he asked nervously.

            Having children was also something that we never talked about as a couple. But while we were friends, Brian always told me that he was never going to be a father.

            “No, Brian. I don’t,” I admitted to him. He looked completely surprised.

            “Really? I didn’t expect that from you. I guess I just assumed you would’ve wanted to be a mom,” he told me.

            “I’ve just never had the desire to be a mom, and I don’t see that changing. I’m perfectly content being an aunt, and then being able to send the kid back,” I told him.

            That last comment was kind of a joke, but not really. I just never had the desire to have children. I also think that society puts too much pressure on women, as if that’s what you’re supposed to want. And if you don’t want to have children, there must be something wrong with you. But I loved the life Brian and I were building together. I treated his animals like they were my own.  We had a few nieces and nephews between the two of us. Life was almost perfect, and we didn’t need our own children to live a full life.

            “I still don’t want kids either,” he said, looking extremely relieved.

            “Good, I’m glad we can agree on that,” I said.          

            “I just want to make sure you’re happy. If you really wanted children, I wouldn’t want you to regret not having them by staying with me,” he said.

            “Brian, I promise you, I don’t want children. I don’t regret anything about our life. This is the best relationship I’ve ever been in,” I affirmed.  

            “I 100% agree,” he stated.

            “But you should know, I would like to get a dog at some point,” I told him.

            He laughed, but I could tell he felt a sense of relief after the conversation. We both agreed on where we wanted the relationship to go. Neither of us wanted to have children, but we both wanted to be married at some point in the future.

            “I can definitely handle that. I would love to live in a beautiful home, being married to you, and have lots of cats and dogs running around,” he proclaimed.

            “That sounds like a perfect life,” I agreed.

            It was such a relief knowing that Brian and I felt the same way about how we wanted to spend our lives together. Knowing that he felt the same way meant that I could more clearly envision our future. Brian was still my best friend, and there was nobody else I would want to spend the rest of my life with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry this chapter is kind of short. But it was a cute one I wanted to throw in there. I hope everyone is liking the story so far.


	23. Circus.

Jessica’s POV

            After being on the air for five seasons, the guys are always trying to top themselves. They’re always looking for bigger and better challenges, and more elaborate punishments. Their finales were no exception.

            To celebrate their 100th episode, each of the guys walked across a tightrope, that was six stories high. The Joker who made it the farthest would receive $50,000 for the charity of their choice. Brian, proudly wearing his FDNY shirt, made it all the way across. He donated the money to the Stephen Siller Tunnel to Towers Foundation, which is an FDNY based charity that provides services for military personnel and first responders.  I loved that special, but not just because I was so proud of Brian. As a fan, I felt like the guys were pushing the envelope, without going too far outside the realm of the show.

            That being said, I felt the complete opposite about Nitro Circus, the finale for season 5. When I first heard the concept, I just didn’t get it. I didn’t think that it fits with the vibe of their show. It didn’t make any sense to me. I was hanging out with Brian and Sal when I first heard the idea.

            “It’s a live show. These professionals will be doing all these crazy stunts to entertain the crowd. Then we’ll be going through an obstacle course with ATVs and motorcycles. The person who does it in the fastest time will get $100,000 for their charity,” Sal explained.

            “But… why? Is that even safe?” I asked.

            I wasn’t just concerned for the safety of my boyfriend, but for the other guys’ safety as well. The guys always treated me like part of the family. I loved all of them like brothers, and I would never want anything to happen to any of them.

            “We’re getting trained beforehand, so we’ll have some practice before the live show. You have nothing to worry about,” Brian said, trying to reassure me, But I wasn’t convinced.

            “Still… you guys aren’t professionals. Don’t you think it’s dangerous?” I asked them.

            “I don’t think the network would give us anything we can’t handle. We’ll get trained enough so that we don’t injure ourselves out there,” Sal told me.

            “I’m sorry, I just don’t understand why you guys would do something like this. It just seems too risky to me. And doesn’t it clash with the whole purpose of your show?” I asked them.

            “To be honest, we weren’t too thrilled about the idea when we first heard it either. It was the network’s idea, and they convinced us that the crossover would benefit both shows,” Brian explained.

            “I’m just worried about you. All of you. I don’t want you guys to get hurt,” I told them both.

            Brian knew how concerned I was, so he wrapped his arms around me, and pulled me close to him. He was trying to reassure me, but it wasn’t working.

            “Jess, you have nothing to worry about. We’ll be fine,” he tried to tell me.       

            “He’s right, Jess. Plus, didn’t you see this guy walk the high wire? He’s a pro,” Sal said, trying to lighten the mood.

            “I just don’t want you guys to do anything stupid,” I told them.

            “Have you seen our show? The whole thing is pretty stupid,” Sal said, sarcastically.

            “Well…this might just be the stupidest thing you guys have ever done,” I proclaimed.

            -----

            When Brian and I went to bed that night, he could tell that I was still anxious about the whole thing.

 

            “Babe, you don’t have to worry about me. I’ll be fine. I was a firefighter once, you know,” he told me.

            “Wait. YOU were a fireman? I don’t think you’ve ever mentioned that before,” I said, sarcastically.

            “Seriously, though, I’m going to be okay. We’re going to practice. And I don’t think TruTV would agree to anything that would put us in actual danger,” he told me.

            “I still don’t like it,” I stated.

            “To be honest with you, I’m not too thrilled about it either,” Brian admitted, “But I’m doing it for my favorite charity.”

            “I know how much that means to you.”

            “Giving back means a lot, and $100,000 is a lot of money. It’s the only reason why I would agree to do anything like this. It might be a little dangerous, but I’ve been in dangerous situations before. I can handle it,” he told me.

            I know that Brian was trying his hardest to reassure me, but it wasn’t helping. There was nothing he could say to get me to stop worrying about him. I love him, how could I not be concerned for his well-being?

            “Well, I’ll be there rooting for you, but I’m still going to be worried,” I confessed.

            “You’ll see, I’ll win that money, and make you proud,” he proclaimed.

            “You don’t have to win an obstacle course, or even $100,000 to make me proud of you. I’m already proud of what you’ve done, and what you guys do every single day. It doesn’t matter if you win the money, you’re already a superhero to me,” I told him.

            “Thanks, Jess. I love you,” he told me, as he gave me a gentle, reassuring kiss on the forehead.

            “I love you too, but don’t do anything stupid out there,” I told him. 

            There was no point in arguing about it. The boys had already made up their mind and agreed to do this show. All I could do now was sit back, and hope that nothing would go wrong.

            -----

            A few weeks later, the guys went away for a couple of days to train for the Nitro Circus Spectacular. I was getting used to being away from Brian at times, but I still missed him. But more than me missing him, I was worried about him, or any of the other guys, getting hurt. Brian was constantly trying to reassure me that everything would be okay. He even made jokes that the worst thing that would happen is Joe collapsing, since he’s so out of shape. I was constantly told that I was just worrier. Maybe I was being overly dramatic, but something in my gut told me that this whole thing wasn’t right.

            I went to work, hoping that it would keep my mind off worrying about Brian. I was getting calls and texts from the guys throughout the past few days. They were trying to keep me calm. Since I was keeping myself busy at work, I didn’t have my phone on me the entire time. But when I did happen to look over at it, I saw three missed calls from Sal, and a text that read:

            _Call me right now. It’s important._

            When I read this message, my heart dropped. I immediately called Sal back. But the few seconds he took to pick up, felt like an eternity I knew something had to be wrong. I had a million things running through my mind. Was Brian hurt? Was one of the other guys hurt? How serious was it?

            “Jessica?” Sal answered.

            “Sal, what happened?” I asked him.

            “Well… Brian had a little mishap with an ATV…”

            “What do you mean a ‘mishap’? What happened? Is he okay?” I asked.

             I went into panic mode, speaking so frantically that I was probably barely understandable. But Sal was trying to calm me down.

            “The ATV flipped over onto him, and he was stuck underneath it for a few seconds while they tried to get it off him. The doctors think he might’ve broken his ribs. But he got up and walked after, which is a good sign,” Sal explained.

            “Oh my god. Where is he now?” I asked him.

            “I’m at the hospital with him, but he’s getting X-rays and tests done at the moment,” Sal told me.

            “Text me which hospital you’re at. I’m on my way,” I told him, and I quickly hung up.

            I frantically grabbed all my things, probably looking like a psycho to all my coworkers. They all looked concerned, so I briefly explained that I had an emergency, and that I needed to leave. I headed out the door, making my way to the hospital as quickly as humanly possible.

            -----

            When I arrived at the hospital, I saw Sal in the waiting area, and he led me to Brian’s room. Brian was lying there in the bed, and he looked like he was in a lot of pain. He had bruises all over his neck, and his lower body was wrapped in bandages.

            “Jess, is that you?” he asked, sounding a little disoriented.

            I ran over to him, grabbing his hand. I wanted so badly to hug him, and let him know that I was there for him. But I was scared of hurting him.

            “Yes, baby. I’m here. How are you feeling?” I asked him.

            “Oh, me? I’m fine,” he tried to tell me.

            “Don’t lie to me, Brian. You wouldn’t be in a hospital bed right now If you were fine,” I insisted.

            “Okay, okay. I feel like I just got hit by a bus,” he admitted.

            “This is why the network should cancel this whole thing. If you needed any more evidence that this was dangerous, look no further,” I said, pointing to Brian laying there in the hospital bed.

            “Jess, I talked to Simmy. They can’t cancel it now. They’ve already made the obstacle course, booked the venue, and sold the tickets. Plus, we signed the contract. There’s no backing out of it now,” Sal tried to explain to me.

            Simmy is the executive producer of _Impractical Jokers_. He’s the person responsible for going along with this idea, which means that Simmy is now on my shit list.

            “Well, this was a dumb idea in the first place. This is not what you guys do. You’re 40-year-old men who embarrass each other in public. You’re not stuntmen, and this is not _Jackass_ ,” I told them. This time, I wasn’t holding anything back.

            “I’m sorry, Jess. But there’s nothing we can do about it. It’s what the network wants,” Sal tried to tell me.

            “Well, you guys should have more control over your own TV show. TruTV would be nothing without the four of you,” I asserted.

            “It doesn’t matter, Jess. It’s too late. We’re in too deep at this point,” Sal told me. I knew he was right, but that didn’t minimize my anger.

            “How are they going to do this without you?” I asked Brian.

            “Maybe we can get someone else to replace him,” Sal suggested.

            “I would do it for you,” I volunteered.

            “Absolutely NOT,” Brian said immediately.

            “Why not?”  I asked.

            “Jessica, I am TWICE your size, and the damn ATV almost crushed me. There’s no way in hell I’m letting you go out there,” Brian said.

            “Wait. Are you saying its dangerous?” I asked, sarcastically.

             It was ironic that Brian was now claiming this would be too dangerous for me. Meanwhile, he had spent the past few weeks when he was trying to convince me that everything was safe.

            “Okay, fine. You were right,” Brian admitted.

            “So who do you think should replace him?” I asked Sal.

            “Maybe we can get one of our wrestler friends to do it,” Brian suggested.

            As huge WWE fans, Brian and Sal had become friendly with a few wrestlers through Twitter. But that idea didn’t really seem fair to the other three guys.

            “Do you really think it’s fair to have a professional athlete compete for you?” Sal asked.

            “You know, what? Forget all this replacement talk. I’ll be fine,” Brian claimed.

            “Brian, what are you talking about? You are NOT going out there,” I insisted.

            “Jess, I already feel better than I did a few hours ago,” Brian tried to tell me. He started to try to get out of the bed, but he was clearly still in pain.

            “Brian, lay down. I don’t care if you feel better. You’ve already injured yourself, and if you try to go out there you might cause serious and irreparable damage to your body,” I told him.

            “So, you’re telling me what to do now?” he asked, suddenly getting defensive.

            “Yes, I am. After what happened to you today, I am putting my foot down. You CANNOT go out there,” I asserted.

            “What are you, my mother now?” He asked.

            I didn’t understand why he was getting offended, and felt the need to make a petty little comment like that. But if he wanted to play that game, I’d play. His little comment gave me an idea, so I reached for my phone and started dialing.

            “Okay, fine. You want to play it like that? I can be petty too,” I told him.

            “What are you doing?” he asked, as the phone began ringing.

            “Shhh… I’m on the phone,” I said, making the shushing gesture.

            I knew I was aggravating him. But, truthfully, I was kind of enjoying it. He was being so stubborn, and since I wasn’t getting through to him I found someone who could. After a few rings, his mother picked up.

            “Hello?” she answered.

            “Hi Carol, this is Jessica,”   I said, flashing Brian an evil grin.

            “Are you seriously calling my mother right now?” he asked, in complete disbelief.

            He tried to grab the phone out of my hand, but I pulled away. I went over to the other side of the room. He couldn’t follow me, because he was stuck lying in the bed, still in a fair amount pain.

            “Hi, Jessica. How are you? Is everything alright?” she asked. She must’ve known something was wrong since it’s very rare that I call her on my own.

            “Actually, no. I’m not sure if Brian told you about this Nitro Circus thing they guys are doing,” I started to tell her, but she had already heard all about it.

            “Yes, dear. I’ve heard. Quite frankly, I think it’s a dumb idea,” she told me. Glad we could agree on that.

            “I know. Isn’t it STUPID?” I said, loud enough so Brian could hear. He just rolled his eyes at me.

            “So what happened?” she asked me.

            “Well, they were practicing using ATVs, and one of them flipped over onto Brian. I’m in the hospital with him now. He got hurt pretty badly, but he still wants to go through with the show,” I told her.

            “This is ridiculous. You’re telling my mother on me? What are you, 12 years old?” Brian asked.

            “That’s crazy. He can’t do that. He’s going to hurt himself even more,” she said. Isn’t it amazing that everyone came to this conclusion except for Brian?

 

            “I know, that’s what I’ve been telling him. But he doesn’t listen to me, and he was being kind of rude about it. I was hoping you could talk some sense into him,” I requested.

            “Oh, that’s not nice. But of course, I’ll talk to him, dear. Please put him on the phone,” she instructed.

            “Thanks, Carol.”

            I gave Brian a huge grin, and he just rolled his eyes at me again. I handed him the phone, but he didn’t want to accept it at first.

            “This is ridiculous,” he told me.

            “TALK TO YOUR MOTHER,” I demanded.

            Brian finally agreed, and begrudgingly took the phone. He didn’t put the phone on speaker, so I could only hear one side of the conversation.

            “Hi, mom. I’m okay. Yes, I got injured. Yes, I was a little rude to her. I know she’s only trying to help, but… Yes, of course, I love her. Okay. No, you’re right… I’m sorry. I love you too. Bye, mom,” he said, and then hung up the phone.

            I just stood there with this huge grin on my face, proud of what I had done. I didn’t care how I got through to him. I just knew that it needed to be done, one way or another. I didn’t care if he thought calling his mother was crossing a line.

            “I have to say, calling my mother was ruthless, but I kind of respect it. Well played,” he admitted.

            “What did she have to say?” I asked him.

            “Pretty much the same thing you, and everyone else, has been telling me.”

            “It’s because we all care about you, Brian. I love you, and I don’t want you to go out there and hurt yourself any more than you already have.”

            “Ok, fine. I won’t compete out there. You’ve won. Are you happy?”

            “Yes, Brian. I’m ecstatic that an ATV flipped onto you and crushed your ribcage,” I said, the heavy sarcasm evident in my voice.

            No matter what it took, I was relieved that Brian finally listened to what I was telling him. It probably wasn’t safe for him to be out there practicing in the first place, but it certainly wasn’t safe for him to compete now. I didn’t know how they were going to pull off this finale, but let’s just say I was NOT looking forward to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I have such a deep hatred for Nitro Circus, which was the inspiration for this chapter. If you haven’t seen it yet, DON’T. It’s terrible. But I enjoyed writing this chapter, as well as the next few, because I was able to let out some of my anger about the Nitro Circus situation.


	24. Injured.

Brian’s POV

            I’ve been in a lot of pain the past couple of days. After all the tests were done, the final results were that I broke two ribs, pulled muscles in my neck, and damaged the nerves on my hip. It’s possible that I could have permanent nerve damage. But as long as I had Jess by my side, I knew that I could get through anything.

            I was disappointed in not being able to compete in the obstacle course. I wanted to earn that $100,000 for my charity. But I also wanted to make Jess proud. She had done so much for me, especially in the past few weeks. She was there for me after I had to retire, and when I had a little bit of a breakdown after the tarantula punishment. I just wanted to show her that I could still accomplish something, that I could still be a man. But Jess never made me feel like I wasn’t a man. It was just my own insecurities that were weighing heavily on me.

            When Jess first saw me in the hospital, she as very upset. She may have been a little aggressive, especially calling my mother. But I knew that she wasn’t trying to be demanding, or tell me what to do. She was only saying all those things because she loved me, and didn’t want to see me get hurt. Around this time, Jess started to become very emotional, which I attributed to her constantly worrying about me.

            Jess was an angel during this time. She took days off work, and basically dropped everything to take care of me while I was injured. We joked that she was like my nurse. Even though I was in a lot of pain, I really enjoyed the time that Jess and I were able to spend together. It was the most time we had spent together since we started dating. Jess and I were often forced to be apart due to my hectic touring schedule. But during this time Jess would spend days at my house, only leaving if she needed to get groceries, or pick something up from her place. We would watch movies, play video games, and just hang out together all day. I never wanted her to leave. The thing I loved most about our relationship was that we were still best friends. I never got tired of being around her.

            -----

            Since Halloween was only a few days away, I wanted to watch some classic horror movies. It was my favorite movie genre, but I knew Jess despised them. But she agreed to watch them for me, her favorite patient. We were both sitting on the couch, watching the movie, but there was some space in between us. She was clutching tightly to a pillow and burying her face into it during the especially gruesome scenes. I found it adorable that she was scared, but she was way too far away for my liking.

            “What are you doing all the way over there? Come here. I’ll protect you,” I told her. I opened my arms wide, inviting her to cuddle with me.

            “Brian, you just broke your ribs…”  Jess said. She didn’t want to cuddle with me, because she was worried about hurting me.

            “It’s okay, baby. I’ll be fine. I just want to be closer to you,” I told her.

            I kept my arms wide open for her. She laid right in my arms and rested her head on my chest. Having Jess snuggled in my arms was the best feeling in the world. It could cure any pain I was in. Each time she would get scared, she would bury her head into my chest, shielding her eyes from the terror on the screen. I instinctually wince in pain, since my ribs were still sensitive.

            “Brian, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you,” she said as she got up, looking horrified.

            “It’s okay, Jess. You’re worth the pain,” I told her.

            “Are you sure?” she asked, hesitantly.

            “I probably deserve the pain anyway, right? I was stupid enough to try this obstacle course,” I joked, but Jess didn’t find it funny. I thought her concern for me was excessive until her fears about Nitro Circus turned into reality. Part of me expected her to say ‘I told you so’ when I got injured.

            “Brian, you do NOT deserve to be in pain. Maybe I overreacted. I’m sorry if I’ve been so paranoid lately, but it’s only because I don’t want you to get hurt. Whether that’s in the fire department, or doing this obstacle course,” she told me.

            “That’s okay, Jess. I know you’re only doing it because you care about me,” I said.

            “It’s just… When I was younger, my dad was everything to me, especially after my mom died. But every time he left for work, I would be terrified that something would happen to him. But now, you’re my everything, and I don’t want to see anything happen to you,” she explained to me.

            I didn’t consider how hard it would be for her to see me in pain, or to imagine me going out into the field as a fireman. I didn’t want her to be so worried about me all the time. I didn’t want to be the cause of all her stress. I put my arms around her, bringing her close to me again, and assured her that everything would be okay.

            ------

            One night, Jess came back saying that she had something special to show me. She hoped that it would cheer me up, since I had been just laying around the house for the past few days. But I was feeling a lot better.

            “I hope you don’t think it’s lame,” she told me.

            Jess pulled out these two walkie-talkies, and I excitedly grabbed one from her hands. I was probably acting like a child, who had just gotten a new toy to play with. But what better person to play with than my best friend?

            “These are so cool, Jess. They use them on set all the time but I never get use them, let alone take it home,” I told her.

            “I’m glad you liked them. I figured we could still communicate while I’m kitchen making us dinner, and you’re on the couch,” she told me.

            “Jess, you know I can still walk, right? I’m not a vegetable,” I teased her.

            Although Jess was incredibly sweet taking care of me, sometimes she could go a bit overboard. She didn’t want me to lift a finger, fearing that I would hurt myself even more. Despite my injuries, I had been feeling a lot better the past few days. And having Jess there with me always made things better.

            “Ok, fine. But you take one, and I’ll be in the other room,” she told me.

            “But just remember, you have to say over after everything or else it doesn’t count,” I told her.

            “Sure, babe. Whatever you say,” she said. I watched her walk away, going towards my bedroom.

            “Testing, testing. Do these work? Over,” I asked, through the walkie-talkie.

            “Yes, Brian. I can hear you. Over.”

            “Jess, I appreciate you taking care of me. But I can still walk. Over.”

            “I just don’t want you to overexert yourself… Over.”

            “But I feel a lot better. And you know, I can still do other things too… Over.”

            “Oh, really? Like what? Can you come show me? Over.”

            “Don’t worry, I will. Bend over.”

            “Bend, what? Over.”

            Jess pretended to be confused, but she knew exactly what I meant. We hadn’t been intimate since I got injured, with her barely wanting to touch me. Even though I was hurt, I still had those urges, especially being around Jess all day. No matter what she did, Jess was always so sexy to me.

            “You’re such a tease,” I told her in person, finally getting up and walking into the bedroom. She was sitting on my bed, with her legs crossed, this deviously sexy look in her eyes. She knew exactly what she was doing.

            “You’re the one who insisted we had to say over after everything,” she reminded me.

            “Does this mean you’re not going to bend over?” I said, disappointed.

            “Why don’t you just come here, baby? Show me how much better you’re feeling,” She told me, as she opened her legs wide open, inviting me towards her. And I couldn’t resist. It seemed like the both of us missed each other in that way, and we desperately wanted that intimacy again. But we went nice and slow, just to make sure I didn’t hurt myself.

            -----

            After we had finished, we laid there face to face, our legs intertwined. I just stared at her, as I often do, admiring her beauty.

            “You’re so perfect,” I whispered in her ear. I always gave Jess complements, but there was something about the word ‘perfect’ that always made her cringe.

            “Please don’t say that,” she told me.

            “Why do you hate when I say that?” I asked her. I had always just brushed it off, but this time I decided to ask her why she felt so strongly about that word.

            “Because I’m not perfect. And I don’t want you to think that I am, and be completely disappointed when I do something wrong,” she explained.

            “Okay, fine. Maybe you’re not perfect. But I think you’re perfect for me. Is that better?” I asked her, and she smiled.

            “I don’t mind that. And I think we’re made for each other,” she agreed.

            “Speaking of being made for each other, all that talk about our couple’s costumes, and we never even got to wear them,” I reminded her.

            “That’s okay. There’s always next year for you to dress me however you want,” she assured me, even though I was still slightly disappointed.

            Prior to my injury, we had planned on going to a few parties, wearing our couple’s costumes. We had finally settled on my suggestion of going as Harley Quinn and the Joker. Before we were even together, I had fantasies about Jess dressed up as some of my favorite comic book characters. Telling Jess that she’d be a Quinn one day really sold it to her. But it was something I actually believed.

            It had been almost a month since Jess and I had our discussion about marriage, and my feelings for her have only gotten stronger since then. When my engagement was broken the first time, I swore to myself that I would never want to get married. But everything changed when I met Jess. And when we started dating, I quickly realized that I would eventually want to make her my wife. Especially after she was so loving and patient while taking care of me, I knew that she would make the perfect wife. Since Jess and I have been together, I’ve realized that she’s the only woman I ever want to be with, for the rest of my life. I couldn’t live without her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This chapter is dedicated to my friend Madi, @hashtaggfy on Tumblr. She requested that I put a certain scene in my story a while ago, and I’ve finally added it to this chapter. Also, sorry for the slight delay with this chapter. I know it might throw some people off that I posted five chapters in a row, and then went about a week without posting. Sometimes I have spurts of creative energy, but this week I wasn’t feeling great, and was kind of exhausted. I hope you guys can understand. But let me know what you think of this chapter!


	25. Spectacular?

Jessica’s POV

            The last few weeks have been a bit of a roller coaster. When I first got the call that Brian had been injured, I was obviously concerned for his well-being. Since then, my main priority has been making sure he gets better. But underneath that, there was some anger towards the producers for creating something like this and putting Brian in a situation where he would get hurt. And maybe calling Brian’s mother went a little too far, but I felt like I needed to protect him. I still had that underlying fear that something else would go wrong, either with Brian or with one of the other guys. The other guys were like brothers to me, and I didn’t want any of them to get hurt like Brian did. I knew that it would be very difficult for me to watch this episode.

            With everything going on, I was super emotional during this time. I had been constantly worrying about Brian, and trying to protect him. It was only a few months ago that he was forced to retire from the fire department, and I knew that was weighing heavily on him. Now, he felt extremely disappointed in himself by not being able to compete at Nitro Circus. Maybe I was acting overly protective by telling him that he shouldn’t go through with the obstacle course, but it was only because I care about him. And I thought that his recent struggles were clouding his judgment. 

            -----

            Brian and I drove to the Prudential Center together. I would be there to support him, even though he wasn’t competing. Despite my protests about this whole event, there was nothing I could do to stop it. So, I just accepted it and hoped that nothing else would go wrong.

            When we arrived at the venue, we were greeted by the other Jokers and some of the producers. I saw Simmy briefly but didn’t have much of an interaction with him other than a basic hello. I was still angry at him for putting this whole thing together. But I knew that this wasn’t the time or place to voice my concerns. I just tried to avoid Simmy, so that I wouldn’t get into a confrontation with him.

            Bessy was there as well, supporting her husband. I was glad to see her, because she was always such a lovely person to be around. But we hadn’t seen each other much since Brian and I started dating, and I was looking forward to talking with her. We both related to each other, because of our significant others. I knew that we could vent to each other because nobody else understood what it was like to be with a Joker.

            “How are you feeling, Brian?” Bessy asked him.

            “I’m feeling a lot better since I had my nurse to take care of me,” Brian smiled at me.

            After chatting with the guys for a bit, the producers called the guys away, so they could go over some things before the show started. Brian kissed me goodbye before going off to work.

            “You’ll be alright?” he asked me.

            “I’ll be fine. I have Bessy. Go do what you have to do,” I told him. It’s not like I expected him to be with me the whole time. I knew he had work to do.

            “I’ll see you later, babe. Love you,” he said, leaning in to kiss me on the cheek.

            “Love you too,” I told him, returning the kiss.

            “So, tell me. How’s Brian REALLY feeling?” Bessy asked me, once Brian left. I guess even she could tell that Brian was hiding how he felt.

            “Ehhh…He’s trying to act tough, but I know he’s in pain. But it seems like he’s gotten a lot better,” I told her.

            “And what about you? How are YOU feeling?” she asked me.

            “Oh me? I’m okay, just a little tired,” I told her.

            “As your friend, I have to be honest with you. You don’t look good. I’m worried about you. You need to take care of yourself too,” Bessy told me.

            After Bessy mentioned it, I realized that I was feeling a little out of it for the past few weeks. But I simply attributed it to everything that had been going on with Brian. I have been too focused on him to even worry about myself. Brian had been through a lot recently, and I was right there, by his side when he needed me.

            “I’ve just been so focused on Brian lately. But really, I’m fine. There’s nothing to worry about,” I tried to tell her. But she didn’t seem convinced.

            “Okay, if you insist. But just know that if you ever need to talk to anyone, I’m here,” Bessy promised me.

            “Thanks, I really appreciate that,” I told her.

            -----

            Once the show was about to start, one of the producers brought Bessy and me into a room, where we could watch the whole thing. Neither of us were really looking forward to watching the show, especially the portion with the obstacle course. After what happened to Brian, Bessy was rightfully concerned about her husband’s safety. But we sat there watching, in support of our men, hoping that everything would be fine.

            When the four guys went out there, they had to explain to the crowd, and the viewers, why Brian wouldn’t be competing. They explained how Brian had gotten injured during the practice, and that the doctors wouldn’t let him compete. However, they got Joey Fatone to be Brian’s substitute, like they had done in a previous challenge. I was glad that Brian would still get an opportunity to make money for his charity, without having to put his own body at risk.

            After they explained the situation, they were playing clips of the guys during their practice. I knew it was coming, but I didn’t want to watch. I was well aware that an ATV flipped over onto Brian and caused his injury. But I had never seen the video until that moment. There was something about watching it on video that was too disturbing, and it caused such a visceral reaction. I watched the ATV crush his ribs, and I knew how much pain he was in. I got so upset watching it, that I was physically sick. I ran over to a nearby trash can and threw up. I figured it was from all the stress, along with the fact that I was barely eating or sleeping. The video had triggered me. Bessy looked very concerned.

            “Are you alright?” Bessy asked me. She came over to me and started rubbing my back.

            “I’ll be fine. It’s probably just the lack of sleep and food,” I told her.

            She handed me a bottle of water, which I gladly accepted. I took a sip of water, and took a deep breath, trying to regain my composure.

            “It’s okay, Jess. I know that was hard to watch, but Brian’s okay now,” Bessy said, trying to comfort me.

            “I just hate watching that video,” I told her.

            “See, Jess, this is what I’m talking about. Clearly, you’re not okay. You need to start taking care of yourself,” Bessy insisted.

            “I know, you’re right. I will,” I promised her.

            ------

            After they played the challenges, like a regular episode, it was time for the guys to start the obstacle course. Joe went first, dressed in his Captain Fatbelly costume. He quickly ran out of breath, but the other guys were still cheering him on. Although this was supposed to be a competition, all the guys were rooting for each other, mainly because this was all for charity. Joe was competing for Daniel’s Music Foundation, a charity he and Bessy have proudly supported for years. Joe ran into an issue when his motorcycle wouldn’t start. This wasted valuable time, so Joe gave up and ran for that portion.

            “We need to take time off,” we heard Brian say, repeatedly.

            “It’s not his fault the thing didn’t start,” Bessy said.

            “You’re right, it’s not fair,” I agreed. But I wasn’t really surprised, it seemed as though this entire episode wasn’t fair. Maybe it was cursed.

            Then we watched Joe get towards the end of the course. One of the last obstacles was to run through one of three doors. But only one door was open, so if the Joker picked incorrectly, they’d basically be running into a wall. Unfortunately, Joe’s first two choices were incorrect, so he slammed into two walls. When he slammed into the second wall, he didn’t get up immediately.

            “Time out,” we heard Joe say, as he laid on the ground.

            “He wouldn’t stop unless he was really hurt,” Bessy said, looking concerned for her husband’s well-being.

            They stopped the clock, tending to Joe while the show went to commercial. When the show came back on the air, Joe had gotten up, and he wanted to finish the rest of the course. But he was sweating profusely and still looked disoriented. We worried that running into two walls could’ve given him a concussion.

            “Is he okay?” we kept asking, but nobody would give us a full answer.

            Unfortunately, due to the motorcycle not starting, and Joe needing to take a break, they had to disqualify him. I found this completely unfair because it meant that Joe had just gone through all that for nothing. I didn’t think it was fair that Joe was being penalized for things that were out of his control. But I was too drained to even argue about Nitro Circus anymore. I was so done with the whole thing. I just wanted it to be over.

            -----    

            Joey Fatone ran the obstacle course, and did pretty well, considering he didn’t have as much practice as the other guys. Although Brian wasn’t supposed to compete, he ran alongside Joey the entire time. Brian was trying to act strong, but it was easy to tell that he was hurting. He was clutching his side as he ran up and down the course. It was so painful to watch, I had to look away.

            “I hate this fucking show,” I told Bessy, out of frustration.

            “I know, me too. But it’s almost over,” she assured me.

            ---

            The fans voted on who they wanted to see get punished, and they chose Sal. The punishment was that he had to go up in a harness and fly high above the crowd. This was terrifying for Sal since he’s afraid of heights. To be honest, I suspected that the “voting” part of this punishment was probably rigged. They had this punishment already prepared, but it wouldn’t have really worked if any of the other Jokers were “voted” as the loser. Joe and Brian weren’t afraid of heights and Murr had already gotten punished earlier from losing the episode.

           

            We watched as the producers attached a terrified Sal to a harness in preparation for this punishment. Bessy and I found it alarming that they sent Sal up there without a helmet. Was nobody else concerned about the guys’ safety? You would think TruTV would be more cautious about protecting the stars of their most successful show.

            “Is this even safe? Shouldn’t they at least give him a helmet?” Bessy asked.

            “Don’t worry, he’ll be fine. The harness is safe,” one of the producers told us.

            “Oh sure, I bet that’s what they told Owen Hart,” I said sarcastically.

            “Who’s that?” Bessy asked.

            “Owen was this wrestler in the 90s. He was making this grand entrance and his harness released too early. He crashed into the ring and he died,” I explained to Bessy, who was unfamiliar with wrestling.

            Although Bessy had never heard of Owen Hart, I know Sal has. I wondered if that was going through his head as he went up on the harness, looking absolutely terrified. I didn’t actually think Sal would die. I wasn’t that dramatic. But I did think that they could’ve taken more preventative measures to make sure that Sal didn’t get hurt. I thought that they should’ve at least given him a helmet to prevent him from possibly breaking his neck, or getting a concussion.

            Sal was clearly petrified when he was brought into the air. He was screaming, cursing, and genuinely looked like he was about to cry. I guess this kind of fear is supposed to be entertaining, but I personally didn’t find it funny. I was too concerned about Sal’s safety to be laughing at the situation. Sal looked relieved when he was brought back down to the ground. But then Brian had to break the news to Sal that he was going up a second time. Sal had a look of panic, and Brian’s attempts at comforting him weren’t helping. Sal went back up again, but this time we couldn’t hear him because the producers had cut his mic. They were trying to avoid having to pay more fines for Sal’s cursing. But the second time Sal went up, they decided to slam him into a giant “cake” since his birthday was in just a few days. When he got slammed into the “birthday cake” it looked like his neck had snapped back, and he really could’ve hurt himself.

            “For fuck’s sake,” I muttered. Was it the goal of the network to get every Joker hurt at this show? What a disaster…I I I

            -----

            If it wasn’t bad enough watching Brian get hurt, we had to sit through Joe getting a concussion, and Sal getting whiplash from being slammed into his “birthday cake.” Luckily, Murray managed to get out of this thing relatively unscathed. He completed the obstacle course in the fastest time, winning $100,000 for his charity, Make A Wish Foundation.

             By the end of this whole thing, I was convinced that it was the worst thing the guys have ever produced, either together or individually. I would rather watch Murray’s movie _Damned_ than be forced to sit through Nitro Circus again.

            “Was it really that bad?” Brian asked me on the way home.

            “Let’s just say, I’m glad it’s over,” I told him.

            “Me too. I just want to go home with you,” he said, as he smiled back at me.

            -----

            The morning after Nitro Circus, I woke up tightly held in Brian’s arms. As much as I loved being comfort by his tight grip, I was able to break free without disturbing his sleep. I wanted to surprise him with breakfast, knowing that he had been through a lot in the past few days. He came out of his room and into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes and looking slightly groggy.

            “I’m sorry, babe. Did I wake you?” I asked him.

            “No, that’s okay. I smelled bacon,” he smiled.

            “I would’ve brought you breakfast in bed,” I told him.

            “You’re the best,” he said, giving me a gentle, loving kiss on the cheek.

            “How are you feeling?” I asked.

            “I think I’m all healed up now, thanks to you,” Brian told me.

            “Then I guess you don’t need me to be your nurse anymore,” I joked with him.

            “I always need you, Jess. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy to be feeling better. But I loved having you here all the time,” Brian told me. He came up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist, and pulling me close. 

            “Well, I’m glad you’re feeling better. But I had to go home sometime, right?” I said.

            “You don’t HAVE to…” He suggested.

            “What do you mean, Brian?”

            “Move in with me,” he stated, without hesitation.

            “Really? Are you sure about that?” I asked him.

            Hearing this after about three months of dating came was initially a shock, coming from Brian Quinn, the man who hated commitment. But then again, I shouldn’t have been completely surprised, considering that we were already discussing marriage and kids. But I still wanted him to be happy. I wanted this relationship to move at a pace that we were both comfortable with. I knew that he had commitment issues, based on his past, so I never wanted to push him into anything. And I didn’t want him to agree to things because he thought it would make me happy. I felt like I had already been enough of a pushy girlfriend lately.

            “I love being around you, and I hate when I’m on tour away from you. I just want to be around you as much as possible,” he told me.

            “But you always used to tell me how you loved having time to yourself,” I reminded him. I just wanted to make sure this is what he really wanted. He liked having his time podcasting, or playing video games by himself. And I didn’t mind that. I accepted that sometimes he just wanted to be alone. We didn’t need to be together 24/7. It was okay with me that we had our separate space sometimes.

            “I used to say that. I used to think that I could never be with the same woman all my life. I used to wonder why anyone would agree to be with one person for the rest of their life. But now I wonder how I can ever wake up next to anyone else but you,” he said, pouring his heart out to me. I was so touched that he expressed his feelings this way. He made me feel so loved and appreciated.

            “I hate waking up without you. I want to wake up every morning wrapped in your arms. I can’t imagine being with anyone else but you,” I told him. I felt the same way.

            “So… Is that a yes?” he asked, hesitantly.

            “Yes, of course, Brian. I would love to move in with you,” I told him.

            I jumped into his arms, giving him a big hug and kiss. He looked so happy. And that’s all I ever wanted, was to make him happy. Just like that, we made another major step forward in our relationship. Everything seemed to be moving so quickly once we started dating. Brian and I had gone from being friends for almost five years, to living together and talking about marriage after only 3 months of dating. Even though I spent a lot of time at Brian’s house, moving in together still felt like a huge step in our relationship.

            But despite being around each other so much, there was still something he didn’t know. And it was something I wouldn’t be able to keep from him for much longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry for another delay with this chapter! I had a lot going on recently, and I was also sick for a few days. But I should be back on track now. Thanks to everyone who’s read and commented so far! I really appreciate all the feedback.


	26. Suspicious.

Brian’s POV

            Since I asked Jess to move in with me, I would’ve expected our relationship to improve, and for us to grow closer. By living with her, I was solidifying my commitment to her, even though she was practically spending every night at my house anyway. In the past, I was unwilling to make this kind of commitment to any woman, especially after I was engaged. But Jess was different. She wasn’t just ANY woman. She was THE woman. The woman of my dreams. My best friend. The woman I planned on making my wife one day.

            But things didn’t get better after I asked her to live with me. In fact, they got worse. Jess became distant, and not the cheerful, but sarcastic woman I fell in love with. I tried to figure out why, and the only reason I could come up with was our impending living situation. It seemed as though she was trying to delay the moving process. She kept coming up with excuses.

            Maybe Jess wasn’t as excited as I was to be living together. Maybe I pushed it on her, and she wasn’t ready. Maybe she didn’t know how to tell me, so instead of just telling me the truth, she became distant. All these thoughts were going through my head, but I didn’t feel like I had a true answer. When I cautiously asked Jess if anything was wrong, she would always blow it off and act like everything was fine. But that was typical of Jess. She always tried to act strong, and pretend like everything was fine, even if she was struggling.

            I knew she was hiding something, I just didn’t know what it was. I should’ve asked her more questions, but I was afraid of what the answer would be. I was afraid that she didn’t actually want to move in with me, and that I was invested deeper into this relationship than she was. It’s something that I’ve always feared: Was I more in love with her than she was in love with me?

            I kept thinking of all the other possible explanations for her odd behavior. Another clue was that she started to become shady when it came to her cell phone. If she got a text, she would turn away, not wanting me to see it. And there were times where she’d be talking on the phone to somebody, but she would end the call when I entered the room. Every time I asked her about it, she would just blow it off like it was nothing, and make another excuse. This led to my biggest fear… that she could be cheating on me. I thought about how easy it would be for her to have another guy, or girl, around considering how often I was away on tour. I always wondered how a beautiful woman like Jess could be satisfied with a slob like me. I tried to reassure myself that Jess would never do something like that to me… right? But I was starting to lose trust in her, knowing that she was hiding SOMETHING from me.

            -----

            I went over to her place after work, but I had gotten off a little early. She wasn’t expecting me to be back yet. When I rang the doorbell, there was no answer. I let myself in, as I have done many times before, and I cautiously entered her home. I heard her talking, but I didn’t hear anyone else’s voice. It sounded like it was coming from the bedroom, so I followed her voice. I overheard Jess talking on the phone, so I was basically just eavesdropping at this point. I couldn’t tell who Jess was talking to, but she sounded very frantic.

            “No, Brian doesn’t know about it yet… Because he has way too much going on right now, and I don’t want to worry him for no reason,” Jess said.

            So, there was something she was hiding. I did feel slightly guilty for listening in on her conversation, but I felt like it might be the only way that I could get some answers to explain her recent behavior.

            “I know, Bessy. I’ve been trying to take care of myself like you said…”

            Well, at least I know who she’s talking to. But it still didn’t explain why she’s been acting so strange lately…

            “I booked the ultrasound for tomorrow morning… I hope not. It’s just a precaution but I have missed my last four periods.”

            Ultrasounds. Missed periods. Jess was pregnant. That was the only possible explanation, right? It would explain why she’s been acting so detached lately. My heart sunk, and I panicked thinking about the future Jess and I would have. Both Jess and I agreed that we didn’t want children. We just wanted to be married one day, and have lots of animals. But this changes everything. I wasn’t ready to be a father, and I would never be ready. It’s just not something I wanted in my life. And I thought that Jess didn’t want to be a mother either. I didn’t understand how this could happen. Jess said she was on the pill, so as far as I knew, we were being responsible with our sec life. I guess birth control wasn’t 100% foolproof, but still. I didn’t understand how…

            And then, all of sudden, it hit me. The thing most alarming about what Jess said. It wasn’t that she was having an ultrasound, or that she’s been missing her period. It’s the fact that she’s missed FOUR periods…But we had only been together for three months.

            That meant either I wasn’t the father of this child, or there was something else going on. But all signs seemed to point to her being pregnant. It’s not like Jess ever gave me a detailed history of the people she’s slept with. But she told me that I was the first guy she’s been with in a very long time. Since I’ve met her, I’ve only known her to date women. But I didn’t know what to believe anymore.

            Did this make things better? That still meant that Jess was pregnant, but I wasn’t the father. So, it shouldn’t have been my responsibility anymore. But somehow that didn’t make me feel any better. I didn’t think I wanted to raise a child, let alone one that wasn’t even mine. But was that worth giving up on Jess, after everything we’ve been through together, and everything it took for us to get together? Was she worth it? I love this woman with all my heart, and I was not willing to give up that easily. I still loved her, and I still wanted to be with her.

            Of all the possible scenarios explaining Jessica’s odd behavior, I was not expecting this at all. All I knew was, I couldn’t keep listening to this phone conversation anymore. I needed to confront Jess face to face, and get some answers. I opened the bedroom door, startling Jess. She turned around, looking pale as a ghost, obviously not expecting to see me.

            “I have to go,” she said, before quickly hanging up the phone.

            “Brian… I… I didn’t know you would be here… I…” she said nervously, struggling to find the words to explain herself. Jess looked panicked when she saw me, clearly not ready to share this information with me.

            “I think there’s something you need to tell me,” I said to her, letting her know I was listening. But she didn’t know how much of the conversation I heard.

            “You should probably sit down,” Jess said. She pointed to the bed, instructing me to sit, and I obliged.

            “Jessica, you need to tell me what’s going on, right now,” I demanded.

            Even though I had basically figured out what was happening, I wanted to hear it from her directly.

            “Before I tell you, I just want you to know that I love you, and I’ve only kept this from you because I didn’t want it to hurt you,” she tried to tell me, but I didn’t want to hear it.

            “JESSICA, stop. Just spit it out,” I demanded. I couldn’t take her dragging it out anymore. I just wanted to know the truth.

            “It’s not what you think, Brian,” she swore. But instead of waiting for her to explain herself, I just flat out addressed it.

            “You’re pregnant…”         


	27. Explanation.

Jessica’s POV

            “You’re pregnant,” Brian said, as more of a statement, not a question.

            Of course, that’s what he would think. It’s the most logical explanation, based on what he’s heard. But it’s not the only explanation. I know it’s hard for men to understand that there are other reasons why women miss their periods, or why they would have to go for an ultrasound.

            “No, Brian…” I started to say, but he wasn’t listening. He was too wrapped up in this scenario he had created.

            “You’ve been acting odd lately, and I was trying to figure out why. So, first I thought you might be cheating on me. I thought maybe you were with another man or even a woman. Maybe you’re still confused, and you want to be with women. Maybe I’m not good enough for you,”

            “That’s not true…” I tried to tell him, but he still wasn’t listening.

            I could tell he was already angry, and I was doing my best to calm him down before I told him what was going on. The truth is, there was something that I’ve been hiding from him, it’s just not what he expected. But I still didn’t exactly know how to tell him.

            “Then I overhear you talking about ultrasounds and missed periods, so pregnancy must be the reason you’ve been acting strangely. But then I realize that if you’re four months pregnant, then it’s not even mine. So now I have to wonder, who’s the father? You told me you hadn’t been with a guy in years, but clearly, you lied about that. What else are you lying about? Are you still fucking this guy is behind my back?”

            Since he wasn’t really listening to me, I just let him go on his little rant, to express how he felt. He was throwing all these accusations at me. I was trying not to get too offended, but his words were hurtful. I tried to consider things from his perspective. He didn’t know what else to think, and part of me understood how he could jump to these conclusions. But it still didn’t feel good to be accused of all these things, especially of cheating.

            “Brian, I’m not…” I tried to say, but he was still going on his rant.

            “Did you already know you were pregnant when we started dating? Was that your plan all along? Get me to fall so deeply in love with you that I would still stick around and be a father for a kid that isn’t even mine?”

            “Are you done?” I asked him.

            I had enough. I let him go on his little rant and say whatever he wanted, but it was time to tell him the truth. And I knew that if I didn’t stop him, he would say something else that he’d regret. I needed to get through to him and get his attention, so I grabbed his face and looked him straight in the eyes.

            “I AM NOT PREGNANT,” I stated firmly. This time I knew he was listening. I had to interrupt him and end his ranting because these assumptions were going to drive both of us crazy.

            “I heard what you said on the phone. Don’t lie to me, Jessica,” he said. He pulled away, not wanting me to touch him. He hadn’t calmed down yet.

            “I’ll take a pregnancy test right now if that’s what it will take to prove it to you. But I can assure you that I am not pregnant with your, or anyone else’s, baby. I never lied about the people I slept with. And I sure as hell did not cheat on you. I would never do that,” I swore to him.

            “So then what the fuck is going on? How else do you explain this?” he asked, still completely baffled. Somehow my response wasn’t making him feel any better. He looked more confused now than when he thought I was pregnant.

            “Have you ever heard of Polycystic Ovary Syndrome?” I asked him.

            He was completely thrown off, but that didn’t surprise me. I didn’t expect him to know what it was. And I didn’t really need a response, because the confused look on his face told me the answer.

            “No, I haven’t. What is that?”

            “Basically the ovaries develop cysts, causing a hormonal imbalance, which leads to a bunch of other things. Cramps, headache, fatigue. But it also causes periods to be irregular, which would explain the four missed periods.”

            “And you think you have that? Is that why you’re going to the doctor?” he asked me. His anger had subsided a bit, and now he looked more concerned.

            “No, Brian. You don’t understand. I don’t think I have it. I KNOW I have it. I’ve already been diagnosed with it,” I confessed.

            The feeling of keeping this secret from him was eating away at me. And when I felt the symptoms come back, I knew that I had no choice but to tell him the truth.

            “You…you already knew about this? Why wouldn’t you tell me? How long have you known?”

            “A long time…”

            “What does that mean? What’s a long time? A few months? A year? Five years? Tell me the truth.”

            “I’ve known about this since I was 16,” I finally admitted. I knew he wasn’t going to like the answer, but at this point, I had to be honest with him.

            “Jesus Christ, Jessica…So you’ve had this the entire time I’ve known you, and long before that? Why wouldn’t you tell me something like this?” he questioned.

            He had calmed down after his initial rant, but now he was growing angry again. I knew Brian was really mad at me because he kept calling me Jessica. He only calls me Jessica when things get serious.

            “Because it’s not like I’m constantly sick all the time. The symptoms come and go. Most of the time it’s not that serious. But it just pops up again every now and then. Sometimes I even forget I have it,” I told him, but that didn’t seem to make him feel any better.

            “Don’t try to act like this is nothing. Because if it was nothing, then you could’ve easily told me about it,” Brian said.

            “You’re right Brian. I’m so sorry. I know I should’ve told you sooner, but I just didn’t know how to tell you,” I tried to explain to him while begging for forgiveness.

            “You didn’t know how to tell me? Bullshit. How many times have we stayed up talking for hours? Telling each other our deepest secrets, even BEFORE we were dating. You’ve had plenty of opportunities to tell me.”

            “Well, at least I’m not pregnant, and I most likely never will be. Another part of this is infertility. So accidentally getting me pregnant is not something you have to worry about. It’s not like we wanted kids anyway,” I said, trying to mediate the situation. I thought it would’ve made him feel a little better, knowing that I didn’t do all the things he accused me of earlier.

            “Is that supposed to make me feel better? That doesn’t make it right, Jessica. Bottom line is, you still should’ve told me.”

            “I know, you’re right. But I’m telling you now…”

            “You’re only telling me now because you got caught. How much longer would you have kept this from me if I hadn’t overheard you talking to Bessy on the phone? Speaking of which, why the fuck does she know about this, and I don’t? Why can you talk to her about it, but not me?” he asked.

            “I was throwing up the other day, at Nitro Circus. Bessy started asking questions, so I ended up telling her about it. She told me that I should get myself checked out and that I need to start taking care of myself,” I told him.

 

             I only told Bessy a few days ago, so it’s not like she knew that much longer than Brian. But I felt like as a woman, Bessy would understand what I was going through. I needed to confide in somebody, and I trusted her. I was worried that Brian had way too much going on in his life for me to put this burden on him.

            “And don’t you think I would’ve told you the same thing? I want you to be healthy, and take care of yourself. But I also want you to be able to talk to me about these things, and tell me if you’re in pain.”

            “I know, you’re right. I should’ve told you sooner. I’m sorry,” I begged.

            “So this messes with your cycle. That explains the missed periods. I understand that. Then what’s the ultrasound for?” Brian asked.

            But this was the question I was dreading. I knew the answer would make him upset, potentially more upset than he was before. But at this point, I had told him almost everything, and I was in too deep. I couldn’t hold back anymore. But I didn’t want to admit the answer to him, because I didn’t want to admit the truth to myself.

            “The doctor has to check and make sure that everything is normal, and make sure I don’t…” I started to say, but I couldn’t get the words out.

            “What is it, Jessica? Just tell me,” he said firmly.

            I just stared at him for a moment, struggling to find the right words to say.

            “There’s something you said earlier. You said most of the time it’s not that serious. What does that mean? When does it get serious?” he asked.

            “Some women with this develop… Well, they’re at a higher risk for…” I started to try to say again, but I still couldn’t get that one word out.

            “Just spit it out, Jessica. What is it? Tell me the truth,” he demanded.

            “Cancer. Okay? I’m at a higher risk for cancer. That’s why I’m going to the doctor tomorrow. That’s one of the things the ultrasound is checking for,” I finally admitted to him. The “c-word” is what I was dreading. I was terrified of what the results might show. It’s always been a looming fear of mine.

            “Ca...cancer? You just tried to act like this wasn’t a big deal, that sometimes you even forget about it. And now you’re telling me that you have something that could give you cancer? How could you not tell me something this serious?” he asked. Now Brian was absolutely furious. He got up from the bed and started walking out of the bedroom.

            “Getting cancer from this does happen, but it’s rare. I didn’t want you to be worried about it until I knew for sure what was going on.”

            “Oh, you didn’t want to worry me? Well, it’s too fucking late for that, Jessica.”

            “I’m sorry, Brian. But I didn’t want you to be so worried about me, and carrying around this burden of wondering if I’m sick or not.”

            “That’s the whole fucking point, Jessica. You’re trying to carry this burden all by yourself when you don’t have to. I’m your boyfriend. I’m supposed to be your best friend. I’m supposed to help you, to be there for you. I could help you get through this. But I couldn’t help you with something if I didn’t know about it.”

            “You ARE my best friend…I’m sorry, Brian,” I said, repeatedly.

            “I can’t believe that you would keep something like this from me, especially after everything we went through when I was sick. You gave me so much shit for not telling you, but what you did was even worse. I’m not just your friend anymore, I’m your boyfriend. I thought we were supposed to share everything. I’ve told you everything about me. I’ve poured my heart out to you. I just don’t understand how you would keep something this serious from me,” he said.

            “I don’t know what else to say, Brian. I’m sorry. I never meant for this to hurt you so much. That’s what I was trying to avoid.”

            “I have to get out of here. I don’t know what to think. I don’t even know who you are anymore,” he said, as he started walking away, going towards my front door.

            “Brian, wait. I’m sorry. I was just trying to protect you. Please don’t leave,” I begged him.

            “I just need to think about everything,” he said, running his fingers through his hair.

            “I’m sorry. I love you, Brian,” I told him as he stood in the doorway.

            “I love you so much, Jessica. That’s why I’m so hurt,” he said, slamming the door as he walked out.

            Once the door shut, I instantly burst into tears. I felt terrible for what I had done. I shouldn’t have kept something like this from the man I love. But I wasn’t trying to lie to him. I was just trying to protect his feelings. He had already been through so much, especially in the last few months. I thought that the last thing he needed to worry about is whether or not I was healthy. Instead, I ended up causing him even more pain by keeping this from him.

            Another reason I didn’t tell him about something that could potentially be serious, is because I didn’t want to accept it myself. I tried to convince myself that nothing serious happened so far. But that didn’t stop me from worrying about all the possibilities.

            I didn’t want to worry Brian when everything was fine. But now, everything is NOT fine. I can feel it. I know my body, and I know that something is off. I was terrified of what could happen. I don’t know if Brian truly understood how scared I was. Maybe he didn’t understand the severity of what could happen. But that was my fault. I didn’t convey how I really felt because I was too concerned about him being so mad at me.

            After sitting on the couch for about an hour, sobbing to myself, I picked myself up and got into bed. I curled up into a ball in bed, and continued bawling, thinking about what I had done to Brian. My bed was so cold without him. It felt so bizarre lying in bed without him next to me. This was one of the only nights we had spent apart, other than him being on tour. It felt like a piece of me was missing.

            But right now, I needed him, because I had never felt this helpless. I probably could’ve called Bessy, or even my sister, to help comfort me. But I didn’t want anyone else. I just wanted Brian. He was my person. My everything. My other half. The one I was supposed to share everything with. But I ruined it. This is all my fault, and now I’m terrified that I’ve lost him for good. Now all I could do was lie in bed, waiting for my appointment tomorrow morning. I feared that something serious could happen. But whatever happens, I deserve it. After what I did to Brian, I deserve this pain.          

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So, I feel like things have taken several unexpected turns in the last two chapters, but I hope you guys like it. Does this make Jess look better or worse than what you guys expected? I’m not sure. Anyway, let me know what you guys think of where the story is going so far. I always appreciate the feedback!


	28. Overreacting?

Brian’s POV 

            When I left Jessica’s house that night, I felt conflicted. On one hand, I do think she should’ve told me about this a long time ago, or at least once we started dating. But on the other hand, maybe I was too hard on her. Jess is clearly dealing with a lot right now, and I should be there to help her through it. I should’ve been more supportive. Jess has been there for me during some of my darkest moments. And instead of comforting her during her time of need, I yelled at her and stormed off.

            The part that hurt me the most about this whole situation is the thought that Jess didn’t want to share something with me. She didn’t think she could confide in me. I thought we had open communication in our relationship, but I guess I was wrong. I thought I could tell her anything because I trusted her with my life. But for some reason, she didn’t trust me with this information, and I didn’t know why. She says it’s because she didn’t want to worry me, but now she has me more worried than anything.

            After I sat in my car and cooled down a bit, I decided to go over to Sal’s. I needed someone to vent to, and I needed some advice. I needed to know if I was overreacting, or if my feelings were justified. Was I being crazy?

            -----

            I went over to Sal’s, unannounced, and told him everything that happened with Jess. From overhearing Jess on the phone and thinking she was pregnant, to everything that happened once I confronted her.

            “Wow,” he said, probably overwhelmed by all the details I had just told him.

            “So what do you think?” I asked.

            “Dude, you know I love you. But you’re being a dick about this,” Sal admitted. I was a little surprised that as my friend, he didn’t take my side. But at least I know that I can always count on him to be honest with me.

             “Really? Don’t you think she should’ve told me about this? After everything we’ve been through together?” I asked him.

            “Sure, I think she should have told you. But you’re blowing this totally out of proportion. Why are you getting so upset about this?”

            “She gave me so much shit for not telling her when I was sick. After all that, I thought she would’ve told me if she was sick. I thought we’d be able to trust each other. I don’t know why she would hide something like this from me,” I told Sal.

            “Brian, think about that for a second. Why did you push her away when you were sick? Why didn’t you tell her?” Sal asked.

            “Because I loved her too much to ever want her to see me like that. I didn’t want her to think I was weak. She didn’t need to be so worried about me…”

            “And… she probably feels the same way about her situation. I don’t think she kept this from you because she doesn’t trust you. I think she was just trying to protect you, and your feelings. I don’t believe this is something she did maliciously. She’s just not like that.” Sal tried to explain to me.

            At that moment, I started to recognize how similar Jess and I are. We’ve both tried to protect each other’s feelings, especially when it came to our health issues. Ultimately, we both did it out of love, even if we ended up hurting each other. I understood how hurt Jess must have been when I kept my illness from her and pushed her away. It’s painful when someone you love is suffering, but they won’t let you help them

            “I just panicked,” I told him.

            It was the only way I could explain the way I reacted. When Jess told me all this information at once, I didn’t know how to process it. I was already so caught up in this angry rage, first thinking that she was pregnant or that she was cheating on me. Maybe I was just looking for any reason to justify my anger.

            “Do you really want to be with Jess? Do you really love her?” Sal asked me.

            “Of course I do, Sal. How could you even ask me that?”

            “Because I think you’re so afraid of her hurting or leaving you, that you’re just looking for any excuse to push her away,” Sal told me.

            “Well every woman I’ve ever loved has cheated on me, or betrayed me in some way. I just feared that Jess would do something like that to me,” I explained to Sal, but he already knew my history with women. He knew that I’ve been hurt before.

            I was starting to realize that it’s unfair for me to put all the baggage from my past onto Jess. It’s not her responsibility to deal with all my issues, it should be my problem. Because of my past, I’ve never felt like I was worthy of love. It’s difficult to accept the kind of unconditional love that I get from Jess. I try to protect myself from getting hurt, so I push people away before they get a chance to hurt me. I always thought Jess was too good for me and when she realized that, she would leave me. I always feared that one day I would lose Jess, but I thought it would be because of her breaking up with me. I never even considered that I could lose her because of some illness. This added fear was too much for me to handle all at once, and it was difficult for me to process all of it.

            “And what makes you think Jess is going to be the same as the women you’ve been with before? How many times have you said that Jess is nothing like any woman you’ve ever met? Did you really mean that?”

            “I meant that. I still believe it,” I told him.

            “Then you need to stop pretending like Jess is some perfect angel because then you get so disappointed when she does something wrong. She’s human. She made a mistake. But she doesn’t deserve this reaction from you. Don’t be stupid. Don’t fuck up the best relationship you’ve ever had because of one mistake.”

            Sal using the word ‘perfect’ about Jess, made me remember all the times I’ve called her that. But Jess always seemed to hate when I used the word ‘perfect’. She worried that any mistake she made would ruin this image I had of her. Maybe she was trying to prepare me for this situation. But this just proves that Jess was right. I completely overreacted because I always think so highly of Jess, as if she’ll never do anything wrong. I had to realize that she’s not perfect, and sometimes things will go wrong. But that doesn’t mean that we don’t love each other.     

             I started to think back to the letter Jess wrote to me when we first started dating. She told me that she would try to be the best girlfriend she could be. All this time Jess has been trying so hard to be the “perfect girlfriend” and I’ve only added on to that pressure. I needed to accept her for who she was, including her flaws. God knows she’s had to deal with my flaws.

            “You spent 8 years of your life on the fire department rescuing people you didn’t even know. Now you want to abandon your girlfriend when she needs you the most?” Sal asked, somewhat harshly.

            “I’m NOT abandoning her. I just needed some space to think about this,” I tried to tell him, but, in reality, I was trying to convince myself.

            I was feeling increasingly guilty the more I talked to Sal about the whole situation. I started to feel like a complete asshole, leaving Jess alone when she was dealing with something that could be serious. I should’ve just been there for Jess, even if I was upset. We could’ve addressed the issue of her keeping this secret later. But for right now, Jess was in trouble, and I should be there to help her through it.

            “There’s something else bothering you isn’t there?” Sal asked. I guess he could tell that there was still something else on my mind. There were so many thoughts going through my head at once, I couldn’t even process everything.

            “I should’ve known…” I sighed.

            “Yes, you should’ve known. She should’ve told you something was wrong. We’ve already been through this…” Sal said, getting tired of saying the same thing.

            “No, I mean…I should’ve been able to tell. I should’ve known something was wrong with her. How could I know her all this time and not realize?” I asked him.

            “Ohhh… I get it. You feel guilty about not seeing it yourself.”

            I nodded, thinking back to all the little signs I should’ve picked up on. When I looked back, I realized that I never remember her talking about her period while we were together. If she wasn’t feeling well, she never said, “Oh, it’s just my time of the month.” And now I know why. I should’ve known that something was wrong with her, that something was different. Even when I kept asking her if something was wrong, she would always tell me no. Jess told me she was fine, even when I knew she wasn’t. The more I thought about it, the more I started to feel guilty, and blame myself. After knowing Jess all this time, how could I not be able to tell that something was wrong with her?

            “Well, if it helps, she had this long before you knew her. So, it’s all you’ve ever known. You have nothing to compare it to,” Sal said.

            “I guess. But if I had known, maybe there was something I could’ve done to help her. She didn’t let me in, but maybe that’s my fault. I just feel so guilty that this is something she’s been dealing with for so long, and I didn’t even know,” I explained.

            “There’s nothing you could’ve done about it before, if you didn’t know about it. But you know Jess better than anyone. She always tries to be strong, and put on a brave face, acting like everything is fine. And she’s always thinking about others before herself,” Sal said.

            Sal was absolutely right, and I was too dumb and stubborn to see it before. Jess is always worried about taking care of other people, instead of taking care of herself. I also felt guilty because the last few weeks have been so heavily focused on me. Jess was by my side through my retirement from the FDNY and the whole Nitro Circus fiasco. I think she was too focused on taking care of me that she neglected to take care of herself. Even now, she seemed more concerned about how I would react than worrying about her own health. But now that I was aware of her health issues, I had to be there for her. She deserved my support.

            “I need to go back over there now and try to fix this. How mad do you think she’ll be?” I asked Sal.

            “I think she SHOULD be mad at you. But all you can do now is apologize and just be there for her,” Sal told me.

            “You’re right. Thanks, buddy,” I said.

            “Good luck. Don’t fuck this up,” Sal told me, as I walked out the door, going to see Jess.

            I couldn’t even wait to see her. I needed her to know immediately how sorry I was. When I got in the car, I tried calling and texting her, but I got no response. She was either asleep and not hearing the phone, or she was mad and ignoring me. Either way, I still wanted her to know how I felt. Before I started driving to her house, I left her a voicemail.

            _“Hey, baby. I’m really sorry for how we left things earlier. I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that, or stormed out on you. But I’m going to be more supportive. I want to be there for you. If you’re going through something like this, I want to be able to help you, like you’re always helping me. I’m coming over, but I just wanted to tell you that. I love you so much, Jessica, and I’m sorry that I hurt you.”_

            I didn’t know exactly what I was going to say to Jess. But talking things out with Sal made me realize how much of an asshole I was being. I needed to see Jess, and let her know how sorry I was, and how much I regretting leaving her. I didn’t know how angry she would be at me, or if she would even forgive me. But I had to at least try because Jess was too important to me. I couldn’t lose her because of this. After everything it took for us to get together, I was not willing to give up on her this easily. I needed to make things right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Does this redeem Brian a little? Maybe? I don’t know. I hope this chapter helps give more understanding as to why he reacted the way he did. But I always enjoy reading comments, so feel free to let me know what you think! Also, if anyone ever wants to chat in more detail, feel free to message me on my Tumblr @statenislandboys.


	29. Help.

Jessica’s POV

            When I woke up the morning after my fight with Brian, I almost felt numb. I didn’t have any tears left. Once I went to bed last night, I passed out, almost immediately. I was both physically and emotionally exhausted. My body needed a break.

            The longer I sat there and thought about Brian, the more my sadness grew into resentment and anger towards him. I thought about all those times he’s called me, asking for help. All those times I picked him up at some random bar, because he was drunk and couldn’t drive himself home. Whenever he needed me, I was there. Even if we were in the middle of an argument, if he needed me, I would be there for him. It’s not like I expect any kind of praise, or even recognition, for doing those things. I did them because he’s my best friend, and I would do anything for him. But I expected him to do the same thing in return, and be there for me when I really needed him.

            When I told Brian what was going on, I expected him to get upset. But I didn’t think he would get THAT angry. I didn’t expect him to say so many mean things about me. He said a lot of words that were hurtful, basically calling me a whore, a liar, and a cheater. None of the things he accused me of were true. I thought he knew me better than that.

            From the beginning, I didn’t expect Brian to completely understand what I was going through, especially if it’s a condition that he’s never heard of. But once I explained some of the symptoms to him, I thought he would’ve been more caring and supportive. Even when I explained some of the potentially serious risks and the reason for my ultrasound, he was still angry at me. Brian was fixated on the fact that I was hiding this big secret from him. He was so focused on that, he failed to see what was really important. I was in pain, and I needed his help.

            I just wanted Brian to hold me in his arms and tell me that everything was going to be okay. Even if that wasn’t true and I wasn’t going to be okay. I wanted him to protect me. Or at least, I wanted to feel protected, even though realistically I knew there wasn’t much he could do about my health.

            Brian was normally so sweet and comforting. It’s one of the things I love most about him. Last night I desperately wanted to feel that comfort, so I settled for wearing one of his hoodies. I had a habit of wearing some of Brian’s things, especially while he was away. It made me feel safe, and protected, something I wanted to feel now more than ever.   

            I was prepared to go to my ultrasound by myself, as I have done many times before. I would have to do this, with or without Brian‘s support. Unfortunately, this is not the first time I’ve had to go through this over the years. In fact, I can’t even keep track of the number of scans, tests, and ultrasounds I’ve had to go through. It’s something I’ve had since I was a teenager, so it’s always felt like a part of my life. Fortunately, the results have never found anything too serious. For the most part, I’ve had this thing under control. There are occasional hiccups here and there, but that’s normal. Well, my normal I guess. I was so used to doing this alone, that I was beginning to accept that this time might have to be the same way.

            When I finally got out of bed and looked at my phone, I saw a bunch of missed calls and texts from Brian, and even a few from Sal. But I didn’t want to deal that yet. I just didn’t have the energy to think about Brian right now. My first thought was to call Bessy since she’s been helping me through a lot. She picked up almost immediately, probably very worried about me. The last thing she heard was me quickly hanging up on her last night after Brian walked in.

            “Hey, I’ve been worried about you. Are you okay?” she asked me.

            No. I was not okay. I told her everything that happened the night before. From Brian thinking I was pregnant to him storming out on me after I told him the truth about my situation.  

            “Oh, Jess. I’m so sorry he didn’t take it well. I know he can be stubborn, but he’ll come around,” Bessy told me.

            “I guess. But even if he does, he said a lot of mean things to me. But I’m trying to put that aside right now and just focus my appointment,” I told her.

            “Do you want me to go with you? I can be there if you need some support,” Bessy offered.

            It was a sweet gesture, but I didn’t want her to have to go through all the trouble. She lived in Long Island, and I didn’t want her coming all the way to Staten Island just to sit with me in a doctor’s office.

            “No, you really don’t have to do that. But thank you, though. I really appreciate the offer,” I told her.

            “Are you sure?”

            “Yes, I’m sure. Don’t worry about it. I’m actually going to leave soon, anyway,” I told her.

            I always liked to be early for my appointments. I started walking out of my room, needing to drink a lot of water in preparation for the ultrasound. When I walked out into my living room, there was Brian, sitting on my couch.

            “What the…” I started to say, completely surprised by his presence.

            “What’s the matter?” Bessy asked. I almost forgot that I was still on the phone with her.

            “Brian is here…. I didn’t know… I should probably go,” I told Bessy.

            “Call me later, let me know how your appointment went?” she asked.

            “Yes, of course. I’ll talk to you later,” I promised her, before hanging up the phone.

            I put the phone down and turned my attention to the man standing in my living room. I was definitely not expecting to see him.

            “I’m sorry if I scared you...” he said.

            “What are you doing here?” I asked him.

            “I came back over last night, after our fight. I wanted to apologize for everything. I let myself in… I went into your room, but you were asleep, and I didn’t want to disturb you. I just thought I’d sleep out here so I could be here when you wake up. I want to be there for you…” Brian told me.

            “You hurt me, Brian. More than any physical pain I could be in. I needed you to be supportive last night, but you left me. Where was that big, caring teddy bear that I fell in love with? Where did that guy go? Can I have him back please?”

            “Jess, I’m sorry…” Brian said.

            He started walking closer towards me, probably going in for a hug. But I put my hand out, pushing him away. This was not the time for cuteness or affection. I still needed to get some things off my chest.

            “No… You can NOT just hug me and think everything is going to be okay. You said a lot of hurtful things to me last night. Things I didn’t deserve. You basically called me a whore, a liar, a cheater. Even your hugs can’t fix that,” I told him.

            It felt empowering to stand up for myself, and tell him how I really felt. Brian looked at me with his sad eyes, but I was trying to stay strong, and tell him what was on my mind.

            “I have done this by myself in the past. If I have to do this without you, I will,” I told him.

            “Jessica, you don’t HAVE to. I’m here for you now. I’ll be right there next to you, holding your hand and helping you get through this. You don’t have to do this alone anymore, because you have me,” he promised me.

            “But how do I know you’re not just going to storm off on me again? How do I know that I can trust you?” I asked him.

            Brian got down on his knees and grabbed my hand. This time I didn’t pull away, and I let him touch me. He looked up at me with those big brown eyes, staring directly into my eyes as he spoke.

            “I know that I fucked up. The way I reacted wasn’t your fault, it’s because of my own stupidity. I projected my past onto you, and I’m sorry for that. But I will do everything I can to make it right. I’ve stayed up all night, reading all about what you have. I’m trying to understand what you’re going through. I’m sorry, Jessica. Please forgive me…” he begged.

            When I first saw Brian standing there in my living room, there were so many things I wanted to say to him. I wanted to tell him how betrayed I felt when he left me last night. I needed his support more than anything, but he wasn’t there for me when I needed him.

            But when I saw his face and looked into his eyes, I crumbled. He was begging for forgiveness, and I believed that his apology was sincere. I couldn’t help but fall right into his arms, where I felt safe and protected from the world. I couldn’t argue with him anymore, because I was too emotionally drained. I was too weak to go off on him and tell him all the things I really felt. I was in a lot of pain. Some physical, but mostly emotional, from this whole argument. But it wasn’t worth putting up a fight anymore. I had too much else to worry about, and I needed his support. I needed my person back.

            “What’s that?” I asked, pointing to papers and pens on my table.

            “Oh…uhh. I didn’t know how you were going to react. I didn’t know if you’d be mad at me and tell me to leave. So just in case, I wrote you this note to tell you how I felt,” he explained.

            This situation was starting to feel eerily similar to the days leading up to the start of our relationship. During that time, Brian also stormed off after an argument, but wrote me a letter, apologizing and telling me all these sweet things. Sometimes getting words out was difficult for him, so he found it easier to write out his feelings.

            “Can I still read it?” I asked him.

            “I guess. You’ll probably think it’s lame. I just needed to get my feelings out,” he told me.

            Judging by the crumbled up pieces of paper around the table, I could tell that he put a lot of effort into writing this note. Brian was never very confident in his writing, even when I constantly assured him that he was a good writer. That was just one more thing he was insecure about. I always loved reading the things he wrote, even if they weren’t to me. But his notes to me were always very special. I picked up the letter he wrote to me, and read it out loud.

_Dear Jessica,_

_Last night I panicked and I got really scared about the possibilities of what could happen to you. That panic caused me to act irrational and stupid, and I’m sorry about that. But then I realized that if I’m scared, I can’t even imagine how terrified you must be. I should be more supportive of the strong woman you are, instead of being threatened by the fact that you haven’t shared every single detail of your life with me._

_I really admire how brave you are. You’ve been dealing with this all these years, but you haven’t let it affect your life. As far as I can tell, you’re always so strong and full of life, that I would never know something was wrong. But I just want you to know that you don’t HAVE to be so strong anymore, at least around me. I am here to be your therapist, your shoulder to cry on, or to rub your back or stomach when you don’t feel well. I’ll always take care of you, especially when you’re sick. You’ve always selflessly taken care of me, and I never properly thanked you for that. Now, let me take care of you. I’m always here for you, whatever you need. I’m sorry I’ve been so stupid, and I’m sorry I left last night. But I promise you, I’ll make it up to you by being the best boyfriend I can be. I will always be there for you when you need me._

_You’ve always been the strong one. You’re the real superhero in this relationship, not me. I love you, Jessica._

_Love,_

_Brian_

            “I’m a superhero…?” I questioned. It was always something I called him, but I never thought of myself as one. He’s the one that’s rescued people from burning buildings and saved lives.

            “I told you it was stupid. I should’ve never even given it to you,” he said, reaching for the letter. But I pulled it away from him and held the note close to my chest.  

            “I liked it. I thought it was sweet,” I assured him.

            “I’m sorry, Jessica. I really am,” he told me, again.

            Once I read that letter, I just melted. I believed that it was sincere and that Brian was truly sorry for the way he reacted. He made a mistake, but I was willing to forgive him. My anger had subsided, and Brian could sense that. He cautiously came closer towards me. I buried my face in his chest, this time allowing him to wrap his arms around me.

            “Can I take you to the doctor? I want to be there with you,” he told me.

            “I would really appreciate that,” I responded.

            -----

            After Brian and I made up, we went off to my doctor’s appointment. I was nervous, but at least I’ve done this before. Brian had no idea what to expect. He was trying to stay calm for my sake, but I knew that he was freaking out. While we were in the car, we didn’t say much to each other. Brian was mostly silent, probably because he had a million different thoughts running through his mind.

            We sat there together in the waiting room, still not saying much to each other. We weren’t waiting very long, but it felt like an eternity. I just wanted to get this whole thing over with so I could know what I’m dealing with. But even though we were silent, Brian never let go of my hand. He held it tightly the entire time, not letting go since we got to the doctor’s office. I truly felt like he was supportive of me now.

            “I know I said I would do this by myself, but I’m really glad you’re here. I’ve sat here alone in this waiting room so many times before. It’s so much better having someone to lean on,” I told him, as I put my head on his shoulder.

            Without saying anything, he gently kissed the top of my head, letting me know that he was there for me. I sat there, leaning on him, for a few more minutes before I was finally called in.

            The technician came in first since she was the one who would be doing the actual scan. I knew the drill. I had my shirt already lifted, ready to go. She put the jelly on my lower abdomen and then began using the machine to scan me. Not that it’s their fault, but I always disliked how silent technicians had to be. They weren’t supposed to say anything as they were going through the process since they’re not the doctors. They’re basically just taking pictures, and the doctor makes the diagnosis. The technicians aren’t even supposed to flinch or give any kind of reaction. When she was finished, she cleaned me off and gave me a weak smile.

            “The doctor should be in shortly,” she told me.

            “Thank you,” I responded.

            “She didn’t say anything. Is that bad? What does that mean?” Brian asked nervously, once the technician left the room. He still had not let go of my hand throughout the entire thing. He was now squeezing it even tighter.

            “That’s normal. It doesn’t necessarily mean that something’s wrong. It’s not her job to diagnose me. That’s the doctor’s job,” I explained to him.

            My explanation didn’t help calm Brian down, because he still looked anxious. I didn’t know what else to say to him, because I didn’t know what was going to happen either. I had no idea what the doctor would tell me. After patiently waiting for a few minutes, which felt like forever, the doctor finally came in. He had a somber look on his face, with the results of my ultrasound in hand.

            “Jessica, I’ve been looking over your results. I know it’s normal for you to have cysts, but I am concerned that this could be something more serious…”

 


	30. Broken.

Brian’s POV

            “Jessica, I’ve been looking over your results. I know it’s normal for you to have cysts, but I am concerned that this could be something more serious…”

            Those words were exactly what I was dreading. When the technician didn’t say anything after scanning Jess, I assumed the worst. Jess tried to tell me it was normal, but I wondered if she could tell something was wrong. But I couldn’t get too wrapped up in my own fears. I had to be strong, and be there for Jess. I looked over at her to see her reaction, but she was completely frozen, probably unable to process what the doctor had just told her.

            “So what does that mean? What else could this be?” I asked hesitantly, even though I already knew the answer. 

            “I don’t know for sure yet, so I don’t want to alarm either of you. But I see something abnormal on the scan. That doesn’t necessarily mean cancer. It could just be benign, and just be cysts. In that case, those are easy to take care of. Just to be sure, I would need to do an endometrial biopsy, which would check the cells for cancer. It’ll only take me a few minutes to get prepped so I can do this today, if that’s okay with you, Jessica,” the doctor asked.

            We both looked over at Jess, but she was still emotionless. Both of us were still processing all this information. Jess could barely handle all of this at once.  She could barely speak, but she nodded, agreeing to the procedure.

            “When will we know the results?” I asked.

            “It usually takes about 7-10 days. I’ll call as soon as I know. I’m going to give you two a few minutes. I’ll be back shortly to begin the procedure,” the doctor told us.

            Once the doctor left the room, I looked over at Jess, squeezing her hand even tighter to let her know I was there for her. But she still had barely any reaction to the news we had just heard. I suspected that she was trying to be strong again, for my sake. Jess had spent the entire day trying to comfort me, even though she was the one that was in pain. She kept telling me that she would be fine, but know she was being confronted with the harsh reality that this situation was more severe than she expected. I knew that I had to step up and be her rock since she was always mine. I would do everything I could to help her get through this.

            “Baby? Talk to me. How are you feeling about all of this?” I asked.

            “I’m scared, Brian,” was all she could say. She could barely look at me, but I could see the dear in her eyes. She was slowly starting to process what was happening.

            “Jessica, don’t panic. The doctor is just being cautious. We don’t know for sure what this is yet. Let’s try to stay positive,” I told her. I was panicking in my mind too. But I had to keep it together for her.

            “But what if it’s ca…” she started to say before she got a choked up. She couldn’t say the ‘c-word’. It was just too painful to think about.

            “Then we’ll deal it. I’ll do everything in my power to help you get better. I will take you to the best doctors, and get you the best treatment possible. I will take you to wherever these doctors are. I’ll be sitting right there to you, holding your hand through it all. I’d quit my job if I had to. I’ll do whatever it takes,” I promised her.

            “Brian, I can’t tell you how much I appreciate that you would do all those things for me. But I really hope you don’t have to.”

            “I hope it doesn’t come to that either. I want you to be healthy. But either way, I’ll take care of you,” I promised her.

            “Can you promise me something?”

            “Of course, Jess. Anything.”

            “Promise me that no matter what, we’ll never go to bed angry at each other like we did last night. Especially after days like today.”

            “Jess, I promise you, that will never happen again. I will stay up until 4 in the morning working things out if we have to,” I swore.

            I looked her intently into her eyes as I made her this promise. After what happened today, the argument we had seemed so meaningless. But we had to put that argument past us because we had more important things to focus on now. It put everything into perspective.

            -----

            The doctor returned shortly after and told us a little more about the procedure. He explained that the biopsy itself would be a fairly quick process, lasting about 10 minutes. Jess would be given a sedative to relax, but she wouldn’t be completely out. The doctor also gave her something to numb the area so Jess wouldn’t feel any pain.

            I stayed towards the top of Jess, holding her hand, and just talking to her. I was trying to comfort and distract her from what the doctor was doing. Jess didn’t look like she was in pain, which was somewhat of a relief. But it was still difficult for me to watch Jess lay there, as the doctor worked on her. She was so woozy and almost unconscious. But I tried not to think about how difficult it was for me to watch this. I had to focus on Jess because she was the one actually going through all of this.

            After a few minutes, the doctor completed the procedure and explained that our next steps would be to just wait for the results. Jess was still a bit out of it, but I pulled the doctor aside to get more information about what I could do. I felt so helpless just watching her go through this. But I hoped that the doctor could give me some ideas on how to help Jess.

            “Is there anything I can do, to help her out, so she feels better?”

            “Well, the area is very sensitive at the moment, so no sex for the next couple of days.”

            “That’s fine, I can control myself. What else?” I asked him.

            As much as I loved being with Jess, that was the last thing on my mind right now. I just wanted to make sure that I did everything I could to help her feel better.

            “You could make sure that she doesn’t get a fever. And some bleeding is normal, but if it becomes excessive, she should come back and get that checked. Other than that, just make sure she eats, drinks a lot of water, and gets some rest.”

            “Ok, I can handle that.”

            “Oh, and one more thing. Her hormones are all out of balance right now. So, don’t be surprised if her emotions are all over the place. Just be patient with her,” the doctor told me.

            “I can do that,” I assured him.

            -----

            The whole ride home, Jess barely said a word. She was still a little woozy from the procedure. Not only was she fairly silent, and barely reacted since the doctor explained this whole situation. I would’ve expected her to get upset, and cry after what happened. But instead Jess had gone numb, and I was worried that she was in denial. Once we got back to her house, I tried to make sure that I took care of her.

            “Jess, you look exhausted. Why don’t you go lay down for a little bit?”

            “I don’t need to lay down, I need to take a shower. I feel gross."

            “Of course. Whatever you need. Go shower, and I’ll make you something to eat.”

            “I’m not hungry.”

            “When was the last time you ate?” I asked her.

            I realized that recently Jess had been losing weight, but not in a good way. That’s another thing I should have noticed. When she’s stressed, she doesn’t eat or sleep. Even if she wasn’t hungry, like she claimed, she still needed something in her body for sustenance. Sometimes she can be stubborn. I didn’t want to have to force her to eat, but I also wanted to make sure she was taking care of herself.

            “I had a bagel for breakfast…Yesterday.”

            “Jessica… You can’t do this to yourself. You’re only going to make it worse. Let me make you something. Please…” I begged her.

            “Ok fine. I’ll eat something if that makes you happy,” she relented.

            Although I am not the best chef, I did my best to whip together something for Jess to eat. After everything Jess has done for me, this was the least I could do for her. But Jess was way more talented in the kitchen than me. But then again, she’s better than me at pretty much everything. I knew that she was still feeling a bit nauseous and woozy from the procedure, so I didn’t want to make her anything that would upset her stomach. Searching through her kitchen, I found some pancake mix, bread to make toast, and eggs. Scrambled were her favorite. Just as I was flipping the last of the pancakes, Jess emerged from her bedroom, looking more refreshed than before, but still tired. She was wearing one of my hoodies, which she claims are the most comfortable, and her favorite things to wear. I didn’t mind since I never got tired of seeing her wearing my clothes.

            “You made pancakes?” she asked. I finally got a smile out of her, the first I had seen all day.

            “I made you scrambled eggs, toast, and pancakes. I figured those things are safe. I’m sorry that this was the best I could do.”

            “Don’t be sorry. This is perfect Thank you…”

            And then for some reason, after looking at the food I had made her, she burst into tears. I wasn’t quite sure why. Was the food really that bad? Did she not want to eat at all? Was she still in pain? She had spent the last few hours bottling up all her emotions, and now she had just cracked.

            “Sweetheart, what’s the matter? Why are you crying?” I asked.

             I rushed over to her, pulling her into an embrace. I rubbed her back, trying to comfort her so she would tell me what was wrong. It took her a minute to regain her composure.

            “It doesn’t matter how good the food is. Just the fact that you would go through all this trouble means everything to me. You’re so sweet. I don’t deserve you.”

            “That’s not true, Jess. After everything you’ve done for me, this is the least I could do. You deserve so much better than this crappy breakfast I made,” I told her.

            After I wiped away Jessica’s tears, I sat down at the table with her so we could eat. Luckily I didn’t have to force her, because she was slowly starting to eat the food I made her.

            We spent the rest of the day completely glued to each other. We laid together on the couch, watching TV, looking for something to distract us. And when we went to bed that night, I held Jess tighter than I ever have before. She was exhausted from everything she went through today and fell asleep quickly. But I couldn’t sleep. I would stay awake, just watching her, as if that would do something to protect her. I didn’t want to close my eyes because I was terrified that when I woke up, she might not be there.

            -----

            A few days later, Jess and I both went back to work, despite my protests. She insisted that we needed to go on with our lives. She didn’t want us to just be sitting around, or lying in bed all day, waiting for the results for up to 10 days. That would drive us crazy. She thought we were better off going to work so that we had something to keep us busy. Although I went back to work on filming IJ, I canceled the next few tour dates. God forbid anything happened to Jess, I didn’t want to be far away, in a completely different state. At least if the guys and I were filming in NYC, I’d only be an hour away, at most. That still seemed too far to me, but I was trying to compromise with Jess.

            I hated the idea of going back to work at all, but I didn’t want to argue with Jess about it. If that’s what she wanted, I went with it. I wanted to spend every possible moment with her. I didn’t want to even let her out of my sight. I was so terrified of losing her, that I kept thinking about how much time we had left together. I wanted to savor every moment with her, not knowing what would happen to her.

            -----

            “How’s Jess doing?” Sal asked while we were on set one day.

            “She’s okay, for the most part. Some moments she’ll act like she’s fine, but I think she’s in denial. Other times she’ll just start crying out of nowhere,” I told Sal.

            Whenever Jess starts crying, all I can do is hold her and tell her that everything is going to be okay. Even if I know that might not be true. But I felt so helpless. I was supposed to be her protector. I felt so useless since there was nothing I could do to take her pain away.

            “And how are you doing? I know this can’t be easy for you either,” Sal said.

            “Honestly? Terrible. I don’t even want to be here right now. I just want to go home and be with her 24/7. This has been the worst week of my life, but I’ve been trying to keep it together, for her,” I told him.

            “Worse than when you had meningitis?” Sal asked.

            I used to say that was the worst time of my life. I was sick, and physically in pain. But also, Jess and I weren’t very close at that time. It was torturous not having her in my life. But the pain I felt then was nothing compared to how I felt now.

            “It’s not even close. I would go through that a hundred more times if it meant she didn’t have to go through this,” I told him.

            ----

            Every night that I came home from work, I would bring her something to try to brighten her day. I didn’t just buy her flowers, because that would be cheesy and impersonal. Sometimes I would bring her bagels to make sure she had something to eat in the morning. French toast bagels were her favorite. Or sometimes I would bring home cupcakes or doughnuts from a place in the city.  Occasionally these places would be near where we filmed, but I wouldn’t mind going out of the way for Jess. 

            One night, I went home to Jess with cupcakes from her favorite bakery. Jess always seemed to appreciate the little things. It was the least I could do to try and get a smile on her face when I got home. As soon as I walked in the door, Jess was right there, anxiously awaiting my arrival.

            “Brian, where have you been? I’ve been texting and calling you,” she said, frantically.

            I have to turn my phone on silent while we’re on set. I must’ve forgotten to turn the sound back on, distracted my getting dessert for her. And I never look at my phone while I’m driving. My mind was racing about all the possible things that could be wrong, and I started to panic. Did she have the results yet? But it was earlier than what the doctor said. Was she feeling sick or nauseous again? But she didn’t look sick. Then again, what do I know? I didn’t recognize that something was wrong with her in the first place.

            “It’s okay, Jess.  I’m here now. What’s going on?”

            “The doctor called...”


	31. Permanent.

Jessica’s POV

            “The doctor called...”

            This is what Brian and I have been anxiously waiting for. We finally had an answer. I could see the panic in his eyes. He started to ask a bunch of questions before I could even finish what I was saying.

            “He has the results from your test? What did he say? Is it bad? Its cancer, isn’t it?”

            “Brian, it’s okay. Please calm down,” I tried to tell him. He was starting to hyperventilate, and I didn’t want him to have a panic attack.

            “Just tell me what the doctor said,” he insisted.

            “Well, first off, I don’t have cancer,” I told him. I know that was the thing we were most concerned about.

            “You don’t?” Brian asked. He took a deep breath, looking extremely relieved.

            “No. I don’t,” I confirmed.

            “Then what is it?” Brian asked. He realized that although it wasn’t cancer, it could’ve been something else that was serious. 

            “The doctor said that my cysts were just larger than normal. But he prescribed me some new pills. As long as I take them, everything should clear up on its own,” I explained to him.

            “So… you’re going to be okay?” he asked.

            “Yes, Brian.”

            “Baby… that’s the best news,” he said.

            Brian rushed over to me, squeezed me into a tight hug, lifting me off the ground. He then proceeded to attack me with his lips, kissing me repeatedly. Brian was so relieved, and his way of showing it was to shower me with affection.

            Then Brian pulled away slightly, and I was shocked to see tears begin to flow from his eyes. But he turned away, not wanting me to see him cry. He rarely displays this kind of emotion. And I don’t think I’ve ever seen him cry. Lately, I’ve been the one with my emotions all over the place.

            “It’s okay, baby. I’m not going anywhere,” I said, as I gently wiped the tears away.

             I didn’t like seeing him cry, but maybe that’s what he needed to get his feelings out. I felt so guilty for having to put him through all this. I felt like I had been a burden to him. It couldn’t have been easy for him to sit back and watch all of this happen to me. But the fact that Brian felt comfortable enough to cry in front of me showed that he truly trusted me. At this point in our relationship, we could share anything with each other, without fear of being judged.

            “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get so emotional. I’m just so glad you’re okay,” he told me.

            “You don’t have to apologize. You don’t have to keep everything all bottled up. It’s okay for you to cry,” I assured him.

            This had been such a difficult time for both of us. Some nights we would stay up all night just talking because we couldn’t sleep. Then there were other nights that I just wanted to be held by him. But now that we’ve gotten through this, I know that I knew that Brian and I could survive anything together. Then I started thinking about where we were just two weeks ago.

            “Brian… can I ask you something?” I asked once he had stopped crying.

            “Of course, Jess.”

            “Do you still want me to move in with you?” I asked, with some uncertainty.

            Before any of this happened, I had agreed to move in with Brian. I was initially hesitant because I worried that once he found out my secret, it would break his trust. Maybe now he would have second thoughts about living with me. But, as it turns out, I was wrong.

            “I’ve never wanted it more. One day I’m going to buy us a nicer house. One with your dream kitchen. One with a huge backyard, where all our future pets can run around,” he promised me.

            “Brian, you really don’t have to do that. I don’t need all that. I just need you.”

            “But you deserve it,” he told me.

            This whole situation could’ve torn us apart. But instead, it brought us closer than ever. I wanted nothing more than to live with Brian, and to be around him as much as possible. I knew that Brian felt the same because he barely wanted to let me out of his sight.

            Within a few days, Brian and I were officially living together, in his house. Well, our house now. Brian had assured me that this was my house too. Now that we’re living together, we share everything. I felt like we were inseparable, especially after everything we’ve been through recently. Moving in together only strengthened our bond.

            -----

            After I told Brian, I knew I had to call Bessy too. She was also very supportive of me during this time. She was always calling and checking up on me to see if I needed anything. Not surprisingly, she was also relieved when I told her the news. Although we kept in constant contact through calls and texts, it had been a while since we had seen each other in person. We both happened to have some free time while the guys were filming. So, we both decided to visit them on set.

            “How are you feeling?” Bessy asked, as soon as she saw me.

            “Honestly, I’m just so relieved. The worst part was those days where we were just waiting for the results. But luckily, everything turned out okay,” I told her.

            “That’s great news. And how’s Brian been, since he freaked out on you?

            “Brian’s been the complete opposite. When I was going through everything, he was so kind and compassionate. He always made sure I was taken care of. And he’s still doing it now. Every day he asks me if I took my pills, and he makes sure that I’m eating…”

            “Well, that’s good. I knew he would come around. But there’s something else, isn’t there?” Bessy asked. She could tell I was holding something back.

            “I don’t want to complain… He’s been so sweet. It’s really nothing,” I tried to tell her. But I guess I wasn’t too convincing.  

            “Girl, it’s clearly something. I won’t judge. Just tell me what’s up.”

            I was so grateful to have Brian help me through all this. I was trying to stay focused on the positive, and how great he’s been to me. But there just one thing that was still bothering me about him.  

            “It’s been a little while since we’ve been… intimate,” I told Bessy. Her eyes widened, as she realized what I was talking about.

            “Even after you guys moved in together?” she asked.

            “Still nothing. It’s been a few weeks, which is a long time for us,” I told her.

            Before all this happened, Brian and I had a very active sex life. Until now, it seemed like he was almost always in the mood. Since we were friends for years before dating, it felt like we were making up for lost time. And we missed each other so much when he was away on tour, even if it was only a day or two. But then again, we pretty much did it every day that he was home. We just couldn’t help ourselves. It seemed like we always craved each other. But now that’s changed, at least for him. But believe me, I’ve been trying.

            “Don’t get me wrong. I appreciate everything he’s done for me. But sometimes I feel like he’s taking care of me because he feels obligated to. I want to feel normal again. I just want to feel like his girlfriend, not his patient. But maybe he just doesn’t find me attractive anymore,” I explained to her.

            “Jess… I don’t think that’s it. I think he’s just too focused on making sure you’re healthy,” Bessy tried to tell me.

            “Maybe you’re right. But I just miss being with him,”

            “He’s that good?”

            “The best I’ve ever had, by far. He’s just always so attentive and giving. If you know what I mean…” I revealed to her. I couldn’t help but smile, just thinking about it.

            “Why don’t you do something really sexy to entice him? Almost as if you’re seducing him again, like when you two first got together. Get some candles. Play some romantic music. Put on some lingerie. He won’t be able to resist,” Bessy told me.

            “I love that idea. I just hope it works.”

            -----

            The next night, I took Bessy’s advice and planned a romantic evening for Brian and I. I played some romantic music, and I lit some candles to set the mood. And my favorite part, I wore a new set of lingerie and a silk robe. I loved dressing up for him. When he came home from set that day, I was ready. But he was completely surprised that I had done this for him.

            “You didn’t have to do all this,” he said.

            “I didn’t HAVE to. I wanted to. I just wanted to show you how much I appreciate you.”

            I started placing kisses along his neck, working my way up to his jawline. That was normally one of his favorite spots to be kissed. But despite my efforts, Brian was not getting into it. I was being more aggressive than normal because he’s usually the one to initiate sex. I grabbed his hand, and guided it towards my chest. I was hoping that he would go along with it, but instead, he pulled away.

            “Jess… you don’t have to do this,” he said, as he stepped away from me.

            At that point I just gave up, feeling extremely frustrated. I couldn’t take it anymore. Why didn’t he want me?

            “Brian, what’s your problem?” I asked.

            “I just don’t want you to feel pressured into something you’re not ready for yet. It’s okay if you’re not feeling up to it yet,” he told me. But I wondered if that was just some excuse.

            “I’m not pressured. You’re the one that’s been hesitant, but I just can’t figure out why. Maybe you just don’t think I’m sexy anymore.”

            “That’s not true,” he said, getting defensive.

            “Then what? What is it?” I wanted to know.

            “Please, just sit. Let me explain,” he requested.

            “Okay…” I said. I sat down on the bed next to him, willing to hear him out.

            “After your procedure, the doctor told me that we shouldn’t have sex for a few days,” Brian tried to explain. But that made me even more confused.

            “Brian, that was almost three weeks ago. It’s safe now,” I told him.

            “I know. But it still makes me worry. I don’t know if you’re still sore, or hurting at all. I would never want to do anything to cause you any more pain,” he explained.   

            “You’re afraid of hurting me?”

            “Kind of,” he admitted.

            It was reassuring to know that was the real reason. It gave me a little more confidence, knowing that Brian still found me attractive. I felt a little silly for the way I reacted. I should’ve known that Brian was only doing this because he cared about me. But I wanted Brian to know that he didn’t have to worry about hurting me.

            “Well, don’t be. I’m all healed up. And I promise, if anything starts to hurt I would tell you. Okay?” I asked, and he nodded in agreement.

            “I love you, Jess. You are the sexiest, most beautiful woman in the world to me. I’m sorry that I made you feel any different.”

            “It’s okay. I missed being with you,” I told him, as I began to kiss his neck again. This time he didn’t pull away.

            “I missed you too.”

            “Oh and, Brian?”

            “Yes, baby?”

            “I’m not made of glass. You can be rough with me.”

            Brian is usually the one taking me by surprise, saying he can never get enough of me. Sometimes he’ll pin my arms against the wall as soon as I walk in the door because he can’t wait to be with me. But I LOVED that he was so passionate. I was glad to have that type of intensity and sense of urgency back in my life. Things were starting to get back to normal again.

            -----

            We laid there in bed together, with my head comfortably resting on his chest. I was admiring his arms, as they were wrapped around me. I started to focus on one of his tattoos. It was the tattoo he had gotten as a punishment on the show, which read “38. Lives alone. Has 3 cats.”

            “Well, now two of these things are inaccurate. You’re not 38 anymore. And you no longer live alone,” I said, with a huge grin on my face. I was so happy to be living with him, and that our relationship was getting back to normal.

            “I think we should make the whole thing false, and get another cat,” he said. I wasn’t sure if he was kidding. But I wouldn’t be surprised if he came home with another cat one day. It’s part of his fireman tendencies to rescue another cat.

            “I wouldn’t mind that,” I told him.

            “But you’ve said that you want to get a dog,” he pointed out.

            “That’s true. But don’t you like cats better?” I asked him.

            Brian was always an animal lover. He practically melted whenever he saw or held any cute, fluffy animal. And I thought it was the sweetest thing to see this big “tough” guy become so gentle around animals.

            “Honestly, I wouldn’t mind either way. I like dogs just as much as I like cats. Before, it was too difficult to care of a dog with my hectic schedule. But now I have you.”

            “I would always take care of our animals for you,” I promised.

            “But speaking of tattoos. I’ve been thinking about my next one. How would you feel about me getting your name tattooed on my arm?” he asked me.

            The placement of the tattoo on his arm would be meaningful. I had always told Brian that his arms were my favorite part of his body. I loved the way he could hold me, and be gentle. But there were other times where I loved that his strong arms could pin me up against the wall. Sometimes I liked the aggression. Getting my name tattooed seemed like a romantic gesture, but honestly, I wasn’t too thrilled about the idea.

            “I don’t know about that, Brian.”

            “Why not? Is it because you don’t think we’ll be together forever? You think we’ll break up eventually?” Brian asked me. He seemed a little offended that I wasn’t immediately enthusiastic it.

            “No, Brian. That’s not it at all,” I assured him.

            “Then what is it?”

            “I just think that after everything we’ve been through together, it seems kind of generic to just get my name. When I get a tattoo for you, I want it to be meaningful,” I explained to him.

            “You want to get a tattoo for me?” he asked, seemingly surprised that I would do that for him. I didn’t say IF I get a tattoo. I said WHEN I get a tattoo. So, I was definitely planning on it.

            “Of course I would. I have a few ideas in mind, but I want to wait until I can come up with something really special,” I told him.

            “Ok, fine. You’re right. I’ll try to come up with something more creative,” he promised.

            “There’s no pressure, Brian. We don’t have to decide this right now. We have plenty of time together to figure it out,” I told him. I wanted to reassure him that I wasn’t going anywhere.

            “That’s true. Oh, and by the way. Happy anniversary,” he told me. But I was a little confused.

            “Our three-month anniversary? Wasn’t that last week?” I asked.

            I guess it had completely slipped my mind, with everything else going on. Normally we would celebrate something like that. Brian was always so sweet with these little romantic gestures. But lately, we’ve had other things to worry about.

            “Not that anniversary. We met five years ago this week. And you’ve been my best friend ever since,” he pointed out.

            “Oh…. You’re right. I almost forgot.”

            Looking back, I thought about how much has changed in the past five years. Brian and I have grown so much as friends, and now as a couple. After everything we’ve been through recently, I felt like I should do something special to commemorate all our time together. I needed to show Brian how much I appreciated him. There was no one else I would rather have by my side.

            Our whole conversation about tattoos got me thinking. I didn’t have a lot of tattoos, but the ones I did have were very meaningful to me. For example, I had gardenias on my arm, dedicated to my mother. They were her favorite flower, and I always thought they were beautiful. My other tattoos were to commemorate important people or events in my life. 

            There was no doubt in my mind that Brian more than worthy of being permanently marked on my body. I never debated whether he deserved a tattoo or not. I just didn’t know what to get for him. I had so many ideas running through my mind, and I was a bit indecisive. I didn’t want to just get any tattoo for him, like simply getting his name. I wanted to get something special, and I wanted to make sure it was perfect. I was willing to wait until I had the perfect idea.

            I tried to think about what was most important to the both of us. Brian had always been there for me. He was always my rock. I often called him my superhero. That gave me an idea…

            The next weekend, Brian was away on tour. I decided that was the perfect time to get this tattoo. I told him that I had a big surprise for him. He had no clue how much I was thinking about getting this tattoo. I hadn’t brought up the idea again since we last talked about it. I wanted him to be completely surprised. He thought I was planning another sexy night for the two of us. I told him that wasn’t the surprise I had in mind, but we could always do that again too.

            When he walked in the door, he was practically giddy with excitement. He usually hated surprises, but I promised him that he would like this one. Well… I hoped he would like it.

            “Tell me, what is this big surprise?” he begged to know.

            I was wearing a hoodie so he couldn’t immediately see the tattoo. It was one of his hoodies because… why not? They’re my favorite things to wear, especially when he’s away.

            “Well, I wanted to do something to show you how much I appreciate you, and how much you mean to me. You know you’re a hero to me. And I know you love superheroes. But there’s something even more heroic than any character in your comic books.”

            As I tried to explain myself, Brian just looked more confused. So, I was better off just showing him, instead of talking too much about it. I took off the hoodie, revealing the tattoo on my inner forearm, dedicated to Brian. It was a realistic black and gray rendition of his fireman’s helmet, complete with his badge number, 8587. It also had his firehouse written on it, Engine 166, Ladder 86. Underneath that, written prominently in red, it said, “Brian Quinn. My best friend. My superhero.” Unlike his tattoo, these statements would never change.

            I had always been so proud of Brian’s time in the fire department. When Brian had to officially retire from the FDNY, he showed me a bunch of his gear. He kept his badge, his uniform, and some pictures of him during his time with the fire department. But there was something about his helmet that was so striking to me. I was recently looking through all this stuff again, which gave me the idea.

            “Are you serious? Is that real?” he asked.

            Brian was in complete shock. He must’ve forgotten the conversation about tattoos we had that night. Or he didn’t think I would I would get one so quickly. Based on the way I initially reacted, he probably thought it would take me a while to figure out what tattoo I wanted to get. Or he didn’t believe that I would get one at all.

            “Of course it’s real. You can touch it if you want. But be careful, it’s still healing,” I told him.

            Brian gently traced over my tattoo, as if that would prove its authenticity. But he was still stunned.

            “Do you like it?” I asked him.

            “Like it? I fucking love it. It’s such a badass tattoo. I’m actually jealous.”

            “Oh, good, jealousy. That’s exactly what I was going for,” I joked.

            “But seriously. I do love it. I can’t tell you how much it means that you did this for me. I love you so much, Jess,” he said, as he gently placed a kiss on my lips.

            “I love you too, Brian.”

            I don’t think Brian believed that I would get this tattoo for him. Sometimes I got the feeling that Brian didn’t truly believe how much I loved him. Maybe it was just because of his past, or because of his own insecurities. But Brian is everything to me. My best friend. My other half. I was proud to have his name and his accomplishment displayed permanently on my body. I hoped that the tattoo would prove to him how much he meant to me. But even if it didn’t, I will spend the rest of my life showing him how much I love him. After everything we’ve been through together, I knew now, more than ever, that the two of us could get through anything. Nothing will ever come between us. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry for the recent cliffhangers. And sorry for being inconsistent with my uploading schedule, but I just got a job so that’s been keeping me busy. I hope you guys like this chapter. I wanted to do a cute fluff chapter since there’s been so much drama in the last few chapters. I love getting comments and talking to you guys. My Tumblr is @statenislandboys. Feel free to send me a message there about this story, or about anything. Don’t be shy!


	32. Family.

Jessica’s POV

            The relationship between Brian and I has only grown stronger over the last few weeks, since moving in together. We recently had Thanksgiving with my family at our house. OUR house. It still feels surreal to be living with Brian, even though we already seemed so close. But moving in with him was just another step forward in our relationship, and showed that we were both committed to each other.

            I hadn’t seen my family, including my dad and sister, since Brian and I started dating. For some reason, Brian was still worried that my family, especially my father, wouldn’t like him. I’m not sure why he was so insecure about that, because my dad has never given any indication that he disliked Brian. All my family loved Brian. But how could they not? My father has only had positive things to say about Brian and certainly approves of us being a couple. In fact, my dad, like most people, teases me about how long it took Brian and I to get together. Whether it was a man or woman, my father hasn’t always approved of the people I’ve dated in the past. But he’s told me on more than one occasion that he thinks Brian is the best person I’ve ever dated. And of course, I’d have to agree with him that.

            -----

            Since Brian and I spent Thanksgiving with my family, we agreed to spend Christmas with his family. This would be the first Christmas that I didn’t spend with my family. But as far as I was concerned, Brian is my family now. This Christmas was also Brian and I’s first as a couple.

            Brian was excited to have me with his family for Christmas. He also insisted that his whole family, especially his parents, were thrilled to have me. It had been years since he brought a girlfriend home to meet his family. Although this time was a little different because I had already met most of his family. It’s not like he was introducing someone new, but I still felt a little nervous meeting Brian’s family as his girlfriend. I felt this added pressure because I wanted his family to like me, and I wanted their approval. Brian and I loved each other so much, but I wanted his family to love me too. Now that the roles were reversed, I was starting to understand why Brian was so nervous about being around my family as my boyfriend.

            I may have gone a little overboard trying to impress his family. The week before Christmas, I called Brian’s mother to ask her what I could bring or if there was anything I could do to help. She told me I didn’t have to bring anything, but I offered to bake something anyway. She thought that was a great idea, and suggested that I make my chocolate chip cookies since everybody would love those. I made them a lot, and it kind of became something I was known for.

            A few days before Christmas, Brian was still filming IJ. He came home to find me scurrying around in the kitchen, trying to get everything done. Normally he just sees the end product, when the desert is made and everything looks presentable. But now that we were living together, he got to see the process of how it all comes together. And sometimes it isn’t always pretty.

            “Babe… what happened? It looks like a tornado went through here,” he commented, teasing me.

            He was only being slightly dramatic. There were dishes and utensils piled up in the sink, and flour was practically coating most of the kitchen. But it’s not like I was going to leave it that way. I planned on cleaning it….

            “Baking is messy, Brian. You wouldn’t understand,” was my excuse.

            “My mother said you didn’t even have to bring anything,” he told me.

            “Brian, don’t be ridiculous. Do you really think I would walk into your mother’s house empty-handed on Christmas? Do you even know me at all?”

            “I do know you actually. Let me guess. She suggested you make one thing and you made five,” he said as if it was a joke. 

            “Seven, actually.”

            “Seven??? Jess, you didn’t have to do all this. I think you went a little overboard,” he told me.

            “Of course I did. You’ve known me for five years now. I always do everything to the max. You really shouldn’t be surprised,” I said.

            “You’re right. I’m not really surprised. So, what is on the list of things you’re making?” he asked.

            “Let’s see. There’s apple pie. Pecan pie. Pumpkin pie. Mississippi Mud Pie. So many pies. Then there’s walnut pastries, cheesecake, and…. Wait that’s only six. There’s one more.”

            “Which one are you forgetting?”

            “Oh my god. I forgot to make the cookies,” I suddenly realized.

            “Jess, don’t worry about it. I’m sure it’s fine. You’ve done enough,” he tried to tell me.

            “No, I have to. Everybody likes it. It’s the ONE thing your mother asked for,” I told him.

            I don’t know how I forgot about the cookies. I must’ve just been so caught up in doing everything else, that it slipped my mind. It’s the obvious thing I should’ve been focused on. Instead, I was worried about making so many other things, trying to impress his family.

            “No, you’re right. You have to make them. If you don’t, it’ll ruin Christmas,” he teased me.

            “Very funny, Brian,” I said sarcastically.

            “Well do you have everything you need? I can help you make them,” he offered.

            I couldn’t help but chuckle. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Brian even attempt baking. He managed to cook simple things but overall seems very uncomfortable in the kitchen. Brian always tells me that I’m a better chef than him, but maybe that was just his way of getting out of doing any cooking or baking…

            “It’s okay, really. I can handle it,” I told him.

            “Why don’t you let me help? I’m not completely useless. And you can teach me the secret to these delicious cookies,” he said.  

            “Ok, fine. Maybe I could use your help…” I relented.  

            “So, what can I do to help you, my love?”

            “First off, you’ll need this,” I said, as I handed him my spare apron. It was red with white polka dots on it, and frills all over. It wasn’t very masculine, but it was his favorite color.  

            “At least it’s red…” he commented, as he put the apron over his head and tied it around his waist.

            I was so used to baking on my own, but it was nice to have Brian’s help. He was like my baking assistant. I measured out all the ingredients, and he would put them into the stand mixer. We had already added the butter, sugars, vanilla, and eggs. When it was time to add the flour, I warned Brian that he should go slow.

            “Why can’t I just put the whole thing…” he started to say, but he didn’t really need me to answer that question.

            You’re supposed to add a little at a time so the flour can absorb into the mixture. Otherwise, it’ll just pop right back up, and splatter everywhere. I watched as Brian poured the entire cup of flour into the bowl, as the mixer was still going. Now the countertop, and Brian’s face, was covered in flour. Brian looked at me with this apologetic smile, as if he had ruined the dough. I wasn’t mad, because I could always just add more flour. Instead, I burst out into uncontrollable laughter.

            “See… this is what happens when you’re not patient,” I teased him.

            “You think this is funny?”

            “Actually, I think it’s adorable,” I told him. I thought it was cute that he was messy, and I was grateful that he was helping at all. I got closer to him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. I didn’t mind that I got flour on my face, getting me dirty too.

            After we got cleaned up, it was time for the final step. Adding the chocolate chips. This was my least favorite part because it’s best done by using a spatula. Using the mixer would be too rough, and would break apart the chocolate chips. I hated doing this part, because the dough was so heavy, and it was difficult to get the chips evenly spread throughout the dough. But luckily I had Brian to help this time. Sometimes it’s convenient to have men around…

            “Now we’re going to put those big strong arms to use,” I told him.

            “See, I told you I can be useful,” he said.

            About an hour later, we pulled the final batch of cookies out of the oven. Finally, all my baking was complete. Although I enjoy baking, it was a relief to have it all done. Now I can just relax and enjoy the Christmas season with my man.

            “I know these are for Christmas but I still get to eat some, right?” Brian asked.

            “Of course. You can eat as many as you want when you’re the one that baked them. Those are the rules,” I told him. I handed him a cookie, which he quickly devoured.

            “Delicious. These are the best ones you’ve ever made,” he declared.

            “All because of your help. Thanks for being my assistant today,” I said.

            “Of course, Jess. Anything for you.”

            -----

            Brian and I had exchanged gifts Christmas morning between the two of us, before going to his parents’ house. I got him an original Polaroid camera since photography was always a hobby of his. I also bought him a vintage watch to add to his collection. Brian believed that they completed every outfit. And lastly, I made him a dozen jars of homemade pickles, just like I had done the first Christmas we were friends. Since then, making him pickles had become sort of a tradition, and I’ve done it every year since then. Sometimes I even made them for his birthday, or other special occasions. Although it was the least expensive of the gifts I bought him, Brian told me that was his favorite.

            I knew that I was a difficult person to buy gifts for because I didn’t give Brian any ideas. I told him that I already had everything I wanted. I was truly happy just being with him. But of course, Brian couldn’t accept that. He bought me a beautiful set of diamond earrings, something I planned on wearing every day. He also gave me a bottle of my favorite perfume, a scent he also found intoxicating. Brian also bought me other smaller but meaningful gifts, like new baking equipment, and merch from my favorite wrestler, Stone Cold Steve Austin. He was always so thoughtful, and I felt so lucky to have him in my life.

            After exchanging gifts, we headed off to Brian’s parents’ house. I had packed all the deserts in the car, as well as all the gifts I had wrapped. When we first arrived at the door, we were greeted by Brian’s mother, who led us into the home to meet the rest of the family. I met Brian’s nieces and nephews, who I had only seen once or twice when they were very young. I assumed that they didn’t even remember me. Brian introduced me to them as “Aunt Jess,” which made me smile. It felt like I was being accepted as part of the Quinn family.

            “Jessica, sweetie, what is all this? It’s too much. You didn’t have to go through all this trouble,” his mother said, referring to all the desserts I made. 

            “I know, Ma. I tried to tell her but she won’t listen,” Brian said.

            “It wasn’t too much trouble. And your son helped,” I told her.

            We brought all the desserts into the kitchen. I stayed in the kitchen with Brian’s mom, helping her finish preparing the rest of the meal. Brian went into the living room to talk to his brothers, Danny and Jimmy.

            “Mrs. Qu… I mean Carol. Sorry, I’ll try to call you Carol,” I told her.

            Usually, when I talked to Brian’s mother, I called her Mrs. Quinn, out of respect. It’s something I’ve always done since I met her, even before Brian and I were dating. But she had always insisted that I call her Carol, which I’ve only recently gotten used to.

            “That’s okay, sweetie. Actually, that reminds me. There’s something I wanted to talk to you about,” she told me.

            “Is something wrong?” I asked her. I worried that maybe I had done something to offend her, without realizing it.

            “No, dear. Nothing is wrong,” she assured me.

            “Oh, okay. Then what is it?”

            “Well, since you have trouble calling me Carol, I thought maybe you’d like to call me mom instead.”

            “You… you want me to call you mom?” I asked, just to make sure I heard her correctly.

            I was completely stunned by this. It’s not something I expected her to say, so I was overwhelmed. I haven’t called anyone mom in almost 20 years. Memories started to flood of my own mother. I wondered how she would feel if she were still here today. I wondered what she would’ve thought of Brian. But in my heart, I knew she would’ve loved Brian because he made me so happy. I don’t think my mother would mind me calling someone else mom. She was never the jealous type.

            “You don’t have to if you don’t want to. I would never want to be disrespectful towards your own mother. But I truly think of you like a daughter, and I hope it’s only a matter of time before you’re officially my daughter in law,” she said, smiling proudly.

            When I heard her say those words, I couldn’t help but start sobbing. I was so worried about Brian’s mother accepting me. But now I got confirmation that she not only accepted me, but that she thought of me like her own daughter. Brian must’ve heard me crying because he came rushing into the kitchen to see what was wrong.

            “What happened? Ma, what did you do to her?” Brian asked, as he pulled me into a hug, and squeezed me tightly.

            “I didn’t mean to make her cry. I’m sorry I made you upset, sweetie,” she told me.

            Brian’s mom must’ve thought I was upset that she brought up my mother. Brian hugged me tighter, still not understanding why I was crying. His mother explained to him what we were just talking about. Once I regained my composure, I explained to them why I got so emotional.

            “No, it’s okay. These are happy tears. I’m just so glad that you accept me as part of the family,” I told them.

            “Of course you’re our family, sweetie,” she assured me.

            “Thanks…mom,” I said hesitantly at first. It was a little weird at first, calling someone else that. But I think I’d get used to it eventually.   
            -----

            After the delicious Christmas dinner, Brian and I gave his nieces and nephew their presents from the both of us. I did all the gift shopping and wrapping, but I didn’t mind. Since that first Christmas Brian and I spent together as friends, I’ve done most of his gift wrapping. It was something I always enjoyed doing and I was always happy to help Brian out, considering how busy he was.

            I watched with joy as the kids quickly ripped open the wrapping paper. They couldn’t wait to see what presents were inside. I didn’t just pick generic gifts for the children. I asked Brian’s brothers what they liked, and I got gifts geared towards each child’s interests. For example, one of Brian’s nephews loved superheroes, much to Brian’s delight. So, we bought him some action figures, and a comic book to go with it. I got them based on Brian’s suggestions since I knew very little about comics and superheroes. His nephew immediately wanted to open one of the figures to play with.         

            “Aunt Jess, will you play with me?” he asked.

            How could I say no to the kid’s adorable little face? After helping all the kids open their presents, I sat on the living room floor, playing with all the kids. I turned around, hoping to see Brian but he wasn’t behind me anymore. Instead, he looked like he was in a deep discussion with his brother Danny. I didn’t think much of it. I just assumed Brian was wrapped up in conversation, especially since he doesn’t get to see his brothers very often.

            We ended the night saying goodbye to Brian’s family, and thanking his parents for their hospitality. On the car ride home, Brian barely said a word to me. He was acting cold and distant. I knew something was up with him, but he wouldn’t tell me what it was. I started asking a bunch of questions, trying to figure out what was bothering him.

            “What’s the matter, Brian? Did I do something wrong?

            “No.”

            “Did something happen with your brothers? Did you guys get in a fight?” I asked. Maybe the deep discussion wasn’t as harmless as I thought?

            “Nope,” he responded.

            I was beginning to get frustrated, but I thought maybe I was just annoying Brian by asking him a bunch of questions. Maybe he just needed time to process whatever was going on.

            “I think we should just go to bed,” he told me, once we got home.

            “We can’t,” I insisted.

            “Why not?”

            “Because clearly there’s something bothering you, and I think it has to do with me. And you promised me that we would never go to bed upset with each other,” I reminded him of the agreement we made after my health scare.

            “You didn’t do anything wrong…”

            “Then why are you upset?”

            I was trying not to be pushy. But after everything we’ve been through together, I thought we could finally be open with one another. We both agreed that bottling up our feelings wasn’t good for either of us. We’ve done it in the past, and it never worked. We were a team and we should be able to talk about anything. Brian took a deep breath and looked like he was trying to come up with the right words to say.

            “Do you want to be a mother?” he finally blurted out.

            “What? No… Brian, we’ve talked about this. Where is all this coming from?” I asked. I was completely thrown off. This was not at ALL what I was expecting. We’ve had this conversation multiple times, and my response hasn’t changed.

            “Well, you can’t get pregnant, right?” he asked.

            “It’s highly unlikely. I would have to go through lots of treatment and pills. But even then, it wouldn’t be guaranteed. But why does that matter? Why are you asking me this?”

            “I just wonder if you’ve convinced yourself that you don’t want kids, just because you can’t get pregnant. You could still adopt…”

            “Do YOU want to adopt?” I asked him.

            I was so confused as to where all this was coming from. It seemed so sudden. My inability to get pregnant didn’t affect my views on having children. But maybe Brian was the one who changed his mind since he was considering other options to have children.

            “I just saw you playing with the kids. You looked so happy,” he said. Then it hit me, and I was beginning to understand where all this was coming from.

            “I was happy,” I told him.

            “If kids are really what you want, I can’t give them to you. But I want you to be happy. I don’t want to hold you back,” he said, thinking that I would want to leave him and have kids with someone else.

            “Brian… I don’t want kids of my own. I WAS happy with your nieces and nephews. But being an aunt it all I want. That’s enough for me,” I tried to tell him.

            “Are you sure…?” he asked, nervously.

            “I am 100% certain,” I tried to assure him. But it seemed like he would need more convincing.

            “Because I just want you to be happy, even if I’m not the one who makes you happy,” he told me.

            “But I don’t need to be a mother to be happy. YOU make me happy, Brian. You always have,” I tried to tell him.

            I knew that since we’ve been together, Brian has always had anxiety about me leaving him. This would manifest itself in different ways. Sometimes he would be overly protective of me, and get jealous if he thought another guy was looking at me and trying to flirt with me. But other times, like this one, his depression would creep back into his mind and convince him that he wasn’t good enough for me, or that I wanted something more. Something he couldn’t give me, like kids. Although this had always been an issue for Brian, it was only exacerbated by my recent health issue. That whole situation but his anxiety into overdrive, and now I think his fear of losing me is worse than ever.

            “Jess, you make me happier than I ever thought I could be. But I don’t want kids either. I just want to be with you and our cats. And I promise, one day I’ll get you a dog,” he smiled. I felt relieved that he was finally starting to accept what I was telling him about having children. I hoped that would put part of his anxiety to rest.            

            “That’s all I want, Brian. And why would I want to be a mom when I can just be an aunt? I can play with the kids, buy them cute things, and bake cookies with them. But then when they start crying, I can send them back to their parents. We don’t have to worry about those sleepless nights or paying for college tuition,” I said.          

            I was only partially joking… But to be brutally honest, that was basically how I felt about having children. I loved being an aunt, and that was fulfilling enough for me.

            “I love you, Jess. And I love that you’re a part of my family now. I knew my family would love you,” he told me.

            “You know my family loves you too, especially my dad,” I assured him.

            “Next Christmas, I think we should have both our families here, all together,” Brian suggested.

            “I love that idea. I can’t wait for next Christmas,” I told him, with a huge grin. Christmas was always one of my favorite holidays. And the thought of having both our families together made it even more special.

            “I think we’ll be engaged by then,” he said proudly. It seemed a little out of the blue. But then again, we were just discussing major steps in our relationship.

            “Oh really?” I said, surprised at how confident he was in that statement.

            Considering that it took us almost five years to get together, I wasn’t expecting our relationship to be rushed. Although we had moved in together and I had gotten a tattoo for him, marriage was the biggest possible step in our relationship. Although he’s talked about it a lot, I knew marriage was a sensitive topic for Brian, considering how his last engagement ended. I didn’t know when he’d officially ask me to marry him, or if he just liked to talk about the idea. But I never wanted to pressure him about it. Let’s just say, I wasn’t expecting a proposal anytime soon. I was just enjoying the current stage of our relationship.

            “You don’t believe me? You want to bet?” he said. I think it was kind of a joke, but I went along with it. What did I have to lose?

            “Sure. What’s the bet?” I asked him.

            “If we’re not engaged by next Christmas, I’ll get you a dog. If we are engaged, we get another cat,” he suggested.

            “I really hope you don’t propose to me just to get a cat,” I teased him.

            “Don’t worry, I have a plan,” he insisted.

            “I’m not worried,” I told him.

            I didn’t bother asking any questions about his proposal ideas. I knew that it was useless because Brian would be adamant about keeping his plans a secret. He wouldn’t even give me any hints. But I didn’t mind, because Brian was always so thoughtful with romantic gestures. I didn’t know what surprise he had planned, but I knew it would be something special.


	33. Wrestler.

Jessica’s POV

            Once _Impractical Jokers_ became more popular, the guys were given more opportunities to do things that they enjoyed, outside of the show itself. For example, Brian and Sal were invited to go backstage before an episode of _Monday Night Raw._ A bunch of the wrestlers were fans of IJ, and in return, Brian and Sal have always loved wrestling. I was also a huge wrestling fan and luckily I was able to tag along with Brian and Sal backstage. I was excited to go to the event and meet some of my favorite wrestlers, people I’ve watched on TV for years.

            As soon we arrived at the venue, Brian and Sal were met with greetings and high fives from people who recognized them. I’ve been around them long enough, so by now, I’m used to all the attention they get. Almost every time I went in public with any of the guys, they would get stopped by fans, mostly asking for pictures. I was often the one who took these pictures. It could get kind of annoying sometimes, like when a fan interrupts a date night between Brian and I. But this time it was actually kind of cool to see all the attention Brian and Sal were getting since I actually recognized most of the people backstage who were coming up to them. I know that it was surreal for Brian to meet wrestlers, and realize that they were both fans of each other.

            One of the wrestlers we met was Xavier Woods, aka Austin Creed, who is a part of the very popular tag team, the New Day. Austin was one of the wrestlers the guys had become very friendly with, although they were both still fans of each other. Brian introduced me to Austin, even though I already knew who he was from watching _Raw_ every week. Austin was passionate about video games and had his own YouTube gaming channel. He normally films his videos at _Raw_ and other live events. There are often wrestlers or other special guests involved in his videos. Austin asked Brian and Sal to film a gaming video with him, which they were excited about and happily agreed to. Austin was kind enough to invite me to sit in as well but I politely declined. Sometimes it felt awkward to be sitting around while the guys were filming things or doing interviews. I knew that the people watching these videos didn’t really care about me. They just wanted to see the guys and I was perfectly fine with that. In fact, I tried to avoid any kind of spotlight if possible, since people online aren’t always kind. Especially if you’re dating their favorite celebrities. But Brian still tried to make sure that I was comfortable.

            “Are you sure you don’t want to join us? I feel bad leaving you by yourself,” Brian said.

            “Don’t worry about me. Just do your thing. Enjoy. I’ll be fine. I’m just going to walk around a little. I’m sure I’ll meet some interesting people,” I assured him.

            I gave Brian a kiss and left to wander around the arena. As I began walking around, I met a bunch of people I recognized and admired. Brian had introduced me to some of these people in passing, but now I got a chance to chat with them for a little bit. Once I got over that initial feeling of being star struck, I began to have normal conversations with these people. Most of the wrestlers were extremely friendly and lovely people. I even exchanged phone numbers with a few of them.

            After chatting with a few people, I spotted one of my favorite wrestlers. Seth Rollins. In my opinion, he was one of the most talented performers in the WWE, and that wasn’t just because of his wrestling skills. In wrestling, the bad guy is called a heel. And I loved watching Seth perform as a heel. He was so good at being the bad guy that I wondered if he would be a nice guy or not. But I guess I was about to find out.

            “Hi, Seth. My name is Jess,” I said, introducing myself.

            “Nice to meet you, Jess. But you can call me Colby, my real name. Seth Rollins is just a character,” he said.

            I felt a little embarrassed calling him by his stage name. I knew that was just a persona, and he probably gets tired of the people who judge him based on the character he plays on TV.

            “Sure, Colby. Nice to meet you too,” I told him.

            “I think I saw you around earlier, with Austin,” he told me.

            “Yeah, I came here with my boyfriend. He’s friends with Austin,” I explained. I didn’t want him to think that I was just some random fan that was running loose backstage.

            “Oh yeah, I saw Austin with those guys from _Impractical Jokers_? One of them is your boyfriend?”

            “Well, if he isn’t then this tattoo was a big mistake,” I said jokingly as I showed him the tattoo on my arm.

            “Oh wow, that’s an awesome tattoo. So, Q is your boyfriend. I didn’t realize he was a firefighter,” Colby said, as he admiring the tattoo on my arm.

            Hearing people call him Q was always bizarre to me. Similar to a wrestling persona, it’s like Q is the guy on TV that everyone knows. But Brian is the guy at home, the guy I know and love.

            “He was in the FDNY for eight years before he started doing IJ,” I proudly stated.

            “That’s admirable. I’ve only started watching the show recently. A bunch of the guys told me to watch it. Now me and my girlfriend, Sarah, watch it all the time, and we both love it,” he told me.

            “Well, I obviously love it too. Do you have a favorite episode?” I asked him.

            “I was just watching the one where he was dressed like Peter Pan, and he had to get in the ring with Tommy Dreamer,” Colby told me.

            “That was a bad one. Brian had bruises all over his body for weeks,” I told him.

            “People don’t realize how tough being in the ring is, especially for someone that hasn’t been trained. It makes sense that he’d get hurt,” Colby said.

            “Speaking of getting hurt, how’s your knee doing?” I asked him. He had recently come off a major knee injury, which put him out of action for seven months.

            “I’m doing a lot better. Just hoping to make it to WrestleMania,” he told me.

            As my conversation with Colby continued, I became more comfortable talking to him, and less of a fangirl. Despite his heel persona, he was actually a really nice guy and he was easy to talk to. I enjoyed hearing his stories about some of the people he’s gotten to work with. He’s been in the ring with legends like Shawn Michaels, Sting, and the Undertaker.

            While Colby told me some wrestling stories, I mostly talked about Brian and the show. But during our casual conversation, I felt a strong arm grab me from behind. I turned around to see Brian staring very intently at me and Colby. Brian looked visibly upset, but I didn’t know why.

            “Jessica, can I talk to you for a minute?” he said, rudely interrupting my conversation. Brian was still holding on to my arm and was basically pulling me away. He was being very aggressive, which was very unlike him.

            “Sorry, Colby. It was nice talking to you,” I told him, as Brian practically yanked me away.

            “Nice meeting you too, Jess. Maybe I’ll see you around later,” he said, which made Brian scoff. I felt bad for Colby because he was just caught in the middle of things. It’s not like he did anything wrong, but Brian was being incredibly rude to him.

            Brian and I went into an empty room so we could have this discussion in private. Judging by the fact that Brian was practically seething at this point, I could tell things were going to get heated.

            “What the hell was that?” Brian questioned. 

            “What are you getting so upset about? Colby and I were just having a normal conversation,” I tried to tell him.

            “COLBY? What kind of name is that?”

            “I don’t know, Brian. I didn’t name the guy. But that’s his real name. Seth Rollins is just a character. I had a conversation with a real guy, not the character he portrays on TV,”

            “So what? You guys are like buddies now? What did you even talk about?”

            “Actually, I talked about you most of the time. He has a girlfriend named Sarah. They’re both fans of the show,” I told him.

            “Oh great. He has a girlfriend?  Maybe we could all go on a double date some time. But you’ll probably still be flirting with him,” Brian said.

            “I was NOT flirting with him. I was just having a regular conversation with a normal guy,” I insisted. I was not appreciating his sarcastic comments right now.

            “Normal? That guy isn’t normal. You’ve admitted to me that you’re attracted to him.”

            “That’s what this is about? Because I told you four years ago that I had a crush on him?”

            “Not just four years ago. I think you still do.”

            “And what if I did? It’s just a harmless crush. I would never act on it.”

            “So you admit that you have a crush on him?”

            I knew that Brian could get jealous of me talking to other guys, but he’s never gotten this angry about it. I had no idea that Seth Rollins would make him so upset. It seemed like Seth was a trigger for Brian.

            “It shouldn’t even matter if I did have a crush, because nothing would ever happen. Do you not trust me enough to have a conversation with another man?” I asked him. I thought it was ridiculous that I couldn’t even talk to another guy without Brian getting upset.

            “Not a man who is ten years younger than me, and in better shape than I’ll ever be in my entire life. Is that what you want? Do you wish I looked that meathead?”

            Brian has always been insecure about his body and he’s especially sensitive about his weight. But that was never an issue to me. I always thought he was handsome, and I was attracted to him no matter what. But sometimes it didn’t matter how many times I complimented him. Brian still didn’t believe that I found him so attractive. 

            “No. Absolutely not. But I do wish you would stop acting like this though,” I told him.

            “Me? I wish you would stop going behind my back and flirting with a guy you have a crush on,” Brian said.

            “How many times do I have to tell you? I was NOT flirting with him. I would never cheat on you, if that’s what you’re insinuating. I don’t understand how you don’t trust me?” I asked him.

            I was getting extremely frustrated, and I was tired of defending myself from all these accusations. After everything that’s happened between us lately, I’ve been trying to be sensitive towards Brian. I’ve tried to be sympathetic about his anxiety. But I was beginning to feel like Brian was suffocating me. I wish he would just talk to me about his feelings, instead of just blowing up on me.

            There have been other times where he’s been extremely jealous of another man trying to flirt with me, or even look at me. At the beginning of our relationship, I just thought Brian was protective of me. At first, I found it kind of attractive because I never had someone be so proud to be with me. But now I was starting to see an ugly side of his protectiveness. His jealousy was getting out of control, and I couldn’t take it anymore. I was done being sensitive, and I was done with this whole conversation. I turned and started walking away from Brian.

            “Where do you think you’re going?” he asked me.

            “I’m going home. I don’t feel like being here anymore. I’m tired of your crazy jealousy,” I told him.

            “We’re not done talking about this, Jessica.”

            “Well, that’s too bad, because I’m done talking to you right now. I’m not going to stand here and let you accuse me of something that I would never do.”

            “And how do you plan on getting home? Sal drove us here,” Brian pointed out.

            “I don’t care. I’ll take an Uber. Or maybe I’ll hitchhike. I need to be by myself right now,” I told him.

            I just needed to get away from Brian for a little bit. I needed some space to clear my head. It’s emotionally exhausting to be constantly accused of flirting or even cheating. I would never do anything like that to him. Brian was everything to me, and I loved him with all my heart. I just hope that one day he’ll finally be able to understand that.


	34. Trust.

Brian’s POV

            When I saw Jess talking to Seth Rollins, I just snapped. I’ve always hated the guy. A couple of years ago, Jess, Sal, and I went to WrestleMania 29. Jess had casually mentioned that she thought Rollins was attractive. I was already confused about my relationship with Jess, but those comments just made me more uncertain about any possibility of a relationship. We were only friends during this time. I always wanted more, but I never thought Jess would be interested in me like that. Hell, there was a time I didn’t even know if she was interested in guys at all. But when she started talking about Rollins, I started to think that if she ever went after a guy, it would be someone like him. There was a time where I never thought it was possible for Jess and I to be together. But now that we are, I wasn’t about to let go of her this easily. I wasn’t going to let this guy come in and ruin the relationship Jess and I had built.

            But the truth is, I’m scared. I’m scared that Jess will realize that I’m not good enough for her, and leave me for someone else. Maybe a guy like Rollins.

So, when I came face to face with him talking to my girl, I just LOST it.

            When I watched Jess walk away from me, I considered going after her. There’s so much more I wanted to say to her and more things I needed to get off my chest. But Jess said that she wanted to be alone. Maybe that was for the best. Maybe we both needed to relax before talking again, so we didn’t say anything we’d regret.

            I went back to look for Sal. I had left him earlier to go find Jess, which is when I saw her talking to Rollins. When Sal saw me, he could already tell I was upset.

            “Dude, what happened to you? Where’s Jess?” he asked.

            “We had a fight,” I told him.

            “Oh shit, really? When you didn’t come back for a while I thought maybe you two were fucking or something.”

            “I wish.”

            “What did you do this time?” he asked me.

            “Why do you assume it was me?” I asked, somewhat offended.

            “Because you always do something dumb.”

            ‘Thanks, buddy. I appreciate the support,” I said sarcastically.

            “Just tell me what happened. What was the fight about?” he asked.

            “When I went to go look for Jess, I saw her talking to Seth Rollins, who she’s admitted that she has a crush on. We argued about it. She got upset and left,” I explained to Sal.

            “So… she was just talking to another guy and you got jealous?” Sal asked, basically summing up the argument.

            “Well… yes. But she’s MY girlfriend. She shouldn’t be talking to some dude that she has a crush on,” I said.

            I was trying to defend myself and justify my reaction. But that wasn’t going very well. The more I talked through it with Sal, the more I realized how ridiculous I was acting. And even though we’ve been friends for almost 27 years, Sal didn’t always take my side. He didn’t mind putting me in my place and telling me when I was wrong. If anything, I could always count on him to be honest with me.

            “Why do you always do shit like this? Why do you always get upset with her for no reason?” he asked me.

            “I don’t know. I saw her smiling and giggling with him. I just lost it. I don’t know what came over me,” I tried to explain.

            “You need to control this jealousy and anger, because it’s only going to cause more problems. You’re just sabotaging this relationship,” Sal said.

            “I’m just afraid that she’ll realize I’m not good enough for her, and she’ll leave me. I don’t want to lose her, I guess that’s why I reacted the way I did,” I told him.

            “The only way she would leave you is if you keep acting this stupid. You’re going to push her further into someone else’s arms,” Sal pointed out.

            “I know you’re right. But I just snapped when I saw them together. I couldn’t control myself.”

            “Dude, you know I love you. But you need to stop this shit. I’ve never seen you more in love with someone than you are with Jess. But if you don’t stop, you’re only going to push her further away,” Sal told me.

            “But I only did it because I care about her. I’m just terrified of losing her.”

            “Then you need to just talk to her, instead of getting so mad at her. I know you’re threatened by other guys, especially if they look like Rollins. But Jess loves you, and she would never cheat on you. You need to trust her. You’ve been friends with Jess for years. If you aren’t able to trust her, you won’t be able to trust any woman,” Sal said.

            “I do trust her…”

            “Then you need to start acting like it,” Sal told me.

            Sal was absolutely right. If I didn’t snap out of it, I was going to lose Jess over my own stupid jealousy. I needed to talk to her. I tried to call her, but she wasn’t picking up the phone. I just hoped she would answer my texts. I sent her a bunch of texts at once, but she didn’t reply right away. Within a few minutes, she had finally responded.

            _Can we talk about this? – B_

_I’m sorry, Jessica. I was stupid. – B_

_I’m coming home, I need to see you. – B_

_Please, just answer me. At least let me know if you got home okay. – B_

_I’m home. I just need some space right now. Go watch the show. We’ll talk when you get home. – J_

_Okay. If that’s what you need. I love you. – B_

_I love you too. More than you’ll ever know. – J_

            I wanted to go home to see Jess immediately and try to fix things. But if she said she needed space, I had to respect that. Maybe we were both better off having a few hours to ourselves to cool down and think of what we wanted to say.

            -----

            It was after midnight when I got home from the show. I didn’t quite know what to expect when I walked through the door. I didn’t know if Jess would still be mad at me when I got home. All I could do was try to explain myself, and hope that I didn’t make her too upset.

            Based on our text exchange, I thought Jess would’ve been waiting for me. Instead, I got home to find her asleep on the couch. For a minute, I just stared at her and watched her sleep. She looked so peaceful, and I didn’t want to disturb her. Jess typically has trouble falling asleep so I would feel guilty about waking her. But she must’ve been uncomfortable laying on the couch instead of in our bed. She didn’t even have a blanket. I cautiously grabbed a blanket and laid it on top of her, doing my best not to disturb her sleep. Despite my efforts to be careful, Jess woke up the moment I touched her.  
            “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep. I wanted to stay up for you,” Jess said, as she immediately sat up.

            “Babe, it’s okay. I know you’re tired. Go back to sleep. We’ll talk in the morning. Let me carry you to the bed,” I said.

            I know we said we’d talk about it when I got home. But Jess looked so exhausted. I figured this discussion could wait until tomorrow.

            “No, we can’t go to bed. We have to talk about this first. We have a deal, remember?”

            “Yes, I know. We can’t go to bed upset at each other…” I said.

            “Let’s talk about this CALMLY. Just talk to me. Tell me how you’re feeling. Tell me why you got so upset,” Jess told me.

            I hated being mad at Jess, but there was still some things I needed to get off my chest. Now that we had both calmed down, I could actually tell her how I feel, without getting so angry. I was grateful that she was willing to hear me out. I would understand if she didn’t want to talk to me because of some things I’ve said.  

            “After everything we’ve been through, I just couldn’t stand by and let some guy come in between us,” I told her.

            “The only person that’s coming in between us is YOU. You’re creating all these ideas in your head, that I’m flirting with people. Or you’re worried that I’m going to cheat on you. But I would NEVER do that to you. You HAVE to understand that. You have to be able to trust me.”

            Although it was a little harsh, it’s something I needed to hear. Jess was right. I was the one sabotaging this relationship. The jealousy should be my problem to deal with. It’s not Jessica’s fault and it’s not any other guy’s fault, even Seth Rollins.

             “You and I have overcome so many obstacles to get to where we are now. I don’t want you to ruin it by being overly paranoid. I hate feeling like you don’t trust me. I can’t even become friendly with another guy without you getting insanely jealous,” she stated.

            “Friendly? Like we used to be friendly?” I asked her.

            Part of my fear comes from the fact that Jess and I started out as friends. I worried that she would become “friendly” with another guy, and that would turn into something more. Just like it did between the two of us.

            “Do you really think that the relationship we have could be so easily replicated with some other guy? The love and friendship you and I have is so rare. I don’t take it for granted you shouldn’t either. I don’t want to be with anyone else. Ever,” she promised me.

            I agreed with everything Jess was saying. I never wanted to be with anyone else but her. In the past, I don’t know if I ever fully believed that she loved me that much. But when I started to think about everything she was telling me that day, and in the past few months. Jess promised me that she loved me, and I was finally starting to believe it. Not only from her words, but also from her actions. I began to stare at her arm, admiring the tattoo she had gotten for me. If that doesn’t prove how dedicated she is to me, I’m not sure what will. I must have been so wrapped up in my own thoughts, that I hadn’t said anything for a few minutes.

            “Do you remember Katie?” she asked me, breaking the silence.

            “Unfortunately, I do,” I responded.

            Katie was the girl Jess was dating when we first met. Jess and Katie dated for over a year. I used to hate Katie and I’m pretty sure she hated me too. She never liked me being around Jess. Katie seemed very controlling and manipulative of Jess. Was I just as bad as Katie?

            “Katie used to drive me crazy about you. Since the day I met you, she accused me of flirting with you. But that led to her accusing me of full-on cheating with you,” Jess reminded me.

            “And… now we’re together. Doesn’t that just prove her point?” I asked Jess.

            “No, Brian. It doesn’t, because I never cheated. You know what happened. You and I both know that nothing romantic ever happened between us while I was dating Katie.”

            “So? We still ended up together. Maybe that means Katie was right to be suspicious,” I said. I never thought I would be defending Katie.

            “But her accusations only drove us further apart. The whole reason I broke up with Katie was because of her constant jealousy. She was mainly jealous of you, but then It became about anyone. Man, or woman. She drove me so crazy, I felt like I was suffocating,” Jess explained.

            I never heard Jess describe jealousy like that before. I didn’t want to be “suffocating” her. But I was so happy that we were finally together, I didn’t want anything to come between us. It was becoming clear to me that I was going overboard with my jealousy, and I risked losing Jess over it.

            “Do you feel like I’m suffocating you now?” I asked her.

            “Just imagine if it was the other way around. You meet fans, take pictures, and talk with people almost every day. And most of the time they’re young girls. Sometimes while you’re away on tour, I’ll see pictures of girls all over you. I know they’re fans, but I still think they get a little too close to you for my liking. Can you imagine if every time I saw one of these pictures if I called you or questioned you about it? Who’s that girl? Why do you have your arm around her? Did you flirt with her? Do you think she’s prettier than me?” She asked, imitating some of the questions I’ve asked her about guys I thought she was flirting with.

            “Do I really act like that?”

            She nodded, “It’s exhausting.”

            “I didn’t realize I was suffocating you…”

            “Look, I’ll admit, sometimes seeing those girls all over you bothers me. Especially if you’re on tour and I’m sitting here at home by myself, and I’m missing you. But in my heart, I know that I don’t have to worry about any of those girls because I know that you would never cheat on me. I trust you. I just wish you had the same trust in me.”

            She trusts me. After everything that just happened today, Jess still trusts me. I almost found it hard to believe. I started to feel so stupid for not realizing how much my jealousy was affecting the relationship.

            “I’m sorry, Jess. I really do trust you. I just get scared sometimes,” I told her.

            Maybe Jess thought I wasn’t fully convinced. She got up from the couch and reached for her cell phone. She quickly unlocked it by pressing her thumb on the home button, unlocking the phone with her fingerprint. She clicked a few things, before handing me the phone, which was open to the passcode settings. I wasn’t quite sure what she was getting at.

            “What’s this for?” I asked her.

            “Put your fingerprint in my phone. That way you can unlock it whenever you want. Check my texts, calls, emails, social media messages. Anything. Anytime you want,” she explained.

            “Is this a trick?” I asked her. I wondered if maybe she was testing me, to see if I really trusted her.

            “Brian, I promise you, this is not a trick. But I have nothing to hide, so if it will make you feel better to look through my phone, go ahead.”

            I thought about it for a moment, but I decided to hand the phone right back to her. I COULD look through her phone and see if she’s been chatting or flirting with other people. But I didn’t have to. I knew that I wouldn’t find anything. I appreciated that Jess was trying to put my mind at ease, but I don’t think that having full access to her phone was going to solve the problem. Because the real problem had nothing to do with Jess, and it was just my own insecurities.

            “I don’t need to look through your phone. I trust you, Jess.”

            “Are you sure? Because I really don’t mind,” she said, holding the phone out towards me in case I changed my mind.

            “I’m sure, Jess.”

            “You know, about four years ago, I was given an ultimatum. Do you remember that?” Jess asked me.

            “Of course I remember,” I responded. She was referencing Katie again.

            “She told me that it was either her or you. And I chose you. I’ll always choose you, Brian.”

            “Jess, I’m sorry I’ve been acting so stupid lately. It’s only because I care so much about you. Will you please forgive me?” I asked her.

            “I forgive you, Brian.”

            I felt a huge sense of relief, knowing that my actions hadn’t completely ruined our relationship. I knew I still had to work on my jealous tendencies. This wasn’t a problem that I could solve overnight because my trust issues began long before I met Jess. But Jess was the love of my life, and I didn’t want to lose her because of my own insecurities. I had to snap out of it, otherwise I would only drive Jess further away.

            “I love you, Brian.”

            “I love you too, Jess.”

            “Will you just do one thing for me?” she asked.

            “Anything for you,” I told her.

            “Will you still carry me to bed? I’m exhausted.”

            “Of course I will, baby.”

            I placed one hand underneath her back, and the other hand underneath her legs. I lifted her up, bridal style, and carried her into the bed. I laid her down gently and pulled the covers over her body. I leaned down to kiss her goodnight, before going over to my side of the bed.

            “Goodnight, Jessica, my love.”

            “Goodnight, Brian. I love you too.”

            And after those words, Jess fell asleep almost instantly. I breathed a sigh of relief, knowing that I had the woman I love sleeping right next to me. I still felt so lucky to call her mine, and I didn’t want anything to ruin that. I placed my arm around her, pulling her closer towards me. This was my favorite spot in the world, in bed, with Jess in my arms. There was no better feeling. I promised myself that I would work on my jealousy because I couldn’t lose Jess over it. 


	35. Punished.

Jessica’s POV

            The moment Brian and I started dating, Sal and the other guys have been trying to get me involved in a punishment against Brian. The guys had come to me with a few different ideas over the past few months, but none of them really seemed worthwhile to me. I knew that getting involved with the show behind Brian’s back might make him upset. So, if I was going to do a punishment, I had to make sure it was done right.

            A few weeks ago, Sal came up with an idea for a punishment involving me. I was a little uncertain at first, but eventually, he talked me into it. Sal convinced me that it would make great TV and that if we could pull it off the way he envisioned, it could become one of Brian’s most uncomfortable punishments.

            Sal reminded me of some of Brian’s most memorable punishments. Like the time he had to give a sex-ed demonstration in front of his parents. Or the time that Brian had to eat a full course meal in the back of his beloved Jeep, practically destroying the interior of the car. In that punishment, Sal said, “There’s only one thing Q cares about as much as his cats. And since we can’t legally destroy his cats, we’re going to destroy his car!”

            “I’m pretty sure he loves you as much as his cats, if not more,” Sal told me, somewhat jokingly.

            “After this, he might love his cats more,” I said.

            Sal reminded me that the punishments work best when it involves something or someone, that the guys really care about. Whenever I started to feel a bit guilty during the planning of this punishment, Sal pointed out that the guys had Murr marry his sister. It only seemed fair that I would eventually become involved in the show.

            One of the main reasons I agreed to do this was because Brian had been driving me a little crazy lately. Ever since my health scare, I felt like Brian has had a tight grip on me. His jealous has grown stronger since then. After our last argument, where I told him I felt “suffocated,” I was hoping that his jealousy would get better. And to be honest, it has gotten a little better, but it didn’t die down as quickly as I had hoped. I felt like I had to do something drastic to help him snap out of it. I needed him to realize that the idea of me leaving or cheating on him was absolutely ridiculous. I just hoped that this punishment wasn’t too harsh. But I thought that being a part of the show was a good way to get out some of my frustration, without having a full-blown argument with Brian.

            -----

            The day of the punishment, Brian drove Sal to set. Brian thought I was going to work, like normal. But soon after Brian left, I headed right to the same set to film this punishment. We all had to make it seem like it was just any other day, and not do anything to make Brian suspicious. Brian didn’t even know that he was getting punished today. He just thought that he was filming a regular challenge.

            The guys instructed me to wear my sexiest outfit because that would make things much worse for Brian. If Brian saw me dressed provocatively, that would only add to his irritation. I decided to wear a skin-tight dress that was red, Brian’s favorite color. The dress hit just above the knee but was low cut in the front. I also wore my best push-up bra, so it gave me the optimal amount of cleavage in that dress. As a special surprise for Brian, I brought some other things from home to use in the punishment.

            When Brian arrived on set that day, he thought he was filming what they call a “two-way mirror” challenge. The idea is that one guy is sitting in the room interviewing someone, while the other guys are on the other side of the glass, trying to get the other Joker to laugh. All four guys did what Brian thought was the intro for the challenge. Then, the producers told Brian that he had to go first, which they were able to do without making him suspicious. A two-way mirror challenge is extremely hectic to film since the crew has so much preparation to do. So, it wasn’t out of the ordinary that the Jokers would have to go in a certain order because that just made things easier for the crew to set up.

            Once Brian went into the interview room, one of the producers came to get me, to let me know that it was time for my part to begin. It was time to film the real intro to this punishment. The crew hooked me up with a mic and earpiece so I could communicate with the guys throughout the punishment. I would only be able to hear the guys, not Brian. And Brian wouldn’t be able to hear me either. He could only see me behind the mirror.

            “Are you ready?” Sal asked, before we began filming.

            “I don’t know. Now that I’m here, I’m kind of nervous,” I admitted.

            “Don’t be nervous, you’ll do great,” Murray told me.

            “But what If he gets really mad at me?” I asked.

            The ideas we had for the punishment all sounded entertaining in my head. But now that I was actually on set, I was concerned that some of our ideas would be going too far. Was I a complete bitch for doing this?

            “You’ll be fine. If anything, he’ll get mad at us. Not you,” Joe tried to tell me.

            “Don’t forget why you’re doing this in the first place. We’ve talked about this,” Sal said, reminding me of some of Brian’s jealous rampages.

            “You’re right. I’m ready. Let’s do this,” I told them.

            After some reassurance from the guys, I was ready to get started. I stood next to Sal, as he and the guys filmed the REAL intro.

            “So, Q thinks he’s in that room for a regular challenge,” Murr said. 

            “Welll….” The guys said in unison.

            “What Q doesn’t know is that we have his girlfriend Jess here,” Sal said, pointing to me. I just smiled and waved at the camera.

            “You might recognize her from Q’s constant social media posts,” Joe said, which made me laugh.

            Not that I mind it, but Brian does post about me constantly on his social media. He also mentions me a lot on his podcast, Tell ‘Em Steve Dave.

            “Q is a very jealous person, especially when it comes to his girlfriend,” Murr said.

            “So, we’ve got Jess here to make him jealous, and basically aggravate him,” Sal said.

            “We’ll need to tie Q down to the chair, so he can’t get up. He can only watch what’s happening,” Joe said.

            “We’re not going to tell you exactly what she’ll be doing yet. We want you to be just as surprised as Q,” Murr told the audience.

            After filming the real intro, the guys decided last minute that it would be hilarious if I was the one to tie Brian up. Originally, they had planned to have a few crew members do it. That way, they would get Brian’s surprised reaction once he saw me behind the mirror. But the guys ultimately decided that me tying Brian up would only add to his confusion.

            “Just go in there and tie him to the chair. But don’t say much. Just tell him it’s a punishment, but don’t explain anything else. That’ll just add to his confusion,” Joe told me.

            “Do you think you can do it?” Sal asked, making sure I was comfortable.

            “Sure. If you guys think it will be funny, I’ll do it,” I told them.

            With all the things we had planned for the day, this was the least of my worries. If Brian thought this was bad, there was a lot worse to come. The crew gave me some rope and handcuffs. As soon as I walked into the room, Brian’s eyes widened and he looked completely baffled. The exact reaction the guys were hoping for.

            “Jess? What are you doing here?” Brian asked, as he stood up from the chair.

            Brian knew that it couldn’t have been a good reason. I wasn’t there to help him. Normally he was so happy to see me. But this was not one of those days. Brian walked towards me and tried to kiss me as if that would help him somehow. But I pulled away, shaking my head. I pointed towards the chair.

            “Sit. This is your punishment,” I told him.

            “Don’t say anything else!” Murr instructed me.

            “What do you mean this is my punishment? What is this?” He asked.

            Brian was desperate for answers, but I stayed silent.

            “So you’re just not going to say anything? You’re not going to tell me why you’re here?” Brian asked.

            I shook my head. I could tell that his frustration was starting to build. I was still pointing at the chair, waiting for him to sit down again. The guys must have started talking to Brian in his earpiece. I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but Brian just looked like a crazy person that was talking to himself.

            “What? No. Fuck you guys. You can’t use my girlfriend against me. This is too far. Yes, Joe. We have used your wife. Yes, Sal. We have used your sister. I know I can’t say no to a punishment, but…. No, I don’t want to quit the show,” Brian said in defeat.

            Brian finally sat down, allowing me to tie him up.

            “You look really hot today, by the way. I mean, you always do but…” Brian told me. I smiled, but the compliments weren’t going to help him today.

            “That’s not going to help me, is it? It’s only going to make things worse for me?” Brian asked. He must have read my mind.

            Now he was catching on. I shook my head and laughed. Just as I was finishing tying him up, he still had some more comments. Maybe he was just trying to make the best of it. He thought making a joke out of the thing would make him feel better.

            “My girlfriend tying me up doesn’t seem like much of a punishment so far. Seems like a regular night for us,” Brian said, with a huge smirk on his face.

            I looked at the camera, Joe Gatto style, and shook my head while I rolled my eyes at Brian’s comment. I was a little embarrassed that Brian was talking about our sex life. But I needed to toughen up a bit if I was ever going to survive this punishment. Brian leaned towards me again, trying to get a kiss. But I just kept pulling away, aggravating him even more.

            “You’re really not going to kiss me?” he asked.

            Brian began staring at me with his signature brown puppy dog eyes, trying to make me feel guilty. It was almost working. Almost. Once I had finished tying him up, making sure everything was tight, I stood back to admire my work. I made sure this process took longer than necessary, just to drag out the anticipation for him. Before I left, I caved and gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

            “That’s it? I don’t even get a real kiss?” he asked me, looking extremely disappointed. I just shook my head again.

            “Will you at least pull your dress up? Does everybody have to see that?” Brian asked, glaring at my cleavage.

            This was going to be a LONG day for Brian. He just told me I looked hot, but now he wants me to cover myself up because I’m exposing too much. I looked him straight in the eyes, and pulled the top of my dress further down, defiantly exposing more cleavage.

            “Oh really, Jessica? That’s how we’re going to play it?” Brian asked, getting defensive.

            I smirked and nodded. Then I leaned over, so my cleavage was right in his face. He tried to kiss me again, but I pulled away. I was doing my best to tease him. If I was going to be a part of this punishment, I was going to give it my all. I wanted to do it to the best of my ability.

            “Don’t do anything stupid,” Brian yelled, as I began walking away.

            Brian should’ve known better…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Just wanted to thank @writerforquinn. She’s given me some useful feedback on my stories, and it’s always fun to trade ideas with her. If you haven’t already, go check out her writing! She’s a great writer, and she has two IJ stories up at the moment!


	36. Jealousy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I have to give another shout out to @writerforquinn who also helped me out with this chapter. If anyone wants to talk about writing, or anything IJ related, feel free to message me on my Tumblr @statenislandboys.

Brian’s POV

            When Jess left the room, I was still confused. I didn’t know what she was doing there, or why I had to be tied up. I didn’t know if she as going to be a part of my punishment, or if she was just there at the beginning to throw me off. But for once, I wasn’t happy to see her. I knew that she wasn’t going to make me feel better. The whole time she was tying me up, she had such a devious smile like she was proud of herself.

            “Guys. Will you tell me what the fuck is going on?” I begged the guys. But I should’ve known that it was useless because the guys don’t usually say much about punishments before they happen.

            “You’ll just have to wait and see, buddy,” Sal told me, as they all laughed at my expense.

            “Fuck you guys,” I responded.

            “It’s a punishment. You just have to sit there and take it,” Joe told me.

            I sat there for a minute, struggling in the rope and handcuffs as if I could somehow get out of them. It reminded me of tarantula punishment, where I was also strapped and chained down. That was one of the worst punishments in the history of the show. In both situations, I felt so helpless but desperate to get out.

            The guys kept me waiting in the room a few minutes before anything actually happened. It only added to my anticipation and confusion, as I tried to figure out what the punishment could be and why Jess would be involved. I just sat there staring at the blurry two-way glass.

            “Are you ready, bud?” Murr asked me.

            “Not really,” I answered.

            “Well, it’s not like you have a choice. It’s a punishment,” Sal told me.

            “Fine. Let’s just get this over with,” I told them. If this was going to happen, I wanted it to be done as soon as possible.

            Finally, Jess appeared behind the two-way glass, once it was clear. I couldn’t hear anything going on behind the glass, I could only see what was happening. She was standing next to a sloppy, overweight guy, who was dressed like a fireman. I guess he was supposed to represent me. Jess held her hand up towards me, showing that she had a ring on her finger as if she was engaged.

            “Hey, Q. You remember when you were engaged once, right?” Joe asked.

            “I remember,” I said, as I was gritting my teeth.

            “And how did that end up?” Sal asked me.

            I wasn’t quite sure where this was going. Was Jess trying to signal that she wanted to be engaged? Was she upset that I haven’t proposed to her yet? Is that what this is all about? I was totally confused until someone else came into my view. Another person walked in, dressed like a cop. But he was dressed very provocatively like he was a stripper or something. The “cop” didn’t have a shirt on so he could show off his chiseled body. Jess looked at the sloppy fireman, threw the ring at him, and ran into the fake cop’s arms. Jess took advantage of the cop’s body and didn’t seem to mind touching his abs. Abs I’ll never have…

            “Oh, I get it. She’s going to leave me for a cop too,” I said, figuring out this scene.

            The guys, and Jess, knew that her leaving me was one of my biggest fears and they were taking advantage of that. I tried to act like the little “skit” didn’t bother me. The more of a reaction the guys got out of me, the more they win. But it still hurt, thinking that Jess would ever leave me for someone else, let alone a cop. The guys were specifically making fun of when my ex-fiancé left me for a cop, which is something they’ve made fun of before. But this time it really hurt, because having Jess there made it feel different. It made it feel like it wasn’t just a joke anymore, and like it could become a reality. After having to watch Jess run into the arms of another man, the glass went blurry again.

            “It’s not over, is it?” I asked.

            Although that was difficult enough, I knew there had to be something more. More humiliation. That little skit was too short to be an entire punishment.

            “Of course not, buddy. We’ve got plenty more,” Joe promised.

            “Great, I can’t wait,” I said sarcastically, as I took a deep breath.

            That time, I only heard Joe’s voice and laugh. I should’ve guessed something as going on behind the scenes with the other guys. I wanted a few minutes again, staring at the blurry glass before it became clear again. Jess was standing there with Sal and Murr. She was wearing a white dress as if she was getting married. Murr and Jess were facing each other, holding hands. Sal had a collar on and was holding a book as if he was the officiant. It was a fucked up sight. Not something I ever worried or even thought about until now.  Was this whole thing just to make me realize that I should propose to Jess? Marriage and engagement seem to be recurring themes here.

            “She would never marry that ferret,” I said, trying to make myself feel better.

            The glass went blurry again, but only for a minute. This time the transition was quick. When the glass went clear again, Jess was laying on a table, with a huge, but obviously fake, pregnant belly. She was wearing a hospital gown and breathing heavily like she was about to have a baby. When she finally “gave birth,” she pulled a baby doll from underneath her. Then Jess turned the baby towards me, showing that it had a picture of Murray’s face on it. This skit confused me even more because I wasn’t quite sure what they were trying to get at. Jess and I both agreed that we didn’t want kids. This scene didn’t make me angry or jealous because it was just plain ridiculous.

            “AWWW… Isn’t that cute? Congrats, bud. Your girlfriend just had Murr’s baby,” Sal said, with all of them laughing again.

            “Fuck you guys. Is this over yet?” I asked them.

            “Not yet. We’ve got a few more surprises for you,” Murr said.

            The glass went blurry again. I racked my brain, wondering what else they could possibly have up their sleeves. But I didn’t think I could take much more of this. I was getting more frustrated as these skits went on.

            When the glass went clear again, Jess was standing there alone at first. After all her costume changes, she was back in that sexy red dress that drove me crazy earlier. She held her arm out towards the side, inviting another person to come towards her and into my field a view. My jaw dropped when my recent enemy had stepped into the frame. Seth fucking Rollins. That was it. That’s what this whole punishment was built for.

            “This asshole? How did you even get him here?” I questioned.

            For a moment, I didn’t even believe it was really him. Maybe it was an imposter, or maybe I was imagining things. Wrestlers have such hectic schedules. They’re in a different city every few days. Since _Raw_ was just in New York a few weeks ago, I was shocked that Rollins was able to be here, on set, to make my life miserable.

            “Your girlfriend can be very persuasive,” Murr answered.

            I watched as my girlfriend clearly flirted with Seth Rollins, right in front of me. A few weeks ago, Jess and I had an argument about her flirting with Rollins. She convinced me that it wasn’t flirting and that the two of them were just talking. But now she’s clearly trying to get under my skin, purposely flirting with him. Jess was touching his arms, feeling his muscles. I would never have muscles like that in my whole life. Jess always told me that my arms were her favorite part of my body. So, seeing her touch another man’s arms like that was especially hurtful. I wondered if she would rather me have arms like Rollins…  

            This skit was drawn out to last longer than the others because it was clearly the most torturous for me to watch. I couldn’t even contain my anger at this point. It was clear to the guys that watching Jess and Seth Rollins together was making my blood boil. At one point in this skit, Jess and Rollins started looking down at the floor, but I couldn’t see what they were looking at. The mirrors were set up in a way so that I couldn’t see anything below their waists. I could only see the top half of their bodies.

            “Oh, I wonder what they have down there?” Joe said, mocking me with this laughter.

            “I don’t know. Are you going to make her have Seth’s baby too?” I asked, sarcastically.

            “Not exactly… But you’re on the right track,” Murr told me.

            I was on the right track? I had no idea what that meant until Jess bent down to pick something up from the floor. She was holding Benjamin Cat, my oldest cat. If that wasn’t bad enough, Rollins bent down next, to pick something else up. He stood there holding Brooklyn Cat, my youngest cat. Brooklyn has a special place in my heart because I rescued her myself when she was just a tiny kitten. Jess was often the one who took care of my cats while I was away, even before we started dating. And once we got together, I told her that she was basically their mom now. Since Jess and I didn’t want kids, the cats were like our babies.

            “You brought our children into this?” I asked.

            “Your cats don’t seem to mind Rollins. Maybe they like him more than you,” Sal said.

            “I love my cats. My cats never did anything to hurt me,” I muttered.

            Jess and Rollins put the cats down, but it wasn’t over yet. Jess continued to flirt with Rollins, touching his muscular body. Then, she stepped away from him for a second. I thought it was over. I thought she was done with him. But, I was wrong. It only got worse. They found a way to irritate me even more. Jess smirked at Rollins, then slowly lowered her body towards the ground. Rollins adjusted his belt as if he was taking his pants off. Then he looked down at Jess seemingly enjoying himself. Because bottom half of their bodies were covered, I couldn’t actually see what was happening. But I knew what they were supposed to be doing, and I didn’t like it one bit.

            “Fuck you guys. Don’t you think this is a little too far?” I asked.

            “I don’t know… I know you can’t see her from there, but they both seem to be enjoying themselves,” Murr said.

            When Jess finally came back up for air, her lipstick was smudged all over her mouth. If it wasn’t obvious before, this made it even more clear that she was supposed to be giving Rollins a blow job.

             “I’m going to fucking kill her,” I said.

            I was obviously exaggerating, but I felt like this skit crossed a line. Having Jess even pretend to do something like that was taking it too far, even for our show. I didn’t even know if the network would let us show that scene since it could be considered too suggestive. So, then Jess didn’t even do it for TV, she just did it to aggravate me. I didn’t understand why she was trying so hard to make me upset. What did I do to deserve this?  The mirror went blurry for the last time and it was finally over.

            “And… we’re done. You did a great job, buddy. Your girl is back here now, just hanging out with Rollins,” Joe told me, just to annoy me even more.

            They kept me waiting there for a few minutes, chained down, before one of our crew members finally came to unlock me. The whole punishment lasted around 30 minutes, but it felt like an eternity. I was just glad this whole thing was over. I just wanted to go home. This whole situation was exhausting, and I desperately wanted to get out of that room.

            I went into the back room, where the entire crew was still laughing at me. Jess included. Everyone found this whole thing hilarious, apparently. However, there was one person noticeably absent.

            “I need to talk to that prick. Where is he?” I demanded to know.

            “Rollins just left. He needed to catch a flight for a live show,” Sal explained.

            I’m guessing the crew probably wanted him out of there anyway, to avoid any kind of confrontation. That was probably for the best, considering what he had just done with my girlfriend. Speaking of my girlfriend, I looked over at her to see this guilty look on her face. Jess cautiously walked towards me, knowing that I was upset.

            “Why did you do this?” I asked her.

            There was so much I wanted to say to her, but that was the real question I needed to be answered. Why?

            “Baby… I’m sorry. I didn’t think you would get this upset,” she said.

            Jess came closer towards me, trying to touch my arm and give me some sort of affection. But I wasn’t having it.

            “Don’t touch me. And don’t call me baby…” I snapped, as I pulled away from her.

            “Brian, I really am sorry,” Jess tried to apologize, but I wasn’t having it.  

            “You went too far this time. ALL of you went too far,” I told her and the guys.           

            “But it was funny!” Joe responded, as if that made everything okay.

            “You guys have used my whole family against me. My parents, sister, and nieces,” Sal said.

            “And you tried to get me to kiss another woman in front of my wife. It only seemed fair to use Jess,” Joe said.

            “Don’t be mad at her. It was all our ideas,” Murr said, trying to defend Jess.

            “Bullshit. Even if they were your ideas, she still did it,” I said, still fuming.

            “I’m sorry, Brian,” Jess repeated, but I didn’t want to hear it. I was still too angry to accept an apology.

            “And who’s idea was it to have you suck Seth’s dick?” I asked her, but it was really a rhetorical question. It didn’t matter whose idea it was. Jess still shouldn’t have done it.

            “I only pretended to…” she started to say.

            “I don’t care,” I snapped. Even though the skit was fake, I still couldn’t get the picture out of my mind.

            As I got angrier at Jess, I started to see the fear in her eyes. I felt like she was starting to become afraid of me. She didn’t realize how seriously I would take this whole thing. She thought it was all a joke, but I was still hurt by it all.

            I looked down at the floor to see Benjamin and Brooklyn in their carriers. I went to pick them up and started walking out of the room. I wanted to go home. I just needed to get out of here and I wanted to take my cats with me.

            “Brian, where are you going?” Jess asked as she started following me out of the room.

            I didn’t want to continue this argument with her in front of everyone, and I certainly didn’t want to do it on camera. Even after the punishment ends, the cameras are still rolling to record our reactions.

            “I’m going home. Alone. I don’t want to see you when I get there,” I told her.

            It may have sounded harsh, but being alone is what I needed. I couldn’t look at Jess right now without picturing all those scenes in my mind. Especially the ones with her and Rollins.

            “Really, Brian? Can’t we talk about this?” she asked me.

            “Jessica, please. Just leave me alone right now. Last time we had an argument, you asked for space and I respected that. I just want the same right now,” I pleaded.

            “Ok, fine. If that’s what you need…” she relented.

            When I got home, I immediately let the cats out of their carriers. Like me, they hated leaving the house. I collapsed on the couch, with Brooklyn in my arms, hoping that she would give me some sort of comfort. I just wanted to forget everything that happened today. Even though I had lived alone for so long, my house felt so empty with Jess. My heart, and my life, would be empty without her. But it still hurt that she would go through all the trouble of being on the show, just to aggravate me.

            Just as all these thoughts of Jess were flooding my mind, she suddenly came through the door. Jess stormed in frantically. At first, I thought she didn’t listen to me, and that she came to make up. But instead, she went into the bedroom and started frantically packing up her things.

            “Jessica, what are you doing?” I asked her, completely baffled by her behavior. Why was she in such a hurry? And what was she doing here?

            “I’m packing up my things. I’m leaving,” she told me.

            “Wait…what? Why?” I asked, completely thrown off.

            “Because I can’t deal with you anymore, Brian. You’re jealous of every human being I talk to. I can’t do anything without you worrying that I’m cheating on you. You don’t trust me, and you’re smothering me with your jealousy. I’m tired of it. Maybe it took this punishment for me to realize everything,” Jess said, as she continued to pack her things in front of me.

            “You…You’re breaking up with me? Can’t we talk about this…?” I pleaded with her. But she didn’t want to listen. Jess was already on her way out. She made up her mind and there was nothing I could do to stop her.

            “Goodbye, Brian,” she said, slamming the door as she left.

            I felt completely heartbroken. Tears were streaming down my face. I never thought it would come to this. I didn’t think this situation would cause Jess to crack. I thought we just needed some space, but that we would get through it. If we could get through health scares, I thought we could get through everything together. After our years of friendship and all we had been through together, I couldn’t believe that this is how she wanted to end it. And it was all my fault. It was because of my own stupid jealousy. And now my biggest fear has come true. Jessica left me, and I never felt more alone.


	37. Guilty.

Jessica’s POV

            After seeing Brian’s reaction to the punishment, I felt completely guilty for going through with this whole thing. While I was doing it, I didn’t realize that Brian would get so upset. I thought he would laugh it off and it would all blow over quickly. Because it was part of a TV show, it all felt like one big joke. I got caught up in the moment and didn’t consider the real consequences of my actions. They were all just supposed to be funny skits to get Brian to snap out of that jealous rage. But it may have backfired…

            When Brian told me not to go home, I was initially disappointed because my instinct was to make things right with him. I wanted to tell him how sorry I was, but he insisted that he needed space and I had to respect that. I think that having this space was good for the two of us. Sometimes when we have arguments, it’s best for us to have some time apart so we could cool off. That way we don’t get caught up in the heat of the moment and say something that we’ll later regret. We both just needed some time to think.

            Sal told me that I could hang out at his place until this all blows over. I didn’t know how long it would take but I just hoped Brian would feel better before we both went to sleep. I wanted to explain to him why I participated in this punishment. When I tried to explain myself before, Brian didn’t want to listen because he was still too angry with me.  

            “I’m sorry I caused trouble between you two. I didn’t think he would get so upset. This is all my fault. I talked you into it,” Sal said.

            Sal was the one who came up with this whole idea in the first place. He came to me with the idea right after I had met Seth Rollins for the first time. At that time, Brian’s jealousy had reached a boiling point. Sal suggested that making a scene on TV would make Brian realize how ridiculous his jealousy was.

            “Don’t feel guilty. It’s not your fault. I went along with it,” I told him. Although we were both partially responsible or the idea, I should’ve never agreed to go through with something like this.

            “I’m sure Brian will be fine in a few hours. He’ll get over it. He always does,” Sal assured me.

            “I hope so. I didn’t think he would get so angry either,” I told Sal.           

            “I haven’t seen him this upset over a punishment since we through a bunch of tarantulas on him,” Sal said.

            “I remember that. Brian was pretty messed up after that one,” I said.

            I started to think back and remember how Brian was reacted after the tarantula punishment. When he came home that night, he was basically traumatized and still shaking after what they had done to him. After thinking about that night, I started to feel an extra wave of guilt for being involved in this punishment. I felt so stupid and careless for being the reason that he was in this kind of emotional pain again. I’m supposed to be his best friend. I shouldn’t be the one putting him through something like this. I felt like such a bitch.

            “Sal, what if he breaks up with me over this? I acted like a total whore today and embarrassed him in front of all these people,” I asked him.

            “Jess, he’s NOT going to break up with you. It’s just a punishment. He’s been upset with us before. He’s yelled at us, and then he gets over it. That’s just part of the whole deal. I wouldn’t have asked you to do something like this if I thought it would put your relationship at risk,” Sal promised me.        

            “But this whole thing is so stupid. I should be apologizing to him,” I said.

            I started to reach for my phone to call Brian, but Sal stopped me.

            “I wouldn’t do that, Jess.”

            “Why not? I’m the one who fucked up. I should be apologizing to him.”

            “Because he told you that he needed space. When he’s upset, sometimes it’s better to just leave him alone,” Sal told me.

            Knowing Brian, I had to agree with Sal. Brian can get hotheaded sometimes, getting angry and saying things he’ll later regret. As much as I wanted to talk to Brian and tell him how sorry I was, I needed to respect that he wanted space.

            After Sal and I sat there talking for a little while, my phone began ringing. It was Brian. I just assumed that he had finally cooled down and that he wanted to make up. But instead, Brian was completely hysterical and not making any sense.

            “I’m sorry, baby. Please come back. I love you so much. Please don’t do this to me,” Brian said frantically.

            It sounded like there were tears in his eyes. And he was speaking so quickly, I could barely comprehend what he was saying. At first, I didn’t understand what he was so upset about. He was the one who told me that he needed space. And I was the one who should be apologizing to him…

            “Brian, it’s okay, Calm down. What are you talking about?” I asked him.           

            “You left me…” he said.

            “I didn’t leave you. You’re the one who told me not to come home,” I reminded him.

            “But you came back. You took your stuff and stormed out,” he said.

            That’s when I realized what was happening. Brian had a bad dream. He used to have these vivid dreams that were so intense, he thought they were real. Brian told me that he used to have these dreams while he was an active fireman. I wasn’t an expert, but it seemed like he had some kind of post-traumatic stress. These dreams happened sporadically, and as far as I knew, he hasn’t had these type of intense dreams in a long time.

            “Sweetie, listen to me. That wasn’t real. You were having a dream,” I assured him.

            “It was a nightmare,” he corrected me.

            “Baby, it’s okay. I didn’t leave you. Can I come home now?” I asked permission since he was the one who wanted me out of the house.

            “Yes, baby. Please come home. I’m sorry I ever told you to leave.”

            “I’ll be there in ten minutes,” I promised him.

            I quickly explained to Sal what happened before I left and thanked him for his hospitality. I grabbed my things and rushed out the door, wanting to get to Brian as quickly as possible.

            As soon as I walked in the door, Brian grabbed me and held me so tight that I could barely breathe. I pulled away, only slightly just to look at his face. Brian had tears in his eyes. This dream must’ve really gotten to him.

            “I missed you,” Brian said.

            Even though it had only been a few hours, Brian and I always missed each other when we were apart.

            “Baby… don’t cry. I’m here,” I assured him.

            “I’m sorry… It just felt so real,” he said, referring to the nightmare he just had.

            “Do you want to talk about it?” I asked hesitantly.

            I wasn’t sure if he’d want to forget all about it and never mention it again. But he nodded, and we both sat on the couch to discuss it. I held onto his hand tightly, so he would know that I was there to support him and I wasn’t going anywhere.

            “I guess I fell asleep on the couch after I got home from set. I was thinking about how mad I was at you and the guys. I dreamt that you came storming in and took all your things. You said that you couldn’t take me anymore. You were tired of me smothering you with jealousy. It took this punishment for you to realize that. I got so consumed by this nightmare, I thought it was real,” he told me.

            “Brian, it was just a bad dream. I would never leave you like that,” I promised him.

            “I’m sorry, Jessica,” he said.

            “Brian, what are you sorry for? You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m the one that should be begging for forgiveness after what I did today.”

            “We should talk about today,” Brian said.

            “I agree. But tell me how you really feel. Don’t just tell me what you think I want to hear because you’re afraid I’ll get mad and leave you,” I said.

            After Brian had calmed down, I knew that we had to honestly talk about the punishment.  I wanted him to actually get his feelings out, whether he was angry, upset, or even furious at me. Even if he needed to yell at me to get his feelings out, he deserved that after what I did. I didn’t want him to bottle up his feelings because he was afraid of losing me. I wanted him to be able to express himself to me and tell me why he was so upset.

            “Let’s start from the beginning. What were you thinking when you first saw me there?” I asked him.

            “Well, usually I’m so happy to see you, especially if you’re looking like THAT. But obviously, this time was different. I knew you were going to be used against me. And then I got jealous when I realized that you’d be showing off your body in front of the whole crew and on TV,” Brian told me.

            “I get that. But that was the whole point of the punishment, to make you jealous,” I explained.

            “Why did you do it? Why would you purposefully try to provoke me?” he asked.

            Although I didn’t want him to be upset, I was glad to see that he was getting some of his frustration out.  

            “Because it didn’t matter how many times I told you that or that you can trust me. Or that there was no reason for you to be jealous. You didn’t seem to believe it. I thought that maybe putting it in the context of the show and making a joke of it would make you snap out of it,” I explained to him.

            “And what about Seth Rollins? You know I have issues with him and you went out of your way to flirt with him, touching his body and everything,” Brian said. I knew that the Rollins bit would make him most upset. That part probably took it too far. But there was still a reason behind it.

            “Brian, let me ask you something. How did you feel when I had Murray’s baby? Did that make you upset?” I asked him.

            “Not really. It was kind of stupid, to be honest. I know we don’t want kids. And I’m pretty sure you would never date that ferret, let alone marry and have a baby with him. Those scenes were just ridiculous,” he told me.

            “They were all equally ridiculous, Brian. Me getting married to Murray is never going to happen. Me leaving you for a cop is never going to happen. Me getting with Seth Rollins is never going to happen,” I promised him.

            The entire goal of this punishment was for me to get Brian to see that his fears weren’t going to come true. I’m never going to leave him like his ex-fiancé did. I’m never going to cheat on him with some other guy, whether that be a “ferret” like Murr or an athlete like Seth Rollins. I just hoped that this punishment would be able to get that message across to Brian. I never meant to hurt him. I just wanted him to see that I would never betray him by leaving or cheating on him. I’m not sure if I was convincing enough, because Brian just stared at me like he was still trying to process all of this. He began to stare intently at my arm and lightly grazed his fingers over the tattoo that was dedicated to him.

            “Have you ever regretted getting that?” Brian asked me.

            “Not for a second. Why would you even think that?” I asked him.

            “I was thinking about the times I made you feel suffocated with my jealousy. I thought it might have given you second thoughts about getting this permanently tattooed on your body,” he told me.

            I was telling Brian the absolute truth. From the second I got that tattoo, I was proud to have a dedication to him on my arm. I never regretted it, even during the tough times in our relationship.

            “Brian, you’re not just my boyfriend. You’re my best friend. The love of my life. Do you think I would’ve gotten this tattoo if I planned on leaving you? I’m not going anywhere, as long as you’ll still have me around.” I promised him.

            “I’m sorry, Jess. I know you’re right. I just got scared,” he told me.

            “You don’t have to apologize. It’s okay for you to get scared sometimes, but I want you to be able to talk to me about it. I’m the one that should apologize. I’m sorry that I took things too far today. I never thought it would make you this upset. If I knew you would react this way, I never would’ve done it,” I told him.

            I expected for Brian to get annoyed at the things I was doing in this punishment. But I didn’t expect that my actions would make him so upset and trigger a bit of a breakdown. I felt so guilty for putting him in that state, and I wanted to do anything I could to make him feel better.

            “Do you forgive me?” I asked. I would understand if he was still mad at me after all the things I did today.

            “Just promise me you’ll never do anything like that again. No more punishments,” he pleaded. 

            In the past, Brian has said that he didn’t want me involved in the show. When we first started dating, I told him that I couldn’t promise anything. I had always been a huge fan of the show and I wanted to be a part of it. The guys and the crew always looked like they were having so much fun. But now I know better. I know that nothing on the show is worth hurting Brian like this. I’ve gotten it out of my system and I don’t have to be a part of that world if I’m only going to cause harm to the person I care about the most.

            “I promise, I won’t go behind your back and get involved with any punishment or challenge. If it really bothers you that much, I won’t even come to set, in case you’re afraid they’ll still somehow use me against you,” I told him.

            “I don’t think we have to go that far. As long as you don’t do anything behind my back or go against me like that again,” Brian said.

            “I promise you, Never again.”

            “Good.”

            “Now do you forgive me?”

            “Yes. And I promise you that I will work on my jealousy. I should be able to control myself, and not freak out on you like I have in the past,” he told me.

            Brian leaned over to kiss me, and I was glad to know that things would be okay between the two of us. We were both able to acknowledge our mistakes and apologized to each other for them. I thought that the ability to openly talk about our feelings with one another showed tremendous growth in our relationship. I was just hoping that we’d be able to get back to the loving and affectionate side of our relationship, instead of having this tension constantly between us.

            “You know, the irony of all of this is that I would’ve never been able to do this punishment if you didn’t make me feel so confident all the time,” I told him.

            Before dating Brian, I would’ve never been able to go on a TV show dressed like that, because I was too self-conscious. I never felt comfortable in my own skin, but Brian changed that. He was always telling me how beautiful or sexy I was. All of his compliments have boosted my self-confidence, which gave me the confidence to be a part of the show.

            “Jess, you’re always sexy to me, no matter what. But just save it for me next time, okay? Especially what you did with Rollins. Do you have any idea how jealous that made me?”

            “But that was all fake. But you get the real thing, baby.”

            Brian didn’t have to say anything, but from the way his eyes widened, I knew he was interested. He picked me up in a fireman’s carry and brought me into the bedroom, so we could officially make up.

            After I showed Brian how sorry I was, we laid in bed, still talking about what happened that day. I could tell that Brian was still a little bit shaken up. But now his anger had turned to the guys instead of it being directed at me.

            “I still can’t believe the guys ever talked you into this. I’m going to get them back for this,” he promised.

            Out of the four guys, Brian was always the most vengeful with his punishments. He always tried to think of ways to get each guy back directly. I had often helped brainstorm ideas with him about punishments, like throwing cats onto Sal as revenge for the tarantula punishment.

            “They’ve come to me with worse ideas,” I told Brian, trying to make him feel a little better. But also, I was trying to make myself better for agreeing to be a part of this punishment in the first place. It could’ve been worse...

            “Like what? What other ideas did they have for you?” Brian asked.

            “Well, like for today. One of the suggestions was to have me pretend to be dying in a fire, but you couldn’t save me,” I told Brian.

            I obviously didn’t agree to that one. It seemed way too harsh and I didn’t think it was funny at all. It was supposed to be similar to making Brian perform in front of his firehouse. That punishment made Brian feel guilty for being a TV star and not a fireman who saves people from burning buildings.

            “NOOOOOOO. That’s terrible. Why would anyone even think that’s a good idea?” Brian asked me. He clearly didn’t think it was a good idea either.

            “I don’t know,” I shrugged. 

            In the past 6 years of knowing the guys, I’ve heard a lot of ideas for challenges and punishments that didn’t work out. Because I was actually a fan of the show, the guys would sometimes ask my opinion about things the viewers might want to see. And even after everything I did today, I knew that some other things the guys suggested were crossing a line. To be fair, when I look back at what I did, most of it probably crossed a line . But I had some boundaries.

            “I don’t even want to think about that,” Brian said, as he held me even tighter.

            “Well, you never have to worry about me leaving you because that’s not going to happen,” I assured him.

            After Brian and I talked about everything, I truly felt like we were in a better place in our relationship. This punishment encouraged us to talk about some of the things that have been bothering both of us, things we’ve kept bottled up. I still regret what I did because I never meant to cause Brian that kind of distress. I had to understand that Brian's jealousy was a deeper-rooted issue than either of us had even realized. The punishment was not the way to solve this issue. It was only a temporary way for me to relieve some of my frustration. But this wasn’t all on Brian. I needed to work on being more sympathetic towards him and all that he’s been through. I also need to work on my communication with Brian so I can express when and why I’m upset, without needing something like this punishment to blow off steam. Ultimately, Brian and I are not perfect. We’ve both made mistakes throughout the course of our relationship. But when it really comes down to it, we’ll always love each other, no matter what. I truly believe that the struggles we’ve been through will only make our relationship stronger. There was nobody else I would rather have by my side than my best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I hope this chapter redeems Jess for most of you. I really appreciate anyone who’s been reading or left a nice comment, because I’ve gotten a few harsh comments lately. Also, just wanted to warn everyone that chapters will be a little more spread out for a while, because I’m on vacation now, and then I’m back in school.


	38. Valentine.

Jessica’s POV

            “Brian, it’s fine. Stop apologizing,” I told him, for what seemed like the hundredth time.

            “But it’s Valentine’s Day. I should be there with you,” he said.

            “It’s not your fault the flight was canceled,” I said.

            It was a Monday night, the day before Valentine’s Day. It was Brian and I’s first as a couple. It also happened to be our six-month anniversary. I had planned a romantic evening that the both of us would enjoy. Brian offered to take me to a fancy dinner, but I preferred staying in with him. And I knew he liked it better that way too. Brian thought that cooking was too much trouble, but I didn’t mind cooking a meal for my man. As a present, I made Brian some more pickles, since he had just finished the ones I made him for Christmas. It may have seemed like an odd Valentine’s Day gift, but I knew that’s what Brian liked. It would be a waste for me to buy him something cheesy like a box of chocolates when I knew he would prefer something more personal. As my final surprise, I also purchased a new set of red lingerie for myself, although that was more of a gift for Brian…

            But now Brian’s flight back from one of his shows had been canceled. He wouldn’t get back until Wednesday night, the day after Valentine’s Day. I was just disappointed that Brian and I would be spending more time apart. The fact that it was also Valentine’s Day didn’t mean much more to me. Brian was always pulling these sweet, romantic gestures all year long. I always appreciated that Brian put in the effort to be so thoughtful. He didn’t need a specific day on the calendar to tell him to be romantic. In my mind, any time that I had to spend apart from him was equally as difficult.

            When I started dating Brian, I knew that I would get lonely sometimes. I knew that he would often be away on tour or busy filming the show. From the beginning, I knew what I was getting myself into. And I knew Brian was living his dream by getting paid to hang out with his friends and perform in front of his fans. I never got angry when he was away because I understood that was part of the job. Especially in situations like this, when flights got delayed or canceled. It’s not something that Brian could control. But I still missed him. Even if I got used to all the traveling, I would still miss him. That part would never change.

            Things had been going so well between Brian and I. His jealousy was improving and we both started to feel more comfortable communicating with each other. I didn’t feel like he was suffocating me anymore. Brian more loving and more trusting in me. He had become even more affectionate, especially in public. I loved that. We were both working on spending more time together, just the two of us. Time as best friends, like we used to. We wanted to spend time doing things like playing video games, going to the movies, or just relaxing while I cooked him a meal. I finally started to feel like I had my best friend back. That was something I felt had been lost in our relationship recently, after all the heavy issues we had dealt with.

            “I miss you, baby,” Brian told me. He sounded a bit tired.

            “I miss you too.”

            “I just wish I was home with you,” he said.

            “I know, me too. It’s a shame you won’t get to see that new set of lingerie I bought,” I teased him. Suddenly, it sounded like he perked up a little.

            “Well…You could send me a picture….” Brian suggested.

            “Oh sure. Hold on,” I told him.

            “Wait…. Really?” he asked, a little surprised.

            I teased him a bit, sending him a picture of just the lingerie, without me in it. I had it laid out on the bed, ready to wear when he got home.

            “Yeah, that’s great Jess. But I really wanted to see a picture of you actually WEARING it,” he told me.

            “Well, I guess you’ll just have to wait until you come home,” I told him.

            I’ve never sent Brian, or anyone, a sexy photo of myself. Brian has cautiously asked me a few times before, but it’s just not something I ever felt comfortable doing. And Brian always respected that. I just never felt confident or sexy enough to take these kinds of pictures. Brian often wanted to take pictures of me using his own camera. They didn’t even have to be sexy, but Brian loved taking pictures and I didn’t mind being his model.

            It’s not that I didn’t trust Brian. I know that he would never deliberately leak a photo of me or share it with anyone. Knowing how protective Brian is, I know that he would want to keep the pictures to himself. But sometimes I would make fun of the time that he accidentally tweeted his phone number out because he was trying to message the wrestler Hornswoggle.

            But I still loved the idea of teasing Brian and not giving everything away. I felt like it kept up the excitement in our relationship, especially with him being away all the time. I loved the idea of him waiting to be with me, and so excited to come home and see me. I felt like it kept that spark going.

            ----

            The next day, Valentine’s Day, I received several deliveries. When I got to work, there was a beautiful bouquet of flowers waiting at my desk. Attached was a card with a thoughtful message. Things like this meant so much more to me than flowers or any other gift. The card was something I would save and cherish forever.

            _Jessica, my love._

_I’m sorry we couldn’t spend the day together, but I promise I will be home soon. I can’t wait until we’re together so I can hold you in my arms. I’m not sure how it’s possible, but somehow I fall deeper in love with you every single day. I’m so lucky to have you in my life. I love you so much, and I will see you very soon._

_Love, Brian._

            When I got home, I got a delivery for even more flowers, as well as cupcakes from my favorite bakery. Finally, a giant stuffed teddy bear was delivered to the house. It was almost bigger than me. I have often compared Brian to a teddy bear. Brian may sometimes look like a tough guy, but he is really a big softie with a heart of gold. And I always loved cuddling with him, nuzzling my face into his chest, and being held by his big, strong arms. I often got lonely without him, so I guess cuddling this teddy bear while he was away would have to do for now. After I received this gift, I called Brian to thank him for everything. But I also wanted him to know that he was going overboard.

            “Brian, I love you. But this is too much. You didn’t have to do all this,” I told him.

            “It’s never too much for you. You deserve all of it and so much more. I’m just sorry I couldn’t be there with you,” he said, apologizing again.

            “Brian, it’s okay. I understand your job takes you away sometimes. I’m not mad. You don’t have to keep saying you’re sorry,” I told him.

            Once I got off the phone with Brian, I decided to send him a little gift of my own. I felt like he certainly deserved it after all the presents he sent me. The night was almost over and I figured Brian would be going to bed soon. So, I decided to throw on that set of lingerie and send him the picture he really wanted. I knew that eventually, I had to get over my discomfort of sending these kinds of photos. I figured that now was the perfect time to do it. So, I sent him a text with a few photos attached. The pictures were definitely revealing, but I wasn’t actually naked in any of them. I wanted to leave something to the imagination so Brian would have something to look forward to when he got home.

            _Hey, baby. Just wanted to show you how much I appreciated all your gifts. Can’t wait for you to come home. ;) – J_

_Fucccckkk, Jess. You’re so sexy. Can I see more? – B_

_Sorry, baby. You’ll just have to wait until you come home. – J_

_You’re so bad…Why do you torture me like this? – B_

_I guess you’ll just have to punish me when you get home. – J_

_Don’t worry about that, sweetheart._ _I will. I promise you that. – B_

            I never would’ve taken, let alone sent, a picture like this before dating Brian. The only reason I felt comfortable sending them was because of Brian. Nobody I’ve dated has ever made me feel so confident. Brian was constantly telling me how beautiful and sexy I was. I didn’t always believe him, but Brian convinced me that I was the most beautiful woman in the world to him. His opinion was all that mattered to me.

            Just as I was still texting Brian, the doorbell rang again. Since I was still wearing my lingerie, I quickly threw on a robe to cover myself up as I answered the door. I assumed it was another Valentine’s Day gift. What else could it be? I opened the door, and to my complete surprise, my handsome boyfriend was standing there before me. Although it wasn’t the gift I wasn’t expecting, it was the best gift I could’ve hoped for.

            “Brian, what are you doing here? I thought you wouldn’t be home until tomorrow.”

            He didn’t even have time to answer, because within seconds, he was on me. Brian had pushed me up against the wall, pinning my arms to the side of my head. It was slightly aggressive, but I loved the intensity.  There was this sense of urgency like we needed to be together NOW. After the intense make-out session, Brian pulled away for a minute. I thought he needed to catch some air.

            “Why did you stop?” I pouted since I was enjoying it.

            “I forgot to ask you something very important…”

            “What’s that?” I asked.

            “Will you be my Valentine?”

            “Of course I will. I always will,” I told him.

            It was kind of dorky, but adorable at the same time, that he asked me that question. Considering the fact that we had been dating for 6 months and were already living together, I thought being his Valentine was just understood.

            “I hope you’re not too tired from all that traveling…” I said, as I went back to kissing his neck.

            “Nope. Slept on the plane,” Brian said.

            “Good. Then we can stay up ALL night long,” I told him.

            “That sounds like my kind of Valentine’s Day,” Brian smirked, as he lifted me up and carried me to the bedroom. As promised, we spent the entire night together, which was the best Valentine’s Day gift I could’ve asked for.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry this chapter was a little short. But after all the recent drama, I thought it would be nice to have a cute little fluff chapter. I’m hoping to stick to a schedule of uploading chapters once a week now.


	39. Hawaii.

Jessica’s POV

            There have been a few special times that the guys get to travel outside of the New York area to film an episode. They’ve been to Texas, New Orleans, Miami, and even London. But there’s one place that Brian has always dreamed of going: Hawaii. He’s often told me that Hawaii is one of his dream vacation destinations. But getting to film an episode there was a good excuse to go, considering the added bonus that TruTV would be paying for the trip.

            They were planning on filming in Hawaii for over a week. It always sucked to be apart from Brian that long. He suggested that I come along on the trip with them. Joe had already planned on bringing Bessy and Milana, so it made sense that I would be invited too. I was hesitant at first because it’s not like I’d be going on a normal vacation with Brian. I imagined that he’d be working most of the trip, which would leave little time for us to spend together. That’s why I always hated going on the Impractical Jokers cruise. Between performing at Tenderloins shows, doing meet and greets, and recording podcasts, Brian’s schedule was always packed. By the time Brian got back to the room, he was exhausted. For me, it wasn’t worth going with him on the cruise if I only saw him a few minutes before we woke up, and a few minutes before he went to sleep. Not to mention the large crowds of people clamoring to get to Brian, and the other guys. All these people in one spot gave me anxiety because I was worried about other peoples’ safety, as well as my own.

            “Babe, I promise you, it’s not going to be like the cruise. We’ll mostly be filming during the day so we could spend the nights together. And we’re trying to carve a whole day out of free time. And Bessy will be there too,” Brian told me.

            At least when our men were busy filming, Bessy and I would get a chance to spend some time together.

            “I know it’s not a normal vacation with just the two of us. But it would be so much better if you were there. Everything is better with you there,” Brian said, staring at me with his big brown eyes. How could I resist him?

            “Okay, okay. I’ll go,” I agreed.

            “And I promise, once I get some free time in my schedule, I’ll take you on a real vacation. Anywhere you want. Just the two of us,” Brian swore.

            “I appreciate that, but you don’t have to take me on a vacation. I love just being with you,” I told him.

            Luckily I had enough vacation days saved up, so I was able to get out of work to go to Hawaii. I was originally planning on using some time off to go down to Florida to go see my dad. The Tenderloins were going Florida for their tour, so I was planning on going with them and stopping in to see my dad. But unfortunately, going to both Hawaii and Florida so close together just didn’t pan out with what I had going on at work. I felt a little guilty about choosing Hawaii over going to see my dad. But Brian convinced me that we could go down to Florida any other time, but going to Hawaii with everyone like this was a once in a lifetime opportunity.

            -----

            The guys, Bessy, Milana, and I all arrived at the airport together. The rest of the crew had gone to Hawaii early to prepare for filming. We were all making fun of Sal as he rolled his heavy suitcases throughout the airport. He probably packed more than me.

            “Dude, we’re only going for a week. What could you possibly have in there?” Brian teased.

            “A few pairs of sneakers…” Sal said.

            “Why so many?” Brian asked. Brian was a man of few outfits. He practically wore the same 4-5 shirts all the time, so it was hard for him to understand why Sal would need to bring all these things. Although at this point, Brian shouldn’t be surprised, considering he’s been traveling with Sal for the last few years.

            “I need options,” Sal stated.

            “You’re more high maintenance than my girlfriend,” Brian said.

            “I’m not sure if I should be offended by that,” I joked.

            “I’m only kidding. You know I love you, babe,” Brian said.

            Brian wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed me in front of everyone. Sal rolled his eyes at Brian’s public display of affection.

            “Would you two get a room? Do you have to do that in public?” Sal asked.

            “Don’t listen to him. He’s just jealous,” Brian said, pulling me in and squeezing me even tighter.

            “One of my exes was bi, maybe I can set you up with her,” I said to Sal. I was only half joking. I would probably never set him up with any of my ex-girlfriends, but I did think that Sal could use a woman in his life.

            Brian had become a lot more affectionate lately, especially in public, and I guess Sal was noticing. Brian was always very protective of me, which was the main reason for his jealousy. But after talking about it, Brian has been able to express his feelings in different ways. Instead of getting angry at me, or being overbearing with accusations, Brian would shower me with affection. If he felt insecure, he would grab me, kiss me, and tell me he loves me. Whenever we were in public, Brian made sure to hold my hand or put his arms around me. Brian wanted to make sure that the whole world knew that I was his. I didn’t mind that, because I was proud to call him mine. I was LOVING this new side of him, because I enjoyed that he was being so affectionate, instead of being aggressive.

            -----

            After a long day of traveling, we had finally reached our destination. We all ate together, but everyone was exhausted. We were all looking forward to getting some rest.

            The next morning, the guys had their first day of filming, so I spent some time with Bessy and Milana. We had decided to hang out on the beach. Within the past few months, Bessy was becoming one of my closest friends. She was such a sweet person, and I felt like we related to each other a lot. I had previously confided in her about some of my relationship issues, especially Brian’s jealousy. I loved talking to Bessy because she always gave great advice. Unfortunately, we didn’t get to see each other much because of our hectic lives. So, it was nice that this trip gave us the opportunity to spend some time with each other. Especially since both our men would be busy filming for the majority of the time.

            “So how are things with you and Brian?” Bessy asked me, as we started catching up.

            “Honestly, we’ve never been better,” I told her.

            “That’s good to hear. You two are so cute together,” she said.

            Brian’s jealousy had improved tremendously. I no longer felt like he was “suffocating” me. We had both been working on our communication, and that made both of us more secure in our relationship. I was so happy to have my loving, caring boyfriend back. And I guess Bessy was noticing how happy we were.

            “So…. No proposal yet?” Bessy asked bluntly.

            I don’t blame Bessy for asking this, because it was something that many people in my life have asked me. Years ago, when Brian and I were just friends, people would constantly ask “When are you guys getting together?” Now people will ask “When are you two getting married?” And then after that, I’m sure I’ll get the question, “When are you having kids?” Bessy had asked a simple question, and I knew she didn’t mean anything by it. But sometimes it can be exhausting having people repeatedly ask me a question that I don’t have the answer to.

            “Not yet. I’m still hoping,” I told her.

            “Joe told me they’re filming a bit about proposals today. Maybe Brian will propose to you here. It’s a very romantic place,” she suggested.

            “I don’t know about that,” I said, hesitantly.  

            “Why not? Do you not want to marry him?” Bessy asked.

            “No, that’s not it at all. I would marry him in a heartbeat. But I just don’t want to get my hopes up. Brian talks about marriage a lot, but I don’t know if it’s just talk. Sometimes I feel like his past has made him scared of actually making the commitment,” I explained.

            “Have you talked to him about this?” she asked.

            “Not really. Part of me feels like I should be grateful that he’s open to marriage at all, considering how his last engagement ended. I just don’t want him to scare him away by putting too much pressure on him,” I explained.

            “Jess, I know he loves you. It’s only a matter of time before he makes it official. He’s probably just waiting for the perfect time,” Bessy said.

            “You’re probably right. He claims to have a plan. But I don’t even need some big elaborate proposal or a fancy wedding. I would even go down to the courthouse. I just want to be his wife,” I told Bessy.

            I didn’t want to be one of those girls that’s waiting around for her boyfriend to propose. I didn’t want to be worrying all the time about when, or if, it was going to happen. I didn’t need a proposal to know that Brian loves me. But at the same time, we’ve both agreed that we want to spend the rest of our lives together. I was enjoying my life with Brian, especially since moving in together. I would be ready and happy to say yes whenever he’s ready to propose.

            I felt a little selfish that the conversation was revolving around me and Brian. I wanted to know more about Bessy, and everything that was going on with her.

            “Enough about me. How have you been feeling?” I asked her.

            Bessy was a few months pregnant with her and Joe’s second child, a boy. I admired how she was able to travel while pregnant, and also dealing with Milana. I always thought it was hard being by myself, and not having Brian around all the time. But I couldn’t even imagine how much harder it is for Bessy, considering her and Joe have one child, and another on the way.

            “I’m feeling a lot better lately. The morning sickness is gone now. But in other news, we just adopted another senior dog. We named him Zeppole,” Bessy told me.

            They had already posted a few pictures of the dog online, but Bessy showed me some more cute pictures, including ones with Milana cuddling with the dogs. It was so adorable, I felt like my heart was exploding.

            “Aww how cute. Brian and I have been talking about getting a dog,” I told her.

            As soon as I mentioned the possibility of adopting a dog, Bessy’s eyes lit up. You should never tell an animal lover that you’re thinking of adopting unless you want to be bombarded with pictures and stories of adorable, but needy, animals.

            “You guys should definitely do it! There are so many animals that need homes. Joe and I have worked with some amazing charities to help find homes for these animals,” She told me.

            “Let me know next time there’s some kind of adoption event or something. Maybe Brian and I can help out,” I offered.

            I always admired how Bessy and Joe were so involved with various charities. They both had such big hearts and felt the need to give back. I wanted to be a part of that too. I wanted to do something to help.

            “Sure! Joe and I are helping out with an adoption event in a few weeks. I’m not sure about all the details yet, but I’ll let you know,” Bessy said.

            “Sounds good. I would love to help any way I can,” I told her.

            After relaxing on the gorgeous beach for a little while, we went back to our rooms. Brian texted me that they were just wrapping up for the day so I would meet him back at our room. I was excited to hear about how their first day of filming went. But when he returned, I was surprised to see that he had changed his hairstyle, putting it into tight braids.

            “What do you think, babe?” Brian asked, with a goofy smile on his face. He seemed to really be embracing the Hawaii lifestyle.

            “I think you might be going through a mid-life crisis,” I joked with him.

            I couldn’t help but burst out laughing. I’m not sure why, but it was so funny to see Brian with his hair like that. It was just so different than what I’m used to seeing on him.

            “Well, I figured I should do something special with my long hair before it’s all gone,” he told me.

            Brian had been growing his hair out for about a year so it could be long enough to be made into a wig. As a punishment, Murr would have to wear that wig for the rest of the season. I couldn’t wait for that punishment, because I was looking forward to seeing Brian with short hair again.

            “But if you hate it, I can take them out…”

            “Babe, I’m just kidding with you. No matter what your hair looks like, you’ll always be handsome to me,” I told him.

            I gave him a kiss, just to reassure him. I wanted to make sure he knew that there was nothing wrong with him or his hair. I was just teasing him, and I didn’t want him to feel self-conscious.

            “Oh, I got us souvenirs by the way. Here, open this,” he said, handing me a bag. Inside there were two little hula girl statues.

            “What are these for?” I asked.

            “They’re for the car. You put one in yours, I’ll put one in mine. We’ll be matching, and it’ll be something we’ll always have to remind us of our time here. Although, I am hoping to come back. Next time, just the two of us,” Brian told me.

            “Aww, babe. That’s so cute,” I said, giving him a kiss, thanking him for the gift. I planned on putting it in my car the second I got home.

            -----

            Throughout the trip, Brian made sure to spend time with me, even though he was working. We had some romantic dinners by the beach. Some nights we were alone, but other nights we hung out with everyone. I didn’t mind being around everyone. The guys always made me feel like I was part of the IJ family. The other three guys were like brothers to me.

            On our last day in Hawaii, everyone, including the crew, decided to go out to dinner. They were celebrating a successful week since they filmed tons of funny material. They guys told me and Bessy about some of the challenges they filmed. We also heard about Murray’s punishment, where he had to confront one of his biggest fears, sharks. Murray wasn’t too thrilled about that part of the episode, but overall the guys had an amazing experience filming in Hawaii.  

            I enjoyed this trip much more than I expected. Hawaii is such a beautiful place to visit. It is so calm and serene, the exact opposite of New York City, where everyone always seems to be in a rush. Being there with Brian made it even more special. I was happy to tag along on this journey so that we could experience Hawaii together. Brian even told me that he wants to go back to Hawaii again when we’d be able to spend more time together, just the two of us. Looking towards our future, I couldn’t wait for all the adventures we would have together, no matter where we went. There’s nobody else in the world that I would rather go on these journeys with.       


	40. Hair.

Jessica’s POV

            Today was the day I’ve been waiting for. Brian was finally going to cut his hair. Don’t get me wrong, I love Brian no matter what. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have a preference. I’ve been so excited about this that I keep looking at old pictures of him from when he had shorter hair, just to remind me of what it looks like. I’ve seen Brian with short hair before, but since we’ve been dating, Brian was keeping his hair long to cut for Murr’s punishment. Although I’ll always think Brian is handsome, sometimes I think the long hair can get messy. Some days he looks great with long hair. But other days It can look unkempt and greasy like it hadn’t been washed in a few days. And that was entirely possible, considering how hectic Brian’s schedule is. So, long hair is hit or miss for me. On the other hand, I think Brian ALWAYS looks good with shorter hair. I guess it’s harder to mess that up. Even if it wasn’t styled and it was a bit messy, it still looked good. At least that was my opinion. And I know that the short hair was more manageable for him.

            There was one thing that concerned Brian about cutting his hair. Around the time we came back from Hawaii, he started to get a little nervous about the change. A few weeks before the haircut, Brian told me that he needed to get “prepared.”

            “You know, I’m going to have to lose some weight if I cut my hair shorter,” he told me.

            Brian had this idea that once his hair is short, he has to lose weight. He thinks that “you could either be fatter with long hair, or thinner with short hair.” His words, not mine. Brian’s weight has never been an issue for me. But I also knew that it was pointless for me to convince him otherwise. He had recently become adamant about losing some weight, especially in preparation for his haircut. And if losing weight was something that he wanted to do, I was happy to support him in that. As long as he wanted to do it in a safe and healthy way, I was totally on board and willing to help him in any way that I could.

            “I can help you. We can do it together,” I told him.

            “Do what together?” Brian said, looking completely puzzled.

            “Lose weight,” I told him.

            “You? You don’t need to lose weight, Jess. I’m the chubby one,” he tried to tell me.

            I didn’t necessarily think I was “chubby.” But I did think that I could stand to lose a few pounds. And I thought it would be easier for Brian if we did it together. I also felt guilty for being the reason why we were unhealthy since I cook most of our meals while Brian is home. I was also indulging in more sweets lately and my body was paying for it. But getting on a diet would be good for both of us. I would be able to help Brian out, while also getting healthier for myself. It was a win-win situation.

            “It’ll be so much easier it would be if we both helped each other. I’ll try to make some healthier meals. I can pack your lunches for work, so you don’t have to eat fast food or something unhealthy,” I told him.

            “You would really do that for me?” He asked.

            “Of course I would, baby. I would do anything for you.”

            I tended to make the same meals over and over again, which tended to be delicious, but unhealthy. I knew that I could do some research and find some healthier options that we would both enjoy. I would do my best to make sure that these healthy meals are something we actually want to eat, so we’ll actually stick to it.

            “So, what about exercise?” he asked, with a huge smirk on his face.

            “Don’t we already do that every night?” I said, winking back at him.

            “We could always use MORE. I can never get enough of you.”

            “Why don’t we start right now?” I asked. Brian was happy to take me up on my offer.

            -----

            Although I pretty much have an open invitation to come to set whenever I want, the guys encouraged me to be there when Brian got his haircut. When I got there, one of the production assistants attached a microphone to me. The guys thought it might be funny to film my reaction and I was up for it. I was excited to see Brian’s new look as soon as possible.

            I got one last look at Brian before his haircut. The plan was to get my reaction after the whole thing was done so I wouldn’t get to see the whole process. Brian gave me a quick kiss goodbye before going off to film.

            I sat there waiting for about 15-20 minutes, but it felt like hours. I had been anticipating this moment for a while and I couldn’t wait to see my man’s new look. Chá, one of the production assistants, came to get me.

            “They’re ready for you,” she told me.

            I instantly shot up, ready to go.

            “How does he look?” I asked her.

            “It’s different,” was all she could say. I knew she wasn’t supposed to say much so that they could get a genuine reaction out of me.

            “We have to put these on you,” she told me, handing me a blindfold.

            I reluctantly agreed and put on the blindfold. I did whatever Chá told me, just to see Brian as quickly as possible. She held my hand and led me into the other room, where the guys had been filming. Once I was in the room, I felt another hand grab at me. He didn’t say anything. But I still knew who it was.

            “I’m so excited, Brian,” I told him.

            “How’d you know it was me?” he laughed.

            “I think I would know your hands by now,” I joked with him.

            Brian led me into the room and guided me where to stand. I heard Sal and Joe’s distinct voices greeting me. Then the guys began filming and introduced me to the camera.

            “Are you ready, Jess?” Sal asked me.

            “Of course I am. Can I please take this blindfold off now?” I begged them. There was so much anticipation, I just wanted to finally be able to see my man.

            I felt Sal gently untie the blindfold, revealing the “new” Brian sitting in front of me. For a moment, I was speechless, which probably worried Brian. I usually have a lot to say.

            “What do you think, babe?” he asked me.

            “Oh my god…” was all I could get out, as I continued to stare at him. I was still processing my thoughts about this.

            “Is it that bad? I know it’s different, but…”

            “It’s SO much better,” I told him.

            “Really?”

            “Seriously. Baby, you look so handsome,” I told him. And it was the truth.

            At that moment, I was just admiring how attractive Brian truly is and how lucky I am to have him. There’s something about the shorter hair that brings that out a different quality in him. He almost looked like a different person. Don’t get me wrong, I have, and I will always love him. But the shorter hair just brings him to another level. And I’ve never been more attracted to him in my life.

            “Can I touch it?” I asked him, hesitantly. Was that weird? I had gotten used to running my fingers through his long hair, but now he was almost bald.

            “Of course you can, babe. You’re my girlfriend, you don’t have to ask,” he laughed.  

            I then proceeded to run my hand over his head, feeling the stubble. For some reason, feeling it myself made it feel more real. It was such a drastic change. Brian had also successfully lost some weight in the past few weeks, which only added to the appeal. Brian was right, the weight loss was more noticeable with the short hair. And I’d be lying if I said I didn’t appreciate his new look.

            “You’re just…. So fucking attractive,” I told him.

            “Oh, stop,” Brian said as if I wasn’t telling the truth. Because of his self-esteem issues, Brian was never good at accepting compliments. But I’ll tell him a thousand times how attractive I think he is if that’s what it’ll take for him to believe it.

            “I’m serious. I LOVE this new look,” I repeated.        

            “Tell me the truth. Do you miss my long hair at all?” he asked.

            “Absolutely not,” I quickly responded.

            “You didn’t have to be THAT honest,” Brian joked, acting like he was offended.

            “I just think you look so much sexier with shorter hair,” I told him, still being completely honest.

            “But what are you supposed to pull on while I’m going down…” he started to say before I cut him off. I knew exactly what he was going to say. While I was completely up for that kind of talk in private, I felt slightly embarrassed having him talk like that in public. His friends were still right there.

            “Brian Michael Quinn, don’t you dare,” I interrupted him, as he smirked at me.            
            “But now that you mention it, I think we need to go home right now,” I told him.

            “Why? Is there something wrong?”

            “No, I just need you alone so I can show you how much I love your new look.”

            “Oh? We need more exercise. Got it. We’re almost done here and then I’ll take you home,” Brian said, smirking and winking at me.

            The guys just had to film one more scene, getting Murray’s reaction. Then it would be about two weeks before the wig was actually made. I just couldn’t wait to get home with Brian and be alone with him.

            -----

            A few weeks after the major haircut, I found Brian staring at himself in the mirror. He didn’t seem to be happy with himself.

            “What’s the matter, babe?” I asked him.

            “My hair… you could see the gray. It’s more noticeable now,” He said, frantically running his fingers through his hair.

            When we were in Hawaii, I joked that Brian was having a mid-life crisis. But now I think he might actually be going through it. He normally didn’t mind the way his hair looked, but for some reason, he was becoming more self-conscious. Maybe it was because he had gotten used to the long hair and he still needed some time to adjust.

            “So what if you see the gray?” I asked. He was right, you could see a little more of the gray. But I didn’t think it was an issue. 

            “You don’t mind it?” he asked.

            “I kinda love it. I think it gives you a more mature look. You have that whole ruggedly handsome thing going on. I think the salt and pepper thing really works for you,” I told him.

            “You really think so?”

            “I really do. But it’s your hair. If you’re not happy with it, it’s okay to change it. I can dye it for you if want,” I told him.

            Although I LOVED Brian’s look, it was more important to me that he was happy with himself. Knowing that he’s dealt with depression in the past, I wanted to everything in my power to build him up. So, if he wasn’t happy with his look, I was more than happy to help him change it.

            “If it doesn’t bother you, then I’m okay with it. As long as you still love me, the hair doesn’t matter as much to me,”

            “I’ll always love you. But honestly, I think this is the best you’ve ever looked,” I told him.

            I wasn’t just saying that. I truly believed it. I loved Brian’s look when he first cut his hair, but I loved it even more now once it had grown out a little. Right now, I was just enjoying Brian’s new look. I just hoped that my constant affection and compliments would help boost his confidence. I truly believe that Brian has never looked better. Brian Quinn is in his prime and I was so lucky to call him mine.

      

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry for the longer times in between chapters. I hate to keep making excuses, but I’ve been struggling to balance work and school with my writing. I hope you guys can understand. But I still love writing and I have a lot more to go!


	41. Nathan.

Brian’s POV

            The guys and I had some live shows down in Florida. Jess was originally supposed to come with us for this part of the tour so she could visit her dad along the way. Unfortunately, she couldn’t get these extra days off work, especially since she had recently taken so many days off to travel to Hawaii with me. I know that Jess feels guilty about not seeing her dad enough, especially since he’s single and lives alone. It was a relief to have her sister Melissa down in Florida to keep an eye on him, but Jess still felt a responsibility to check up on her father.

            To make Jess feel better, I decided to take some time out of my touring schedule to visit her dad on my own. I hoped that it would put her mind at ease. It’s been years since I first met him, but her dad was still an intimidating guy to me for some reason. I don’t know if that would ever fully go away. I always found myself trying to impress him like I was never good enough for his daughter. It was never anything specific that he did. It’s not like he was ever mean to me or anything. It was just my own insecurities.

            I was even more nervous about going to see him by myself because I wouldn’t have Jess to lean on if things got awkward or uncomfortable. Then again, things are always better when Jess is there, by my side. But maybe this time it was okay to be alone with her dad. This way we could get to know each other better and we could talk man to man.

            -----

            After coming back from visiting her dad, I FaceTimed Jess.

            “So how was your day today? Did you go to Universal with the boys?” Jess asked.

            Since the guys and I had some free time between shows, we were originally planning to go to Universal together. I loved theme parks and I especially enjoyed going to Universal. But it was more important for me to go see Jessica’s dad. So, the guys went to the parks without me, while I went to see her dad.

            “Nope. I actually spent some time with your dad today. We played some cards and chatted for a while,” I told her.

            “You went to see me dad instead of going to a theme park?” Jess asked. I could tell that simple things like this meant a lot to her.

            “I thought it was more important to hang out with your dad for a little while.”

            “Babe… I love you. That’s so sweet. I want to hug you right now. You didn’t have to do that. I know you don’t get many days off.”  

            “I know I didn’t HAVE to, but I wanted to. I know you feel guilty about not seeing him and I was hoping it would make you feel better.”

            “It does make me feel a lot better. I really appreciate you spending your free time with him. So, how’s he doing?” she asked.

            “Your dad looks great. He looks very healthy. He says he exercises regularly. And he’s as sharp as ever,” I assured her.

            “That’s great to hear. Are you becoming more comfortable around him?” she asked. Jess was aware of my slight anxiety about being around her dad.

            “I’m definitely more comfortable. We had a great talk,” I assured her.

            “So what did you guys talk about?” she asked.

            “Mostly just shared stories with each other. He told me some cop stories, I told him some fireman stories.”

            “I’m so glad the NYPD and FDNY can get along,” she joked.

            In New York, there had always been this playful rivalry between cops and fireman. But it was harmless because both groups respected each other. Telling these stories helped me bond with her dad. I was starting to realize that he wasn’t as intimidating as I made him out to be. Her dad was funny and sarcastic but I also found out how kind he can be. He’s like Jess in a lot of ways and I can see where she gets a lot of her attributes from. I was nice to spend some quality one-on-one time, so I could really get to know him.

            “Any plans for tomorrow?” I asked after we finished talking about her dad. The guys and I would be out of town for a few more days.

            “Actually, Bessy called me earlier. She asked me to help out with an adoption event tomorrow.”

            “I’ve done one of those before. It was really hard for me,” I told her.

            “Why? You love animals. You didn’t like being around so many cute faces?” She questioned.

            “That’s the problem. I fall in love with every adorable face and I get too attached. I wanted to take all of them home, which is just unrealistic. I’m not sure how you’ll be able to do it.”

            “You don’t believe in me?” she asked, pretending to get offended.

            “I meant it as a compliment. I know you have such a big heart and you’ll want to take in every animal you see. It’s just hard not to fall in love with them all,” I explained.

            “I know it’s going to be hard but I want to help find these animals a good home,” she told me.

            “I know you want a dog but I really think we should do that together,” I said.

            I wanted to have that experience with her so we could fall in love with the dog at the same time. I wanted it to feel like a family moment.

            “Ok fine. I will do my best not to get too attached,” she promised.

            I got off the phone knowing that she probably wasn’t going to keep her promise.

            -----

            The next night, while the guys and I were in the van on our way to the next show, I decided to FaceTime Jess. After doing two shows, I was exhausted. But no matter how tired I was, I always made time to talk to my girl before I went to sleep. Even if I only talked to her for a minute, she made my day so much brighter. I instantly smiled when I saw her gorgeous face appear on my screen.

            “Hi, babe…” I started to answer. But I was interrupted by the other guys.

            “HI JESS!” they all yelled in the background, driving me crazy. I just wanted to talk to my girl in peace. Then Joe grabbed the phone from my hand and started talking to Jess. I tried to take it back from him but I was too tired to fight.

            “Thanks for helping Bessy out today. I owe you one,” Joe said.

            “You don’t owe me anything. I was happy to help,” she told him.

            “So did a lot of animals find homes today?” Joe asked her.

            “Well…” she started to tell him before I pulled the phone out of his hands.

            “Can I talk to my girlfriend, please?” I asked, interrupting them.

            “Sorry about them, babe. How was the adoption event today?” I asked her.

            “Good,” she said simply. Jess usually has a lot to tell. But I could tell that something was up. I knew her too well.

            “Good? That’s it? Jess…What happened?” I asked.

            Jess and I had talked about getting another animal and I thought we should pick it out together. But I knew that her big heart would cave with all those adorable animals around her. I tried to warn her not to get too attached but it was probably inevitable. I just didn’t know the damage. Was It a dog? A cat? More than one? Maybe one of each? Or more than one?

            “You know, you look really handsome today. Did you get a new haircut?” Jess asked me. She was trying not to lie, so she was trying to change the subject instead.

            “No, I didn’t.”

            “Maybe it’s the shirt you’re wearing. You always look hot in red,” she said, trying to change the subject again. Although I appreciated the compliments, I just wanted to know what was happening.

            “Jessica…What did you do? Tell me the truth,” I insisted.

            Jess continued to have this guilty look on her face. But a few seconds later I heard barking and we both knew that she couldn’t keep this a secret much longer.

            “Jessica… you got a dog without me? We talked about this…” I said, slightly disappointed.

            Jess walked away from the phone for a second to pick up the dog. She held the tiny dog close to her face. Joe grabbed the phone from me again once he heard the dog barking.

            “YOU GOT A PUPPY? I’m so proud of you. We have to have playdates with all the Gatto pups,” Joe was cheering, clearly excited that another dog had found a home.

            “Wait let me see,” Murray said, grabbing the phone too. “HE’S SO CUTE.”

            Sal grabbed the phone too and basically had the same reaction. I finally grabbed the phone back, after wrestling with them a bit.

            “Will you idiots give me the phone back?” I told them. I was mainly concerned with settling things with Jess.

            “Brian, I’m sorry but I couldn’t help myself. Look at his little face. He’s a dachshund puppy, only a few months old. He needed a home. I named him Nathan. You know, like the hot dog?”

            “Yes, I got it,” I told her. Nathan’s was a popular hot dog chain in America, but especially in New York. “But you weren’t supposed to get attached,” I told her. I worried that every time she would go to one of these events, that she would bring home another animal. And I didn’t know if we could maintain that. If we were going to get another animal, I wanted to do it together.

            “I know, I know. You’re right. I’m sorry. I should’ve asked you first before bringing another animal into our home. But how could I resist his cute little face?” she said.

            Jess continued to hold the puppy close to her face. I was slightly annoyed by this whole situation at first but I felt myself starting to crumble. How could I be annoyed when I was staring at the two most adorable things in the world?

            “How does he get along with the cats so far? You know Benjamin can barely tolerate Chessie and Brooklyn,” I said. As much as I loved dogs, I was concerned with my existing animals.

 

            “So far they seem to be getting along well. I think they just get confused and jealous when I take Nathan out for a walk. It’s nice to have this little guy to cuddle with while you’re on the road, for when I get lonely,” she told me.

            “What about the cats? You can cuddle with them?” I asked.

            “The cats only love me when they want food or something. Kind of like their daddy,” she teased me.

            “That is NOT true. I will always love you, even when you go behind my back and do things like this,” I said, mostly joking.

            “You know I was only kidding. But seriously, cats have always been good for you because they’re low maintenance. But now you don’t have to worry about being away because I’ll be here to take care of our animals.”

            Hearing Jess call them **_our_** animals made my heart so happy. I always appreciated how much she loved my cats and took care of them as if they were her own. And the truth is, they are hers now too. Especially since moving in together, what’s mine is hers. And I trust her to share my whole life with. But I still had a bit of frustration, and I didn’t want to encourage Jess to do something like this again. Otherwise, we’ll end up with a hundred animals in our house that we can’t take care of. I love animals. But, I would want to make sure that each animal had a home where they could adequately be taken care of. I knew the dog was something I wouldn’t be able to resist, but I just wish that we had talked about it first.

            “I just… I wish you would’ve asked me first,” was all I had left to say.

            “I’ll be honest with you. I figured it was better to ask for forgiveness rather than permission on this one. And I didn’t think you would be able to say no to this little guy. Look how cute he is,” she said.

            Jess held the puppy closer to the camera so I could see. The dog had these big brown eyes, juxtaposed with Jessica’s beautiful green eyes. How could I say no? Jess looked so happy.

            “You’re both pretty cute,” I admitted. I decided to stop pretending to be mad and just accept this. There’s no way I could disappoint Jess after she had clearly fallen in love with this puppy already.

            “If you’re still upset, I’ll make a deal with you. When you come home, if you don’t absolutely fall in love with him like I did, we don’t have to keep him. It’s not like I’m going to throw him out onto the street but I’ll find him another loving home. Deal?”

            “I’ll agree to that on one condition. Next time I bring a cat home, you can’t say anything.”

            “That seems fair. We already have four animals. I don’t think one more cat will be a big deal,” she agreed.

            “Alright, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow. Goodnight, baby. I love you,”

            “We love you too Brian,” Jess said, as she picked up the puppy’s hand like it was waving goodbye to me. It was actually kind of adorable.

            “Congrats on the new member of the family,” Joe said, once I had hung up with Jess.

            “It’s just… I wanted to be there with her when we got a new dog,” I told Joe, trying to explain my slight frustration.

            “Look, buddy. I get that. But those animals desperately need a loving home. And I know that there’s nobody in the world that could give that dog a better home than you and Jess. That dog will be loved,” Joe assured me.

            “You’re right,” I agreed. Maybe I was overreacting.

            ----

            I arrived home the next night, very eager to meet the new puppy. Before arriving home, I went to the pet store to have a special collar made with Nathan’s name engraved on it.  I wanted to show Jess that I wasn’t upset and that I was completely accepting of this new animal in our life.

            I was feeling a little guilty about the way I reacted to the puppy when Jess first told me. I shouldn’t have made her feel bad about adopting a new puppy. She was only trying to do something good, something she thought we would both enjoy. I thought this small gesture would show my willingness to accept Nathan as part of our family.

            “Hi baby, welcome home,” Jess said, greeting me with a kiss.

            I looked down to see that little Nathan was right at her feet.

            “He’s been following me around all day. Never leaves my side,” she told me.

            It was comforting to know that Jess had a little buddy to be there with her while I was gone. It made me feel a little less guilty about always having to leave. I bent down to pick him up and he jumped right into my arms. I was careful to be very gentle with him, considering he was such a small puppy. It reminded me of when I first rescued Brooklyn Cat. She was so tiny and I had to be very careful with her.

            “So what do you think? Do I need to start looking for another home for him?” she asked me, in reference to the little deal we had spoken about.

            “Absolutely not. He belongs here. He’s OURS,” I responded, almost immediately.

            Jess lit up with that dog and I knew I couldn’t break her heart. But it wasn’t too hard for me to fall in love with the little guy. Jess was right; Nathan was a sweet and gentle little dog. Luckily, he got along well with our cats. I fell in love with him almost instantly, just like Jess did. Nathan was officially a member of our family.


	42. Surprises.

Jessica’s POV

            It was the beginning of August, around the time of Brian and I’s first anniversary. He had been acting sneaky for the past few weeks, and I knew that he was planning something. He tried to blow it off like it was nothing, but I knew there was something going on. The anticipation was killing me, and I was wracking my brain trying to figure out what he was up to. Eventually, I stopped asking and pestering him about it. I just relaxed, ready to accept whatever this surprise was.

            About a week or so before our actual anniversary, Brian decided that it was finally time to reveal his big surprise.

            “I know it’s a little early, but I kind of have to do this know. And I’m sure you won’t mind. I know I’ve been keeping you guessing,” he said.

            Brian went into our room and brought out two surprises for me. Each was in its own, separate gift box. One was green and the other was blue. I didn’t think anything of the two colors at first. But I would later learn that the colors had been specifically chosen because they were related to the contents inside.

            Brian told me that one of the surprises was career-related and the other had to do with our life together. Somehow, the more hints he gave me, the more confused I got. But I was still trying to guess what the surprises would be. For career, I guessed that the Jokers were filming in another interesting, possibly exotic, location. And maybe I would get to tag along like I did in Hawaii. Thinking about a surprise involving our life, my initial thought was that Brian got another kitten, or maybe even a puppy. We were just getting adjusted to Nathan, and he easily fit in with our little family. Speaking of which, he was chilling right next to me, wagging his tail while I was opening Brian’s presents.

            “Please don’t tell me that you put an animal in there,” I said. I was worried that the thing would suffocate.

            “You should know that I would never put an animal at risk like that. But I’m not giving you any more hints,” he insisted.

            “Can I open them now?” I begged. The anticipation was killing me.

            “Go ahead. I think you should open the green one first,” he suggested.

            As instructed, I began to open the green box. The first thing I saw was a gray t-shirt. I took it out and immediately starting laughing when I looked at the front. It was one of their IJ shirts, and it had “Team Q” written on the front, very similar to a few shirts I already owned. At the end of the day, I was still a fan of the show, and I was proud to wear a shirt with my man’s name or face on it. Obviously, I was on his team. I still considered myself his biggest fan. But it’s just not the kind of gift Brian had me anticipating…  

            “Is this whole thing a joke?” I asked.

            “There’s more in the box. Keep going,” he told me.

            I looked down further into the box and pulled out a ticket to one of their live shows. It was the holographic version, which looked really cool. But I was still confused. This had to be a joke, right? I’ve never actually needed a ticket to their shows. Since I’ve known the guys from the beginning, they’ve just put me on a list so I can get backstage and watch from there.

            “Why did you get me a ticket?” I asked.

            “Read the back of it,” he instructed me.

            When I turned the ticket around, suddenly it all made sense to me. He gave me this ticket for a reason. It was a show I would want to remember.

            “November 9th, 2017. Madison Square Garden,” I read aloud, almost in disbelief.  “Is this real?” I asked, questioning if this was another joke.

            “It’s real, baby. They’re actually going to let four idiots from Staten Island perform at Madison Square Garden,” Brian told me.

            Madison Square Garden is often called “the World’s Most Famous Arena.” It was truly an iconic venue. It was a major accomplishment for anyone to perform there, but especially for the guys, who were all native New Yorkers. It was a dream come true for all of them. When I realized that this was legit, I was overcome with emotion. I grabbed Brian, throwing my arms around him and attacking him with kisses. I had tears in my eyes, thinking about how proud I was of Brian.

            “If you cry then I’ll start crying,” Brian told me. He never liked to see me cry, even if they are happy tears. Brian just wants to see a smile on my face.

            “I’m sorry, I’m just so proud of you. I knew you guys could do it,” I told him.

            “I couldn’t have done it without you, baby. You’re the only one who’s believed in me from the beginning. My biggest fan,” he said, with a huge grin on his face.

            Whenever the topic of Madison Square Garden was brought up, I told Brian that I was confident that he and the guys would perform there one day. I knew it was a huge dream of theirs, and now it’s finally coming true. Brian could barely believe it, but I knew they were capable of this.

            “You have another box to open,” Brian reminded me.

            I was so overwhelmed about MSG, I completely forgot about the other present. I barely had time to soak in the news before going to the next surprise. I picked up the small blue box, and I couldn’t even think about what could be inside. I was still completely dumbfounded by the first surprise. I reached into the box and pulled out a blindfold. And I was back to being confused by his gifts…

            “I don’t get it. You want our sex life to be kinkier? Is that what this one is about?” I questioned. It was the first thing I thought of when I saw the blindfold. Maybe I just had a dirty mind…

            “Well… no. That wasn’t my intention. I need to blindfold you to bring you to the surprise. But we can still use that later if you’re into it,” Brian said, smirking at me.

            “Let’s see how this surprise goes first. But I’m not ruling that out,” I told him.

            “Wait… Really? Right, we’ll do that later. Blindfold first. Let me help you,” Brian said, as he tied the blindfold. He was trying not to get distracted.

            “I’m a little nervous about this,” I admitted. I didn’t like being so helpless that I needed to be guided around.

            “Don’t you trust me?” he asked. I couldn’t see him, but I would imagine that he’d be giving me his signature pouty face and puppy dog eyes like he does when he’s trying to be convincing.

            “Of course I do. I trust you with my life,” I told him.

            “Then just trust that I would never put you in any danger,” he promised.

            “You’re right, I’m sorry. Lead the way,” I told him.

            I just relaxed and accepted whatever Brian had planned. He was always so thoughtful when it came to gifts, and I knew that I wouldn’t be disappointed. He grabbed my hand and guided me out the door, and into the car. We only drove about 5-10 minutes before we had reached our destination. He opened my side of the car door, and grabbed my hand as I got out of the car.

            “We’re here, babe. Are you ready?” he asked.

            “I can’t wait,” I said, jumping up and down with excitement.

            Brian gently took off the blindfold. I looked up to see this beautiful house with blue siding. Looking around, it was a secluded area with only a few neighbors nearby. But I was still confused about why we were here.

            “I don’t understand… Whose house is this?” I asked.

            “I bought it for us. Happy anniversary, baby.”

            “Wait… really? Brian, you didn’t have to do this. It’s too much,” I tried to tell him.

            It’s not that I didn’t love the house. It looked beautiful from the outside. But I didn’t want Brian thinking that he had to spend so much money on a house to make me happy. Brian had always talked about buying a bigger home for us, but I just didn’t expect it this soon. Since Brian had been renting his previous place, buying a house was a major commitment for him, and for us as a couple.

            “Jessica, please. Let me do this for you. For us. This is not just some frivolous purchase. I think this can be our forever home. One you and I can grow old together in,” he told me.

            “Brian... that’s so sweet…I don’t know what to say,” I told him. I was speechless. I just felt so overwhelmed by everything happening at once, I didn’t know how to express my feelings. The whole situation was surreal, it almost felt like a dream.

            “You don’t have to say anything yet. Just let me show you around. I think you’ll love it.”

            “Ok, lead the way,” I told him.

            Brian excitedly grabbed my hand, bringing me to the backyard first, something he was very excited about. The backyard was massive. I thought about all the dogs and cats we would have roaming around one day. And maybe even some more exotic animals someday. Getting lots of animals is something that Brian and I always envisioned for our future.

            “You could even build a garden back here,” Brian suggested.

            It was always a dream of mine to have a large garden. I imagined growing all our fruits and vegetables ourselves, without having the rely much on the supermarket. Everything would be fresh and make my cooking that much better.

            After walking through the backyard, Brian opened the back door of the house, allowing me to walk in first. He wanted to save the kitchen for last, knowing that would be my favorite part. Brian guided me through the rest of the rooms, each one more beautiful than the next. Everything seemed brand new, like we wouldn’t have to put much work into it. Brian took me to one large room that was more secluded from the rest of the house.

            “My ultimate goal is to have this be my man cave one day. I could play all my video games, and keep all my memorabilia here,” he told me.

            I realized this was the first time he had mentioned what HE wanted in the house, which suddenly made me feel a little guilty. This whole day Brian has been trying to make me happy, without worrying about himself. It was OUR anniversary, not just mine. I wanted him to be happy too.

            “That sounds perfect for you,” I told him. I planned on doing everything in my power to help make that room perfect for him. He deserved his own space where he could just relax and enjoy himself, even if he wanted to be alone.

            “Are you ready to see the kitchen?” Brian finally asked.

            “Of course I am. I’ve been dying to see it,” I told him. If it was anything like the rest of the house, I had nothing to worry about.

            When I walked into the kitchen, I was in awe of how stunning it was. It had gorgeous dark brown cabinets, with light granite countertops and stainless steel appliances. It was open to the dining room, making it perfect for entertaining, especially during the holidays. But I also imagined quiet nights alone, just cooking dinner for my man. And my favorite part about it was the huge island, making it easy to do all the prep work.

            “This is perfect,” I told him. I knew Brian had good taste, but I was still impressed by how well he did with picking out this house.

            “I hoped you would like it, considering it should have enough space for you to make your 75 pies during Thanksgiving and Christmas,” he said, only slightly teasing me. I did tend to go overboard during the holidays.

            “I’ll make you as many things as you want. I can’t wait to start cooking in here,” I told him, as I started thinking about all the things I wanted to make in that kitchen.

            “And I figured that it’s big enough that we could have both our families over for the holidays. I know that’s something you’ve been wanting,” he mentioned.

            Brian was right. Last Christmas, I felt guilty about having to choose between our families. So, for one of the next holidays, I wanted to have both sides of our families together. Having a space large enough for everyone in our families meant more to me than anything else. Brian knew that the kitchen is the most important room in the house for me because cooking and baking is my way of showing love.

            “So…do you like everything? I know it might need some changes. Especially the paint in here,” Brian said, mentioning the canary yellow color on the walls.

            “That’s okay, we can fix that. Maybe we can even do it ourselves. It would be a fun little project for us,” I suggested. The paint didn’t bother me too much since it’s such a simple thing to change.

            “But if there’s anything else throughout the whole house you don’t like, I want you to change it. You can do whatever you want. I just want you to be happy,” he said.

            “I’ll be happy here, as long as I’m with you,” I told him.

            I grabbed Brian’s hand and looked him deep in the eyes. I believed him. I knew that I could go crazy and change anything if I wanted. But there’s truly not much I would change about this house. I wanted him to know that I was happy with everything he did, and that he did an incredible job picking out a house for us.

            Brian went through each room, explaining how he’d envision us living it. I knew that he had put a lot of thought into this, and it was not just some spur of the moment decision. Brian knew me better than anyone, and he picked the perfect house for us to grow in. Walking through this house, I couldn’t help but imagine our future life together. Whatever the future holds, there’s nobody else in the world that I would rather spend my life with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hey everyone! So, I had to write an article for one of my classes, and I decided to write it about IJ. I would really appreciate if you guys gave it a read. It’s a short article, and should only take two minutes of your time. Thanks in advance! Just a warning, if you live outside of the US, you might not be able to access the article, so I’m sorry about that. 
> 
> https://patch.com/new-york/new-york-city/impractical-jokers-are-working-make-their-borough-proud


	43. Payback.

Jessica’s POV

            In the season 6 finale, Brian’s beloved Jeep was blown up and destroyed. I didn’t even believe that it was real. I thought maybe they had a decoy Jeep that got burned, like when the guys pretended to burn Murr’s blanket. But when Murr got home, his real blanket was safe and sound.

            Brian was so attached to his Jeep because it was the first major purchase he ever made in his whole life. It was a symbol of growth and commitment for him. He was finally able to accept part of his success and indulge into something useful, that would also make him happy.

            One of the things Brian also seemed distraught about was the hula girl that also got blown up in the wreckage. Brian and I each had a hula girl in our cars, which he bought us in Hawaii. It was something special to remember the trip. But Brian had always said that we’d go back to Hawaii, so I told him that we could always get another hula girl on our next trip. I thought he should be more concerned about the car, but Brian was upset that his special souvenir has been destroyed.

            For the first few weeks, Brian and I shared my car while he found a suitable replacement for his Jeep. At times it was inconvenient, but there were other times that we got to drive into Manhattan together. I enjoyed those days because it gave us some time to spend together. Considering how hectic Brian’s schedule was, I cherished every minute that I got to spend with him.

            Personally, I thought this punishment crossed a line. And it wasn’t just because it happened to Brian. There have been a few punishments over the years that I’ve felt went too far. Forcing Murray to skydive was one of them, in my opinion. But regardless, the punishment was over, and there was nothing we could do to change it now. The only thing we could do was plot our revenge, something I was always happy to help out with. Brian seemed adamant that Joe was the person he needed to exact revenge on first. Joe seems to have it the easiest with punishments. He never had anything major or life-altering happen to him. Joe was also the one who came up with the idea to blow up Brian’s car, while Sal and Murr agreed that it may have crossed a line.

            We needed to hit Joe where it hurts, and involve something that he loves. And there’s nothing Joe loves more than his family. However, Brian and I agreed that Joe’s children were off limits since we didn’t feel comfortable involving them directly in anything. But we knew that we could convince Bessy to get involved somehow.

            “Any ideas on how to get back at Joe?” I asked Brian as we were brainstorming ideas with Sal and Murr.

            “It’s so hard with him. He’s not embarrassed by anything. And the only thing he cares about is his family,” Brian said.

            “And we can’t blow them up,” Sal joked.

            “Ok, so maybe you can’t get direct retaliation for this one. But let’s think back to some of your past punishments. Maybe we can pull some ideas from there,” I suggested.

            The guys have a rule that you can’t repeat punishments on each other. So, Brian wouldn’t be able to blow up Joe’s car. But sometimes when they’re stuck and out of ideas, it’s helpful to go back to some past punishments to see if they can get any inspiration.

            “Well, getting tarantulas thrown on me was one of the worst,” Brian said, shivering at the thought.

            “But we already used that again on Sal, with the cats,” Murr reminded us.

            “Thanks for that, by the way,” Sal said sarcastically to me, considering that one was partially my idea.

            “Teaching my parents sex ed is still one of the worst,” Brian claimed.

            “But Joe doesn’t have parents, so we can’t use that,” Sal said.

            “But he does have in-laws,” I said, after thinking about it for a minute.

            “What do you think we could do with that?” Murr asked.

            “Well, the only thing worse than talking with your parents about sex is talking with your in-laws about having sex with their daughter,” I explained.

            The guys’ eyes widened, signaling that they approved of my idea. Joe barely liked to talk about his sex life around his friends, let alone talking about it with his in-laws.

            “Babe, that’s amazing. Joe would be so embarrassed. It’s perfect,”

            “I’m so glad we have her coming up with ideas for Joe, and not me,” Murr joked.

            The guys seemed to agree that the idea would be completely mortifying for Joe. However, they explained that these types of things take a while to produce, so it would take time for the whole thing to come together. A lot of their show is planned in advance so it can be fit in with their tour schedule and everything else they have going on. It might take a few months, but they seemed confident that they could pull off this punishment eventually.

            -----

            Although it’s normal for Brian to be busy with touring, recently his schedule has been busier than ever. The guys did a two-week tour in the UK, and then almost immediately went on the Impractical Jokers cruise. Then, in just a week, the guys will be performing the biggest show of their careers at Madison Square Garden. It’s been such a hectic time for Brian, and I know he’s got so much on his mind with all this work. I wanted to do something nice for him, something I had been planning for a while. I just needed to wait for the right time.

            Brian and I had been living in our new house for a few months now. We only had to make a few minor changes to the house, like painting some of the walls. All the rooms were completed and fully furnished, with the exception of one room. Brian’s “man cave” was just basically a storage room, filled with all his boxes of memorabilia. He didn’t even have his TV and video games hooked up yet.

            Brian planned on getting the room done himself but the project was too overwhelming for him to take on, since he was too busy. Brian told me that he could take on that one space, considering that I had decorated all the other rooms in the house. He didn’t want to give me any extra work, because he thought that I already had enough on my plate.

            Initially, I didn’t want to take over because I wanted Brian to have the room that he dreamed of. However, I realized that I would have to push this process along if this dream man cave would become a reality. Brian had told me enough about what he wanted in the room, and I felt confident that I could make it the way he envisioned. Brian had put so much thought and effort into finding the perfect home for us. I felt like I could never fully repay him for that, but at least completing his dream man cave was a start. I wanted him to have his own space where he could relax, and release some of the stress from his hectic life.

            Just to be sure I could make this room perfect, I enlisted the help of his friends, Bryan Johnson and Walt Flannigan. Since I didn’t know much about comic books and other memorabilia, I got their advice on the best way to handle and display all of Brian’s collectibles.

            I decided that the end of October was the best time to overhaul Brian’s man cave. He would be away for almost two weeks straight, which would give the designers plenty of time to fix the room. Brian would be back from the cruise tomorrow and it seemed like the perfect time to reveal the surprise to him.

            Once the room was complete, I sent pictures to Walt and Bryan, just to get their final thoughts on it all. Luckily, they approved of everything, so I was excited for Brian to come home and see it.

            When Brian arrived home that morning, he could tell that I had something to share with him. We knew each other too well, so it was difficult for me to hide from him.

            “Is there another dog in our house?” Brian asked.

            This has sort of become a running joke, ever since I brought home Nathan. Whenever either of us had a little surprise, we joked that it was because one of us brought home another animal. I assumed it was going to happen again sometime in the future. 

            “I have a present for you,” I told him.

            “Do people give presents for Halloween now?” he asked, jokingly.

            “You can think of it as a Halloween present if you want,” I laughed.

            I took Brian’s hand and led him down the hallway, toward his room. As we were standing in front of the door, he basically guessed what the surprise was.

            “You finished this for me, didn’t you? You knew it would take me forever,” he laughed.

            “I hope you like it,” I told him, before he eagerly walked into the room.

            The room had the largest TV that would fit, which was now fully connected to all of Brian’s video game systems. I got the most comfortable couch and seating that I could find so Brian could relax for hours. His video games and DVDs were all organized, making it easy for him to find everything. His comics were also filed and organized, with some of his favorites in special displays. I made sure some of his favorite collectibles were on display, like his statue of the Joker. For another added touch, I had the designers soundproof the walls, so Brian could play his video games or watch his movies as loud as he wanted.

            “This is incredible. It’s even better than I envisioned it,” Brian told me. When he couldn’t stop smiling, I knew that I had accomplished my goal. I just wanted him to be happy. Finishing his man cave meant that everything was now in its place. The house was complete now.  

            “I have another little surprise for you. Since we didn’t get to do much last Halloween, I thought we could make up for it this year,” I said.

            “Oh yeah… I almost forgot about Nitro Circus,” he told me.

            “I wish I could forget about Nitro Circus,” I said. I was getting annoyed just thinking about it.

            Last year right before Halloween, Brian got injured while preparing for the Nitro Circus finale.

            “You’re still upset about it?” he asked.

            “The doctors said that you’d have permanent damage? As is forever? That’s how long I’ll be mad about Nitro Circus,” I told him, only somewhat jokingly.

            Occasionally, Brian would still have pains in his side because of the incident. Every time he would clutch at his side, my heart would break all over again. It’s painful to watch someone you love go through something like that, especially knowing that there’s nothing you can do to help.

             “So what’s your surprise?” Brian asked, since I got a little off track.

            My other little surprise for him was tickets to Fright Fest, a Halloween themed event at the Six Flags amusement park. I had never been to Fright Fest before since I was always too scared of things like that. But Brian loved amusement parks and Halloween, so it was the perfect combination for him. I was willing to put my fears aside to make him happy. As I handed him the tickets, he seemed shocked that I would want to attend this event.

            “Are you sure you want to go? I know you hate all that scary stuff,” he said.

            “But you love all that stuff. I’ll do it for you because I know it makes you happy,” I told him.

            “Being with you makes me happy,” Brian said.

            “That’s really cute, Brian. But I know you still want to go,” I said.

            "If you get scared, just hold on to me. I’ll protect you from all the scary monsters,” he promised me.

            -----

            Brian and I spent the next day at Six Flags, enjoying all the rides and haunted houses together. You’re not allowed to wear costumes at Fright Fest, because it’s a safety issue. But that actually worked in our favor, since we didn’t have any costumes prepared. Brian was so busy on the road, we barely had time to think about costumes this year.

            Surprisingly, I had a lot more fun than I thought I would. I enjoyed going on all the roller coasters with Brian. He teased me a little for getting scared by all the monsters and zombies that we walking around I held onto Brian tightly the whole time, so he could protect me as promised. I didn’t mind holding on tightly to Brian, and I’m pretty sure he loved being my protector.

            After arriving home from Six Flags, we spent the rest of the night in Brian’s new “man cave.” But that was supposed to be his spot to relax, and I didn’t want him to feel like he HAD to continue spending time with me.

            “Are you sure you don’t want to be alone in here? I won’t be offended,” I told him. I knew that he needed space sometimes, and I wouldn’t be hurt if he wanted to be by myself.

            “Jess, I was alone for 40 years before I met you. Now that I have you, I want to enjoy every moment with you. Especially since I don’t see you every day. It’s not a chore to spend time with you,” Brian told me.

            Brian didn’t seem to mind me being in his “man” cave, and I was happy to spend more time with him. First, we spent a few hours watching some of his favorite horror movies. We even watched Victor Crowley, the movie that Brian had a part in. Brian was a huge fan of that whole series, so he was excited to be in one of the movies, even if it was a small part. I was not the biggest fan of scary movies, but especially this one. And Brian knew that.

            “Aren’t your proud that I’m in a movie?” he asked.

            “Yes, Brian, I’m very proud of you. I just don’t enjoy watching my boyfriend’s head get cut off,” I said, referencing the disturbing scene where Brian’s character gets killed. I know it’s fake, but it’s still not something that I wanted to see.

            “Come on, it’s not that bad,” he tried to convince me.

            “Would you want to watch me die? Even if it was fake?” I asked him.

            “Ok, fine. I see your point. How about I warn you when that part is coming and you can cover your eyes?” he said.

            “Fair enough,” I said, willing to compromise.

            I only enjoyed watching horror movies when I was with Brian. The best part about it was when things got scary, I could bury my face into his chest and shield my eyes from the terror on the screen. Brian would wrap his arms around me and squeeze me tightly. I loved the feeling of him holding me. It felt like he could protect me from any evil in the world.

            After watching some movies, we still didn’t want to go to bed yet. So, we decided to play some video games late into the night. Brian looked through his assortment of video games, trying to find the perfect one for us to play. His eyes lit up, signaling that he had made his selection.

            “How about this one?” Brian asked, pulling out the WWE ’12 video game, with Randy Orton on the cover.

            That video game had a very special meaning to us because it was the one I was buying when I first met Brian. It sparked up a conversation, which led into our friendship. It’s amazing to think of how far we’ve come in our relationship since that day.

            “You still remember?” I asked him.

            “Of course I remember. How could I forget the day that I ran into the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met?”

            “You did RUN INTO me,” I said, reminding him of how he accidentally pushed me onto the floor when we first met.

            “Oh yeah, I almost forgot about that part. Sorry about that,” he said.

            “It’s okay. It was worth it because I got to meet the love of my life,” I told him, smiling proudly as I thought back to the day we first met.

            We stayed up late, playing video games and talking for hours, just like we used to. These are the moments I treasured with Brian. It’s not about fancy gifts or big romantic gestures. The moments I loved the most were when the two of us could just be together and enjoy each other’s company. Nothing made me happier than being with Brian.


	44. Garden.

Jessica’s POV

            The weeks leading up to the Tenderloins’ performance at Madison Square Garden was without a doubt the most chaotic time of their careers. First, they did a two-week tour in the UK, then almost immediately went right on their 2nd Impractical Jokers cruise. Spending those few days with Brian around Halloween time was just about the only time I saw him. But now that things have settled down, I had the show at MSG to look forward to. It was the biggest show of their career and I couldn’t be more proud of their accomplishment. I knew Brian could do it. I always believed in him.

            Since I work near the Garden, I happen to pass by often. Each day that I walked past, I wondered when the picture of the guys would show up. About three weeks before the show, I finally saw their picture on the marque. It read, “TruTV’s Impractical Jokers, the Santiago Sent Us Tour, Starring the Tenderloins, November 9.” When I saw their picture appear on the screen, I immediately got teary-eyed. Looking up at Madison Square Garden and seeing Brian’s face made me feel incredibly proud of him. Even though I knew the show was happening, there was something about seeing the picture on the side of the iconic building that made it feel more real. Performing at MSG wasn’t just some dream anymore. It had become a reality.

            Brian was a little on edge the entire week, but especially on the day of the show. He seemed extremely anxious, more anxious than I had ever seen him before. I knew that sometimes he still gets nervous about going on stage. And it made sense to me that he would be nervous for tonight, given the magnitude of this show. It wasn’t just any other show. Brian tried to tell me that he was fine, but I knew that wasn’t true.

            “I don’t know if I can do this, in front of so many people,” he finally told me.

            “I know you can do this, Brian. I believe in you. And I’ll be right there watching you the whole time,” I promised him.

            “It’s just… it’s the most important night of my life. I don’t want to mess it up,” he told me.

            “Brian, you’re not going to mess it up. All those people came to see you guys because they love you and they appreciate what you always do. Just stick to what you normally do and everything will work out. Just be you and I promise they’ll love. But I’ll always be proud of you, no matter what,” I tried to tell him.

            “Well, as long as you’re happy, that’s all that matters. You’re the only audience I care about,” Brian told me.

            -----

            Each of the guys invited their families to see them perform at the Garden. It was great to see Brian’s family again, especially his mom. I hadn’t seen her in person since Christmas, but we talk on the phone all the time. We all had dinner at a restaurant called Delmonico’s Kitchen, which is just a few blocks away from the Garden. Brian and I had been there before, a little over a year ago.

            Before dinner, we took a stroll down the streets of Manhattan, walking past Madison Square Garden. I expected to see the same sign I had walked by a few times before. But this time it was different, and I was completely mesmerized. All of us stopped dead in our tracks, to see the sign before us. The sign read, “TruTV’s Impractical Jokers, Santiago Sent Us Tour, Starring the Tenderloins, TONIGHT. _SOLD OUT.”_

_SOLD OUT._

Those words were something I hadn’t even been thinking about. We didn’t know that they had sold out Madison Square Garden until we saw the words on the building itself. That moment, looking up at the building, felt absolutely surreal. Finding out that the guys had sold out MSG only added an extra level of pride and excitement to their accomplishment. We all agreed that selling out the Garden was an incredible achievement for the guys, but I felt it was well-deserved. I started tearing up again, but I tried not to get too emotional. I didn’t want my excitement to make Brian any more nervous than he already was. But the truth is, Brian made me proud every single day. He didn’t have to sell out an arena for me to be proud of him.  

            After walking past MSG, we headed to Delmonico’s, where we had a delicious dinner, surrounded by friends and family. It’s incredibly rare for all the Jokers’ families to get together like this, so I really enjoyed seeing everyone. We all got so wrapped up in conversations, we almost lost track of time. It was around 8:00 PM, so we had to start heading over to the venue. The show started at 8, but the guys had opening acts, so they still had some time to spare.

            As we arrived at the venue, Brian was still nervously shifting around, unable to sit still. He hasn’t been able to settle down all day, no matter what I said to him to try to calm him down. Once we got backstage, it was only a matter of time before the guys were ready to go out.

            “I’ll be right out there in the front row, cheering you on,” I told Brian.

            Normally when I go to shows, I watch from backstage. At this point, I’ve heard all their material so many times, so I just sit and watch backstage to be there for Brian. But this night wasn’t just any other night. I didn’t want to just sit backstage as the friend, or as the girlfriend. I wanted to sit out in the crowd, as a fan. I wanted to get the full experience of being in the crowd, watching the show from the audience’s point of view. I also hoped that if Brian could see me out in the crowd, that would lessen his anxiety a little bit. He could focus on me, instead of all the people, to help calm him down.

            The performance was absolutely incredible. It was even better than I could’ve possibly imagined. I could tell that the guys were intimidated and nervous at first. But after a few minutes, they relaxed a bit and treated it as if it was any other show. I stood there in complete awe of Brian the entire time, smiling widely and trying to resist the urge to cry. As the show was coming to an end, the guys made their final jokes and started to thank the crowd.

            “We just want to say thank you to each and every one of you so much for all the support. We couldn’t have done it without you all. You guys are literally witnessing dreams come true. These guys are my brothers. Every day I get to work with guys who are like family to me,” Sal told the crowd.

            “Speaking of family, let’s bring them out here,” Joe said.

            “We want all our friends and family that came with us tonight to join us on stage. They should share in this moment with us,” Murray said.

            “Where’s my biggest fan?” Brian asked.

            He pointed directly at me, waving me to come up on stage. As I made my way up there, all the guys’ family and friends gathered up on the stage. Bessy came out with the kids. She had Remo in one arm and was leading Milana with her other hand. As soon as she saw Joe, Milana ran into her father’s arms, yelling “Daddy!” It was kind of adorable.

            “I’m so proud of you,” I whispered in Brian’s ear as I squeezed his hand tightly. I lightly kissed him on the check, which caused both of us to smile. But I hadn’t stopped smiling since I’ve got here.

            Each of the guys gave short, individual speeches to thank their friends and families. They were all emotional, but Joe’s speech really got me. He thanked Bessy for always being there to support him and being an incredible mother to their two children. Then, he looked up and thanked his parents.

            “Mom, you always supported us, even when we were just doing sketches in your basement. I wish that you could be here today, but I know that you and dad would be proud,” he said.

            That part of his speech made me tear up because I related to Joe. Losing a parent is something we both bonded over. We both knew that sometimes important moments could be bittersweet because you wish that the person you love so much could be there to share it with you. Brian saw me crying and he gently wiped a tear from my eye. All the guys had made their speeches except for Brian. It was finally his time to speak.

            “I want to thank my parents and brothers for being there for me since the beginning. I also have to thank my fireman buddies who are sitting out there today. Those guys were like a second family to me and they always keep me humble. And last but certainly not least…” Brian said as he turned to me.

            “I want to thank Jessica, who has truly been my biggest fan from day one. She has been by my side for the past six years. I wouldn’t be here right now if it wasn’t for her. Thank you, baby. I love you,” he told me.

            “I love you too, Brian,” I told him.

            He leaned down to give me a quick kiss on the cheek.  But he wasn’t done with his speech yet. Brian let go of my hand, as he continued to tell me how much I meant to him.

            “Jessica, I fell in love with you the moment I met you. I’m the luckiest guy in the world, because I not only get to call you my girlfriend. I get to call you my best friend. At first, I thought I would never get tired of calling you my girlfriend. But, the truth is, I am getting tired of it. I don’t want another day to go by without calling you my wife.”

            The crowd roared, or at least I think they did. I blocked out everything else around me because I was so focused on Brian. I couldn’t believe that this was happening. I had been dreaming of this moment but I wasn’t expecting it that night. I was in complete shock. After letting go of my hand, Brian reached into his pocket to pull out a ring and got down on one knee.

            **“Jessica Angela Calaway, will you marry me?”** Brian asked. I couldn’t say yes fast enough.

            “YES,” I said, as quickly as I possibly could. I could barely speak. Before I was a little teary-eyed, but now I was full on crying like a baby.

            Brian stood up and placed a beautiful diamond ring on my finger. But, I wasn’t really focused on the ring. I just couldn’t stop staring at Brian, my new FIANCÉ. After he placed the ring on my finger, I pulled him in for a kiss. As we kissed, confetti cannons shot off around us. I had never felt so happy in my entire life. It felt like Brian and I had been building up to this moment for so long. But it was completely worth the wait because it could not have been more perfect. I couldn’t wait for the day when I could officially call Brian my husband.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Fun fact. When I started thinking about this story over a year ago, I decided how he was going to propose before I decided how they met. Maybe I’m a little crazy? Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, since I’ve been planning it for a while. To make it a little more special, I posted it on the one year anniversary of their MSG show.


	45. Permission.

Brian’s POV

            From the moment I met Jessica, I felt an instant connection with her. I knew that she had to be a part of my life forever, in any capacity. I would’ve been okay if she was just my friend for the rest of my life. But I had always dreamed that she would be my wife one day. Only two years ago, I thought that would remain a distant fantasy. But now this beautiful woman has agreed to marry me. I’m in love with my best friend. And I’ve never been happier.   

            I was so nervous about the proposal because I was trying to think of the perfect thing to say. With all our history together, I felt that deserved the perfect proposal. But when Jess was consoling me about my anxiety, what she didn’t realize was that she was supporting me in the proposal, not in the performance of the show. She told me to stick to what I normally do because the crowd already loved me and came to support me. She helped me realize that it didn’t matter the exact words that I said. I was stressing way too much over how and when to propose. All I had to do was be myself because Jess already loves me. The only thing that mattered was that Jess and I love each other and we want to spend the rest of our lives together.

            I had warned the guys that I planned on proposing to Jess. This was the biggest show of OUR careers, not just mine. I wanted to make sure they were okay with it and that I wasn’t taking away any of their spotlight. But once I told the guys, they were on board and completely supportive. They seemed thrilled that I was finally asking Jess to marry me. These guys are like my brothers and they’ve been with me through all my biggest ups and downs. They can all see that I am truly happy with Jessica.

            Although I was fairly confident that Jess would accept my proposal regardless, I still wanted to make it special. And Madison Square Garden seemed like the perfect place. Going back over six years ago, the first time Jess and I hung out, I invited her over to watch a WWE pay-per-view, which aired from MSG. Then, of course, there’s our first date, where we saw another WWE live show at the Garden. That night of our first date, Jess confidently looked up at the MSG sign and told me that my picture would be up there one day. I think that’s why it made Jess so emotional to see our actual picture on the building. Performing at MSG was a dream of mine, something I didn’t think would come true. But Jess always believed in me, even when I didn’t believe in myself.

            -----

            Following the proposal, it was a bit of a whirlwind for Jess and me. All the friends and family were congratulating us, and they were excited to be a part of this moment. But once everything had settled down, Jess and I finally got a chance to talk alone. I wanted her to know why I thought MSG was so important, and why I chose to propose to her like this.

            “After we had our first date at the Garden, it became my goal to perform there, because I wanted to make you proud. I had this dream of proposing to you there, but I also didn’t want to wait around forever in case it didn’t happen. So, I gave myself a year. I told myself that if we didn’t book MSG by then, I would propose to you on our first anniversary. Luckily, the guys and I found out about the show a few months before our anniversary, so it worked out perfectly,” I explained.

            “So, you’ve had this planned for a long time.”

            “Jessica, I’ve wanted to marry you since I met you six years ago. I’ve just been waiting for the perfect moment,” I told her.

            “It was perfect,” she told me.

            Although Jess hadn’t stopped smiling since I proposed, I noticed that she couldn’t stop staring at the ring.

            “Is there something wrong? Do you not like it?” I asked as Jess stared intently at her ring.

            “No, that’s not it. It’s gorgeous. It’s just…This ring looks so familiar,” she said, seemingly confused. I don’t think she would’ve expected where I got the ring from.

            “It’s your mother’s ring,” I told her.

            “Wait… how? How did you get it?” she asked in complete disbelief.

            “Remember when I went to Florida to go see your dad?”

**_A few months earlier…_ **

            _After chatting and playing cards with Jessica’s father for a while, I knew that I had to tell him the real reason why I came here. I told Jessica that I went to see her father to check up on him. While that wasn’t entirely a lie, I did have another motive for going to see him. I had finally decided the right time and place to propose to Jess, but I needed to get her father’s approval first. I wanted the confirmation that he accepted me and approved of our relationship._

_“Not that I wouldn’t love to come to see you anyway, but I actually came here for a reason,” I said._

_“I could tell there was something on your mind,” he said._

_“I love your daughter very much,” I told him. My hands were shaking. I was incredibly nervous about this conversation, and for this question that I was about to ask him._

_“I know you do. And I know that she loves you too,” he said._

_“Well, Jessica and I have known each other for a long time. And we’ve been dating for almost a year now. But I think it’s time that we take that next step. I want to ask her to marry me, but I would like to get your permission first,” I finally blurted out. I was afraid to even make eye contact with him. I was terrified of what his answer might be. I feared that he might not think I was good enough for his daughter. The thought of asking his permission seemed even more daunting than the proposal itself._

_“Brian, since Jessica has been with you, I’ve never seen her happier. That’s all I need to know. I would be honored to have you as a son-in-law,” he said._

_Those words felt like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. It was officially the validation that I was hoping for. Something I had wanted since the day I met him, even before I was dating Jess._

_“I can’t tell you how much I appreciate that. I promise you, I will be the best husband I can be for your daughter,” I told him._

_“Actually, I take what I said back. I don’t really like calling you my son-in-law.”_

_‘You don’t?” I questioned. My heart dropped. Was he already regretting this? There must be something that he doesn’t like about me._

_“No. I don’t like it. I’d much rather call you my son. No “in-law” part. As far as I’m concerned, you’re family.”_

_“That means a lot to me,” I told him, completely relieved._

_“Come with me for a minute. I want to show you something,” he instructed me._

_He got up from his chair and began walking toward the bedroom. I followed him but I wasn’t quite sure what he wanted to show me. Maybe he wanted to share some old family photos? He went into the drawer of his nightstand and pulled out a small box. He took a deep breath as he began to explain the significance of the item._

_“When Jessica’s mother and I first started dating, I didn’t have much. But I wanted to give her the world. I spent all my savings on this engagement ring. She wore it with pride until the day she died. I know that you can afford something much bigger and better but I thought you might want to use this ring. I think it would mean a lot to Jessica,” he told me._

_When talking about his late wife, he got very emotional. It was completely understandable but I had never seen him express himself like that. Although I didn’t like to see him sad, it was nice to know that he felt comfortable opening up to me. That moment was the closest I’ve ever felt to him._

_“Are you sure about this?” I asked him. I wanted to make sure that he trusted me with such a valuable family heirloom._

_“It’s all yours if you want to use it. I trust you. I know you’ll take good care of it. And I know you’ll take good care of my daughter.”_

_“I would be honored to use it,”_

_I don’t think I could’ve picked out a better ring. It was simple vintage looking ring, which perfectly fit Jessica’s style. I was so grateful to her father for giving it to me. On top of being a beautiful ring, I hoped that it would make Jessica feel closer to her mother._

_\-----_

_Once I got back to New York, I knew that there was one more place I had to go before proposing to Jess. A few weeks before the proposal, I went to Greenwood Cemetery in Brooklyn, where Jessica’s mother is buried. Since I asked her father for permission, I felt like it was only fair that I talked to her mother too._

_I brought gardenias to the grave because Jess has told me that those were always her mother’s favorite flower. I stood in front of the grave, taking a minute to collect my thoughts. I wasn’t quite sure what to say. I finally took a deep breath and sat down in front of the grave._

_“I’m Brian, Jessica’s boyfriend. Is it weird for me to introduce myself? I feel like I know you since Jessica has told me so much about you. I’m sorry that we never got the chance to meet. Jess says that we would’ve liked each other. I hope that you would approve of us getting married. And I hope you don’t mind if I use your ring. I wanted to come here and thank you for raising such a kind, intelligent, and beautiful woman. Jessica is the most incredible person I have ever met and I’m beyond lucky to have her in my life. She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I promise you that I will do everything in my power to protect her. I hope to make you proud.”_

_After I left the gravesite, I felt much better. Talking to Jessica’s mom was actually very therapeutic. Even though we had never met, I felt like I had a connection with her mother._

**_Present day:_ **

            “I can’t believe I didn’t recognize it at first. I guess it’s been so long since I’ve seen it,” Jess said, with tears in her eyes.

            When I told Jess these stories, she was overcome with emotion. I pulled her in for a hug, squeezing her tight as she cried in my arms. I didn’t know if they were tears of joy, sadness, or maybe a little bit of both.

            “I’m sorry if I made you cry. I didn’t mean to make you upset. If the ring makes you sad, you don’t have to use it. I’ll buy you any ring you want,” I told her.

            If Jess didn’t like the ring, I wouldn’t have been offended. I considered that it might be too painful to wear her mother’s ring every day. She would have that constant reminder that her mother is gone. But then again, she doesn’t need the ring to think about her mother every day. Wearing the ring could also be a constant pressure of living up to the perception of her mother.

            “No, you don’t have to buy me another ring. I love this one. And I love that you talked to both my parents. I love you so much, and I can’t wait to marry you,” Jess said.

            “I know our relationship seems to move kind of slow, but I would love to marry you soon. I don’t want to be engaged for too long. Unless you want enough time to plan some lavish dream wedding, where you can have some fairy tale moment,” I told her.

            Jess and I spend five years as friends before we started dating. And we spent over a year dating before we got engaged. I didn’t want the engagement to be that long. I wanted to make Jessica my wife as soon as possible, but only if she was okay with it.

            “I don’t need or want some fancy wedding. Marrying you would be a fairy tale moment.”

            I completely agreed and I could not wait to make Jessica my wife. 


	46. Irrational.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m really for taking so long to upload a new chapter. School and work were taking up all my time. But now that the semester is over, I should be back on a regular schedule. I appreciate your patience with me! And thanks to @writterforquinn for helping me out with this chapter!

Brian’s POV

            Once Thanksgiving passed, Jess went into full Christmas mode. She had actually started getting into the Christmas spirit November 1st. To be fair, I start getting excited about Halloween months in advance too. We always said that Halloween was my holiday, and Christmas was hers. Once Halloween was over, Christmas was in full swing. I used to hate Christmas time until I met Jess. But I learned to love the holidays because Jess loved it so much. She got so much joy out of the little things during the holidays. It wasn’t about gifts for her. She loved baking cookies, decorating the house, and listening to Christmas music.  I loved how much she smiled during Christmas time, and I would do anything to keep that smile on her face.

            One night I came home from filming to find Jess in the kitchen, cooking and listening to her Christmas music. When I walked in, a particular favorite song of hers was playing. It was Mariah Carey’s version of “All I Want for Christmas is You.” While the song was playing, she immediately grabbed me, trying to get me to dance with her as she lip-synched the words to me.

            “Sorry, was that too cheesy?” she laughed, looking slightly embarrassed.

            “Absolutely not. You don’t have to apologize. I thought it was adorable,” I insisted.

            “Well, good. That song might be cheesy, but it’s true. As long as I have you for Christmas, I’ll be happy. Nothing else matters to me.”

            “Is there anything I can help you with?” I asked. It looked like she had most of the house decorated.

            “I thought we could decorate the tree together. Plus, I’m too short to put the star on top of the tree,” she laughed.

            “Oh good, I’m glad I could be useful for something,” I laughed.

            “I’m glad you’re home. I missed you,” she said, pulling me in for a hug and squeezing me tight.

            Unfortunately, Jess and I haven’t had the chance to spend a lot of time together since we got engaged. The guys and I were just wrapping up filming season 6 of IJ, while constantly touring as the Tenderloins. Luckily, we always get two weeks off during Christmas time, so we would finally be getting a little bit of a break soon. Although Jess was generally in a good mood during Christmas time, I could tell that there was still something bothering her. I suspected that the time apart was starting to get to her. Although Jess always missed me, she always tried to convince me that she was used to it by now. She said that she knew what she was getting herself into before we started dating. But I think she just tells me those things to make me feel better, so I don’t worry about her as much.

            Since she’s been missing me so much, lately Jess has been very affectionate with me, especially in public. Normally that’s not something that I would complain about, because I don’t mind having Jess all over me. But recently I’ve felt like it has turned into more of a jealousy thing. It’s almost like she’s marking her territory, but I’m not exactly sure where this is coming from all of a sudden. Jess isn’t usually the jealous type. But maybe now she’s feeling more protective over me and our relationship since we got engaged. Or she’s just starting to miss me more now that the holidays are coming up.

            Her jealousy got slightly out of hand when Jess and I encountered a female fan recently while on a date night. The fan was young, probably a teenager or early 20s. The fan wanted a picture with me. I was only slightly annoyed that she had interrupted our date night, but I still obliged to taking the picture. The girl spent a little too long hugging and touching me. Normally Jess would brush that kind of thing off. It comes with the territory, I guess. But something must have set Jess off. For the rest of the night, Jess was upset, making comments about how fans should keep their hands to themselves. And I agreed with her, for the most part. But sometimes I get put in an awkward situation, and I don’t know how to say no to people. I don’t ever want the fans to think that I’m ungrateful. But sometimes they need to respect my boundaries. The only thing I can do is try to make Jess feel more secure. She didn’t have to worry about any of the fans, because I only had eyes for her.

            “I missed you too, baby. But even when I’m away, I’m always here for you. I’m not going anywhere,” I assured her, as she was still hugging me.

            “Well, clearly I’m not planning on going anywhere either,” Jess said, pointing down at the tattoo on her arm.

            Even though it had been almost a year since she had gotten that tattoo for me, I was still in awe of it. That tattoo was such a gift to me and meant more than anything else she could buy. It showed that she was fully committed to me, and didn’t plan on spending her life with anyone else. Not to mention the fact that I’ve always found tattoos attractive on women, so Jess having a tattoo for me made her that much sexier.

            “I still have to return the favor,” I told her.

            Since Jess got her tattoo, I felt a little guilty that I hadn’t gotten one in return. I know that she wasn’t a huge fan of me just getting her name tattooed. We both thought that a tattoo should be more meaningful, and personal. I tried to think of something more creative, but there’s no tattoo that could truly encapsulate how much I love Jess.

            When Jess first got this tattoo, we were in a stage of our relationship where I felt unsure of myself. I was hopelessly in love with Jess for so long. I wondered if she felt as strongly about me. But her getting a tattoo for me put all those fears aside. It showed me that Jess would always love me and that she wasn’t going anywhere.  

            “Don’t worry. I’m sure you’ll think of something. I wouldn’t want you to rush into anything you weren’t sure about,” she told me.

            I guess she was right. An idea for a tattoo will come to me eventually.

            -----

            The next day on set, the whole situation with Jess was still on my mind. I couldn’t figure out exactly why she was acting so differently lately. I decided to confide in Beth, a relatively new co-worker of mine. I figured that I could use a female point of view. Maybe there was something I was missing, something that only a fresh perspective could see.

            “Did she tell you something was wrong?” Beth asked.

            “No, I just know something is off. But whenever I ask her about it, she tells me that she’s fine. I’m worried that she’s bottling up her feelings,  which she’s done before. I just wish she would talk to me,” I explained.

            “Well, maybe she actually is fine, and you’re just being paranoid,” Beth suggested.

            “I don’t think so. I can tell something is off,” I told her.

            “She probably just misses you a lot. I can see why,” Beth said.

            As Beth and I were talking, she slowly got closer to me. She put her hand on my shoulder. At first, I just thought she was trying to comfort me. I didn’t know Beth very well, so I wasn’t sure of her intentions. But then she started to put her hand on my thigh, which made me very uncomfortable. I was starting to think that I misjudged her kindness. Even though I was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, my gut was telling me to run. But I didn’t know how to stop it without causing a scene. I just kind of froze.

            Just as I was trying to figure out how to handle this, I heard a familiar voice behind me call out my name. I turned around to see Jess staring at the two of us. I immediately got up and walked towards her. I wasn’t expecting to see Jess that day. I usually love her surprise visits to set, but she didn’t look very happy.

            “Can I talk to you?” Jess asked, trying to pull me away from Beth.

            “Uh… sure, Jess. Come with me,” I said, leading her away to more privacy.

            “Is that girl new? I haven’t seen her around before,” Jess said.

            “Yeah, that’s Beth. She’s one of our new assistants. She helps out on set, and travels with us sometimes,” I explained.

            “Oh great. So, when you’re on tour, I’m sitting at home missing you, and you’re flirting with other women,” Jess said, rolling her eyes at me.

            “I was NOT flirting with her. We were just talking,” I tried to tell her.

            “Just talking? Why are you lying to me, Brian? I saw the way she was touching you. Do you really think that’s appropriate?” Jess asked.

            “Okay, fine. She touched me. But I didn’t want her to,” I told Jess.

             I was trying to defend myself. I didn’t want Beth to touch me like that, and I certainly didn’t ask for it. But it didn’t seem to matter how much I explained myself because it wasn’t helping. The more I tried to explain myself, the angrier Jess got.  

            “You didn’t want her to? It didn’t look like you were doing anything to stop it. You seemed to be enjoying it.”

            “I didn’t enjoy it, actually,” I tried to convince Jess, but she didn’t want to believe me.

            “If this is what you two do in public, I don’t even want to imagine what you do when you’re away on tour and I’m not around.”

            “What are you accusing me of? Don’t you trust me?” I asked.  

            Before, I just trying to calm Jess down. To be fair, Beth shouldn’t have been touching me like that. But now, I was slowly getting more enraged by the way Jess  was talking to me. How could she imply that I would cheat on her? She should know me well enough to know that I would never do that to her.   

            “I thought I trusted you until I came to set and saw you flirting with one of your co-workers,” Jess responded.

            “How many times do I have to tell you for you to believe me? I was NOT flirting with her. Why would I ever do that to you? Don’t you know how much I love you?” I asked her.

            “I don’t know why you would do it. Maybe people are right. Maybe you’re not ready to give up that bachelor lifestyle. With all these girls throwing themselves at you, I guess that that would be hard to give up. Why would you want to settle for marrying me when you could have any woman you want?”

            “Jessica, you’re acting completely ridiculous. I have no desire to be with any other woman. How could you even think that I don’t want to marry you?” I asked.

            The more we argued, the more baffled I became. Since I met Jess, I’ve wanted nothing more than to make her my wife. I wanted that foundation, the confirmation that we would always be together. I never had any doubt in my mind that she was the one.

            “I don’t know Brian. Maybe you’re having second thoughts…”

            “Or maybe you’re the one that’s been having second thoughts? You’re the one that’s been acting so different lately. We haven’t even been engaged a month, and you’re already accusing me of cheating. Why are you trying to sabotage our relationship?”

            “I’m trying to sabotage the relationship? You’re the one flirting with other women in public. You always get jealous if I even talk to another guy. But it’s okay for a woman to be touching you like that? I’m the only one that should be touching you like that,” Jess asserted.

            “Jessica, you’re completely overreacting to this whole thing. I don’t know where this jealousy came from all of a sudden, but I don’t like this side of you,”

            “You don’t like it? Well, I don’t like to see my fiancé flirting with other women,” she snapped back.

            “I WAS NOT FLIRTING,” I yelled.

            Raising my voice at her is something that I’m not proud of. I hated arguing with Jess, and I never wanted to yell at her. But I was getting increasingly frustrated with this whole conversation and I was getting furious.

            “After what I just saw, I don’t know if I believe you,” she told me.

            “Why did you even come here, anyway? Where you just trying to spy on me?” I questioned.

            “If you don’t want me here, I’ll leave. I’ll let you flirt with your groupies in peace,” Jess retorted.

            “Fine. Go home. Go take a nap or something. Maybe that will calm you down.”

            “I don’t need to calm down. I just need you to stop flirting with other women,” Jess said, as she stormed off.

            I didn’t understand why Jess was acting like this, or why she would say these things to me. After all our history, how could she not trust me? She always seemed to trust me, but I guess something changed. Maybe us getting engaged has made her more protective over me and our relationship. How could she truly believe that I didn’t want to marry her? I think that’s what hurt the most, more than the cheating accusations. Since I met Jess, I knew that I wanted to be with her for the rest of my life. I just wish that she would realize that.

            A few hours later, after I had calmed down about the whole thing, I tried to see things from her perspective. All she knew was this girl I work with was touching me somewhat inappropriately. I started to imagine if the roles were reversed. To be fair, if I saw some guy touching Jess like that, I probably would’ve flipped out too. I still didn’t think her reaction was completely justified, but I thought we could at least talk about it more calmly. And maybe I could get Jess to tell me what has been bothering her. There had to be something else on her mind and I wanted to get to the root of whatever that issue was.

            I tried calling Jess a bunch of times, but she wouldn’t answer. I just assumed she was still upset and wanted some space. Sometimes we both need some time to cool off, so I had to respect that.

            A little while later, I felt my phone buzzing and immediately thought of Jess. I was so eager to talk to her, I just answered the phone without even looking at the caller ID.

            “Is this Brian Quinn?” an unfamiliar man asked.

            “Yes, who’s this?”

            “My name is David. I work at Staten Island University Hospital. Do you know a Jessica Calaway?”

            “Yes, of course, I know her. She’s my fiancé. What happened?”

            “I’m afraid she was in an accident…”


	47. Results.

Brian’s POV

            “I’m afraid she was in an accident…”

            Those were the most terrifying words I had ever heard. At that moment, I thought my worst fear had come true. I thought that I had lost Jessica.

            ‘What happened to her? How is she?” I panicked.

            “Unfortunately I can’t share many details with you over the phone. I can tell you more when you arrive.”

            “That’s it? Can you at least tell me that she’s alive?”

            “She’s alive,” he confirmed.

            “I will be there as soon as I can,” I said, as I quickly hung up the phone.

            The guys all looked at me, with clear concern in their eyes. Although we joke with each other most of the time, they could tell when to put that aside.

            “What’s the matter?” Joe asked.

            “Jess is in the hospital. I have to go,” I told them. I started running towards my car, but Sal stopped me.

            “Let me drive you. You’re too hysterical right now to focus on driving,” he told me.

            I agreed and gave Sal the keys to my car. The last things we needed was me to get in an accident while we were racing to see Jess.

            “We’ll go with you,” Joe and Murr agreed.

            “Sal, I swear to God. If this is some kind of a sick fucking joke for the show. If you don’t tell me right now, I’m not only quitting the show, I’m never speaking to you again.”

            “Brian, I’m sorry, but this isn’t a joke. I wish it was. I wish she wasn’t actually hurt,” he told me.

            I didn’t think that the guys would ever stoop to that level for a prank. But part of me was hoping that Sal would tell me that this wasn’t real and that Jessica was fine. As angry as I would’ve been at the guys, it would’ve been a lot better than Jessica going through this.

            The four of us were together as Sal drove to the hospital. By this time, it was almost 6 PM. We would hit all the NYC rush hour traffic going back to Staten Island. It was an absolute nightmare. I was stuck sitting in the car while my fiancé was lying in a hospital bed all alone. Although geographically we might not be far apart, it felt like it would take forever to get to Jess, and I wanted to be there for her immediately.

            “What if we’re stuck in traffic for two hours?” I panicked.

            “I’ll call my parents. They live less than 10 minutes from the hospital. If they go, at least she won’t be alone,” Murray suggested.

            “That would make me feel a little better,” I told him.

            I tried calling Jessica several times. I wanted this all to be a mistake. Maybe there’s another Jessica Calaway, or there was some mix up at the hospital. I kept calling, hoping that my Jessica would answer the phone and tell me that she was fine. I thought of her at home, in the kitchen cooking and listening to her favorite Christmas songs. Just a few days ago, we were singing and dancing in the kitchen together, without a care in the world. And I took that all for granted. The argument we had earlier all seemed so petty and meaningless now. But I hated the way we left things between us.

            “Do you think she’ll still want to see me?” I asked Sal.

            “What do you mean? You’re her fiancé. Of course, she’ll want to see you,” he assured me.

            “But she was so angry at me before. What if she’s still mad?” I wondered.

            “I’m sure that’s not her main concern right now,” Murr said.

            “What if I’m the reason this happened? What if she was distracted because of our argument?” I questioned.

            The more I sat there in traffic, the more the guilt began to eat away at me. I couldn’t help but blame myself. I shouldn’t have argued with her. She was right to be suspicious. I should’ve just apologized. The least I could’ve done was figure out why she was really upset. Maybe if she hadn’t stormed off the way she did, none of this would’ve happened.

            “You can’t blame yourself for this. Accidents like this happen. It’s not your fault,” Joe tried to tell me. But no matter what the guys said, I still felt like I was at least partially responsible for what happened to Jess.

            “She could’ve died today. She would’ve died thinking that I don’t love her and want to marry her.”

            “But she didn’t die. She’s still here. You can prove that you really love her by being there for her now,” Sal told me.

            “You’re right. I’ll be strong for her,” I promised.

            ------

            About an hour later, we had finally arrived at the hospital. Sal dropped us off in front, and I practically jumped out of the moving car to get in there as quick as possible. I saw Murr’s parents sitting in the waiting room. His mother immediately jumped up when she saw me.

            “Do you guys know anything?” I asked them.

            “I’m sorry, Brian. They wouldn’t tell us anything since we’re not family,” she told me.

            “That’s okay. Thanks for being here,” I told them before I rushed to the front desk, where I saw a female nurse.

            “I’m here to see Jessica Calaway,” I told her.

            “Are you a relative?” she questioned.

            “I’m her husband. My name is Brian Quinn. She hasn’t changed her name yet,” I told her.

            I assumed that the nurse might only let blood relatives in to see Jess. I feared that being Jessica’s fiancé wasn’t good enough, so I lied by claiming to be her husband.

            “I’ll get the doctor for you,” the nurse told me.

            A few agonizing minutes later, the doctor came out.

            “Are you Jessica Calaway’s husband?” he asked.

            “Yes, that’s me. How is she?” I asked, hoping he would finally be the one to give me some answers.

            “Well, Jessica was in a minor car accident. She has a few injuries, including broken ribs, a fractured wrist, and some other scratches and bruises. But the main thing I’m concerned about is her brain. We know that she’s had a concussion, but we’re still waiting on the MRI results to see if it’s anything more serious. I’m hoping that the concussion is the worst of it,” the doctor explained.

            “Can I see her now?” I begged.

            “Of course. She is still sleeping at the moment, but she should wake up soon. When she does, she will be slightly woozy from all the medication. But you can sit in her room and wait for her to get up,” the doctor told me.

            The doctor led the way into Jessica’s room and left me there to be alone with Jess. I tried to prepare myself for the worst. Seeing her lying in the hospital bed, I felt a rollercoaster of emotions. When I heard that she was in an accident, the worst fears went through my mind. I thought I could’ve lost her. It was heartbreaking to see the woman I love go through any kind of pain. But, I was thankful that her injuries were relatively minor. More than anything, I was grateful that she was alive. And I didn’t want to take that for granted.

            Jess had bandages around her arms and head, which the doctor later explained was from the shattered glass cutting into her skin. I didn’t even want to think of her going through that kind of pain. But I tried to stay strong for her. She needed me right now.

            I carefully walked into her room and stood right next to the side of the bed. Despite all her injuries, Jess still looked peaceful as she was sleeping. I was trying to make as little noise as possible because I didn’t want to disturb her rest. She had been through a lot, and she deserved her sleep. When I first saw her, part of me wanted to grab her and hold her tight. But she seemed so fragile and I worried that even touching her would cause her to go through any more pain. I settled on holding her hand. I wanted her to know that I was there for her and that she wasn’t alone. I squeezed her hand slightly, mainly out of habit. But as soon as I touched Jessica’s hand, her eyes shot open.

            “Hey, baby…” I started to say.

            But I could barely get those words out before Jessica burst into tears. I pulled back, wondering if I was actually right and Sal was wrong. Maybe she was still mad at me and didn’t want to see me. Maybe she still needed time to process her feelings about our argument. And as painful as that was, maybe I needed to accept her feelings. But seeing her cry broke my heart and I just wanted to make it stop.

            “It’s okay, baby. Please don’t cry. I didn’t mean to make you upset. I’ll leave if you don’t want me here,” I said, as I stepped away.

            “NO,” she immediately shouted, “Please don’t leave…”

            “I’m not going anywhere,” I promised.

            I went back to holding her hand and she started to calm down. She tried to speak but she was still trying to catch her breath.

            “I’m sorry about before…” Jess said.

            “Shhhh…It’s okay. We don’t have to talk about it right now,” I said, as I gently kissed the top of her forehead.

            The last thing Jess should be worrying about right now is our argument earlier. We needed to put that aside for now. My main concern was making sure that she got better. And I was willing to do anything to help her.

            “How do you feel?” I asked her.

            “My head hurts…”

            “Baby, I’m so sorry that you’re going through any pain. I wish there was anything I could do to take away your pain. If I could switch places with you, I would,” I told her.

            “That’s okay. I can handle it. It probably looks worse than it actually is. But don’t worry, Brian. I’m going to be okay,” she assured me.

            In typical Jess fashion, she was more concerned with someone else, rather than herself. Here she was, lying in a hospital bed and she was the one telling me not to worry.

            “Is there anything I can get for you?” I asked.

            “No, thank you. I’m okay. I’m just glad you’re here. You’re all that I need,” she told me. She smiled at me, which made me calm. It made me feel like everything was going to be okay. We were going to get through this together.

             A few minutes later, the doctor came back into the room.

            “Sorry if I’m interrupting something. Jessica, I have the results of your MRI if you’d like me to share them with you and your husband,” the doctor told us.        

            “That’s okay, you’re not interrupting. Please, come in,” him. I noticed that she didn’t even flinch when he called me her husband.

            “We confirmed that you did have a concussion. But luckily, you don’t seem to have any swelling or trauma in your brain. We still want to make sure that there isn’t any permanent damage to your brain. I’d expect some forgetfulness, confusion, trouble sleeping. Things like that are normal and should only be temporary. But if these symptoms persist or get more severe, then we really have to be concerned,” the doctor explained.

            “Don’t worry. I’ll keep a close eye on her,” I promised.

            “Is there anything else we should know?” Jess asked.

            “You did have a fair amount of cuts on your body. Once you go home, you’ll need to change the bandages and clean the area at least once a day. We want to make sure those don’t get infected. You’ll probably need help with that,” he told her.

            “I can do that,” I told him.

            Because I had first aid training from the FDNY, I knew thz proper way to care for Jessica’s wounds. We just had to make sure they stayed clean so they would heal properly. I could handle that.

            “If all goes well, Jessica should be out of here in a few days. We just want to keep her and do a few more tests, especially with her concussion. But I’m confident that she’ll make a full recovery,” the doctor declared.

            Jess was going to be okay. That’s all I wanted to hear.

            -----

            After spending a few minutes alone together, Jess had to leave for a few minutes to get some other tests done. Even though she was in safe hands, I still didn’t like letting her out of my sight.  But during that time, I went out to tell the guys about Jessica’s status.

 

            We were supposed to perform that next night. I knew that I couldn’t go because I was staying right there in the hospital with Jess. I was not leaving her side. We rarely canceled one of our shows, even when one of us has been sick. But this was a rare exception.

            “You’ll have to do the show without me,” I told them.

            “We can’t do that,” Joe said.

            “Look, I’m sorry guys. I know our fans paid money to come to see us. But I just can’t leave Jess right now.”

            “Oh, I’m not suggesting that you do the show with us. I’m saying we’re not doing the show at all,” Joe clarified.

            “We talked our tour manager. We’ve already canceled all the shows until the end of the year. We knew that you’d want to focus on Jess. And if you need more time after that, you can have whatever time you need,” Murr said.

            “Really? You guys would do that?” I asked.

            “Brian, you’re our brother. Jess is like a sister to us too. We wouldn’t feel right going up on stage telling jokes while our sister is in the hospital. We’re family,” Sal told me.

            “I love you guys,” I told them.

            -----

            Speaking of family, it reminded me that I should call Jessica’s father and let him know what’s going on. I didn’t really want to make this call but I knew that I had to do it. He deserved to know that his daughter is in the hospital.

            “Hi dad,” I said.

            I was just getting used to calling him that. Usually, it brought me such pride to say it. But I didn’t have any joy calling him under these circumstances. Even though Jessica was okay, and things could’ve been worse, it’s still not something I wanted to call him about.  

            “Brian, What’s the matter? I could tell in your voice that something is wrong. Is it Jessica? Is she okay?”

            “Jessica is okay. She’s in the hospital, but she’s okay,” I told him.

            “Oh my God. What happened?”

            “She was in a minor car accident but going to be okay. The doctors say she’ll make a full recovery,” I told him.

            “I’ll be on the next flight down there.”

            Later that night, Jessica’s father arrived at the hospital. I had been texting him updates about Jessica’s progress throughout the day. I told him that he didn’t have to come because I had everything covered. But he insisted on it, and honestly, I can’t blame him.

            “How is she?” he asked.

            “She’s okay. Just tired. She claims that she’s not in too much pain at the moment,” I told him.

            “She would say that anyway, even if she was in pain. That’s our Jessica,” he said.

            When Jessica’s father came into her room, he gave her a gentle kiss on the forehead. Like me, he was probably afraid of hurting her. I couldn’t even imagine what it would be like to see your child in the hospital.

            “Baby, now that my dad is here, you don’t have to stay with me all day. I know you had a show tomorrow. Why don’t you go? He can stay with me,” Jess suggested.

            “I appreciate that your dad is here. But I’m not going anywhere,” I insisted.

            “Can I just have a few minutes alone with her, please?” he asked.

            “Of course. I’ll just be right outside if you need me,” I told them.

            I left the room, giving the two of them some privacy. This was one of the few moments throughout her hospital stay that I left her side. It was only for a few minutes, but her dad wanted some alone time with her and I had to respect that.

            During that time, I needed to talk to the guys about something I was planning. It was an idea that I had come up with earlier, while Jess and I were talking. But this plan required a lot of work, and I needed my friends’ help.

            “So, Jess is always being the hostess and taking care of everyone else. Especially during Christmas time. I want to surprise her by putting together the perfect Christmas party. All she really wants is for our families to be together. But I want everything done for her, so she doesn’t have to lift a finger,” I explained to them.

            Since last Christmas, Jess and I have been talking about how we wanted to have both of our families together. I thought this was the perfect opportunity to do it. I wanted to have the perfect Christmas party with both our families together, something I know Jess would want.

            “What can we do to help?” Joe asked.

            “Well, food is one of the most important things. I guess you could take care of the catering. Let’s get a bunch of different options, something for everyone. I trust you,” I told Joe, since he has a way with food.  “Oh, and instead of a cake, I think we should order cupcakes from her favorite place,” I suggested.

            “Got it,” Joe said, quickly grabbing his phone to get started.

            “I can start calling and inviting everyone,” Murray offered.

            “That would be great. Joe could bring Bessy and the kids. You two could have your parents. And for all of the family that lives out of town, I’ll take care of all their airfare, or whatever they need to get here. I don’t care how much it costs, I just want everyone here, together. And I know that’s what’s most important to Jess,” I told Murr. He nodded, also grabbing his phone to get started.

            “So what about me? What can I do to help?” Sal asked.

            “Actually, I’ll need your help for something I can only trust you with…”


	48. Party?

Brian’s POV

            The day after the accident, two policemen came to Jessica’s hospital room to give us some details and explain what actually happened. Once I got to the hospital, I hadn’t even considered what might’ve caused the accident. My only concern was helping Jess recover from her injuries.

            I sat there in the room as the police explained everything to her. I didn’t really see the purpose in all of this. Knowing what or how it happened isn’t going to change anything. The only thing it’s doing is forcing Jess to relive this traumatic experience. I didn’t want any graphic details of Jessica’s accident in my head and I don’t think that she needs it either. Jess hasn’t gone into too many details about what actually happened and I didn’t ask, because I didn’t want to upset her.

            “Do you remember anything about the accident?” one of the officers asked.

            “I don’t remember much about the crash. All I remember is the firemen pulling me out of the car afterward. I must’ve been hallucinating or something because I thought one of them was Brian,” she told them.

            “The firemen at the scene said that you had so many cuts on your body. If they hadn’t gotten to you in time, you might’ve bled out,” they told her.

            “They saved me. I love firemen,” she said, smiling over at me.

            When I thought about Jess calling out for me while she was in trouble, I felt guilty for not being there to help rescue her. But I’m grateful that my fellow firemen were there to help save Jessica’s life. 

            “Do you know what caused the accident? Was it something I did?” Jess asked.

            I was afraid to know the answer to this question. I already felt guilty about my argument with Jess. I thought that maybe her being upset and distracted caused her to get into the accident.

            “We watched the traffic cameras. There was a car swerving back and forth that crashed into you. But he was driving so erratically, we believe that he was drunk. The driver sped off, and we haven’t been able to locate him, or the vehicle,” the officer explained.

            “A drunk driver…” Jess repeated. Tears began to form in her eyes. I squeezed her hand tightly. Being in a hospital brought had already brought back those memories of being in a hospital with her mother. But now knowing this extra detail, made the connection that much stronger.

            “I’m sorry, I don’t understand. Does that have some significance to you?” one of the officers asked.

            “Her mother was killed in an accident, by a drunk driver,” I explained to them.

            Once the officers saw that Jess was getting emotional, they decided to leave the room. If they needed any more information, they could come back later. This didn’t seem like the right time to be asking all these questions.

            “Baby, please. Just talk to me. Tell me how you’re feeling,” I begged her.

            Jess has a habit of building up her feelings, especially when it came to talking about her mom. If I was going to be her husband, I thought that we should be able to talk to each other about these kinds of things. If there was anyone we could talk to, it should be each other. I didn’t think it was healthy to keep all these feelings inside.

            “Guilty.”

            “Guilty for what? This accident wasn’t your fault. You can’t blame yourself,” I tried to tell her.

            “No, not about that. I feel guilty that I survived but my mother didn’t,” she told me.

            I tried not to think about the possibility of Jess dying. It was too painful to even imagine.

            “Baby, I know this is a lot to deal with. But none of this is your fault. You survived. And I we should be grateful for that,” I tried to comfort her.

            “I know, I should feel lucky to be alive. But I also can’t help but think that if something did happen to me, I said some pretty mean things to you.”       

            I knew exactly how Jess felt. I never would’ve wanted that argument to be the last conversation we ever had. But it wasn’t the last conversation we ever had. Jess survived, and now I won’t ever take her for granted again.

            “Jessica, I understand how you’re feeling. But neither of us could’ve known what would happen to you. All we can do now is be there for each other, and always appreciate one another.”

            “You’re right. I love you. And I do appreciate you always being there for me, especially now. I’m sorry I was such a bitch yesterday. You didn’t deserve me yelling at you like that,” she apologized.

            While I would’ve gladly accepted her apology, there was still part of me that wanted to know why she acted that way. It wasn’t like Jess at all and I wanted to understand what went wrong. But I didn’t know if right now was the right time and place to delve into that.

            “It’s okay. All that is behind us now,”

            “But you were right. That person is not who I am. I’ve never been that crazy, jealous girlfriend or fiancé. And I don’t plan on being a jealous wife.”

            “Then what happened? What made you snap? If you don’t want to talk about it right now, that’s okay. But I’m just trying to understand what set you off. Is there something I’m missing?” I questioned.

            I was willing to talk about it, as long as Jess was comfortable. It wasn’t the argument itself that I was worried about. But I knew that there had to be a deeper issue going on with Jess and those issues wouldn’t just go away because she was in an accident. I was happy to see her opening up to me. I just wanted us to be honest and be able to talk to each other, especially since we’ll be getting married soon.

            “Can you hand me my phone?” she asked.

            I was a bit confused by what this had to do with anything, but I went over to the table next to her and gave her the cell phone. She went into Instagram and showed me one of the recent posts she had made, which was a few days before her accident, and before our argument. It was a cute picture I had taken of the two of us, with Jess snuggled up in my arms. She captioned the photo, “I can’t wait to be your wife.”

            “I don’t get it,” I told her, after staring at the post. I didn’t understand the connection between the picture and the argument we had last week.

            “Read the comments,” she instructed me.                   

            The comments section is something I’ve constantly told Jess that she should avoid. But I only tell her that because I’m trying to protect her. The internet can be a dark place sometimes and I didn’t want Jess getting hurt by all the negativity in the comments. But I begrudgingly scrolled down to read the comments anyway. I was absolutely disgusted by what I read. It made me furious to think that these people, who call themselves fans, would say such vicious things about my fiancé.

            _“You’re only marrying him for the money.”_

_“You’re not even that special. What does he see in you?”_

_“He could do way better than you.”_

_“He’ll probably leave you before the wedding, just like he left his first fiancé.”_

_“You don’t deserve him.”_

_“So many girls would kill to be with him. Why would he settle for you?”_

_“He’s not really going to marry you. He’ll end up leaving you for someone better.”_

_“I bet he hooks up with other girls while he’s on tour anyway.”  
_             “Jessica… we’ve talked about this. You have to stop reading the comments. Or maybe you should just stay off of social media in general, if things are this bad. These assholes have no idea what they’re talking about. None of this is true,” I tried to tell her.

            “I know I should stop reading. But I can’t help it sometimes. I thought I could handle it. I thought I would be used to it by now. But some of the comments have gotten more vicious since we got engaged,” Jess explained.

            “So that’s why you’ve been sensitive lately,” I realized.

            “I guess reading all those comments just got to me. I started to believe some of the things they were saying. And seeing you with that girl at work, it just set me off. Sometimes I think that I don’t deserve you and one of these girls is going to take you away from me,” she confessed.

            “Jessica, you have to believe me. That’s never going to happen. I love you. I only want to be with you.”

            “I believe you. I just get scared sometimes because I love you so much and I never want to lose you,” she told me.

            “You’re not going to lose me. I’m not going anywhere,” I promised her.

            “Brian, I just want you to know that I really do love you. And I do want to marry you. I’ve never wanted anything more in my life. And I know that you want to marry me too. I’m really sorry that I said those things to you yesterday,” she apologized.

            “And I’m sorry that I wasn’t more considerate towards what you were going through. I should’ve been more sensitive.”

            “So we’re good? You still want to marry me?”

            “I’ve never wanted to marry you more,” I declared.

            Sometimes I think that I don’t deserve Jess because she’s way too good for me. But I never realized that she felt the same way. I guess we both get scared sometimes, and that’s okay. But no matter what, we would always have each other to lean on.

            Knowing how much Jess has been through over the past few days, both physically and emotionally, made me even more fired up to put on the best Christmas party ever. She deserved everything to be perfect.

            -----

            Throughout the next few days, I stayed with Jess in the hospital as she recovered from the accident. Meanwhile, the guys were helping me to plan the perfect Christmas party for Jess. I told everyone that Jess thinks we’re having a low-key Christmas dinner. I had to tell her that something was happening, otherwise, she would get suspicious. But she has no idea that I’m going all out and inviting all our friends and family.

            Once Jess got home, we still had a week before Christmas Eve, which I decided would be the perfect day to have this party. During his week, I was completely focused on taking care of Jess. After getting out of the hospital, she still had some minor cuts and bruises to deal with, as well as the broken ribs. With all my FDNY training, I knew how to deal with those things. I knew how to clean and tend to her wounds, and I was more than willing to help with all of that. But the main thing that concerned me was her concussion. I knew that I had to keep a close eye on her to make sure that there wasn’t any major damage.

            The doctors assured me that I was worrying too much. So far, Jess was healing surprisingly well. The best part was that she was starting to act like herself again. Since it was only a week before Christmas, Jess was especially eager to get back home. She still needed to rest, so I didn’t want her doing any unnecessary work, like any excessive baking, wrapping, or decorating. It would be hard for Jess to settle down and relax, but it was for her own health. Luckily, she was more than happy to just sit at home and cuddle on the couch with me, watching Christmas movies. And I certainly didn’t mind spending all day on the couch with her while I helped her recover.

            Because of her injuries, the doctor said that she shouldn’t be under any unnecessary stress. This gave me the perfect excuse to convince Jess to let me plan everything for Christmas. She didn’t know exactly what I had up my sleeve, but I told her that I would take care of everything. I didn’t want her to lift a finger. I just wanted her to focus on resting and fully healing from all of her injuries.

            I wanted this day to be perfect because Jess deserved it after everything that she had been through. But I knew that I couldn’t do it alone, which is why I enlisted the help of my three best friends. I made sure that they didn’t somehow turn this party into some prank for the show. I had basically threatened their lives if they tried to ruin anything. Jess had already been through enough and I didn’t want anything to interfere with this day.

            With the party all set for Christmas Eve, all I had to do was get Jess out of the house for a few hours so that we could set up for everything. In the morning, Bessy took Jess to a relaxing spa day, which is something she deserved anyway. Then, I would pick Jess up and take her to lunch to kill some more time.

            While I was gone, I left Sal in charge of everything, because I knew that I could trust him. He sent me updates throughout the day and luckily, everything was going according to plan. All our friends and family were filing in. The food and decorations had been delivered. The day was coming together exactly how I envisioned it. Once Sal told me that everything was ready, it was time to get Jess back home. I covered Jessica’s eyes with a blindfold and led her into our backyard, where everything was set up.

            “Surprise!” all our friends and family yelled.


	49. Celebrate.

Jessica’s POV

            “Surprise!” everyone yelled.

            I walked into our backyard, seeing all my closest friends and family there. Tables decorated with gorgeous flowers were set up for our guests. There were also tables filled with lots of different food options, each one looking more delicious than the next. There was also a beautiful three-tiered cake and cupcakes from my favorite bakery. The backyard also had Christmas lights and several beautifully decorated trees. All these details were truly a surprise to me. But not everything was a surprise.

            Everyone gathered around for what they thought was a surprise Christmas party for me. What they didn’t know is, they were the ones getting surprised. I was one of the only ones that knew what Brian was actually planning this whole time.

            “Guys… we have something to tell you,” Brian announced to our guests.

            “This isn’t just a party… This is our wedding. Brian and I are getting married today,” I told them.

**_A few days earlier…_ **

            _My first day in the hospital, the doctors and nurses kept referring to Brian as_ _my husband. I didn’t really mind it, but I just didn’t understand why they were calling him that. Did they just assume that he was my husband because he was always by my side?_

_“Hey Brian, can I ask you something?”_

_“Of course, baby. Ask me anything.”_

_“I know I had a concussion, but the doctors didn’t say anything about memory loss. But I don’t remember us getting married,” I told him._

_I feared that maybe the damage to my brain was more significant than the doctors had thought. Maybe Brian and I did get married and I just couldn’t remember it._

_“No, sweetheart. We didn’t get married. We’re still engaged. I just told them I was your husband so I could make sure they’d let me see you,” Brian explained._

_“Oh, okay. Well, that’s good, I guess. At least I didn’t forget our wedding,” I told him. But somehow I was a little disappointed. I really liked him being my husband._

_“I’m sorry if I confused you,” he said._

_“That’s okay. I don’t mind calling you my husband. It feels natural. I can’t wait until we can do it for real,” I told him._

_“I like being called your husband too. It actually got me thinking…”_

_“Thinking about what?”_

_“The moment I got that phone call was terrifying. I feared the worst. I wondered if that argument would be the last thing I said to you. If waking up to you that morning would be the last time I’d hold you. I was so relieved when I found out that you were going to be okay. But I still can’t help but feel like we shouldn’t wait any longer,” he told me, as he grazed his fingers over mine, staring at my engagement ring._

_“Baby, I love you so much. And I don’t want to wait much longer either. But are you suggesting that we get married right here, right now, in this hospital room?” I asked him._

_“Well, Sal is an ordained minister. If we get the paperwork, he could probably marry us right now. But you don’t seem so thrilled by that idea.”_

_“Brian, I love you. And I want to marry you. But I just don’t want THIS to be our memory when we think back on our wedding day. I don’t want to remember this hospital room or the accident.”_

_“That’s understandable. It was a silly idea. We should wait until you’re ready. I’m sorry if I pressured you,” he apologized._

_“You don’t have to apologize. I agree that we shouldn’t wait much longer. So how about a compromise?” I suggested._

_“What kind of compromise?”_

_“As soon as I get out of this hospital, and I’m feeling better, we get married. The doctors say I should be out of here in less than a week.”_

_“So, you could officially be my wife by next week?” he asked, with a huge grin on his face._

_“That’s the plan, if you’re on board. I think we’ve dragged this out long enough, don’t you think?” I teased, thinking back to all that time we spent as friends before we actually starting dating._

_“So how do you want to do it? We could just go to a courthouse, just the two of us,” he suggested._

_“I always thought Sal would be the officiant for us,” I told him. It’s something we always talked about being a part of our wedding and I didn’t want to give that part up._

_“So he could just come to our house I guess. But you probably want to invite family too.”_

_“I would like to. Don’t you want your family there too?” I asked._

_“I’d like for my family to be there, especially my parents. I don’t think they ever thought I’d get married. So how do you want to do this?”_

_I was trying to figure out a way to have an intimate wedding with just our friends and family. But I didn’t want the added pressures of deciding bridesmaids, seating arrangements, gift registries, and all the other planning that would normally go into a wedding. I just wanted to be surrounded by all the people we care about as I married my best friend. The more I thought about it, I suddenly had an idea that would be the perfect balance of having a small wedding, while still having the people we care about there with us. And the best part was, it was something we could execute quickly. Planning an extravagant wedding would take time. And I wasn’t willing to waste much more time not being Brian’s wife._

_“I have an idea,” I told him._

_“What is it?”_

_“You call everyone we want to be at our wedding. Friends, family, whoever you want to invite, but we make it a small, intimate thing. You tell people that you’re throwing me some kind of surprise Get Well party or something. But, what they won’t know is, it will actually be our wedding,” I explained._

_“I love it,” he said, instantly._

_“Really?”_

_“Absolutely. This was we don’t have to worry about the drama that comes along with planning a wedding.”  
            “Exactly. I don’t want to have to worry about that. I just want to marry you,” I told him.  _

_“So we’re not going to tell anybody that it’s our wedding?” he asked._

_“Maybe just Sal so he can prepare whatever he needs to marry us. Other than that, everyone else will just think that they’re coming to a regular party.”_

_“I just want to make sure that you’re okay with not having some big, extravagant wedding. You’re okay not having a bridal shower or any of that?” he asked, making sure I was comfortable with this._

_“Babe, I don’t need a bridal shower where people give me a bunch of random gifts. I don’t need presents when I have you. You’re everything that I need,” I told him._

_“But what about a bachelorette party? You don’t want a bunch of half-naked men grinding all over you?”_

_I know that Brian was somewhat joking. But, that jealous person inside of him hasn’t completely gone away. I knew that it would bother him if I had a bunch of random men all over me. But I didn’t want that anyway. It didn’t seem appealing to me._

_“Actually, that sounds awful. I don’t know why any woman would want that. But what about you? Are you okay not having a bachelor party? You don’t want any random women all over you?” I asked, turning the tables on him._

_“No thanks, I’m good. You’re the only woman I’ll ever need,” he assured me._

_After joking around a bit, I wanted to get back planning this whole thing._

_“So what should we do first? Food? Invites? Flowers?” I asked._

_“Sweetheart, you’re not doing anything. I’ll take care of everything,” he promised._

_“Are you sure? Just because I’m in this hospital bed doesn’t mean I’m useless.”_

_“I didn’t say that you were useless. But the doctor mentioned that you shouldn’t put yourself under any unnecessary stress. And planning a wedding seems like it would be very stressful for you. So, I’ll handle all of it. Do you trust me?”_

_“Of course I trust you. I trust you with my life.”_

_Sitting in the hospital not doing anything was starting to get to me. I usually like having something to keep me occupied. But Brian was right, planning any wedding, let alone a last-minute secret one, seems like it might put a lot of stress on me. For the sake of my own health, I had to step back and relinquish control. But I had faith that Brian would figure it out and make everything perfect._

**_Present day…_ **

“So you knew about this the whole time and didn’t tell me?” Bessy questioned.

            “How could you not tell me either?” my father asked.

            I felt a little guilty keeping this secret from some people. Especially those who were so kind to me while I was in the hospital.  But I still thought that this was the best way to do it. Even though some people were upset, I knew that they would get over it.

            “Well, I knew that this would be our wedding. But that was about it. I didn’t know that Brian would be able to pull off something like this,”

            “So you didn’t have faith in me? I’m offended,” Brian joked.

            “Babe, that’s not what I meant. I’m just amazed at how stunning everything is. It’s perfect,” I told him.

            “I’m glad you like it.”

            “I love it,” I assured him.

            “I would’ve gotten you guys a gift if I knew this was a wedding,” Joe said.

            “Me too,” Murray said, along with many of our guests that shared the same concern.

            “I actually had something in mind. I have a plan,” I told everyone.

            “I knew you weren’t going to be able to stay away from planning something,” Brian said, shaking his head.

            “I’m sorry, I couldn’t help it. But I think you’ll appreciate this one,” I promised him.

            “What is it?” Joe asked.

            I didn’t want any gifts. Especially after what I had just been through, material things seemed so meaningless to me. I already had everything I needed. I have my health, which I’ll never take for granted again.  And most importantly, I have this amazing man, who never left my side while I was in the hospital. I wanted to honor him, and some of the people who helped save my life.

            “You all know that Brian was a proud fireman. I’m grateful for his service and for the men who helped save me. In honor of that, I set up a donation page for Tunnel for Towers, Brian’s favorite charity. It’s an FDNY based charity that helps first responders, like the ones who helped save my life. Instead of gifts, I thought everyone could donate in our name. What do you think, Brian?” I asked.

            “I think I love you even more. And I can’t wait to marry you,” Brian proclaimed.

            “Speaking of which, can we get on with that?” Sal joked.

            “I’m ready if you are, my love,” Brian told me.

            “I’m ready. I can’t wait to officially be your wife,” I declared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Whether you’re a new reader, or you’ve been reading for a while, I’d love to know what you think. This story is starting to come to an end, so I’d love to know how people are feeling about it. Feel free to leave a comment, or send me a message on my Tumblr @statenislandboys. You can even send me an anon message if you’re shy. I always enjoying hearing feedback. Thanks for reading!


	50. Promises.

Brian’s POV

            Before the wedding began, Jess and I went back into the house to get changed. Although this wasn’t the most conventional wedding, we still wanted to keep some traditional elements. Jess didn’t want me to see her dress beforehand. She wanted me to be surprised and not see her in the dress until she walked down the aisle. She ordered the dress online so it could be delivered quickly. It arrived the day before our wedding. That was the one thing she picked out in this entire wedding. Although I didn’t want Jess planning or worrying about anything, I relented with the dress. It was partly because me picking out the dress would ruin the whole surprise. But the other part of it was that I knew nothing about fashion, and I didn’t trust myself to pick out any outfit for Jess, let alone one that was this important.

            The three guys joined me upstairs, helping me get my suit on. Luckily, getting a suit for myself wasn’t as big of an issue. I have a suit on hand if I ever have to go to a red carpet or any fancy event for TruTV.

            “So…. If Sal’s going to be your officiant, who’s your best man?” Murray asked.

            “it’s obviously me. You know he always liked me better than you,” Joe argued

            “Joe, everyone likes you better than Murr,” Sal chimed in.

            “I don’t want you guys to argue,” I told them.

            “So we won’t argue. Just pick me,” Murray suggested.

            “Nope.”

            “I told you it was me,” Joe said

            “Nope.”

            “Then who is it? Jimmy? Danny?” Murr asked, questioning if it was one of my brothers. 

            “Guys, I can’t decide between you two. You’re both like brothers to me. I want both of you up there with me,” I told them.

            Jess and I talked about who would be her maid of honor and who would be my best man. We both had trouble deciding between two people. For me, it was between Joe and Murr, two people that have been with me through some of my darkest times. For Jess, she couldn’t decide between her sister and Bessy. Bessy has always been there for Jess, and her sister was also an important part of her life. Since we both couldn’t decide, Jess and I agreed that we would each have two people up there with us.

            “As my best men, can you two check on my bride and see how she’s doing?”

            “Sure thing,” they said.

            “Are you nervous?” Sal asked, once we were alone.

            “Not at all. I’m more excited than anything. I can’t believe it’s finally happening,” I told him.

            “Do you remember when you first met her? I said that she was totally out of your league.”

            “I remember. And I told you that it would all work out,” I said.

            I smiled, thinking back to that day when I first met Jessica. If I’m being honest with myself, I thought Sal was right in the beginning.

            “I never thought this day would come. But I’m really glad that I was wrong, and you were right,” he told me.

            After my little heart to heart with Sal, the guys returned to tell me that Jess was all dressed and ready to go. It was finally happening. In just a few minutes, she would be walking down the aisle.

            Jess and I both wanted our animals to involved in the ceremony. They were like our children, so we felt they deserved to be a part of our special day. Sal wasn’t a big fan of the cats being there, but he was willing to make an exception for this day, as long as I kept the cats away from him. Murray walked down the aisle with Jessica’s sister, taking our three cats with a wagon. Then Joe and Bessy walked down the aisle, with Joe holding Nathan’s leash. 

            The music began playing and our guests stood up, signaling that Jessica was ready to walk down the aisle. The moment I saw her in that beautiful white gown, she took my breath away. Her hair was pulled up, which is my favorite way that she styles it because I get to see her gorgeous face. Jessica was the most beautiful woman in the world. And I couldn’t wait for her to walk down the aisle so I could marry her. I told myself that I wasn’t going to cry, but I just couldn’t help it. There was a time that I thought that any relationship with Jess would be impossible. But now here I was, about to marry her.

            Jessica walked with her father by her side. When she finally reached me, her father shook my hand and brought me in for a hug.

            “I know you’ll take good care of her, son,” he whispered in my ear.

            “I will,” I promised him.

            He went to sit down, and it was time to focus on my bride. I looked into her beautiful green eyes and saw that she was crying too. She looked up at me and wiped the tears from my face.

            “If you start crying, that I’m really going to start crying. And then I don’t know how I’ll make it through this,” Jess told me. She worried that if she cried too much, she wouldn’t be able to get any words out.

            “Ok, I’ll hold it in so we can cry together later,” I said, which made her laugh.

            “You look beautiful,” I told her, making her blush. After all this time, my compliments still made her blush.

            “Thank you. You look very handsome,” she told me.

            I took her hand, squeezing it tightly, as we both smiled at each other. We both turned towards Sal, ready to begin the ceremony.

            “We are gathered here today to celebrate the union of Jessica and Brian. I think that all of us here today are aware of how perfect these two are for each other. When you’re around them, you can tell that you’re in the presence of true love. It’s my honor to be their officiant today. I won’t drone on for too long. I know these two are very eager to get this going.”

            When Jess and I talked about it, we both agreed that we wanted the ceremony to be short and sweet. We wanted the majority of the day to be focused on celebrating with our family and friends. And we had waited long enough. We just wanted to be married.

            “The couple has written their own vows for each other,” Sal told everyone.

            Jessica wanted to go first because she thought she would be a crying mess once she heard my vows. She wanted to get her vows out before the tears began. But we were both already tearing up from the start, so that part didn’t go as planned. Jessica took a deep breath and began to read the vows she had prepared.

            “Brian, from the moment we met over six years ago, I felt a strong connection between us. We had instant chemistry. You are always the person that makes me laugh the hardest. But you’re also the person that’s there to comfort me when I need a shoulder to cry on. Everything we’ve been through could have torn us apart. But instead, it brought us closer together. And that’s how I know that you and I are meant for each other. You may have fallen in love with me first. I’ll admit that. But in the end, I fell just as deeply in love with you. My favorite thing about our relationship is that we didn’t become a couple instead of being friends. I love that you’re still my best friend, but now you’re so much more. You are everything to me and I can’t imagine my life without you by my side. I don’t want a life without you. Six years ago, I told you that I was your biggest fan and I meant it. As your wife, I promise to always be your biggest fan, whether you’re a TV star, a fireman, or the owner of that pickle business that you’ve always dreamed of. I’ll always support you because you’re my best friend, the love of my life, and my other half. I love you so much, Brian. Thank you for choosing me to be your wife.”

            Now I know why Jess wanted to go first. I was so touched by what she said, I couldn’t help but tear up throughout the entire thing. It took a minute, but eventually, I was able to get myself together enough to read my own vows to Jessica.

            “Jessica, my life changed forever when I met you. Since then, you’ve been the center of my universe. You’re all I could think about, but I still feel that way. We became friends almost immediately, which became the foundation of our relationship. When I first saw you, I fell in love with a beautiful woman. But then I got to know you and I fell in love with everything about you. I know that I always tease you, saying that I love you more because I loved you first. Back when we were just friends, you may not have said that you were in love with me, but your actions spoke louder than words. You were always there for me, even when I wasn’t being such a great friend. I suspect that you were actually in love with me all along, but you just didn’t want to admit it. But none of that matters now because I have you, and I get to call you my wife. I promise that I will never take you for granted. My life is infinitely better with you in it. You make me a better person. I promise to spend the rest of my life showing you how much I love you. And I promise that I will try to be the best husband that I can be because that’s what you deserve. I love you, Jessica Quinn.”

            Jess was tearing up the entire time, but something about hearing me use that name made her breakdown. I had always told her that I would be proud to make her a Quinn. But now it had become a reality, and Jess was clearly overwhelmed with emotion. After we both collected ourselves, it was time to say those two magic words.

            “Brian, do you take Jessica to be your wife?” Sal asked.

            “I do,” I said, almost before Sal even finished the question.

            “Jessica, do you take Brian to be your husband?”

            “I do.”

            “Then by the power vested in me by the state of New York, I officially pronounce you husband and wife. Brian, you may kiss your bride.”

            I leaned down, cupping Jessica’s face as I kissed her. Kissing Jess for the first time, as my wife, was a surreal moment. We had gone through so many struggles to get to that moment. But all of that was worth it, because now I finally made Jessica my wife. Kissing her would never get old.

            -----

            “Are you ready for our first dance, my love?” I asked my beautiful wife.

            It took me some time to decide what song we should have our first dance to. Choosing our wedding song seemed like a huge responsibility because that would forever become “our song”. It was probably the thing I had the most trouble picking out. Previously, Jess and I didn’t really have “a song.” There wasn’t just one song that came to mind when I thought about Jessica. I’m so madly in love with her, that every positive love song is about her. Even the cheesiest love songs made sense when I thought about Jess. How could I decide on one song that would forever encompass our relationship, when our love is beyond what any song lyrics could describe?

            To help give me some inspiration, I had been going through some of the cards and letters that Jess has written to me over the years. I’ve kept everything that she’s ever written to me because I often look back on them if I’m feeling sad or lonely, especially when we’re away from each other. I stumbled upon the note she wrote me the night after we first got together, after our first date at Madison Square Garden. When I first read this note, it meant so much to me because it made me realize that Jess truly loves me too. It wasn’t just a fantasy anymore.

_8/14/16_

_Dear Brian,_

_I can’t tell you how much your letter meant to me. I wanted you to know that I’m sorry too. I’m sorry for taking so long to recognize that we were always meant to be together in the first place. **But in the end, I couldn’t help but fall in love with my best friend.**_

_Last night was incredible. It was the best night of my life, but it’s only going to get better from here. I can’t wait to spend many more days and nights with you. I can’t wait to watch your face light up at some superhero movie, as you attempt to explain this whole universe to me that I don’t understand. Or watching your pride as you tell a story from your days as a fireman. It doesn’t matter what we do. As long as we’re together, I’ll be happy._

_I’m sorry it took me so long to realize how much I love you. But I promise I’ll make it up to you by being the best girlfriend I can be. I’m all yours now. I love you, Brian._

_Love,_

_Jessica_

_“But in the end, **I couldn’t help but fall in love** with my best friend.” _

            Once I read that line, I immediately thought of the perfect song for us. It was a song from my favorite artist, perfect for my favorite person in the world. I decided that Elvis Presley’s “Can’t Help Falling in Love” would play as Jessica and I danced for the first time as husband and wife.

            I wanted Jess to understand why I picked this song, and I wasn’t sure if she remembered the exact words in that letter she wrote in the letter. I kept the original letter in my pocket and showed it to her before the song began. But I only showed it to her, keeping the reason behind the song as a private moment between the two of us. When she wrote this letter, she only intended for me to see it, not for me to share it with the world. Before the music started, I pointed out that specific line to her, which explained why I picked the song.

            “I remember writing that note for you. It feels like just yesterday,” she commented.

            I grabbed Jessica’s hand and gently put my arm around her waist as we slow danced together. I was careful not to grab her too tight since her ribs were still healing. As we danced, I whispered the lyrics into her ear. I wanted her to know that this song came from the heart and truly expressed how I felt about her. When I started singing to her, she began tearing up. Jess buried her face into my chest for the remainder of the song. It was such a perfect moment, one that I’ll never forget. I wish that the song could’ve gone on forever.

            -----

            After dancing with my beautiful bride, everyone sat down, while some of our guests gave speeches.

            “I’d like to say something, if I may?” Jessica’s father asked.           

            “Of course, dad. Go ahead,” she told him.

            Her father stood up and spoke, in front of all our guests.

            “Jessica, no matter how old you get, you’ll always be my baby girl. And it’s hard to let go of that. But during this past week, I saw Brian’s unwavering dedication to you. It’s clear to me that I have nothing to worry about. You’re in good hands. The best hands, actually. Brian, thank you for always taking care of my daughter. Thank you for making her the happiest I have ever seen her. I trust that you will take care of her and protect her, probably better than I ever could. I never had a son, until now. I’ve told you this before, but I don’t consider you a son-in-law. As far as I’m concerned, you’re part of the family now. Brian, I am proud to call you my son. You two are perfect for each other, and I wish you both all the happiness in the world on this journey as husband and wife.”

            When I heard his speech, I couldn’t help but get emotional. Especially at the part where he proudly proclaimed me as his son, in front of everyone. If I had any doubt left about whether or not he accepted me, all of that doubt was gone now. Jessica noticed that I was tearing up, and she gently wiped a tear away from my cheek.

            “I told you that he always liked you. Do you believe me now?” she asked.

            “I know he likes me,” I finally admitted to myself, after all this time.

            After her dad’s speech, Sal had a few words to say. 

            “I just wanted to thank you guys for allowing me to officiate your wedding today. It was truly a privilege. I’ve known Brian for over 27 years, and I’ve never seen him happier than he is when he’s with Jess. He’s like a brother to me and now I feel like I have another sister too. Jess, thanks for making Brian a lot less miserable to be around…”

            “Wow, thanks Sal,” I said sarcastically.

            “But seriously, you two make each other better people. I know that you call each other your best friend. To be honest, Jess, I’m a little jealous that he considers you his best friend now instead of me. But, if I was going to be replaced, I’m glad it was with you. Thank you for letting me be a part of your special day. I love you both.”

            We both hugged Sal and thanked him for giving such a touching speech. A few more of our friends and family said some words. The entire day was filled with so much love. We all ate, drank, laughed, and danced for hours. It felt like the perfect day, and I was so relieved that Jessica was so happy with everything that I had put together. But at the end of the day, it didn’t matter what food I chose, or what color flowers I picked out. All that mattered was that Jessica and I finally became a married couple. Although we had such a perfect day, I was more excited for about the future. I couldn’t wait to spend the rest of my life being married to my best friend.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: They’re finally married! I hope you guys liked this chapter. I enjoyed writing it, but I struggled with it a bit because I wanted it to be just right. I still have a few more chapters left for this story before it ends. I have also been planning a second story with Jess and Brian, so I hope you guys aren’t tired of them yet.


	51. Guest.

Jessica’s POV

            Brian and I have been married for a few months now, and that time has been the happiest of my life. I couldn’t believe that I finally got to call Brian my husband. I was so proud of the wedding that Brian put together. He took care of every little detail. He made sure all our friends and family were there. He got my favorite flowers, my favorite food, my favorite dessert. Everything was perfect. But the best part about it was that I got to marry the love of my life. And that was the most important part to me.

            We had both decided to postpone our honeymoon because we didn’t want to go so soon after my accident. I felt okay to travel, but Brian was worried that I would be putting more stress on my body. He was always concerned about my health. Sometimes he went a little overboard, but I know it’s only because he cares about me. I didn’t mind waiting to go on our honeymoon, because it gave me a chance to plan the perfect vacation for us. Since Brian planned our entire wedding, I insisted that I should plan the honeymoon.

            After all the days we had taken off, Brian and I finally needed to get back to work. Brian, being overly protective of me again, told me that I should stay at home even longer. He thought I needed more rest and more time to heal. But I didn’t want that. If Brian was going to be gone, I needed to get myself out of the house. I needed to feel like I was doing something useful. I went back to work part-time, while Brian went back to work on the show, like normal.

            Because I was working part-time, I often had a few days off to go visit Brian while he was on set. I enjoyed watching the show because I was still a fan. And everyone behind the scenes is always so welcoming. They’re like Brian’s second family. But every time I’m on set, the guys pull me aside and hound me to come back on the show, which is something they’ve been doing ever since the last time I appeared on the show. But ever since Brian and I have gotten married, the guys have been hounding me even more.

            One day I got a call from Sal, calling to make sure I would be on set that next day. It happened to be one of my days off. It’s not like I would mind going to set with Brian. I love being around my husband because any time we can spend together is precious. But, at the same time, it was odd for Sal to be the one to invite me to set. Why was it so important for me to be there?

            “I already told you guys. I don’t want to be used against Brian in another punishment,” I said.      

            I loved the show, and in the beginning, I wanted to be a part of it. I wasn’t just Brian’s friend, girlfriend, or wife. I was truly a fan of the show and the guys as a comedic group. However, the last time I went on the show, it caused a major argument between Brian and I. It didn’t matter how much I liked the show, it wasn’t worth risking my relationship over.

            “That’s the thing though. You’re not against him. You’ll be on his team,” Sal said.

            “On his team? What are you talking about?”  I questioned. If it’s supposed to be a punishment for Brian, why would they want to help him?

            “I can’t tell you too much. You know we’re supposed to keep these things a secret. But I can tell you that you’ll be there to support Brian. And we might need you there to calm him down, just in case anything goes wrong. Just come. Trust me,” Sal tried to convince me.

            “I love you, Sal, but I don’t trust you. Especially when it comes to this show,” I told him.

            “Well, you don’t have to keep it a secret from Brian if that makes you feel any better. Please, just come to set with him at least. If you get here and you decide that you don’t want to be a part of it, that’s fine,” Sal tried to tell me.

            “Ok fine. But I’m doing this for my husband, not for you,” I said, finally agreeing.

            In my mind, I knew that once I got to set, they would probably convince me to be a part of the show anyway. Somehow I could never get out of it. But the fact that Sal wasn’t asking me to hide this from Brian was a little more reassuring. Once I got off the phone with Sal, I told Brian everything. I wasn’t keeping secrets from him.

            “So what do they want you to do?” he asked.

            “Sal wouldn’t tell me. He just told me that you might get really upset, and you’ll need me for support,” I said.

            “That sounds like some bullshit. You know they’re going to rope you in somehow.”

            I knew Brian was right, but I went along with it anyway. If anything, at least I would be there to support him.

            -----

            I was sitting on the sidelines, watching the production unfold. There’s a lot that goes on behind the scenes before the cameras start rolling. At first, I was told that I would just be there watching, there to support Brian. But then one of the production assistants told me that he needed to attach a microphone to me.

            “I thought I was just here for support. Why do I need a mic?” I asked him.

            “I’m sorry, I can’t tell you any of the details. I’m sworn to secrecy,” he told me.  I knew that there had to be something more to me being here, but I just wished that somebody would tell me what was going on.

            A few minutes later, it was time to shoot the intro to whatever this punishment was going to be.

            “So Q is our big loser tonight,” Murr said.

            “And for your punishment, you have to go in a room and give a PowerPoint presentation that we’ve prepared for you,” Sal started to explain.

            “That’s all we’re telling you for right now. You won’t know what the presentation is about or who you’ll be presenting to until you get in there,” Joe told him.

            “So are you going to tell me why you insisted on my wife being here today?” Brian asked.

            “Why don’t we bring her in here?” Sal asked, inviting me to come into the shot.

            Sal went to give me a friendly hug, but Brian pulled me away. Brian wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me close to him. It was like he was protecting me from whatever the guys were about to do with me. The way Brian grabbed me may have seemed kind of aggressive. But it didn’t bother me at all. I loved that he was so protective of me and that he was willing to be so affectionate. While we were dating, he didn’t mind showing affection in public. In fact, he loved showing the world that I was his. But now that we’re married, he felt even more comfortable touching, kissing, or holding me. It didn’t matter that there were all these people around or millions of people watching at home. And I loved that about him.   
            “Don’t touch my wife. I want you to tell me why she’s here. You guys know I hate it when you drag her into this stuff,” Brian told them.

            “Why am I here?” I asked. I had asked this question several times throughout the day, but I was hoping that I would finally get an answer.

            “Well, since you’re such a loving, supportive wife, we thought you might want to help Brian out with this one,” Joe told me.

            “Of course I would want to help Brian. But why would you guys want to help him?” I asked.

            “You’d be giving the presentation with him. You’ll both have an earpiece, and we’ll be telling you both what to say,” Sal explained.

            “It’s not your punishment, so the decision is up to you. But we just have one rule. If you agree to go in there, you have to stay for the entire thing. You can’t leave until it’s over,” Murray told me.

            “No. No. No. Absolutely not. This is MY punishment. I’m supposed to take the brunt of this. Leave her out of it,” Brian insisted.

            “Brian, it’s okay. I’ll do it. I would be standing out here watching anyway. I might as well go in there with you,” I told him.

            I reluctantly agreed to be involved because I actually thought that I could help Brian in some way. Even if it was just being by his side for emotional support. And maybe I would get to experience what a punishment is like from his side, and I would develop a new appreciation for what he does.

            “Really? Are you sure about this?” he asked.

            “Let’s do this,” I told him.

            Once we were done filming the intro, Brian and I were led down a hallway to the room where he was about to get punished. Before we entered the room, I gave Brian a quick pep talk.

            “Baby, listen to me. You and I can do this, whatever this is. We’ll get through this together. You and I have been through cancer scares, car accidents, hospital stays, and so much more. If we can get through all that, there’s nothing these guys can come up with that can break us. We can’t let them get to us. We have to own it. And then later, we can plot our revenge,” I said.

            I started to develop this Joe Gatto type of confidence. The guys always say that Joe is the hardest to punish because he just owns all his punishments. I tried to take that approach, hoping that it would help this situation.

            “Have I ever told you how sexy you are when you get so vengeful?” Brian said. “Are you sure you want to do this? We both have no idea what we’re walking into,” Brian asked before we stepped into the room.

            “I’m sure. Let’s do this together. If all goes wrong, at least we’ll have each other. And I promise I’ll be a better partner than Sal. I won’t walk out on you,” I promised.

            “Hey…. Don’t be rude,” Sal said. For a minute, I forgot my mic was on and that they could still hear us.

            “Sorry, buddy. But I’d definitely rather have my wife as a partner,” Brian said, grabbing me again and kissing my forehead.

            “Are you ready for this?” I asked him.

            “As ready as I’ll ever be.”

            Brian opened the door, allowing me to walk in first. The room had a desk, a computer, and a projector. But all the seats were empty. The only people in the room were me, Brian, and a few cameramen. The camera guys were in plain sight, so I knew that whoever was involved in this punishment knew they were on the show. But where was the audience?

            “I don’t understand. Who are we presenting this to?” I asked. I guess they were waiting to bring the crowd in to keep us in suspense.

            “Oh, don’t worry. Your guest will arrive shortly,” Sal told us.

            “Guest? Singular? There’s only one person?” Brian asked, confused at first.

            “Ohhhh fuccckkkk…..” I said, as I suddenly started to put together what was happening.

            “What’s the matter? Do you know what’s happening?” Brian asked. He was confused and hadn’t quite put together what was going on.

            “Brian, think about it. Who’s one person that they would call to embarrass you with? It has to be either one of two people. It’s either Seth Rollins or my father.” I told him.

            “Oh shit…”

            A few seconds later, my suspicions were confirmed, as my father walked into the room. He sat down right in front of us, with this devious smile on his face. He was proud of himself.

            “Dad, what are you doing here?” I asked him.

            “I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to embarrass my son,” he said.

            My father proudly calling Brian his son is usually something I would love to hear. But at that moment, I was dreading what they were about to have us do.

            “This is the punishment I planned for Joe, isn’t it?” I asked the guys.

            A few months ago, after they had blown up Brian’s Jeep, he was trying to think about ways to get revenge on the guys, but specifically Joe. I suggested that they have Joe talk about his sex life in front of his in-laws. I guess the guys pulled the old switcheroo and used my own idea against Brian and me. My dad being involved was the only reason they wanted me here. Even if they couldn’t convince me to go into the room with Brian, they at least would’ve been able to film my reaction. That was their plan all along. But when I thought about this idea, I didn’t imagine that Bessy would be in the room with them too. So, getting me involved in this whole thing was an added bonus that I didn’t see coming.

            “How did you guess?” Sal said, confirming what I already knew.

            “Oh fuck this,” I said, already anticipating how embarrassing this would be.

            “Jessica Angela Calaway. Watch your language,” my father said. I wasn’t sure if he was joking or not. I don’t normally curse in front of my dad, but this wasn’t exactly an average situation.

            “Dad, please. If you’re going to chastise me, at least use my proper name. You know I’m a Quinn now,” I said proudly, which made Brian smile. I had legally changed my name as soon as I possibly could. No hyphens. I was just Jessica Quinn now.

            “That’s right you are,” Brian proclaimed.

            “Alright, enough of that you two. Time to start the presentation,” Murr instructed us.

            “Now Brian, this is still your punishment. But your wife can jump in to help you out whenever she feels like it,” Sal explained.

            “I think now would be a good time to take up drinking,” I told Brian.

            “Don’t worry. We can both get drunk later to forget about all this,” Brian told me.

            “Why did I agree to do this?” I questioned.

            It’s not like the show is paying me to be on it. But they somehow always managed to convince me to come back. I guess this punishment was karma. It was my own stupid idea that was now coming back to bite me in the ass.

            “Because you love him,” Joe replied.

            I do love him. With all my heart. I was going through all the possibilities of how this punishment would play out. I knew that it would be difficult for Brian to get through this. He was just starting to accept the fact that my dad actually loves him too. So, I decided that it would be better for me to take the brunt of all this. I planned on jumping in as often as possible, to take the burden off Brian. My dad would have to forgive me, right? He had to be a good sport, otherwise, he wouldn’t be here in the first place.

            “Dad, did they tell you what this presentation is about?” I asked. I was trying to gauge if my father had any idea what he was in for.

            “Nope. I have no clue,” he told us.

            “Lovely. Let’s get this over with,” I told Brian.

            Brian grabbed the clicker to begin the presentation. We both took a deep breath. Then Brian clicked to reveal the opening/title slide of the presentation.

            “OUR SEX LIFE.” It read.

            My dad’s face dropped. I don’t know if it was disappointment or confusion. I’m not sure what he was expecting, but this certainly wasn’t it.

            “I’m sorry, dad,” I pleaded, looking into his disappointed eyes.

            I was expecting this topic, once I realized that my father was a part of this. But once I saw the words appear on the screen, it became real and I was starting to dread it. I began to feel the pressure, the embarrassment, standing there in front of my father and my husband, ready to talk about my sex life. Let’s just say that I had a new-found respect for what Brian does.

            Brian clicked ahead to the next slide which just read, “My past.”

            “Go ahead buddy, keep clicking,” Joe told him.

            The next slide was a collage of pictures, showing Brian with various women Some of them were ex-girlfriends, some were just random women that he took pictures with at a bar, possibly women that he hooked up with. All these pictures were meant to represent Brian’s promiscuous past.

            “So Q, tell him how many women you slept with before his daughter,” Joe said.

            I didn’t even know that number. It was something I never asked Brian because it wasn’t important to me. I didn’t care how many women he was with in the past. Brian was with me now and that’s all that mattered.

            “Honestly, I don’t know an exact number,” he told them.

            “That’s okay, buddy. Just give us an estimate,” Sal told him.

            “100 maybe?” Brian guessed.

            “You’ve been with 100 women?” My father questioned.

            Brian didn’t know how to explain himself, so instead, he skipped ahead to the next slide. This one had a picture of me with one of my ex-girlfriends.  The title read, “But has my wife been with more women than me?”

            For some reason, I burst out laughing because I found this part completely hysterical.

            “I’ve been with a few women, certainly not as many as you, Brian,” I told him.

            “Just tell me how many. I told you mine.”

            “Do we have to do this now, in front of my dad? Is this part of the punishment?” I asked. I thought this was supposed to be on Brian, not me.

            “It’s only fair,” Sal pointed out, egging us on.

            “Ok, fine. 30,” I blurted out. “Mostly women, but there were a few men before you,” I told Brian.

            “Honestly, that’s more than I expected. But I don’t mind,” Brian said.

            Neither of us were bothered by each other’s number. I understood that Brian had a lot of women throwing themselves at him. And if he was single, there’s no reason why he shouldn’t have been taking advantage of that. I don’t blame him. To be honest, if I was in his position, I would’ve probably done the same thing.

            “My dad isn’t homophobic. I’m not sure what you guys were trying to get out of reminding him that I used to date women,” I told the guys. I don’t think they got the reaction they were expecting.

            “To be fair, I don’t want to imagine my baby girl having sex with anyone. Man, or woman,’ my dad told us.

            “Ok, fair enough. Can we move on?” I asked.

            Brian skipped ahead to the next section which read, “Our first time together.”

            “Go ahead, either one of you. Tell him about your first time,” Sal commanded us.     

            Brian started to open his mouth, but once he looked my father in the eyes, he couldn’t speak. His face was red with embarrassment and I could tell that his skin was crawling.

            “I got this,” I told Brian. I knew how hard this was for him, so I was willing to take the bullet.

            “I…I can’t,” Brian mumbled.

            “So, dad, as you know. Brian and I were friends for five years before we both realized that we had feelings for each other. So, on our first date, he took me on a nice romantic dinner and then to see a show at the Garden. Then we went back to his place, and we… you know…”

            “SAY IT,” the guys yelled.

            “We had sex…” I muttered. I was trying not to be ashamed of it because I’m an adult. But saying those words to my father was not easy.

            “You had sex after the first date? Didn’t I teach you any self-respect?” my father asked. I knew that my father was just teasing me and playing into this whole thing. But Brian looked mortified.

            “Well, first of all, he was already my best friend for years, so it’s not like he was some stranger. And you do realize we’re married now right?” I told my dad. I tried not to be ashamed of having sex with my husband.

            “Tell him who initiated it,” Sal instructed.

            “Dad, I initiated it. I asked to go back to Brian’s place. I kissed Brian first. I wanted it. Is that what you guys wanted to hear?”

            I was starting to grow a little more confident as the punishment went on. Probably the opposite of what the guys were expecting. Brian and I were both adults. I made the decision to have sex with a man who is now my husband, and never regretted that decision. I felt like I had nothing to be ashamed of. Brian, on the other hand, still seemed mortified.

            “I… uhh… really like your daughter, sir.” Brian mumbled. He couldn’t even speak properly. He got nervous talking to my dad on a normal day, let alone when he’s forced to talk about sex.

            “Well I would hope that you like me,” I said, pointing to the ring on my finger. “You’re cute when you’re flustered though.”

            “You’re always cute,” he told me.

            “Will you two cut that shit out? This is not the time for flirting,” Joe told us.

            “I will never stop flirting with my wife,” Brian proclaimed. I still loved how proud he was to call me his wife. Hearing that will never get old.

            “Why don’t you guys go back a little bit? Go back to the night before. Your argument,” Sal told us.

            “The night before our date, we got into a stupid argument because I was so in love with her, but I didn’t know how to express it,” Brian explained, but he couldn’t finish the story. We both knew the part that would upset my father.

            “But he didn’t know that I was in love with him too. When he left, I was so conflicted, I got drunk that night. But then he came back, and I told him how I felt, that I loved him. I was drunk, but I meant it,” I admitted to my father.

            Somehow telling my father that I got drunk was more embarrassing than talking about sex. Ever since my mom died, he’s had a deep hatred for alcohol. It’s been the main reason that I never wanted to drink.

            “You made her get drunk? Did you take advantage of her?” My father questioned.

            “NO. Absolutely not. I would never do that to her,” Brian immediately defended himself.

            “Dad, he slept on the floor next to me so he could take care of me when I got up,” I told my dad.

            “Ok fine. Maybe you are a decent guy,” My father said.

            “Decent? You’ve called him your son.:

            Moving on, the next slide said, “Pet names we have for each other.”

            “Q, tell him that she called you daddy last night,” Murr instructed.

            “OH MY GOD. NO,” I cried, “That is not true. I am not into that.”

            “Not into what?” My dad questioned. Unlike Brian and I, he didn’t have an earpiece in.

            “She called me daddy last night,” Brian blurted out.

            “BRIAN.”

            “What? It’s a punishment. I had to say it.”

            “So you don’t call him daddy?” Murr questioned.

            “Nope,” I responded.

            “Then what nickname does he like to be called in the bedroom?” Joe asked.

            “Colonel,” I answered, almost instantly. I didn’t even have to think about it. While Brian was performing in Kentucky, he was technically given the designation of a Kentucky Colonel. Since then, he appreciates being called Colonel Quinn.

            “JESUS CHRIST JESSICA,” Brian said. I guess my husband wasn’t too happy that I revealed this little fact to his best friends, my father, and national television.

            “I’m sorry, but I just wanted to confirm that I don’t call you daddy.”

            “Let’s just move on…” Brian said, shaking his head.

            The next slide read, “Roleplaying.”

            “You were a cop, right dad?” Sal instructed Brian to say. Brian repeated it, but both of us were a little confused. We didn’t know where this one was going.

            “I was a sergeant,” my father corrected.

            “So you’ve put a lot of people in handcuffs right?” they wanted Brian to say. I buried my face into my hands out of pure embarrassment because I suddenly realized where this one was going.

            “Tell him that you’ve both put each other in handcuffs,” Murr instructed.

            “Well we’ve both been in handcuffs, but only one of us has been arrested,” I told my father.

            “Did you really have to remind him that I got arrested? You’re not helping, Jessica,” Brian sighed.

            Several years ago, Brian got into a bar fight while he was in Germany. He was taken to jail for the night and released the next day. It was a scary night for Brian, but he moved on from it fairly quickly. My dad already knew about this whole thing, so I didn’t think that it was a big deal to bring it up. I was just trying to distract my father from thinking about Brian and I having kinky sex.

            Brian moved on to the next slide, which just read, “Sometimes we get other people involved…”

            “Go to the next slide. You two won’t have to do much talking for this one. Just watch,” Sal told us.

            As instructed, Brian moved ahead to the next slide, which included a video. It was a compilation video of me and all the bits I did in the last punishment I was involved in. The one that caused a huge argument between Brian and I. I never actually saw this footage, because I never watched the episode. It was too weird to see myself on TV. I also didn’t want up those memories of our argument. Watching the footage, I could tell that it still made Brian a little upset, like he was reliving it all over again. He had to watch me pretend to kiss and marry his best friends. And then there was the part with Seth Rollins, where I pretended to go down on him. I feel like this guy always comes back to bite me in the ass.

            “Are you trying to get us divorced?” I asked. I didn’t really know how to explain this to my father. I know that he watches the show sometimes, but I didn’t know if he had seen that episode or understood the context of what was happening. I didn’t even want to watch that episode alone, because I found it too uncomfortable. But watching it with my husband and father in the same room was on another level.

            “I’m going to fucking kill her,” Brian said in the video after I “went down” on Seth Rollins.

            “Remember when you threatened to murder me on national television? Good times,” I joked. I thought that laughing about it might make it easier.

            “Why would you say that about my daughter?” My dad questioned.

            “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it…” Brian apologized.

            “Yeah dad, clearly he was just kidding. I’m still alive.”

            The next slide read, “But sometimes, things still get a little rough.”

            “Show him the bruises Brian gave you the other night,” Murray told me.

            “Dad, Brian and I got a little crazy the other night. I have some bruises,” I told him. I lifted up my sleeves to show him the bruises on my arms, from Brian pinning me to the wall a little too hard. At the time, I didn’t mind the bruising.

            “They’re from sex,” Brian blurted out. The guys burst out into laughter. I’m pretty sure I heard Sal fall down.

            “Babe, I think he knew that,” I told him.

            “Sorry, I just don’t want him, or anyone else, to think that I abused you,” Brian clarified.

            At this point, the guys didn’t seem to be using the PowerPoint anymore. They just starting adding things on the spot. I decided to have a little fun with it, and try to bring this under control.

            “So, next we’re going to show you a scene from our sex tape,” I said, completely unprompted. I started to realize that if I appeared more confident, the guys wouldn’t feel like they won. And maybe they would end this punishment. I just had to act like I wasn’t dying on the inside.

            “JESSICA. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?”  

            “You guys have a sex tape?” the guys questioned.

            “No, we don’t. She’s kidding. Right, honey?” Brian asked nervously.

            “I mean…I was kidding. Why? Do you want to make one?” I asked Brian.

            “Wait, really?” Brian asked, his eyes widening. He always teased that I was a prude, so he was shocked that I would be open to doing something like that. But then he came back to earth and remembered where he was. “Maybe we can talk about that later…” Brain said, turning red again. He couldn’t look my father in the eyes.

            As the guys realized that my confidence was starting to grow, they decided to end the punishment. Brian and I had enough. They were convinced that I was unbothered by this whole thing, or not as affected as they would’ve hoped. But really, I was just sitting back and plotting my revenge. I had a plan. I knew I would be back on the show. But next time, it would be on my terms. I would be the one in control. If they thought Brian was vengeful, they had no idea what Brian and I are capable of when we put our heads together. They made this personal. They tried to drive a wedge between us and they were going to pay for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Sorry that I promised more frequent updates. I hope this really long chapter will make up for my inconsistent writing schedule. I had a lot going on these past two weeks, I’m hoping you guys will understand. Thanks to everyone who’s always supporting me. If you’ve ever sent me a message, commented, or given kudos to my story, I love you.


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